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Cosmic Janitor

A man on a hospital bed was offered a job by a god. Said god introduced himself as a "god of amusement and entertainment." The man unhesitatingly accepted; what was the reason? He was bored. Having lived his life to the literal fullest—parachuting, skydiving, racing, boxing, and other adrenaline-pumping activities—left him exactly in his condition—a crippled, sick, BUT bored man in his middle thirties.  Join him in his wild adventures as he battles devils, zombies, and all sorts of crazy stuff you can dream up while lying in bed. Updates: It depends on my workload. Also, on my cat's mood. Suggestions: I've got some "worlds" planned, but feel free to suggest a game or anime world that needs some serious "cleaning." Disclaimer: The characters mentioned are not mine, except the OCs. Especially not the Book Cover.

ChrisTian3421 · アニメ·コミックス
レビュー数が足りません
80 Chs

Rematch

(Katsuo POV)

{A Week Later}

I stood in the training room, now donned in my Stormweaver's Mantle, with Sanchomo held securely in my left hand. I did light jumps, trying to get my blood pumping. The past week had been a deep dive into a mountain of books, mainly on swordsmanship.

Yes, this "body" was tutored by Souji Okita, Sirzechs Lucifer's knight. But that was only tutoring with a bit of combat experience. And currently, I lacked real combat experience from a highly skilled swordsman. So I decided to fight the "buffed" version of Malenia, Blade of Miquella again, to gain inspiration or insights.

My fighting tactic heavily relies on my overwhelming speed and precision, a hit-and-run, if you will. Potentially, I could keep up with the Flash himself, but it'll burn through my stamina like a hot knife through butter. So I reviewed my skill set.

1. Enhanced Shunpo: My primary movement technique, allowing me to zip around the battlefield at near-instantaneous speeds. Useful for dodging and repositioning.

2. Fire, Lightning, Electric and Earth Manipulation: These elemental abilities are my bread and butter. They enhance my attacks, allowing me to strike with blazing heat, shocking force, or crushing power.

3. Pyrobolt: A powerful projectile attack that combines fire and lightning, useful for ranged combat and disrupting enemies.

4. Summoned Swords: My reliable defense and offense. These ethereal blades can deflect attacks and strike with precision. Can be coated with elemental properties for added devastation.

5. Judgement Cut: A powerful move that sends a wave of slashes towards the enemy. Requires precise timing and positioning.

6. Rapid Slash: A quick, dashing attack that can close distances rapidly and strike multiple times in an instant.

7. Giant Sword: A devastating technique where I conjure a massive sword infused with fire, lightning, and earth, capable of delivering a catastrophic blow.

Despite my arsenal, I knew I needed more refined swordsmanship. The books had given me theory, but I needed practical application. Malenia was the perfect opponent for that—a relentless, elegant warrior with skills that far surpassed most.

Taking a deep breath, I activated the simulator and set it to spawn the "buffed" version of Malenia. The air shimmered, and there she stood, her presence as intimidating as ever.

Her iconic intro played, her voice ringing out with a haunting grace. "I am Malenia, Blade of Miquella. And I have never known defeat."

I Shunpo'ed behind her, aiming for a swift, decisive strike. But Malenia was already in motion, turning with a fluid grace to parry my attack. The clash of our blades sent sparks flying.

The battle was on.

Malenia's movements were a deadly dance, each strike precise and powerful. I countered with Rapid Slashes, trying to keep up with her relentless assault. My Summoned Swords deflected her blows, but I could feel the strain.

She unleashed a flurry of attacks, her blade shimmering with the Scarlet Rot. I dodged with Shunpo, reappearing at her flank and striking with a fiery-enhanced Sanchomo. The blade crackled with energy as it met her armor, leaving a scorch mark.

Malenia retaliated with a sweeping strike that I barely parried. The force of her attack sent vibrations up my arm. I countered with a Judgement Cut, sending a wave of slashes towards her. She dodged most of them but took a glancing hit, a thin line of blood appearing on her cheek.

The fight raged on, a blur of motion and steel. I relied on my speed to evade her deadliest attacks, striking back whenever I saw an opening. My stamina was draining fast, each movement costing me precious energy.

As the battle reached its climax, I could feel my strength waning. Malenia was relentless, her Scarlet Rot growing more potent with each strike. I knew I needed to end this quickly.

Summoning all my remaining energy, I conjured my Giant Sword clad in tri-elemental properties. The massive blade appeared above me, crackling with fiery lightning and surrounded by a blueish-red hue. With a final, desperate dash, I launched myself at Malenia, aiming for her heart.

Our blades clashed in a brilliant explosion of light and power. When the dust settled, I was on my knees, panting heavily. Malenia stood a few paces away, her expression unreadable.

"Well fought," she said, her voice surprisingly gentle. "But you still have much to learn."

With that, she vanished, leaving me alone in the training room. I collapsed to the ground, my body aching but my mind buzzing with newfound knowledge.

I had lost, but I had gained valuable insights. Slowly, I got to my feet, determination burning in my eyes. I would return stronger. Malenia had given me a goal, a benchmark to surpass.

For now, I headed to the library, ready to dive back into my studies. The path to mastery was long and arduous, but I was determined to walk it.

One step at a time.

.

.

.

.

Five months passed like a blur, with me solely focused on creating my own swordsmanship style and enjoying a few fun hangouts with Hank and the buddies. My usual goofy expression was replaced by a serene look as I muttered to myself, "Five months."

Some notable events occurred during this time:

1. Promotion to B-1: I was promoted to B-1, a step closer to A-5. The promotion came with a bit of partying, of course, courtesy of Lisa, Hank, and the gang. It was a brief respite from my intense training.

2. Infernal Clarity: I bought Infernal Clarity, a specialized nootropic supplement designed for half-devils like me, who require unique cognitive enhancements due to our dual heritage. This pill harnesses both supernatural and natural ingredients to amplify cognitive functions such as memory, focus, creativity, and mental clarity while supporting the unique physiology of half-devils. It cost me 700,000 Points, bringing my total down to a measly 119,000. The investment was worth it, though, as it significantly boosted my mental acuity, aiding me in my training and strategic planning.

3. Swordsmanship Outline: Most importantly, I developed an outline for my swordsmanship—a sophisticated and tactical style designed around hit-and-run tactics, utilizing Sanchomo and integrating the elemental powers of fire, lightning, and earth. My style emphasizes speed, confusion, and powerful elemental strikes, allowing me to outmaneuver and outclass opponents. The Infernal Clarity supplement was a crucial part of this development, enhancing my information processing skills and allowing me to refine my techniques.

My new style is a blend of elegance and ferocity, focusing on:

- Speed and Precision: Utilizing Enhanced Shunpo for rapid movement and precise strikes.

- Elemental Integration: Combining fire, lightning, and earth manipulation into my attacks. For instance, using fire to add searing heat to my strikes, lightning for shocking force, and earth to create footholds or obstacles during battle.

- Hit-and-Run Tactics: Striking quickly and retreating before the opponent can counterattack, keeping them off balance and unable to predict my next move.

- Strategic Earth Manipulation: Creating pillars and barriers to use as footholds or to obstruct my enemies, adding a layer of strategy to my engagements.

With my new abilities and style, I felt ready for the next challenge. As I headed to the simulator, I couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation. It was time to put my new skills to the test.

I programmed the simulator to summon a variety of opponents, starting with lower-tier enemies and gradually increasing in difficulty. The goal was to refine my techniques and adapt them to different combat scenarios.

The first opponents were easy enough—basic grunts and low-level demons. I dispatched them quickly, using my Enhanced Shunpo and elemental attacks to overwhelm them.

As the difficulty increased, I faced more challenging foes. Mid-tier demons and skilled warriors tested my abilities, forcing me to adapt and refine my tactics. My new style proved effective, allowing me to outmaneuver and outclass my opponents.

Finally, I faced a high-tier opponent—an elite demon warrior with formidable strength and skill. The battle was intense, with both of us exchanging powerful blows and testing each other's limits.

I used my strategic earth manipulation to create pillars and obstacles, limiting the demon's movements and giving me an advantage. With a combination of fire-enhanced strikes and lightning-fast attacks, I gradually wore him down.

In a final, decisive move, I summoned a giant sword clad in tri-elemental properties—fire, lightning, and earth. The massive blade crackled with energy as I brought it down on the demon, delivering a devastating blow that ended the battle.

Panting and exhausted, I stood victorious. The training had been grueling, but it had paid off. My new swordsmanship style was effective, and I felt more confident in my abilities.

As I exited the simulator, I couldn't help but smile. I was ready for whatever challenges lay ahead. And I was ready for Her.

.

.

.

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0-34.

Zero wins, thirty-four losses. To Malenia, Blade of Miquella herself. The first thirteen initial losses were only the tip of the iceberg. From the fourteenth to the twenty-seventh losses, I made her go through a "third phase" — a relentless series of dodging, parrying, and getting hit while yelling, "WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?!" And mind my language, "A SHIT TON OF SCARLET AEONIA'S."

Then, the twenty-eighth through thirty-fourth? A stalemate. I opted for a more stamina-burning approach, either I dodged constantly while micromanaging or risk getting hit by her Scarlet Aeonia.

The battles were grueling, each loss a testament to her unparalleled skill and the ferocity of her Scarlet Rot. I needed to adapt, to refine my tactics further if I was going to stand a chance against her.

And it was time to face Malenia again. The simulator buzzed to life, recreating the eerie battlefield where she awaited, her presence a palpable force.

"I dreamt for so long.

My flesh was dull gold... and my blood,

rotted.

Corpse after corpse, left in my wake.

As I awaited... his return.

Heed my words. I am Malenia, Blade of Miquella.

And I have never known defeat."

Her iconic line, adding an eerie atmosphere that brought a foreboding feeling.

But I was ready, yes. Months of training, envisioning, and studying.

The fight began with, surprisingly, her making the first move, appearing behind me.

She made a sideward slash; I responded by zipping out of harm's way.

She rushed at me, then made a series of attacks with the end being a downward slash. I Shunpo'ed to her side, then made my own series, slashing continuously with my Sanchomo laced with fire and lightning properties.

Then she floated, her iconic combo came, to which I answered with Rapid Slash. Her blows met with my parries. Blow for blow, parries after parries. We danced, a lightning-fast dance, each blow aimed for the kill.

She jumped back, not before leaving a heavy downward slash. I zipped away.

She stopped, then "charged" an attack, a dumb move, as I responded with Judgement Cut. The sheer force of the attack sent her flying.

"Second phase," I muttered, my breath calm and a grin plastered on my face.

"Wait.

The scarlet bloom flowers once more.

You will witness true horror.

Now, rot!"

Her form changed, now naked while two wings protruded from her back, and her prosthetic arm held her long weapon.

She "charged" an attack, and I quickly cast several Pyrobolts, less lethal but more annoying.

She then came down and made her Scarlet Aeonia attack, which I quickly Shunpo'ed several meters away.

Blurring from my view, she arrived in front of me with a series of slashes. Her attacks were more forceful, while still maintaining their elegance and smooth flow.

I parried her strikes, feeling the weight and power behind each blow. My Sanchomo clashed against her blade, sparks flying as fire and lightning danced along its edge. I countered with a series of precise slashes, aiming for her vital points.

Malenia responded with a flurry of graceful, yet deadly, strikes. Each movement was a testament to her skill and experience. I matched her, strike for strike, my enhanced Shunpo allowing me to dodge and weave through her attacks.

She suddenly vanished from sight, only to reappear behind me. I spun around, parrying her attack just in time. The force of her blow pushed me back, but I held my ground, refusing to be overwhelmed.

Drawing upon my elemental powers, I summoned a pillar of earth to block her next attack, then used it as a foothold to launch myself at her. My sword struck with the fury of a thunderstorm, each hit resonating with the power of fire, lightning, and earth.

Despite my relentless assault, Malenia remained unfazed. Her movements were fluid, almost ethereal, as she dodged and countered my attacks. The battle was a test of endurance and skill, each of us pushing the other to the limit.

With a powerful swing, she unleashed a wave of Scarlet Rot. I narrowly avoided it, feeling the heat of the corruption as it passed by. Seizing the opportunity, I dashed forward, my Sanchomo cutting through the air with lethal precision.

The clash of swords echoed through the battlefield, a symphony of steel and power. I could feel the strain on my body, the exhaustion creeping in. But I refused to back down. This was the culmination of months of training, of relentless pursuit of perfection.

As the battle raged on, I found my rhythm, my movements becoming more fluid and instinctual. My swordsmanship, once clumsy and unrefined, now flowed with a grace and precision that matched Malenia's own.

Now, she was staggering, her form flickering as she struggled to keep up with the intensity of the battle. She then wrapped herself in her wings, and another Bloom happened.

"Alright, third phase," I said, my voice heavy but calm.

"You persist still?

Very well.

Embrace the final bloom of rot.

I am Malenia, Blade of Miquella.

In my shadow, none shall stand."

Her form now had six wings protruding behind her, giving her an ethereal scarlet glow.

She now could summon Scarlet Flowers across the battlefield, a move that produced flowers exuding Scarlet Rot. As they neared the end of their use, they explode, creating a Scarlet Aeonia.

Her transformation was complete, and the battlefield was filled with an almost tangible dread. I took a deep breath, focusing my energy. This was the final test.

Malenia launched herself at me with renewed fury, her attacks now more aggressive and relentless. I matched her blow for blow, my Sanchomo blazing with elemental power. The air crackled with energy as our swords clashed, each strike sending shockwaves through the arena.

She summoned a Scarlet Flower near me, and I swiftly Shunpo'ed away, narrowly avoiding the burst of Scarlet Rot. The battlefield was now littered with these deadly blooms, forcing me to stay on the move constantly.

Using my Earth manipulation and Summoned Swords, I cleared a path. Ethereal swords hacked away at the Scarlet Flowers, making them explode in controlled bursts. The explosions created a temporary safe zone around me.

Malenia blurred into motion, launching a relentless flurry of attacks. I countered with Rapid Slash, keeping her blows at bay, but her force pushed me back. With the micromanaging skills enhanced by Infernal Clarity, I created a path, ensuring I wasn't cornered.

She unleashed another Scarlet Aeonia, and I barely escaped the blast radius. The force of the explosion sent me tumbling, but I quickly regained my footing. I couldn't afford to let up, not for a moment.

She was a whirlwind of elegance and fury, her every move calculated to kill. As she advanced, I mixed my elemental attacks—fire, lightning, and earth—to disrupt her rhythm. A wall of fire forced her to evade, a lightning strike aimed to paralyze, and an earth pillar to unbalance her.

She danced around my attacks, her six wings making her movements almost impossible to predict. Yet, with each clash, I could feel her weakening. And with each clash, I could feel the strain on my body, the exhaustion creeping in. But I refused to falter. Drawing upon my earth manipulation, I created a series of pillars to gain higher ground and launch surprise attacks from above.

Malenia countered with her own aerial assaults, her six wings giving her unparalleled mobility. She was a whirlwind of death and decay, each of her movements a deadly dance. I used my enhanced Shunpo to zip around the battlefield, landing precise strikes whenever I found an opening.

Suddenly, she launched herself into the air, preparing another Scarlet Aeonia. I seized the moment, launching a barrage of Summoned Swords and Pyrobolts. The sky lit up with explosions, momentarily obscuring her view.

As she descended, I Shunpo'ed directly beneath her, timing my move perfectly. My Sanchomo glowed with tri-elemental energy. I unleashed Judgement Cut, the air around my blade cracking with the force of the strike.

Malenia's form shattered, dissolving into a cascade of scarlet petals. The battlefield fell silent, the oppressive aura of her presence lifting. I stood, panting, victorious at last.

Now the scene returned to normal, but my battered and exhausted form remained. Then I screamed, "FUCK YEAH!" The euphoria was indescribable. The countless hours of training, the relentless pursuit of perfection—it had all led to this moment. I had faced the ultimate challenge and emerged triumphant.

As I leaned on my sheathed Sanchomo for support, I couldn't help but grin. Every scar, every bruise, every moment of doubt had been worth it. I had honed my skills, developed my own swordsmanship, and conquered one of the most formidable opponents imaginable.

Leaving the simulator, I felt a profound sense of pride and accomplishment. Every scar, every bruise, every moment of doubt had been worth it. I had honed my skills, developed my own swordsmanship, and conquered one of the most formidable opponents imaginable.

The hallway outside the simulator felt different. Each step was lighter, each breath easier. I knew that I had crossed a significant milestone, one that would define my future battles. There would be more challenges, no doubt, but I was ready. I had proven to myself that I could overcome anything with determination and skill.

As I walked towards a certain office, I couldn't wait to share the news with Hank and the gang. This victory wasn't just mine; it was a testament to the support and camaraderie that had kept me going. And most importantly, it was a reminder that no matter how tough the journey, perseverance always pays off.

But first, I had to share the news with Lisa, my ever-supportive manager. She had been there from the start, guiding me, pushing me to become better. Her advice and encouragement had been instrumental in my journey.

I made my way to her office, still feeling the adrenaline from the fight. Knocking on the door, I heard her familiar voice call out, "Come in!"

I entered, seeing her buried in her usual stack of papers. She looked up and immediately noticed my expression. "Well, someone looks happy," she said with a knowing smile.

"I did it, Lisa," I said, barely able to contain my excitement. "I beat Malenia."

Her eyes widened in surprise and then filled with pride. "Katsuo, that's incredible! I knew you had it in you."

I laughed, feeling a swell of gratitude. "Couldn't have done it without your support. Seriously, thank you."

She waved it off, but I could see she was pleased. "Just doing my job. But really, Katsuo, this is a huge milestone. You've come so far."

We talked for a while, discussing the battle, the strategies, and the growth I had experienced. Lisa listened intently, offering insights and sharing in the excitement.

"Now, go get some rest," she finally said with a wink. "You've earned it. And maybe think about taking a day off. You've been pushing yourself pretty hard."

I nodded, feeling a rare sense of peace. "Yeah, maybe I will. Thanks, Lisa."

As I left her office, I felt lighter than I had in months. The journey was far from over, but for now, I could celebrate this victory. And with Lisa, Hank, and the gang by my side, I knew I was ready for whatever came next.

Reaching my room, I took a moment to savor the victory. Tom, my ever-faithful Maine Coon, greeted me with a curious tilt of his head. I patted him, feeling a deep sense of contentment.

Laying on my bed after washing up, I reflected on the numbers that had defined my journey for so long: 1-34. One win, thirty-four losses. Finally, I had ended my notoriously long losing streak. The satisfaction of that hard-fought victory over Malenia was still fresh, a testament to my growth and perseverance.

Tom, my ever-faithful Maine Coon, was curled up next to me, his gentle purring a soothing background melody. I reached out and scratched behind his ears, feeling his soft fur beneath my fingers. He looked up at me with those expressive green eyes, as if to say he was proud too.

As exhaustion from the day's battles and triumphs washed over me, I felt a sense of peace and contentment. The journey had been grueling, but moments like these made it all worthwhile.

Tom's gentle breath was like a lullaby, easing me into a deep, restful sleep. I knew that more challenges lay ahead, but for now, I could rest. I had earned it.