DetriMental

Intro: all my life I felt like an outcast because of the way I look, the ideology I possessed, and the things I been through. I feel like everyday is a fight in a never ending war, whether it’s to survive or get the will to want to survive. For everyone fighting, understand you will never be fighting alone. I left a lot out for personal reasons that I might add but my goal was to shed some light on mental health, I also always wanted to be an anime character cause growing up and watching them go through so much and still have the strength to fight inspired and motivated me to do the same but a lot of them didn’t show the emotional trauma that comes from all of those fights that you win or lose and so this is about how I’ve been fighting mental health. I also want to point out that I didn’t overcome these battles alone, I had help but I didn’t mention it a lot because I felt alone, and to put it into perspective of those who are actually alone, and sorry I’m bad at story telling, I’m still figuring everything out just like avante is.

BlackRikudo · 現実

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14 Chs

Avante vs social anxiety

Even though I've gotten strong enough to fight against myself, social anxiety isn't just about myself, it's the social standards imposed on me that I upheld through my own standards. I learned to not care about what others think of me because at the end of the day, some people can't even stand theirselves but it doesn't work like that, social anxiety is worrying about how you're perceived by others, it's independent of how you feel about yourself.

Do you walk funny? Do you talk funny? Do you look funny? Do you dress funny?

I subconsciously made it a habit to dress my best regardless of where I'm going, if you saw me going to the corner store or you saw me going on a mall date, you most likely saw me at my best.

Social anxiety: you see that car waiting for you at the red light? They think you look so stupid crossing the street right now.

Avante: no they don't they don't even care about me.

Social anxiety: yes they do and so does everyone on that bus that just randomly passed you

Avante: literally none of them care about me

Social anxiety: so that's why you spend so much on clothes and accessories... cause you don't care about everyone else's opinion?

Avante: I don't, I do it for me

Social anxiety: yeah sure... I am you, you know the best ways to avoid being judged

And you have the best reasons to avoid being judged, your ability to make excuses works on everyone but yourself.

Avante: granted I had to make compromises for my appearance by spending more money but how many brands promote sizes that are capable of fitting me? I'm not 4 anymore I can't keep shopping in the kids aisle. Regardless of the money I spend, you can't dictate everything about me, only what others can see and I can also change that. Just cause society has me beat doesn't mean I'll accept losing. I'll change this world and people that think like you or I'll die trying.

Social anxiety: yeah save the speeches for when ptsd or depression comes back, I'm just here to remind you that your self conscious.

Avante: and who isn't?

Social anxiety: that's exactly why you shouldn't be

Avante: alright genkai I get it now.

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