A Bitter Taste Of A Sweetened Life

"Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what's left and live it properly." - Marcus Aurelius

This is not the typical Isekai story of a lonely, loser, shut in that dies unexpectedly and gets reincarnated into a fantasy world where he power scales and builds his own harem....

No, this character is quite the opposite. He was already living everyone's dreams. He had plenty of maidens, countless wealth, and millions of fans who worshiped him.

He was already at the pinnacle of this world.

Lilo Holloway was charismatic, brash, and arrogant... Why wouldn't he be?

He was a world champion of the most brutal and vicious sport mankind had invented: He was a fighter.

He faced the world with boldness and watched it bend in his favor.

However, this perilous climb to the top caused an unnerving disruption in his soul.

Once the accolades, the legacy, the fame, the glory, the money, the women, and the countless wealth started piling up... He stopped caring for others.

It was not out of selfish pride. It was out of fear. He was scared to care about someone else, and he was afraid of others who cared about him. 

Lilo had everything, and he chose to live his life with the attitude of bold arrogance; ignoring his inner turmoil and hiding his fears from others.

The pain he felt inside was masked with physical pain within the blows he traded with his opponents in the cage.

They were left mercilessly vanquished, creating a sensational highlight reel of bloody horror for the crazed fans of this ruthless sport.

Any man left across the cage from Lilo was his therapy, a punchingbag for the emptiness he felt. Each win fueled his agony even more.

His pride and arrogance grew insurmountable. He felt unstoppable. He felt invincible. He felt like a god.

On one particular night, Lilo found himself drunk at a bar, surrounded by women who wanted his money, men who leeched off his status, and a championship belt around his waist that had lost its meaning to him long ago.

He felt vulnerable and lonely. The alcohol started to seep through the cracks of the wall he had built up around his fears and it caused him to grow anxious.

"Get out!" His trembling voice haulted everything in awkward silence.

In the next few seconds, his security guards emptied out the entire bar, leaving just the bartender.

The empty bar where Lilo was holding his afterparty for his most recent win was a vast expanse that singled out the two lone figures.

The strobe lights continued to dance across the walls, the music blared loud club music, and the air had a pungent scent of all the wrong aromas.

Lilo took another swig of his liquor and threw the empty bottle at the speakers, causing the music to abruptly stop.

Despite his tantrum, the bartender was calmly observing him with stern stoicism.

"Do you recognize me?" Lilo held his chin up with pride as he pointed at his devilishly handsome face. The tv behind him was playing back his most recent fight.

The bartender shrugged and poured Lilo another glass.

"You seem to be... missing something...", The old man said with a hint of sympathy.

Lilo squinted, carefully studying the reflection of himself through the glass of whiskey. He indeed looked handsome... but his eyes... his eyes looked hollow. He chuckled to himself.

'Ha! What a pathetic dumb fuck... I always dreamed of being here, I can't let my past self down and be bitter now that I've finally made it.'

He emptied the glass and shoved it aggressively towards the bar tender for another refill.

"I've never lost at anything... how would I be missing anything?"

Again, he poured him a new glass with indifference, remaining clam and stoic.

"You used to have people... haven't you lost them, somewhere along the way?"

Lilo remembered his parents... how they had once thought the world of him... until they grew distant and he had neglected to keep in touch with them.

Lilo also remembered his training partners... Childhood friends that came up along side him but grew envious and distant once he reached the top.

There were also two special individuals that he had lost. These two had hurt him the most. His once best friend... and also his ex wife.

While Lilo reminisced his early life and how he had so much more to appreciate back then; the bartender pensively studied Lilo's blank expression and commented:

"People don't think there's a process to being happy but... I just think we need a chance as humans to... fail, in order to discover what actually works."

This comment lit a fire in Lilo's soul. He did not appreciate this lowly old bartender's ability to solicit advice to a world renowned fighting champion.

"You think I'm missing happiness? Ha! I showed those people compassion, I showed them mercy, I left those wretches for a reason and look what it fucking got me!" Lilo pointed at the screen displaying all his recent highlights and accolades.

"Do you know how hard I worked to get here? This is my life man... I'm free! Free from all of it."

The bartender seemed unconvinced, prompting Lilo to continue on his ramble.

"You know what... you should do something meaningful with your life and maybe you'd understand me better. You are a senile old man, pouring drinks for a living! I inspire people."

There was a pause of nonchalant dismissal from the bartender before he replied with a potent argument:

"Do you not think people need to be listened to?"

Silence. Lilo swallowed his opposing thoughts in a deep moment of pondering that question.

"Pain. There's a lot of pain in there. You're trying to hide it but the alcohol is a mirror to your soul." The bartender hit the lights after that statement, dimming the entire vast empty bar.

"We're just about closed, but I do have one question to leave you with... For the amount of pain it takes to be great, it takes an equivalent amount of pain to build and maintain those relationships you've lost."

"Which one are you willing to go through that much pain for? Which one made you happier?"

***

Lilo was roaming the city streets. He was alone. His security had left for the night and that annoying snobby bartender was finally out of sight.

His cap was pulled down and his hood was over his head to deter fans from noticing him. His drunken steps blended in with the rest of the crowd on the city streets.

The air smelled of street vendors; aromas of sweet baked goods, cheap fried savory dishes, and spicy meats hit Lilo's nose a bit too aggressively... causing him to stumble into an alleyway and barf his recent ingestions out.

As he wiped his mouth and tears away, a ring fell out of his pocket. It was his wedding ring, now in the pile of vile vomit he had just barfed up.

He shook his head dejectedly and bent down to pick it up. Just before his fingers reached the ring, he stopped himself and pondered his ex wife.

'Fuck that bitch.'

Lilo stood up and pulled out his wallet where two scuffed polaroid photos were tucked into it. One was of his ex wife, the other was of his once best friend.

'And fuck you too, asshole.'

He threw the photos into the pile of vomit and unzipped his pants, proceeding to pee all over it.

'I don't need you... I have everything I want and possibly need... fuck that bartender too!'

The words echoed in his mind but something pricked at his heart. A sharp sensation of remorse and grief began cutting deep into his soul.

He missed them. He missed his past self. He missed what he had lost.

Hot tears ran down his face at the same rate of his urin. If one of his fans found him in this state they would lose all respect for him in an instant.

The most powerful man in the world was in a dirty alleyway, crying over his relationship problems and peeing on a pile of his own vomit.

Out of his periphery, he noticed an elderly women on her hands and knees just a few meters away from him.

He quickly zipped up his pants in embarrassment and awkwardly coughed. She seemed unaware of him entirely.

She was looking around the ground for something she had lost. Off in the distance, Lilo noticed a gang of rowdy teenage boys holding an old purse.

"Mam' did you lose something? A purse perhaps?"

The elderly woman ignored Lilo and continued to frantically rummage through the dirty alleyway for what she had lost.

His words were slurred due to his intoxication which made him assume she wasn't able to understand him...

'What the hell am I doing... I should just mind my own business.'

Lilo was too drunk, barely being able to walk straight, but regardless he sighed and walked past her to reach the gang of teenagers; but before he could, the elderly woman grabbed his ankle causing him to turn around and face her.

Her voice did not match her old appearance. It was angelic and youthful.

"I didn't lose anything... you did."

'What?'

"Your life."

As soon as those words escaped her mouth the cold mussel of a barrel was felt at the base of Lilo's skull.

Lilo smirked. If there was one thing he was most certain and confident in, it was combat.

Guns were never meant to be used in close proximity.

Even in this drunk state and with his back turned against them; he felt absolutely calm and at ease with the situation.

The elderly woman, although majestic and mysterious, was wrong about him dying today... or so he thought.

In the next instant, in a series of trained and highly technical moves, Lilo twisted his body into motion.

First the gun sounded off, based on pure reaction of Lilo's sudden movements... but it did not hit its mark.

Lilo had used his shoulder to deter the hand holding the gun and although his movement was slower than a bullet, he did not have to beat the speed of a bullet; he had to beat the reaction time of the person pulling the trigger.

With ease he disarmed the teenage boy and proceeded to beat the shit out of every one of the teenage kids without remorse.

Once he was finished, they were all left sprawled out in a bloody broken pile in the alleyway, an eerie deafening silence followed by Lilo's heavy breathing filling the air.

The elderly woman stood up and held her hand out, expecting Lilo to do something. He was puzzled at her cold indifference but still picked up the purse, placing it in her outstretched hand.

The woman pulled out something from her purse.

At first Lilo had an odd suspicion that she was hiding a gun, but that quickly subsided as he realized it was simply a treat.

The elderly woman placed a wrapped piece of candy into Lilo's hand, gave him a thankful pat on the shoulder and walked away.

'It's not poisoned is it?'

The last words she spoke to him rung in his mind.

'Was she just crazy?'

He shook his head.

'No... I'm being crazy.'

He unwrapped the candy bar and plopped it into his mouth.

It's flavor was indescribable. It wasn't even a taste. It was a feeling. It felt euphoric. 

As he turned to leave, his foot stepped into something slimy and in his unbalanced drunken state, he slipped violently.

His head smashed into the wall and his spine hit something jagged underneath him.

A muffled groan escaped his lips as he felt warm fluid permeate out of him.

He knew what that sharp object underneath him was instantly. It was his diamond wedding ring.

He couldn't move, and he was slowly bleeding out.

In the process of abruptly slipping, the euphoric candy got stuck in his throat and he began choking.

'Wow... this can't be how I go out... in a puddle of piss and vomit... no, I have things I want to fix... I'm not finished with this life...'

Thoughts of his ex wife and his best friend echoed in his mind as rain started to pour on him.

He could still smell the vendors, even through the stench of the vile puddle he was currently soaked in.

The smell of delicious food reminded him... of home. His mothers cooking. The comforting meals he shared at his table with his family.

That was the last thought that Lilo had before he died.