20. Chapter 20

Author's Notes: Words cannot express my appreciation for the reviews for the last chapter. I was so nervous posting because I thought people would hate Jay for his actions. Everyone was still so complimentary and seemed to understand where I was going with things. Thank you to all who took the time to comment. You made my weekend. Enjoy this chapter!

The tinging of Erin's alarm slowly broke through the haze of sleep. Grabbing her phone from its location next to the bed had her cringing at the time. It was so early, but she had to get up and get the turkey in the oven. Hank had been clear about the time frame, and if she wanted it done on time, it meant her waking up in the early hours of the morning. Her eyes felt like they were stuck shut, and she knew it was the results of the tears she had shed multiple times the day before. Crying was exhausting. Erin was determined that today, she would shed no more.

Yesterday, Hank had stuck around for most of the afternoon and evening, which helped to keep her mind somewhat focused, but by late evening, she had been alone and once again lost in her thought. She'd tried to busy herself with some baking, but it was an act of useless distraction.

Even Daniel's bids for her attention had done little to pull her out of her thoughts. His second day on his medications had seemed to help. The drops had seemed to reduce the pressure in his ears, and he'd even started to get his appetite back. Mainly just for cereal, applesauce, and some crackers, but Erin was pleased with his improvement. She'd spent most of the evening trying to entertain him, but everything kept reminding her of the night before. His interest in the hockey came, his playing with his toy cars, even giving him his medicine. Her one evening of bliss. A peek into what a lifetime with Jay might be like.

After Daniel had gone to bed and the disaster of a kitchen cleaned, there had been nothing left for Erin to do but be alone with her thoughts. Erin got that Jay hadn't been with Jenn since he found out that she was taking care of Daniel, but that was only a week ago. Erin didn't need an actual date, but it mattered to her to know that maybe just seven days ago he had slept with someone else. How could she just trust her heart to someone that didn't believe in their future just a week ago?

She got what Jay said. They weren't together and he didn't think they'd ever be together again, but how he could just instantly be back in love with her? If their love was this deep and unwavering thing, then where was it a week ago?

Erin rolled out of bed and quietly padded into the kitchen, peeking into Daniel's crib as she passed him. He looked so blissful in his sleep, and she was glad that the worst of his illness had passed. Once in the kitchen she quickly followed the directions that Hank had written out on some paper, and an hour later, she collapsed with a cup of coffee on the couch. Grabbing her laptop, she pulled up the different recipes she was planning on using for the potatoes, vegetables, a rice side dish, and gravy. She was trying to calculate cook times in coordination with the turkey. She was thankful that Burgess was bringing the yams and Jay was taking care of the stuffing-

Damn.

Erin wasn't quite sure if Jay was even going to show up. Would he really have the nerve to come to her house on a holiday after their fights yesterday? Erin knew the answer to that question. She knew he was going to show up. Jay wasn't the kind of guy to back down or turn his back on an obligation. He would be arriving, stuffing in hand. Erin rolled her eyes, with Will as well. Just what she needed. Double Halstead.

As she sat with her laptop, her eyes flickered to the photos icon at the bottom of her screen. She clicked on it without overanalyzing her action. Within seconds, her life in photos was visible. Erin auto synced her phone and computer, so she knew what she would see if she scrolled back. While the last few weeks were filled with snapshots of Daniel, Erin knew what she was looking for. Soon she found the time frame she wanted. She was looking for summer. Her favorite summer. She searched through candids and obnoxious selfies for the time frame she knew she was looking for. She sucked in a deep breath, when she found them.

Everybody knows when you break up with an ex, you delete them from your life, but Erin could never do it. She'd never gone in and eradicated these most precious memories of hers. Jay always got annoyed at her when she snapped his picture, so half the photos she had of him were with him unaware. If she asked him to pose, he usually made a funny face or turned his head, so Erin had developed the habit of just snapping him unaware or calling his name to catch him off guard. He might have hated the photos, but she loved them. Catching him in his typical Jay moments. Hands in his pockets, watching the Chicago skyline. Digging into a great meal with delight. Quiet photos with him playing on his phone, or just sitting thoughtfully at his desk. She loved those moments when he was oblivious to the camera and she caught him just being himself.

Those photos weren't the exact photos she was looking for. She had been searching for the camping pictures. That last weekend that she remembered of summer that was just impossibly perfect. Finally, she found them. Jay building a fire, laughing at her. He'd grabbed her phone and taken a few of her trying to set up the tent. Indulgently, he'd even allowed a few couple selfies. Erin finally found the one she was looking for. It was taken in the same series as the photo that was still shoved, buried in her desk drawer. Erin had the camera and was smiling broadly. Jay was close by her ear, but his eyes weren't focused on the camera but on her. The look of love on his face would be clear to anyone on the planet. Erin reached out, her finger tracing his jawline. Did he already know at that moment? Was he already thinking about proposing and planning the moment? Tears started to fill her eyes. She envied the Erin in that picture that had no idea that just a few weeks later their relationship would be over.

Suddenly Erin slammed the laptop shut. No. No more indulging in fantasies of what was.

Erin got up and did a quick glance at the clock. It was time for her to wake Daniel. She wanted him dressed and fed, before she started the side dishes. Daniel grinned sleepily at her as she walked into the bedroom. She pulled him from his crib, snuggling him against her neck. "Are you hungry?"

Daniel nodded dramatically, "Fooood. TeeTee, food." Erin smiled. He was talking so much lately. It seemed every few days he added new words.

"Okay, Let's have Auntie get you some food." After changing his diaper, she let him onto the ground to run around the living room while she made him some quick oatmeal. She sliced up some bananas, and was just about to call for Daniel, when she heard a loud thump.

"Daniel?" She called worriedly, looking out into the living room. He was laying on the floor one stuffed animal in his mouth another in his hand. He looked over at her with wonder when she called his name. The noise hadn't come from him. Confused, Erin walked into the living room, searching for the source of the sound. Thump! She heard it again, and she realized it was coming from her hallway. She made her way to the door, and she cautiously opened it.

"Hey," Jay greeted her, his arms awkwardly holding a huge folding table.

"What are you doing?" Erin questioned in confusion. She stumbled to the side as he maneuvered his way through the door.

Jay looked at her oddly, "I'm dropping off the table like Hank asked me to." He noted her confusion. "He told me you were expecting me."

"Wh-when? When did he tell you this?" Erin watched as Jay half-carried, half-dragged the table through her entry way and into the living room.

"Hey, Daniel," he called out to the little boy who was watching curiously as he popped the legs up from the bottom of the table. From his crouching position under the table where he was securing the legs, he looked up at her. "He told me this morning. Well, I guess last night, too, when he called me asked me to come get the table in the morning. He said you wanted me to run it over early."

Daniel, liking Jay's position under the table, toddled over and climbed into his lap. "Jay, Jay, jay." He called out.

Jay smiled down at the boy, "You remember my name now? Nice job, Danny boy." Jay tickled Daniel's belly and was rewarded with a laugh.

Annoyed at their companionship, Erin stalked over to the boy, "Get up, Danny." She reached down and pulled Daniel up from his comfortable position on Jay's lap. Ignoring his protests, she set him down in his high chair and retrieved the breakfast she had been preparing him. By the time she turned back around, Jay had rolled from his position on the floor and was standing in the middle of the room looking at her cautiously.

"Seriously, Erin. Voight told me to come. He said you knew."

Erin just shrugged, not even knowing what to say. She busied herself in the kitchen, putting away a few things.

"Okay, well, there's more stuff in the car, so I guess I'll just be back in a few minutes."

"More!" Erin questioned looking up in surprise.

"Yeah, like a few folding chairs, and some table clothes. Hank and I weren't sure if you had any special holiday ones, so he found a few that I guess belonged to his wife. We dusted them off and they look pretty nice."

Erin just looked at him in open mouthed disbelief. "Did you guys like hang out together or something? Meet for breakfast?"

Jay made a face, "No." Then he shrugged. "I mean there was coffee when I got there, and he was making himself an omelet. I guess he thought it'd be rude to, like, eat in front of me." At Erin's look of wonder, he continued, "But it wasn't like planned or anything."

Erin just continued to stare at him in stunned silence. Her irritation at Hank's interference years ago when they first started dating had been bad enough. Now he was playing matchmaker. She didn't know when Hank suddenly jumped on the "Jay bandwagon," but she was so not okay with his meddling. Erin surmised Hank's sudden interest in her being coupled up with Jay had more to do with losing Justin, then actual approval of Jay.

"Okay, so I don't care if you and Voight are now breakfast buddies. I want you to leave."

Jay just shook his head and ignored her. "I'm gonna go get the chairs. Be right back."

As she watched him leave, Erin stood for a few moments starring at the now empty hallway. Fuck. She did not want Jay here. She was not ready to deal with him and all that came with it. She didn't want to think about other women, forgiveness, their future, or anything else. She just wanted to cook a fucking turkey and eat fucking pie. Erin slammed her hand down on the kitchen table. Daniel, with a mouth full of oatmeal, looked at her outburst curiously. He slammed his hand down to mimic her. Laughing when his bowl hopped up a bit. He repeated the action a few more times until Erin moved over and quietly told him to stop. She busied herself with wiping oatmeal off his chin, planning to ignore Jay's return.

She heard the apartment door open, and saw out of the corner of her eye as he opened four folding chairs and placed them around the table. He stood surveying the room. "Well, we can push it against your table and have one long table, or I guess we can leave them separate and just have two tables.

Erin gave him a sideways glance, "I vote for two tables if it means you are sitting at a different one than me."

Jay clapped his hands together, "One long table it is then." The sound of screeching filled the room and he dragged the pop up table to the end of her current table and readjusted the chairs.

"Okay. I'm going to go get the food."

Food? Erin didn't even bother responding, and kept her attention on Daniel. By the time Jay returned, she was washing out the breakfast dishes, and Daniel had resumed his play under the table, his new favorite spot.

Jay came back, his arms laden with grocery bags and juggling a few serving dishes. He awkwardly placed it all onto the kitchen counter. Erin reluctantly stood next to him, surveying what he had brought.

Unwrapping things he said, "Here's those tablecloths," He handed her a bundle of cloth. "Okay, I've got some cranberry sauce from Voight. Refrigerate that." He strode over the fridge and opened it, looking in the already packed fridge for a spot. Suddenly he froze. He slowly turned back around. Cranberry sauce still in his hand. "You made a pumpkin cheesecake?" He looked at her with wide eyes.

Erin swallowed hard. "It's no big deal." She angrily strode across the small kitchen and took the cranberry sauce and placed it next to the aforementioned pumpkin cheesecake, slamming the refrigerator with a bit more force than was required.

It was no big deal. Yes, she had got the idea from him. He had waxed lyrically about his mother's recipe, and so, maybe, she had spent some time online looking for a recipe that matched the one that Jay had loved as a teenager. Maybe she had imagined his excitement when she surprised him with after dinner. After yesterday, she hadn't wanted to even make it, but she'd already had the ingredients. As she had spent hours last night baking, she had not, repeat, had not been thinking about Jay.

Except she had been, all night. And now he was here, looking at her with awe filled eyes that wanted so much from her. "It's a popular dessert," she mumbled.

Still eyeing her with a smile hoovering over his lips, he returned to unpacking the rest of his bags. Erin watched as he removed celery, onions, bread, and a variety of spices.

"Why did Hank send that?" Erin asked in confusion.

Jay looked at her as if she should know, "It's for my stuffing. Remember?" He popped the celery into the fridge, and pushed the rest of the ingredients into a stack in the middle of the counter.

"It's not cooked? When are you going to cook it?" Erin looked at him in confusion. He wasn't seriously thinking about staying, was he? At that point, Erin noticed that jay was actually dressed a bit nicer than his usually t-shirt and hoodie. He had on dress slacks and a buttoned down shirt. "Wait. You don't think you are staying here and hanging out all day, do you?"

Jay just narrowed his eyes at her. "Yeah. I need to cook. This is where dinner is. Hence, I am cooking here."

"No." Erin countered shaking her head violently. "You can go home. Cook there. And then show up at four o-clock with everyone else. Or just don't come at all." She smirked at him, "Send the stuffing with Will, and we can have a true celebration."

"Erin…" Jay gave her a warning look.

Erin just crossed her arms in annoyance. "Seriously, Jay. You aren't welcome here. I don't get why you think that after yesterday, I'd want you here."

Jay leaned back against the kitchen counter and crossed his own arms to mirror her. "I know you are still mad, and I get that. I'm going to give you space. There's no pressure here. I'm not asking for anything. Let's just…" he looked around the room, eyes focusing on Daniel for a moment then returned back to hers. "Let's just get through the holiday. Have a fun day, then we can deal with it all tomorrow."

Erin let out a bark of astonishment, "You are giving me space? How is showing up at my apartment at nine o'clock in the morning and planning to stay the entire day, giving me space?"

Jay looked at her with imploring eyes, "Come on, Erin…its Thanksgiving." His eyes spoke volumes, and Erin felt her heart being pulled. She knew holidays for Jay had been pretty rough since his mom passed. With years of having no relationship with his father and brother, he'd pretty much been the guy who volunteered to work the holidays, allowing those with family to have the day. Even last year when they were together, he'd worked most of the holiday. They'd had their own private celebration Thanksgiving night, with leftovers from the feast at Hank's house, but he'd spent the day in uniform out on patrol.

Looking at him standing there, his eyes sad and hopeful, she didn't want to give in. She didn't want to make him happy when she was still raw with pain. Yet, she couldn't do it. She couldn't turn him away. "Fine. I don't want to talk though."

Jay lit up. "Not a problem. No talking. I can do that." He gave her a big grin, that had Erin regretting her decision immediately. It was hard to ignore a happy Jay.

Wanting a bit of escape, she picked up Hank's instruction to basting and checking on the turkey. She slapped them onto his chest. "You are on turkey detail and watching Daniel. I'm taking a shower and getting dressed."

She turned to try and make as quick of an exit as she could. Jay might think that this was space, but Erin was feeling about as crowded as can be. She stopped at the entryway to her bedroom and looked back at the kitchen. Jay had stooped under the table to peer at Daniel, who was looking up at him in joy.

"You wanna learn how to make the Super-Secret Halstead Stuffing?" Daniel had nodded in agreement despite having no clue what Jay was saying. The little boy was just happy to have his attention. She lingered for a moment, watching. Jay scooped up the little boy, and propped him up on the counter and proceeded to explain to him what all the ingredients were. Daniel laughing as he shook each spice bottle. Jay even held the onion to his face to smell. Daniel attempted to stick the onion in his mouth, which had Jay cracking up laughing. Even a smile found its way to Erin's face.

Jay noticed her still standing in the corner watching them. His eyes locked on her for a moment. The smile dropping from his face for just a second. "Thank you, Erin."

]

Erin nodded quickly, and then disappeared around the corner to her bedroom. She still stood, just on the other side of the wall, eyes closed, listening to Jay explain the steps of stuffing making. Erin's heart was racing. The pressure on her chest made her feel as if she might just collapse. It couldn't just be this easy. They couldn't just brush everything under the rug and just be them again, could they? She'd said no. He'd been with some else. They'd broken each other's hearts. How could they just step forward and leave the past behind? Was it even possible? Erin thought of Hank's words about forgiveness from yesterday. Beneath the anger, there was still just so much hurt. Would forgiveness really make it heal?

Erin let out a shuddering breath, and pushed off the wall. Well, it wasn't going to happen today. Today she had a dinner to cook and a holiday to host. If Jay wanted to be there that was on him. He could help, but it didn't mean anything. All thoughts about the future and forgiveness were going to set aside. Today was just going to be about turkey and friendship.

Author's Note: Hope you enjoy this quick update. I know it wasn't a long chapter, but I wanted to get one more "happier" chapter out this weekend. Review as always.