31. Chapter 31

Erin stretched her arms over her head and yawned loudly. She swiped her arm down and across the space next to her and then frowned. The pillow and sheet next to her were cool to the touch. Rubbing her eyes, she grabbed her phone from its charging spot next to the bed. She raised her eyebrows in surprise. It was nine-thirty. She fought back another yawn. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept in so late. Ever since she'd had Daniel, sleeping past seven was considered a gift. It had been a tiring week though. Her and Jay had enjoyed many late nights this week, and while Erin wouldn't trade them for anything, she hadn't gotten a full night's sleep all week.

Suddenly Erin shot up in bed. Daniel! She scrambled out of bed and was scurrying toward the living room, when kitchen sounds hit her ears. She could hear Jay's deep voice accompanied by the sing-song babble of Daniel. She turned the corner quietly to try and watch them. Jay had Daniel up on the counter, one hand holding him securely, while the other held a large mixing bowl. Daniel was in the process of pouring a cup of something into the mixing bowl.

"Good job, Danny! You are the best helper ever!" Daniel clapped his hands in glee as Jay proceeded to start mixing the ingredients in the bowl. Him and Daniel also popped some sort of treat in their mouths as they worked.

"Good morning, boys!" Erin called out as she made her way across the living room and into the kitchen. She swooped up to Daniel and popped a kiss on forehead. He smiled with glee, and Erin chuckled at a bit of smeared chocolate on his face. She looked at Jay accusatory. "Chocolate? For breakfast?"

Jay moved to the griddle and poured his first batch of pancakes. He flashed Erin a grin, "They were for the pancakes. We had to sample them to make sure they were good." Erin rolled her eyes and wiped the chocolate off of Daniel's face. Jay moved back to her side and bent down giving her a long, slow kiss good morning.

"Hmmm," Erin murmured, as his tongue swept her mouth. She could taste the sweet flavor of the chocolate. "Tastes pretty good to me." She whispered as he pulled away grinning. His attention redirected to his pancakes. Erin reached for the bag of chocolate chips on her kitchen counter and popped one in her mouth. Daniel reached for her hand, begging for one, too. "Only because it's Christmas Eve." She said tickling his tummy before passing him two mini chips to enjoy.

They both turned their attention to Jay as he worked at flipping the pancakes. She let out a sigh of appreciation as her eyes ran the length of Jay's bare back, tilting her head a bit to catch a glimpse of his abs as they disappeared into the low waist of his gray sweatpants. "Looks pretty good, too." She commented under her breath.

Jay tossed her a look over his shoulders. His own eyes trailing down the length of her legs that were revealed by her oversized shirt. Correction, his shirt. "Nice outfit." He commented.

Erin pulled up the shirt to reveal some shorts. "I'm fully clothed." She reported.

He raised his eyebrows, "Unfortunately." He quietly responded before returning his attention to the griddle. Erin laughed and scooped up Daniel, carrying him over to his high chair to get ready to eat. If Daniel hadn't been around, Erin was pretty certain that her and Jay would have probably never left the bedroom this last week. After their tortuous time apart, their appetite for each other seemed insatiable. Erin blushed again remembering how they had been caught by Olinsky making out in the middle of the squad room floor. Erin decided to chalk that up to the holiday spirit and vowed that they weren't going bring their personal life into the squad room anymore. She gave a quick look over to where Jay was plating some pancakes. Of course, she was going to still have to find a way to get Jay to get those looks under control. They were utterly distracting and caused Erin's thoughts to wander from cases. Now that they were back together, Erin thought things would calm down a bit. Not that they'd get sick of each other, just that it wouldn't be as intense.

Jay came up behind her and deposited a plate of pancakes in front of Daniel. Erin set about cutting them into bite-sized pieces, which he rapidly started shoving into his mouth. Erin snagged a piece and popped into her mouth as well. "Yummy." She called out causing Jay to turn and flash her a grin.

A knock on her door broke their moment. Erin looked at Jay expectantly. "Your brother's not coming over until this afternoon, right?"

Jay nodded, "I'm not expecting anyone." He glanced toward the door, spatula in hand. "Want me to get it?"

Erin threw him a dirty look, "I can open my own door." Erin rolled her eyes as she walked toward the door. Jay was so overprotective sometimes. Like Erin hadn't lived on her own for almost ten years. Erin still took the precaution of glancing in the peephole. She pulled back in surprise when she saw Hank's face on the other side. Shrugging, she reached to unlock the door. Maybe Hank was feeling a little holiday-lonely and wanted to see his grandson. Erin swung the door open with a welcoming smile on her face. When she met his eyes, the smile immediately fell from her lips. The set of his lips was firm and downturned. His eyes hardened. His entire demeanor broadcasted that his arrival this morning was not going to be a pleasant visit.

Stepping aside, Erin allowed him to enter. Once he made his way into the living room, he bee lined it straight to Daniel. Bending over, he smiled at his grandson, "Morning, kiddo. That must be some tasty breakfast. You've got it all over your face." He grabbed the napkin Erin had been using and wiped some of the chocolate off his face, even as Daniel grabbed a few more bites.

Hank stood straight and gave a cursory look at Halstead, who stood awkwardly in the kitchen. Aware that he was barefoot and shirtless in his boss's daughter's kitchen, Jay shot a nervous look at Erin, but her attention was fixated on Hank.

"What's wrong, Hank? Did we catch a case?" Erin hoped that was the case, but it wasn't like Hank normally made house calls to let them know about cases. She felt her stomach turn as Hank shook his head and leveled a stare at her. "What is going on?" She questioned again.

Hank glanced back at Daniel briefly, before returning his eyes to Erin. "Nothing's wrong. It's actually good news. Olive is out of rehab. She's coming home for Christmas."

Erin felt like a semi-truck hit her full force in the chest, as she stared at Hank open-mouthed. Her eyes darting between Hank and Daniel in disbelief. Olive was coming home? Home? She was taking Daniel. Panic filled Erin and she took a deep breath.

Jay, trying to ease the tension in the room, piped up. "Already? Seems kind of quick?"

Hank swung his attention to the kitchen, and he gave Jay a dirty look, "You ain't got any clothes, Halstead?" He muttered, noting Jay's lack of attire. Jay just ignored his comment and looked expectantly at him. Voight just shrugged. "She finished a 30-day program, so I guess she's done for now."

"Where is she? Is she here? She wants Daniel?" Erin broke from her stunned silence, and looked back at the door. "We're just going to give him back to her!" Her voice raising.

"He's her child, Erin, but no. She's not here." He took a few steps toward Erin, who instinctively took a few back. She crossed her arms angrily across her chest.

"When was this all decided? I don't get any say in this?" Erin's voice rose an octave as her panic threated to overwhelm her.

"She called me this morning around eight. Let me know she was getting out. She says she will still be doing an outpatient program for a few months. Said she didn't want to go back to where she'd been crashing before. Of course, I offered her to stay with me."

Anger filled Erin, "So she can just abandon him for months, and then just walk back into his life and pretend everything is fine." Erin couldn't believe this was happening. She thought Olive would be a in a 90-day program at least. Erin didn't think 30 days was enough time to really clear your head, although she knew she'd gone cold-turkey herself when Hank had let her return to the force. Erin pushed the thought out of her mind. That wasn't the point. Erin wasn't a mother. She hadn't left her son in the middle of the night.

Shaking his head, Hank approached her again. "No, we are not going to pretend that everything is fine. I'm going to keep Daniel at Mrs. Deante's house during the day. Olive is going to get a job and keep working her program. I've already told her that trust is going to take awhile. No unsupervised time until I am sure that she has her head on straight."

Erin walked over to where Daniel still sat eating in his chair. She sat down in front of him, and picked up a few pieces of pancake to pass to Daniel. "So you are just taking him. Right now? On Christmas Eve!" Her voice was shaking, and she saw her hands were trembling, too.

"Erin," Hank began, a warning tone in his voice. "It is Christmas and he is her son. She's worked hard to get her act together to be with him. She deserves this."

Erin let out a gasp of anguish, even as she watched Daniel eat. She felt Jay move up behind her and place a comforting hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and saw the sorrow and sadness there. A part of her had always know there would be a time when Olive took Daniel back. In her head, she knew that it was a good thing. She wanted Olive to be a good mom to Daniel. Yet, her heart hurt so much realizing that he was going to be gone.

Her voice was tight with emotion, "Well, he needs to finish his breakfast, so you will just have to wait." She scooped up another bite for Daniel, who greedily took it from her. His joy at the simple act of eating breakfast warming her heart, even as it broke into a thousand pieces. Erin refused to turn and look at Hank, even as he let out a labored breath.

"Fine," she heard him spit out. "Halstead. If you can manage to find some clothes, you can help me cart some of Daniel's stuff down to my car. We don't have to take everything, I've still got the basics, but I want to bring his favorites.

Erin felt Jay linger at her back. His hand on her shoulder squeezed slightly, and she could tell that he didn't want to leave her side. "Go," she whispered. Reluctantly Jay disappeared into the bedroom to get dressed. Without looking, she sensed Hank move close to her.

"I know you've gotten close to Daniel, Erin, but she's his mom."

"I know that!" Erin quickly snapped. She did know, that wasn't the issue. "I'm just afraid for him. What if she's not really better?" Erin spun in her chair to face Hank. "You know what life was like for me growing up. Do you know how many times my mom promised to get her shit together for me?" Her eyes blazed with anger at the memories. "And do you know how many times she kept her word? Zero!" She spun back around in her chair to look at Daniel. "He already lost his dad. He needs to have someone to depend on. He needs to know that he can trust us."

"And he can." Hank replied. "I'm not just handing him back to her. I have no intention of Olive being alone with Daniel until I am damn sure that she's gonna stay clean and sober." He tossed her a derisive look, "Won't be the first time I've had a house guest that I've made pee in a cup."

She didn't even bother looking at him after that comment. Erin reached out a mussed Daniel's curls. "He just deserves to have the best life."

"He will." Hank said. "You'd better not just disappear from his life."

Erin looked up at him at that, "Of course not."

She saw him pause for a moment, his mouth twisted as he thought of something. "Do you want to be there? When Olive comes home?"

Erin thought for a moment. She imagined Olive coming in and pulling Daniel from Erin's arms. "No. I think it is best if I stay away for today."

"Tomorrow for Christmas, though. You'll still come. It'll feel more like a holiday with all the family there."

Erin let her eyes drift towards the bedroom where Jay was getting dressed. "And Jay? Olive didn't seem like such a fan of his last time she saw him."

Hank nodded. "Halstead's still invited… as long as he is wearing a shirt." He leveled a serious look at Erin. "I know Justin had a bit of a beef with Halstead, but there's no reason that is going to continue. He's gone out of his way to support you and Daniel over the last month. I'll make sure that Olive understands Jay is welcome in my home."

Erin sniffed appreciatively, turning to look at Jay as he emerged from her bedroom. She wondered if he'd been listening at the door while they talked about him. His eyes locked with Erin's, concern filling his face. She shrugged sadly and nodded toward Hank. Erin finished feeding Daniel while Hank and Jay made trips to the car. When she finished, she started cleaning up the kitchen. Erin sadly realized that her and Jay didn't even get to indulge in the Christmas Eve chocolate chip pancakes. Tears stung her eyes as she recalled their teasing and flirty banter just a half hour ago. Their last fun, family moment, blissfully unaware of the change coming for them.

Jay returned to kitchen after several trips to Voight's car. He stepped close and murmured quietly, "You want me to clean up, while you change and get Daniel ready?" Erin nodded and passed him the dish towel. She pulled Daniel from his high chair, cringing when Hank walked over and started cleaning it off. Erin realized that Hank had been waiting to take the chair down to his car. Taking Daniel to her bedroom, she quickly cleaned him up and changed him for the day.

It only took a few minutes, and then Erin just sat with Daniel on her lap. She could hear Jay and Hank's voices in the other room, but she didn't want to leave the bedroom. She knew that as soon as she walked out there, it was over. Her time with Daniel, these precious moments of having someone love you so unconditionally, would be over. Nights spent watching him discover the world, learn and explore his surroundings, and just be adorable, were all done. Erin knew it was a good thing that his mom was back, but she just couldn't tell her heart that right now.

"Hey," Jay popped his head around the corner to check on Erin.

She looked up at him with watery eyes. "I don't want to say goodbye to him." She tearfully admitted. "He's too important to me."

Jay crossed the room to where Erin sat on the edge of the bed. He knelt down in front of her, with Daniel between them. "You have been the best part of his life for the last few months. That is important, and isn't going to go away. Just because he isn't going to live here anymore, doesn't mean that you aren't important to him. He'll still need you, Erin."

Erin let out a shuddering breath, but still tightened her hold on him. "I know." She met Jay's eyes, "I know."

"We will see him tomorrow." Jay reminded her. "Or tonight if you want. We can blow off my brother and go over to Voight's tonight, too."

Shaking her head, Erin answered, "No. Olive will want some alone time with him. I don't want to confuse him by being there as well. They need to reconnect, bond. He's going to be so excited to see his mom." She sniffed back her tears and looked down at Daniel, who seemed to sense the seriousness of the situation and was looking quietly at Erin and Jay with wide eyes. "You are going to get to see your mommy, Daniel. Your mom's at your home."

Jay leaned in and wrapped the two of them in a bear hug, "Come on, Daniel," he said. Let's get you outta here." Jay rose and offered out a hand for Erin.

She looked up at the hand, then back at Daniel. "I can't say bye. Just take him, Jay." Jay immediately shook his head, "Please. Just give him to Hank. Tell him I will call him later. I just don't want to cry in front of Daniel." Even as she spoke, her breath started coming in shaky and the tears in her eyes started to fall.

Jay reached down and pulled Daniel from her arms, "Okay. I'll be right back." He gave her the saddest look ever, before disappearing around the corner.

Erin listened to the sound of the two men moving around the apartment for a few more minutes. Then there was just silence after she heard the front door shut. The sobs she had been holding in finally broke free, and she let the tears fall unheeded. Jay was there instantly, and she felt his arms around her as he lifted her onto the bed and wrapped her up into his arms. Holding her tightly as she cried.

"Shhh, shhh," he tried to sooth her. His hands rubbing her back comfortingly, even while her tears soaked his t-shirt. After several minutes, the sobs subsided, and Erin took a few deep breaths to try and calm herself. She was grateful for Jay's presence, but rolled back a bit, so she could look at him.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

"For what?" He whispered. "For caring about that little boy with your whole heart? I don't think that's something you should be apologizing for. You are just sad, because you are going to miss him. We both are." Jay let out a deep breath. "I kind of got attached to the little munchkin."

Erin could see that Jay's sadness wasn't just out of concern for her, but that he, too, was going to miss Daniel's presence. "It was nice having him around."

Jay nodded, "Yeah." He gave Erin a small smile and kissed her on the forehead. "He kind of got us back together, if you think about it."

Erin nodded, and felt tears filling her eyes again. Jay was right. Daniel's presence had been the catalyst that had made her see what she was missing. He had also been the one to shock Jay into seeking a reunion. Daniel had been instrumental in all the key moments in her and Jay's life the last month.

"We aren't going to walk away from him, Er. We are just taking a step back. Letting Olive and Hank navigate this next part of his life. You are still his aunt, and that's not going to change."

"What if she doesn't want me to see him?" Erin worriedly asked.

Jay pulled back and looked at Erin in disbelief. "Are you forgetting that you are the one that she left him with. Olive trusts you. More importantly, she knows that Justin trusted you and loved you. That matters. Olive isn't going to try and push you out of Daniel's life."

Erin nodded, and hoped that Jay was right. She closed her eyes and just focused on her breathing. Her head pressed against Jay's chest, and his steady heartbeat helped calm her. Many minutes had passed, and Erin could feel exhaustion overwhelming her. The emotional drain of the morning taking its toll. She could feel herself starting to drift to sleep, but wanted to say something before she nodded off. Erin lifted up a little bit on her elbows so she could see him. His face, too, was tense, yet fatigued, and she could tell he was about to fall asleep as well.

"I love you, Jay." Erin spoke quietly.

Jay blinked a few times, and offered up a sleepy, yet sad smile. "I love you, too. Always."

Erin nodded, and lay her head back on his chest. "I couldn't have done any of this without you. I couldn't handle this if you weren't here."

Jay snorted, despite his sleepy eyes, he disagreed with her. "Actually that's not true. You did do most of this without me, and you would get through this without me." He tilted her head, so he could look her in the eyes. "You are an amazing, capable, independent woman. I am lucky that you let me be by your side while you take on the world. You could get through all this without me, just… being together makes it easier. Makes the hard parts not as hard."

Erin knew at that moment, if she wasn't already in love with Jay, she would have fallen head over heels. She wasn't as confident in Jay's assessment of herself, but she did agree with the end part. Being together did make the hard parts easier. While her heart was breaking from loss, she also knew that there was someone by her side that was working to rebuild her heart as well. It didn't make the pain go away, but it did remind her that love was healing. Wrapping her arms around Jay, she allowed herself to finally drift off to sleep, while listening to the beat of Jay's heart.

Author's Note: Glad to be back writing again. Feels pretty good. Thanks for all who reviewed last chapter. This was kind of a sad chapter for me to write. I think their little pseudo family was too cute, but I always knew that Olive would eventually come back for Daniel. Christmas morning in the next chapter. It's kind of weird to be writing about Christmas in February, but that's what I get for putting my writing on hold for two months! Hah! Reviews are always welcome.