A Conflicted Mind

Capcis' POV:

I watched in horror as Spiravit was brutally defeated in a matter of seconds. It sprung fear within me, but also interest. This was the same feeling I've been having since I laid my eyes on this man. He made me feel at ease for some reason. Like I wouldn't be at fault no matter how I acted around. Like I could be comfortable in my true skin around him. It was a very familiar feeling that I hadn't felt in a long time. Not since Quis went missing anyway.

With that reminder, I raised the walls that surrounded my self-isolation. That was close, I almost let someone in again. Not again. Not after the declaration I made to myself. I then brought my eyes to the man in question, Mr. Proebel. I brought my eyes up from his baggy white pants, through his blood-stained chest, above his silver tattoed neck, and to his face. He wore a smile. I could tell it wasn't a kind smile, but one that said his previous words even better than he said them: "Welcome to hell."

But even though I recognized his smile as one not to be kind, I couldn't help but taste its sweetness. The smile reminded me of Quis'. It reminded me of the happiness I could feel. But no. I couldn't. I mustn't. It would be wrong. If I tried to get close to him just because he made me feel comfortable, it would be a paragon of selfishness. After all, it would only end as it did with Pulchra and Quis. My ideals can't be so weak that I succumb to this temptation.

I breathed in and out, calming my chaotic emotions. With myself once again stabilized, I waited just like the rest of the students for something to happen. After a few seconds, Mr. Proebel walked over to Spiravit and, by his arm, yanked him up. Once he was on his feet, he took a sudden deep breath before coughing up blood and gasping for air. Mr. Proebel patted him on his back, "Hey, it was a good shot kid. You just made a few mistakes is all. If you didn't make any mistakes then there would be no point in me teaching right? It's the natural course of learning. So use this pain as a boost of motivation, not a lack of it."

Nodding his head, Spiravit slowly walked back over to the group while holding onto his chest and breathing slowly. Once he rejoined the group, I saw a hand raise within the crowd. Mr. Proebel pointed to the holder of the hand and said, "Yes?"

I couldn't see who it was, but once they began to speak I was able to tell it was Iusus, "Mr. Proebel, not to be rude, but what the hell was that? You made it clear that you couldn't use any tricks, just hand-to-hand combat. I understand fighting dirty, but you are a teacher and Spiravit is a student. That just seems cruel."

Mr. Proebel nodded his head up and down before answering Iusus' question, "I understand what you mean, but I didn't lie. I said we couldn't use any Fruits, Magic Arts, or Martial Arts; that meant everything else was fair game, and I used everything else. While that may seem unnecessary, the third rule stands true. Totally destroy your enemies. There are many times in history when powerful people either let someone they hurt getaway or underestimated someone just because they were weaker. But as time would prove, those weak people can easily grow into someone strong, or that weak person could be deceiving you. Never underestimate someone just because you believe them to be weaker than you. Your perception isn't always the correct one."

His words felt like a flood of wisdom washing over my body. It wasn't just what he said, but the way he said it. It was as though he was a victim of the very mistake he was talking about. His cadence demanded me to listen to what he had to say. To think about what he had said. And to apply what he implied with his words.

At first, he seemed like a kind person. Then that changed to a psychotic person. And now to me, he felt like a hurt person. Someone similar to me. Someone who made mistakes, many of them, but has learned from them and changed how they approached things. I felt like I could relate to Mr. Proebel more than ever before. And it really gave me to urge to be around him and talk to him, but I know I couldn't. It would only end horribly.

It was then that I felt a gaze on me. I entered reality again and then saw that Mr. Proebel was staring right at me, "Capcis, I want you to come up here. I wish to demonstrate something that'll really kick the learning off, and you're gonna be my helper. Don't worry, it won't be a fight."

His words were so sudden that I didn't have time to raise my barriers. His words went right through me and pierced my heart. I felt a deep empty feeling within my lungs. It was as if a black hole had just awoken within my body, making me feel the urge to throw up. It was sickening. The conflict wrapped me into an envelope of stillness as I grappled with my emotions. My stomach dropped, my lungs hung, and my heart stopped.

But, somehow, my legs kept moving. Eventually, I stood next to Mr. Proebel, unable to keep myself at ease. I was trying my hardest to calm myself down, but I couldn't because he just kept on talking to me, "Capcis, what do you think is the most important aspect of combat?"

Through the numbing sensation that was filling my mind, I was able to give a meek reply, "...W-winning, right?..."

He shook his head at my answer before correcting me, "While that is definitely important, sometimes winning isn't always the best way to have combat benefit you. Instead, it is most important to always keep the upper hand on your opponent. Keep them on their toes. Make them question what your goal is. Combat is a broad term. The fight I just had with Spiravit was one example of combat, but the list goes much further than that. War is a good example of another common type of combat. To truly benefit from war is difficult, but it's much more possible when you keep the upper hand. Or in a battle of words instead of fists. You must keep the upper hand, or else your enemy will take over the argument. Keeping the upper hand is without a doubt the best way to benefit from any type of combat."

I nodded without being able to actually think about what he was saying, but once he mentioned my name again, I had no choice but to consider his words, "Capcis, this is where you come in. This concept can be easily demonstrated in a simple game of shoushiling. It is a game coming from the Mountain Region, so I'll go over the rules in case some people here don't know them. It's simple, In this game there are three choices we can make: the frog, the slug, and the snake. The frog beats the slug, the slug beats the snake, and the snake beats the frog. We will represent our choice with a hand gesture. An outstretched thumb means frog, an upward-facing pinky means slug and a pointing index finger means snake. We'll count down and on "shèjí" expose our choice at the same time, from which we'll discover who won. For example, if I chose the snake, and you chose the slug, then I would lose and you would win. You got all that?"

I nodded my head even though I was barely able to keep up with him. I was a wreck right now, but I couldn't just do nothing, I had to perform with him. So I stood in front of him and we faced each other. My mind was fogged up, but once I made eye contact with him, that feeling disappeared. All that mattered right now was that I helped him with his example. I had no other things on my mind.

He then counted down, "Qīngwā, kuòyú, shé, shèjí!"

As he yelled out shèjí, I moved my thumb up, choosing the frog. I turned my attention to what he chose, and once I saw his pinky outstretched, relief washed over me because of the victory. It wasn't like there were any stakes, but I didn't want to disappoint Mr. Proebel, so it was a good outcome for me.

Once he lost, he brought back his hand and looked out to the crowd, "That right there was my loss. I lost because I left the outcome up to chance, something I don't have the upper hand on. So this time I'm going to change it up. Capcis, this time I'm going to, no matter what, play the slug."

What? Why was he telling me what move he was going to make? It's obvious that I would just choose the frog and beat him... unless that's what he wants me to think? Maybe his plan is to get me to choose the frog and then actually change his to the snake? But then there's the option that he's actually planning all of that, and he wanted me to choose the slug to counteract him choosing the snake, so he's actually choosing the frog. But with that logic, I could go on and on. What should I choose?!

As I was starting to panic, the countdown began, "Qīngwā, kuòyú, shé, shèjí!"

By the time he finished the countdown, I still didn't know what to do, so I just moved without thinking with my eyes closed. After a couple of seconds, I opened my eyes, only to see me holding my thumb up and him pointing his index finger at me. I breathed out a sigh of stress and the conclusion came. I lost.

Mr. Proebel turned back to the audience and explained what just happened, "Now, that may have seemed like a lucky win, but it actually goes deeper. I told Capcis what move I would make, not to try and trick her, but to make her indecisive. That way I would start the countdown before she could choose what she really wanted and she would end up choosing the easiest gesture to make, the thumbs up. I had to upper hand, and therefore won. But schemes and tricks are to be used if you are weaker or at the same level as your opponent. When you are much stronger than your enemy, things become a lot simpler."

He turned back to me and said, "Capcis, let's do this ten more times. If I lose even once, I'll do anything you ask of me."

I could tell he had something up his sleeve, but it wasn't like I had anything to lose. Plus this was an example so it was my duty to help him get his message across. And at least with where I was now, I was emotionally stable. With all of that in mind, I nodded my head, and he began, "Qīngwā, kuòyú, shé..."

Soon enough ten rounds passed, and with each passing round, the audience and I grew increasingly sporadic. Once the ten rounds finished though, everyone was silent, staring at Mr. Proebel in awe. He had won every single round. And he was calm throughout the entire thing as if he had already seen through my every action. Everyone was moved, and eventually one of the others called out to him, "How did you do that?"

As if waiting for someone to speak those words, he turned back to students with a confident look on his face, "It's actually quite simple. If you are able to read the hand movements related to each gesture before they do it and then move your hand into the gesture that beats their's then you'll win every time without a doubt. That is a true upper hand. One that I could choose to use for winning, losing, or even tying if it benefited me more."

He gave out a laugh as he watched the students' faces distort, "That's just the name of the game. Lie, cheat and steal. That is how the upper hand it gained. Of course, it takes more than just that, but that is the root principle. Now, we still have around an hour left, so let's get to learning shall we?"

And with that, for the next hour, I was stuck flipping between a mind of steel and chaos. It wasn't until everything ended that I was finally able to stabilize again.