8. Chapter 8

Kim, Sylvie, and Erin sat on Erin's couch snacking on pizza and wine, watching the finale of some reality dating competition. Erin had zero interest in the outcome of the show, but Sylvie and Kim had gushed about the finale when they all converged at the hospital regarding a case this morning. Erin had stood by the two debated the merits of each of the male contestants left in the running. She still wasn't quite sure how she had gone from thinking about how Kim and Sylvie needed to find more respectable shows to watch, to somehow getting corralled into hosting a viewing.

"Thanks for bringing dinner. This pizza is delicious." Erin remarked to Kim as she slipped another piece of the pizza onto her paper plate. The show might suck, but the dinner was certainly on point.

"Thanks for hosting girl's night." Kim replied. The girls toasted with their wine glasses, and Sylvie and Kim resumed their earlier debate over the two remaining contestants. Erin let her mind wander a bit, as she could care less about the show. She was just trying to enjoy spending a little down time with friends.

Erin had always considered herself amicable with other women on the force, but truthfully she had usually spent her off time with the guys. More specifically with Jay. With them avoiding each other, and some of that uncomfortableness rubbing off on the team, Erin had had tried to open her mind to being more friendly with some of the women on the outskirts of her life. Jules had probably been the last female police officer that she actually felt close, too. Over the last year, Burgess had started to come to her more and more for advice, and Erin had suddenly realized that some of the younger patrol officers actually looked to her as a role model. Erin thought that was ridiculous, but she realized that her time in Intelligence, even her recruitment to the Federal task force, had made a few women who had similar aspirations look up to her. Allowing herself to be pulled into "girls night" situations made her feel slightly uncomfortable, let's be real, extremely uncomfortable, but at the same time refreshing. Hearing the girls gossip about their lives and guys, made her realize that everyone had their own relationship dramas.

Erin set her paper plate of pizza down for a second, as the phone that sat in her lap buzzed. Glancing at the message, she sent off a quick response. She was unable to hide her grin after reading the almost instantaneous response. Reaching back for her pizza, she was startled to find two sets of eyes staring at her appraisingly. "What?" she asked.

"Who is texting you?" Kim inquired, a suspicious look on her face.

Erin glared at the two, "Nobody important." She tried to keep the smile off her face, but she knew she failed.

The two exchanged knowing glances. Sylvie spoke up, "Is it Jay?"

The smile immediately dropped from her face. "Ah, no. It's not Jay."

It was most definitely not Jay. Things had gone from bad to worse between them since their "incident" last month. It was all work between them, and even that was strained. They still somehow worked efficiently as partners investigating cases, but the moments in between were painful. Hours spent in silence during stakeouts. At one point, Jay had attempted to apologize for his harsh words that morning, but Erin wasn't interested.

They'd been two hours into a warehouse stakeout, two hours of almost constant silence, when suddenly he had blurted out. "It was a hard case, Erin."

Confused, thinking he was talking about their current case, she had turned to him questioningly, "What?"

"Last week." He kept his eyes forward, and she could tell he hadn't even wanted to meet her gaze, "You know, that night."

"Oh!" Erin turned back away from him. It had been almost a week since 'that night,' and Erin just didn't know how she was feeling about Jay at that point. She cared about him so much, but he'd also hurt her. She tried to rationalize that his pain from the case, it connections to Jay's own past, and just the general chaos of their own relationship, were the cause for his harsh words and actions toward her. It didn't completely matter though. The words were said, and now hung between them.

"We're just a bad-" Jay began.

Erin interrupted, "Let it go, Jay."

"I'm just sorry that- "

"Forget it. I don't want to talk about it." Erin slumped down in her seat. She really didn't have any desire to talk about it. She wasn't sure what you say to an ex that you are still professionally involved with, who you know is struggling, but doesn't want your help. She tried to think about how Jay dealt with her own hole she'd dug for herself last year. He'd gotten kidnapped and that had knocked some sense into her. Erin didn't think that was an option though. She wasn't planning on getting herself kidnapped and beaten just to make Jay think straight.

What really worried her was that their relationship wasn't the only part of Jay's life that had been spiraling. Things had continued to disintegrate between him and Voight. Jay's behavior had been erratic and volatile on investigations since the Harris case. Voight had little faith in Jay's judgement, and Jay just continued to prove Voight right by making reckless and risky decisions. Twice he'd ended up with visits to the ER. Once with a busted lip that had needed stiches, and another time with a dislocated shoulder. Erin had tried to stay out of it, leaving the pep talks to Olinksy and Dawson. Erin knew that if Jay wasn't careful, he was going to be booted out of Intelligence. Voight had his own anger issues he was dealing with, and had little tolerance for Jay at the moment.

Realizing that Sylvie and Kim were still looking expectantly at her, she shrugged, "What?"

Kim gave her a sly look, "Well, whomever has been texting you all night certainly seems to put a smile on your face."

Erin denied the claim, "That is not true." Almost on cue, her phone buzzed. Glancing down as the message flashed on the screen, a chuckle fell from her lips.

Sylvie reached out and swiped the phone from Erin's hands and passed it quickly to Kim who was sitting beside her. "Hey!" Erin protested.

Looking at the name on the phone, Kim gasped, her mouth dropping open in surprise. "Evan? As in Hottie Detective from the 28th, Evan?"

Erin narrowed her eyes, "Yes, Detective Garcia."

"Ooooh! I introduced the two of you a few months ago," Sylvie leaned over Kim's shoulder, as the former was scrolling through the list of messages. "Wow! Hottie Detective has got a crush on you."

Erin leaned around Sylvie to snatch her phone back, "Thanks for the privacy."

Kim grinned at her, "Hey, don't be embarrassed. He is hot!" A slightly odd look crossed her face, "I just didn't know, you know, that you were dating." Erin knew what Kim was trying to say. She didn't realize Erin had moved on from Jay.

"Well, listen up you two school girls, I am not dating Evan." It was true. They weren't dating. Although he was persistent. A few weeks after the Jay incident, she'd bumped into him again at Molly's. His teasing and flirting had continued, and in a weak moment, Erin had relented and given him her number. She had made it very clear to him that she wasn't interested in dating, having just got out of a relationship. Friendship was all she was offering. Now, their relationship mainly consisted of daily texts full of humor, flirting (on his part) and snarky comments. Erin would be amiss to deny that she looked forward to them. Anything that added a bit of levity to her life was appreciated at the moment.

Sylvie gave Erin a serious look, "Well you should." She exchanged another glance with Kim, who nodded agreeably.

Kim spoke cautiously, "It's time for you to move on, Erin. You've been so sad and seem so lonely. It's been like three months. Maybe it's time to get back out there?"

Erin blinked back the sting of tears that always threated whenever she thought of moving on. For some reason, she could handle not being with Jay. That wasn't easy, but she could handle it. The idea of actually moving on, having a life without him, that was what brought tears to her eyes. Imagining that she might ever love someone else was…unimaginable. Why bother dating, knowing it wasn't going to meet the standard for love that she knew existed?

Erin looked at the girls and shrugged lightly, "I can't. I still…" Erin didn't finish he sentence. She didn't want to vocalize what she was feeling.

"You don't have to fall in love, Erin. Just go have dinner with a nice guy." Sylvie advised lightly. "He knows you are just getting over something."

Erin sighed, as she let her eyes move from her friends to the television screen that still was showing a farce of romance with roses being handed out to attention seeking reality stars. Would it really hurt? Evan did make her laugh. He knew she wasn't looking to get involved, but he was still adamant in his pursuit of her. Could one night out really be that bad?

Giving her friends one more annoyed look, she looked back down at her phone. Texting out a quick message, she stared at the screen, impatiently waiting for a response. After only a few seconds, she received the predicted response.

She glared back at Kim and Sylvie, "Happy? I have a date tomorrow with Hottie Detective." Both squealed with delight, "Seriously? Are you two, like, fifteen year olds?"

Sylvie leaned over and gave her a quick hug, "We just want to see you happy," she said sincerely.

Kim leaned in, "Actually, I want to find out if Evan is as good of kisser as I have imagined him to be. His smile is so cute, and he's so confident. I just imagine in bed he'd probably- "

"Stop!" Erin laughed, throwing a pillow at Kim. "Just stop! I'm not sleeping with him, or kissing him. It's just dinner. Just to get me out of this funk."

Once again the girls exchanged knowing glances, Sylvie whispered to Kim, "She should totally sleep with him. That would get her out of her funk."

"Oh yeah, he's totally doable. She'd be an idiot to not go there." Kim agreed.

"I'm right here." Erin interrupted their whispered conversation.

Sylvie slid her eyes to her, "We know. We just don't care."

Erin rolled her eyes, "Shut up! Let's just watch this stupid show and leave my love life alone." The girls all laughed, but redirected their attention to the show.

Erin let out a shaky breath. She couldn't believe that she just did that. She wasn't normally impulsive, and had no idea what compelled her to shut up the girls' teasing with the text to Evan. She hadn't actually been that surprised when he'd immediately accepted her invite for dinner the next night. He'd hadn't hidden his interest, and Erin hoped he really understood that she wasn't looking for something serious. Erin gave a quick glance down at her phone. A part of her wanted nothing more than to grab it and cancel, but there was a part of her that was excited. She actually felt the twinge of butterflies in her stomach over the date. Settling back into the couch, she let herself get lost in some mindless television, letting her mind focus on someone else sham of a love life.

….

Erin smiled politely at Evan as they sat across from each other. They had agreed to meet at a fish house about halfway between their respective places. So far, he'd been charming and funny, and hot (She'd have to let Kim know that he really did clean up nice.) The only probably was that she just felt wrong. Like she was cheating on Jay just by being here. Her eyes kept sweeping the restaurant as if he or someone they knew were going to catch her.

"So, it ends up that they guy's identical twin brother really had set him up to take the fall for the murder." Evan finished his story and looked at Erin expectantly.

"Uh, hmmm." Erin nodded in acknowledgment.

Evan dropped the smile, "Seriously? That's all I get?" He looked at her in disbelief. "That story usually gets a little more than just a hmmmmm."

Erin grimaced, "I'm sorry. It was an interesting story. California. Sounds crazy." She tried to perk up her side of the conversation. "Have any cases with famous people?" She tried to smile brightly.

His eyes narrowed suspiciously, "Erin, why'd you ask me out tonight?"

Erin felt guilt flash across her face, "Because I wanted to go out with you."

He shook his head lightly, "No. I mean I'm not saying you don't like me, but I've gone on dates with girls who want to go out with me. They usually pay a bit more attention to me than you have."

Erin gave him a dismissive look, "You expected me to hang all over your every word? Not really into that."

His face grew serious for a moment, "No. I'm not into that, either. But I kind of like it when the girl I'm into gives me a little of her attention. You did ask me here tonight."

Erin let out a shaky sigh, "I know. I'm sorry. I thought that I was, you know, ready for all this, but maybe I'm not. This might have been a bad idea."

"Do you need me to kick his ass?" Evan's eyes lit up at the idea.

Erin laughed, "Who my ex? No. You don't need to kick Jay's ass. We, uh, we had a fairly mutual break up." Erin didn't feel that was completely a lie. Their original break up had been cordial. The subsequent collapse of their relationship had been messy. He probably did need a good ass kicking, but not like Evan meant.

"Okay, then do I need to worry about him trying to kick my ass?" Evan had a teasing tone to his voice, but she could sense the underlying question. Was her ex-boyfriend still into her?

Erin shook her head, "No, he's good. He wants me to be happy." Erin said, and she wondered if Evan could hear the sadness in her voice. She tried to push the thoughts of Jay out of her mind.

Evan looked at her thoughtfully, "You're partners, right?"

Erin nodded cautiously. "You run a background check on me or something?" She knew this was going to be a touchy situation for most people she dated in the future. How do you explain that you still spend 12 hours a day with your ex?

Evan acknowledged her comment, "Well I was a little curious about the smart beautiful detective that would barely give me the time of day. Had to ask around and get the 4-1-1."

Erin rolled her eyes. She hated knowing that people gossiped about her and Jay. This was why she had hesitated even getting involved with him in the beginning. Their relationship was nobody's business but theirs. She threw Evan an expectant look, "And? What did your sources report?"

Sensing her sharp tone, he just shrugged. "Not much. Just that you were involved with your partner, and then people said you broke up. Seemed to be a surprise for most people."

Erin bit her lip in thought. Yeah, it had surprised her, too. "Well, it's no big story. We dated, then we didn't."

He gave her dubious look, "But…you are still cool as partners?"

Erin nodded agreeably, "Yeah, I'm mean, our boss wouldn't have it any other way. If he thought we were being unprofessional, he'd have both our heads." Erin noticed that Evan's eyes lit up a bit at her words. "What?" she questioned.

Evan gave her a sly look, "Your boss is Hank Voight, right?" Erin nodded. "And he's also your…dad?" Erin could tell that the rumor mill had probably been more active when it came to discussing her and Hank over her and Jay. But it was another topic of conversation that she just wasn't interested in diving into.

Erin took a deep breath. "Yeah, he's like a dad to me. Took me in at fifteen." She placed her hands on the dinner table, "Listen. I'm all for getting to know you and all, but honestly, talking about my ex-boyfriend and boss on a date is not really all that interesting. Can we change the subject?"

The investigative look that Evan had taken during his "interrogation" dropped, and it was replaced by a quick grin. "I can do that. Let's talk baseball." Erin raised her eyebrows at the quick change of topic. "I'm new to Chicago, and realize this is a bit of touchy subject with locals, Sox or Cubs?"

An hour later, Erin felt pretty relaxed as they walked out of the restaurant and headed towards the parking lot. Despite her early reservations, Erin had actually had a nice time. Evan was a chatty date, and had many amusing stories to share about his time in California. He also sprinkled in a dose of his Minnesota roots, and Erin found herself reluctantly being charmed by him. He was funny, flirty, and just plain easy to be around. There were no complications, no expectations. She wasn't disappointing him. It was…nice. Not to mention, he really was pretty hot.

As they slowly strolled, Erin couldn't help but think that maybe she could do this. Have dinner with a nice guy, engage in pleasant conversation, say good night, and then do it again. It felt like it had been ages since she had just 'dated' someone. Her and Jay had more fell into their relationship. They had known each other inside and out before their first kiss. They'd never had that awkward first date. As she looked up into Evan relaxed face, she realized it was kind of fun getting to know someone.

They lingered by her car for a moment, and Erin recognized from his body language that he was thinking about kissing her. He had angled his body towards hers. His eyes kept drifting to her mouth as they discussed other restaurants in the neighborhood that he had tried since moving to Chicago. His eyes were looking soft, and he had liked his lips a few times. Not that she was staring at his lips or anything. Erin's heart was beating rapidly, but she couldn't figure out from what. Was she excited about the possibility of kissing him, or was she afraid? Or maybe a bit of both?

"Stop thinking about it." He suddenly spoke bluntly.

"Huh?" Erin responded confused. She met his eyes with alarm.

She could see the laughter in his eyes, even in the dimly lit parking lot. "You are thinking about whether or not I am going to kiss you."

Embarrassed, Erin shook her head. "No. I'm not. I'm just think-" She was cut off as he darted forward and pressed a firm kiss to her lips. His hands remained by his side, as he just let the warmth of this lips brush against hers.

Almost as quickly as he had moved in, he pulled back, a smug smile on his face. "There. Now you don't have to think about it anymore."

Erin stood, slightly stunned by his action. She tried to figure out how she felt. The chaste kiss had been over so quickly; she wasn't quite sure how to feel. Meeting his eyes, she noticed a challenging look in his eyes. She knew he was putting the next move into her hands. Kiss him back or don't. It was up to her.

Sucking up her courage, she leaned up on her toes, wrapped her hand around his neck, and pulled his mouth down to hers. This time the kiss heated up quickly. Their mouths met, and their kiss deepened. He leaned into her, and Erin stumbled backwards, her back bumping into her car, as he pressed his body firmly into hers. She could feel the heavy weight of body pressing into the softness of hers. His hands reached up to tangle in her hair, and he angled his lips more firmly against hers, his tongue teasing her, begging entrance to her mouth. Erin consented, but within seconds of the contact, it was like a cold bucket of ice being poured onto her.

Erin quickly broke the contact, and wretched herself out of his arms. They both stood for a moment, gasping for breath. Evan looked at her worriedly. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Erin looked at him. It had just suddenly felt so wrong. He tasted wrong, his lips moved wrong, the rhythm of their kiss, his hands. Everything was wrong. She looked up at his confused look, "I'm sorry. It's not you. It's me."

He took a step back. "Okay," he cautiously began. He raised his hands up as he backed away. "I'm not into forcing anything. I just thought…" He shrugged, "You kissed me, and it seemed like you were into it."

"I was!" Erin quickly responded, and then she sighed. "But I'm not." Running her hands through her hair at her own frustrating response. She threw up her hands in annoyance at herself. "I'm sorry for the mixed messages. I thought I was ready…you know, to move on." She shook her head sadly, "But I'm not, and it wouldn't be fair to use you."

Evan gave a nod of acceptance, "I get it." Flashing his trademark grin he tilted his head at her, "Although, if you just need to use someone, I'm okay with that."

Erin gave his arm a light punch in the shoulder, "Stop. You deserve more than someone who's heart is still with someone else."

Evan's eyes grew serious for a moment, "I can tell he hurt you. I can still kick his ass if you want me, too."

Erin felt sad. Why couldn't she just move on from Jay? Here was a cute, charming, guy, who clearly was into her. Why couldn't she just go with it? She quickly stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Evan in a quick hug. She whispered into his ear, "I think you are really good guy."

When Erin pulled back, Evan reached for her hand. He brought it up to his lips, and he placed a lingering kiss to it. "When you change your mind, or decide you are ready, give me a call."

She smiled back doubtfully, "You are not the type of guy to wait around."

He shrugged his shoulders, "Some things are worth waiting for."

Erin's eyes grew serious. "I'm not, Evan. Don't wait for me to be something I'm not. Trust me. Other people have made that mistake before." She thought back over her and Jay's relationship. She wondered how long he would have been willing to wait for her. If she had told him, that maybe someday, she'd want to have kids. Would he have thought she was worth waiting indefinitely for? Would the Harris case have had such an impact on him if they'd been together, supporting each other through it?

Sensing the mood had shifted, Evan squeezed her hand. "Friends is good then. We don't have to wait for that."

Erin nodded distractedly. Her thoughts lost in the past and questions of the future. After quick good byes, Erin watched Evan walk away in her rear view mirror. She felt like she was always watching people in her life walk away. It hit her suddenly that she was usually the one asking them to go.

Thank you for reading. It has been a little hard to write Linstead the last week. As much as I love seeing TV Erin and Jay happy and love, it doesn't help the writing juices flow. I have a bit more story to tell in my fic before they can get to the place they are on screen. Thank you to those who are sticking with me. Review please!