Chapter 9 “I'm afraid nothing will work (Jimin/Jungkook)”

<p>It had been a few days since the omegas had been having a great time in New York with each other and their alpha, but Jungkook still felt a strange unease. He was in the largest city in the United States, which could offer fabulous opportunities not only in terms of entertainment, which he and Taehyung had planned before arriving here, but also in the career of an omega. Jimin gently hinted to the junior about the possibility of exhibiting his paintings at the Museum of Modern Art, because his work in the style of abstract expressionism* and digital* was very impressive to the alpha. According to Jimin, Jungkook was great at working both in the traditional style and with modernized technology. But the most important thing was the passion in his work. Jungkook's paintings literally came to life before the eyes. Despite the seemingly drawn incomprehensible mess, the painting of the junior was lively, real, emotional, passionate, sexual. A variety of emotions and feelings experienced by the artist himself were reflected on the canvases of these paintings. From black and white tones to numerous color schemes that simply could not be depicted. From gloomy images to bright spots before the eyes. From brush strokes to using every single pixel. Jungkook's innate talent and his tenacity for the cause he loves delighted Jimin to the point of impossibility. And he didn't want such an exquisite yet vulnerable wonder of the world standing on the second floor of Jungkook's house, waiting to be bought at some crummy auction somewhere in the middle of nowhere.<br/><br/>But Jungkook's reaction, which Jimin didn't really expect, was twofold. The omega's eyes lit up with a bright brilliance, became even wider than usual, the eyelashes fluttered, and the nostrils swelled from frequent breathing, the lips opened in a wide "O", and the face became so surprised, but at the same time interested, that one involuntarily wanted to burst into a fist from tenderness. However, the enthusiasm of the junior did not last long. He seemed to instantly stop himself and lowered his head dejectedly, hiding his burning gaze just literally with a flame, muttering something under his breath, like, "I'm not so sure of myself, Jimin." <br/>The alpha understood that such an offer the embarrassed and inherently kind, accustomed to worrying about everyone Jungkook would take by surprise, perhaps even scare him, but Jimin could not find the true reason for the omega's uncertainty. Jungkook's work was amazing, he was not a beginner, he could get a lot of new experience from senior colleagues with whom he would certainly establish contacts. Jungkook had great prospects in developing his talent. Jimin once saw him at work and could tell with confidence that this man is completely immersed in what he does. Painting became literally a part of it. The hand moved as if by itself, the lips opened involuntarily, and the eyes carefully followed the process, bringing the final version to perfection. Jungkook was completely sure of what he was doing. So why was the reaction so mixed? Omega did not agree, but did not give a direct refusal either. What's the matter?<br/><br/>Now Jimin was watching Jungkook so carried away from a chair near the bar. Omega buried himself in his tablet and did not notice what was happening around him at all. Jimin smiled and rested his chin on his palm. Watching Jungkook like this was one of his favorite things to do. When the junior was in the circle of his loved ones, he became alive and passionate, just like his paintings, he could jump and jump without rest, like a small naughty child, he could stay up until dawn and play computer games with Taehyung, or he could listen calmly and attentively how Yoongi tells him about the intricacies of the music world. Jungkook was so different and so predictable at the same time. But as soon as he plunged into art, Jimin could not take his eyes off him. The most interesting thing is the process, not the result. After all, any creative person brings a part of himself into his work, transfers his emotions and feelings to paper, puts his experiences into music or his anger and indignation into any other type of creativity, which allows you to let go of what has accumulated inside, to entrust the silent canvas or the keys of a musical instrument, the most precious and valuable thing you have – real emotions, whether it be joy and love or sadness and despair. Jimin rarely got to catch Jungkook in the process, so now he is literally froze, examining the junior.<br/><br/>The legs themselves carried him closer to the sofa, on which, tucking his feet under his ass, like a protruding fluffy rabbit tail, Jungkook was sitting and concentrated on deducing something in his tablet.<br/>Jimin cautiously approached from the side so that the junior could see him if needed, and craned his neck to see the process.<br/>Alpha saw a bright, almost flashy abstraction of all sorts of colors. It seemed like Jungkook thoughtlessly used all the colors he could in his painting. But in fact it was not so at all. The main colors on the abstraction were shades of yellow and blue. Quite contradictory in meaning. However, Jimin immediately caught Jungkook's emotionality in those two colors. The yellow color literally blazed in the painting, overlapping all the others with sharp and furious strokes. And even saturated blotches of blue, so carefully paint, as if circles diverging on the surface of the water and immediately striking with their density and fullness, could not divert attention from the literally screaming yellow hue. What can say about other colors, which are completely lost by a slight mention among all this madness.<br/>"You can sit down, you won't bother me," Jungkook said without raising his head from the tablet. Jimin mentally praised himself for his foresight. If he came from behind and, for example, looked over Jungkook's shoulder, the omega would hardly like it.<br/>"Is something bothering you?" the alpha asked as he sat down softly next to the omega, close but not close enough to leave any personal space. The younger omega did not just depict such colors in his picture. Whether that anxiety now appeared and Jungkook immediately sat down to work to vent all his worries with the help of computer technology, or whether his anxiety grew over time, it didn't matter. Jimin just knew. That's it. It didn't even take a sniff to catch the omega's nervousness.<br/>"I'm so predictable, hah?" Jungkook snorted, but didn't look at Jimin. His hand began to tremble slightly from the tension, and the omega swore under his breath, shaking it. Jimin intercepted others palm, thereby forcing to draw attention to himself, and began to rub the tired limb with soft circular movements. The alpha literally felt muscle tension, but after a short time, Jungkook still relaxed, leaned back on the sofa and reached out his hand, allowing the alpha to gently but surely massage her.<br/>"Not exactly," Jimin replied, rubbing his fingers one at a time before moving on to his knuckles. "It's just that the colors you used are pretty…"<br/>"Anxious?" Jungkook finished for him, feeling the warmth that spreads throughout his body from the attentive caress of the alpha.<br/>Jimin nodded and lightly stroked his wrist. <br/>"That's right," Jungkook continued. "Lately, I've been feeling… how should I say… anxiety inside. Everything seems to be fine, but something is bothering me," Jungkook closed his eyes, knowing that the alpha would not harm him. They were alone in Jimin's loft. When Yoongi returned, Taehyung dragged him shopping, intending to update his senior's style, because he seemed to take nothing with him except for one sleeping set on the trip. The senior did not resist for long, after which he nevertheless got into Jimin's rented car with Tae and went to conquer the fashion world. Jungkook once again turned down a trip with the seniors, just like when he was going to visit the photography museum with Taehyung. Not that he didn't want to. His suggestions were the most when he and the middle omega made their 'to-do list and places to go', but as soon as it came to a real trip, Jungkook… hid. He pretended to be asleep, or took a shower so long that it was easier to stay at home, or suddenly unexpected inspiration rolled over him, like now. But in fact, the junior was afraid. He was afraid and could not fully explain to himself what it was. When he was in the company of his partners, along with Jimin, here in the alpha's cozy loft, he felt good and comfortable. He barely even felt embarrassed as the four of them caressed each other on the terrace under a New York night sky strewn with millions of bright stars. But as soon as Jungkook imagined how he would leave here, alone or accompanied by one of the men, a fit of anxiety rolled over him. He was not afraid to get lost, Jungkook knew that none of his partners would ever leave him alone in a strange city and certainly would not allow the junior to walk through unfamiliar streets alone. But something scared the omega. It was as if he had created some kind of cocoon around himself from the safety and comfort of his seniors and did not want to leave it at all. Because the idea of an exhibition from Jimin only scared Jungkook more. He was grateful to his alpha and, in truth, would really like to try. After all, Jungkook always strove for knowledge, he was interested in learning something new, he grasped everything on the fly, and he did a lot. However, imagining all the burden of responsibility that would certainly fall on him and Jimin in particular, as his representative, imagining that he might have to spend some time outside his usual hometown, alone, without his seniors, Jungkook was scared. Omega did not feel welcome in his city. Evil tongues continued to rattle behind his back and the backs of his senior partners. And with the arrival of Jimin, completely inappropriate and unpleasant rumors about the four of them began to spread. And Jungkook hoped that he could overcome it here during a pleasant vacation with loved ones. However, he was still more accustomed to his native places, even if he still lowered his head low and hid his eyes under his bangs when some beta or impudent omega allowed himself a look of disgust and condemnation in his direction. This city and its prospects, no matter how sweet they seemed, frightened him. What scared him even more was that for some reason he might be left completely alone. Without the support of his seniors. Without his alpha.<br/><br/>"I'm scared," Jungkook admitted more to himself than to Jimin. However, it didn't make it any easier for him. A new wave of anxiety swept up and stood right across his throat, forcing him to breathe faster and tense up again in an uncomfortable position.<br/>Jimin felt the change in the omega's body and immediately released pheromones to support his tense partner. Jungkook relaxed slightly, however, undisguised emotions were still reflected in his eyes.<br/>"What are you afraid of?" Jimin asked affectionately, with all the care he was willing to give. "Tell me, Jungkook-ah. And I will help you."<br/>"I'm afraid nothing will work."<br/>Jimin frowned. He couldn't keep up with the train of the junior's thoughts. It was driving too fast, literally gaining momentum in seconds.<br/>"I get nervous when things go too well," Jungkook gently pulled his hand out of the alpha's grip and ran both palms over his face, "well, I mean, when everything goes the way you want, when you get everything you ever wanted to, when nothing portends trouble, I start to get nervous in anticipation…"<br/>"That something bad is going to happen," Jimin finished. And Jungkook nodded in agreement.<br/>Jimin took a deep breath, finally realizing what was bothering Jungkook so much. He had two beautiful sons, whom he called literally every day, because he was insanely missed, despite the fact that they had a person whom Jungkook implicitly trusts with them. Next to him were his closest people in the person of two omegas, who always supported him, were his support and strength, who had been in a strong, established relationship with him for several years. Jungkook had an alpha who was not only interested in himself, but also showed attention and care to his partners and, most importantly, to his children. Jungkook was doing what he really loves – painting, besides, he received a great offer to earn money with his talent, instead of sitting in a small town and waiting for someone to deign to be interested in his paintings. Jungkook was located in the largest and most developed city in the United States, teeming with opportunities for a young person striving for new knowledge. Omega was surrounded by love and affection, support and attention. And that… scared him. It seemed that the terrifying prospect of failure was about to jump out from behind some dark corner and smash to smithereens everything that the omega now has, leaving him with nothing. Will take away his dearest and most beloved people. Leave alone, unnecessary and forgotten by anyone. A lot of positive emotions and the euphoria of a possible future happy and carefree life scared the omega to death.<br/>"Jungkook," Jimin smiled softly and lowered his voice almost to a whisper, which made the omega unsure, but still sat closer, climbing into the alpha's warm embrace. "You are a talented young omega. You have a bright future ahead of you. You are the kindest and brightest person imaginable. Yoongi and Taehyung love you so much that they would give anything to make you happy. Your children are the most beautiful creatures that Nature could bring into the world. And they also love you, free of charge and without any conditions, just for the fact that you are. And I'm always by your side. Do you really think that all this can just disappear?" Jimin lowered his head a little to look into the omega's eyes and saw… tears. Large, salty drops gathered in the tear ducts, ready to spill down the pale cheeks.<br/>"I'm so afraid to let one of you down," Jungkook muttered sobbing, snuggling closer to the alpha, inhaling the scent from his neck, feeling the alpha's heart beating smoothly and measuredly. "So I'm afraid to become unnecessary and useless. After all, you all do so much for me. And I don't give you anything in return. I'm so afraid that I won't be able to choose between all of you if such a terrible choice has to be made. I…" Jungkook couldn't form the words into coherent phrases, repeating himself and stuttering, because the lump of anxiety and rising tears became more and more, blocking his throat. "I don't want, don't want to be alone." <br/>"You won't be alone, Jungkook-ah. And you will never let any of us down. You won't have to choose. It's just not possible. You are the most beautiful, the most wonderful and the most desired omega. You give us your all. We will never let you feel alone. Trust me," Jimin kissed Jungkook's wet cheeks and knew that he was essentially speaking on behalf of two more people, but he was sure that if Yoongi and Taehyung were around right now, they would say the same word for word.<br/><br/>Jungkook's emotions burst out, and he could no longer stop their insane flow. A person who does not usually say out loud what he feels becomes overly emotional when he is overwhelmed with thoughts that he could not express for a very long time. However, here too, Jungkook was a controversial person. He was not a talkative guy, preferring to keep a lot to himself, however, he did not know how to hide his emotions at all, therefore reading him, even when the omega was silent, was as easy as shelling pears.<br/>And now Jungkook needed attention more than ever. Needed the opportunity to be weak and defenseless. Because the strongest person, accustomed to cope on their own, as a rule, suffers the most. <br/><br/>Jimin carefully laid Jungkook down on the soft, shaggy carpet next to the sofa and lay down next to him so that he could continue to touch the omega's body, but leave him space. Jungkook didn't resist at all. On the contrary, his body literally reached for the alpha's hands and lips, the water continued to flow down his cheeks, rolling down onto his cheekbones and light carpet, and his legs were trembling. The excitement that gripped the omega was mixed with anxiety and fear, overflowing with such force that it was difficult to breathe, and his heart thumped in his chest, ready to jump out.<br/>Jimin muttered all sorts of sweets in the omega's ear, warming his skin with his breath, enveloping all Jungkook's sensitive receptors in a honey voice, now screaming either from excitement, or from still fettering fear. Jungkook didn't know. He only knew that he could not help but groan when the alpha pulled off his house pants along with his underwear and touched the wet hole with a soft and warm palm.<br/>The sweet scent and the alpha's rich pheromones mingled together, permeating the entire room. And Jungkook was completely lost in the sensations that gave Jimin's hands and lips, literally idolizing his body, like some kind of deity. He was so lost that at first he did not understand how exactly the alpha could touch him with his hands in several different places. And as soon as Jungkook opened his eyes, a mixture of wild excitement and shame seized him when the omega saw Taehyung lying on the other side of him, how he easily ran his fingers over his naked stomach, having previously lifted his T-shirt, while Jimin caressed his thighs with his tongue and hands. Taehyung wasn't angry or upset. On the contrary, he smiled broadly and lovingly, and his hands wandered over the omega's torso, lingering on especially sensitive places, which caused horse goosebumps to scatter all over his body, and the hairs stood on end. Jungkook lifted his head slightly and saw the same smiling Yoongi sitting next to his head, weaving his long fingers through the omega's soft hair.<br/>"We love you," Taehyung whispered right into Jungkook's lips and swallowed the junior's next moan as Jimin filled him completely between his legs. "And we will never leave."<br/>"You are an inseparable part of us," Yoongi whispered in Jungkook's ear, continuing to play with his hair, licking and biting his earlobe with sharp teeth.<br/>"You are the most precious and beloved boy," Taehyung whispered, leaving light kisses on Jungkook's still wet cheeks, lightly pinching his nipples.<br/>"We want you always," Yoongi's whisper mingled with Taehyung's as the senior of the omegas lowered his head and slid his tongue into Jungkook's parted mouth.<br/>The omegas caressed and touched Jungkook wherever they could reach as Jimin pushed softly and smoothly into the hot and wet interior, knocking out loud and unrestrained moans from the young man sprawled on the floor.<br/>Jungkook was overwhelmed with emotion again. And at first it frightened him again. All three of his partners were here with him. Yoongi and Taehyung returned unexpectedly and had absolutely nothing against Jungkook being alone with Jimin. They just calmly and naturally joined in, praising the younger's body like it was the only thing they wanted. Others hands and lips were everywhere, Jungkook couldn't concentrate on who should he give preference to first: kiss Yoongi or touch Taehyung? Or maybe move towards Jimin? There was so much of everything that he was literally torn apart, feeling at the same time boundless pleasure, which he had never experienced before, and the burden of guilt that he could not give anything to his partners in return. Tears flowed from the eyes in a new stream. Why, why is Jungkook so… so…<br/>"Relax, Jungkook-ah, just feel," Taehyung whispered, stroking the younger omega's hard, wet from natural lubrication cock.<br/>"Look, we're all here," Yoongi ran his nose over Jungkook's scent gland, inhaling his favorite floral scent with force.<br/>"We are with you, little omega," Jimin appeared in front of a defocused look, completely covering the junior's body with his, from which the other two omegas pulled back a little, giving the alpha more space, however, they remained close to touch accessible places on their junior partner's skin with their hands or lips.<br/>"It's okay, Jungkook-ah."<br/>"Just relax, baby."<br/>"Let it go. Just let it go."<br/>And Jungkook couldn't resist. The lube dripped in a copious stream as Jungkook himself cummed into Taehyung's fist, or maybe Jimin's, he wasn't sure exactly. The junior had never felt such a shattering orgasm. There were so many sensations that it is impossible to describe in words. But Jungkook felt so bright and rich. He would like to draw it on paper. Recreate the moment of unity that he now had with his partners. He would like to literally capture and perpetuate the very thing that grew like a huge ball inside him.<br/>"It's okay, Jungkook-ah," each of the omegas gently kissed his cheeks, while the alpha, preventing mating, put his body in order, ignoring his own needs, because Jungkook was like under a high and was not going to move at all.<br/>"Get some rest, baby."<br/>"You are such a good boy."<br/>"You did so well."<br/>Jungkook listened to the compliments and praises, absorbing them, saturating them, penetrating to the core. His body seemed to have turned into a shapeless jelly, an incoherent haze still stood before his eyes, and the heat from other people's touches warmed and gave a feeling of peace.<br/><br/>But the anxiety never completely went away. It beat somewhere in the depths of consciousness, shaking a finger and rubbing ugly palms in anticipation of the next exit.<br/>Jungkook didn't know if he could overcome this feeling. Will he be able to completely surrender to the happiness and calmness that he felt right now in the hands of his partners. He didn't know if he could again cope with the same obsessive thoughts that overwhelmed him before, when he allowed his senior omegas to approach him far from being a friend and bind himself with the relationship that was discussed behind their backs. Jungkook didn't know any of this. But now, on the soft carpet, clean, emotionally satisfied, surrounded by the attention of his loved ones, he did not want to think about it.<br/><br/><br/>Notes:<br/><br/>*Abstract expressionism – a school (movement) of artists who write quickly and on large canvases, using non-geometric strokes, large brushes, sometimes dripping paint onto the canvas, to fully reveal emotions. The goal of the artist with such a creative method is the spontaneous expression of the inner world (subconscious) in chaotic forms, not organized by logical thinking.<br/><br/>*Digital – a type of modern fine art associated with the transmission of visual images through the reproduction of luminous dots (pixels) on the screen; application of inks by the printer on a rigid or flexible surface<br/><br/><br/>The abstract that Jungkook worked on:<br/>https://d3rf6j5nx5r04a.cloudfront.net/A9XDKlK9UBx8GDmaJIH9pURrS7I=/1200x813/product/7/c/935f6501c2974a4583f4fc58d4802059.jpg<br/><br/>In Jungkook's abstraction, I paid attention to exactly two colors – yellow and blue, to show the conflicting emotions that the omega experienced. I am not an artist and have never been in direct contact with painting, so I had to read some material, for dummies, of course. It is from the point of view of painting that these two colors are considered differently than, for example, in psychology. So, I used the emotional component. That is, the psychological meaning of colors to show exactly how Jungkook feels at the time of his work:<br/><br/>Yellow color – symbolizes parting, separation, autumn sadness (yellow tulips, yellowing foliage), eccentricity, lies, betrayal, a challenge to society, up to insanity.<br/><br/>Blue color – the personification of passivity, peace, pure spirituality. It is the color of height and depth, both literally and figuratively.</p>