Chapter 24: April 22 l

-- SATURDAY, APRIL 22, 2006, SENIOR YEAR --

2:47 AM

It was well into the middle of the night, and I was in bed, but I was still awake. Such a state of consciousness was not altogether unusual for me, though there were typically two or three naked females in my bed with me and we customarily would be fucking.

Not this night. Tonight there were no females in my bed, and I had been all alone with my thoughts. At least, I was all alone until the door swung open and Sasha poked her head inside, finding me sitting upright against the headboard.

"You did wait up for me!" she exclaimed happily, and only then did I remember that I'd told her I would wait up so we could have our missed "Sasha Thursday" tonight in celebration of the end of her stripping career.

Grimacing, I shot her an apologetic look and shook my head. "Uh, yeah. I'm up, but not for the reason you were hoping for."

Frowning, Sasha stepped into the room. She'd already changed into her pajamas, a familiar long-sleeved top and bottoms combo patterned in yellow with cute teddy bears. As she approached, I raised the bed covers beside me and she slipped into my waiting arms.

I hugged her firmly, but chastely, and let my head loll back and impact the wood headboard with a muffled [thunk]. Rubbing Sasha's arm, I exhaled slowly and sagged deeper against the pillows stacked behind my lower back.

"What's going on?" she asked quietly.

"It's Elyse."

"What about her? I know she was a little upset last night that you wouldn't sleep with her, but we talked before I left and she said she understood. Did something happen between you two while I was at work?"

I shook my head. "No, nothing like that. She's just gone."

"Gone?"

"As in... gone."

"What do you mean 'gone'?"

I glanced down to find Sasha glaring at me, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I mean GONE-gone. She left. Stole two thousand dollars out of my drawer and left. Out the door. Goodbye. And I have NO idea where she is."

Sasha bolted upright. "Wait, WHAT?" She threw off the covers, slipped off the bed, and headed for the door.

"Hey, where are you going?" I called after her, sliding across the bed myself.

"To check her room," Sasha called over her shoulder, already two steps down the stairs.

"She's NOT in her bedroom. You think I'd be like this if she was?"

Sasha didn't answer, undeterred. But two minutes later she stomped back upstairs, folded her arms across her chest, and glared at me. "What happened?" she barked.

"It's complicated."

Sasha's eyebrow went up, and her feet started tapping the floor. "I'm waiting."

I sighed and perched my heels on the bed frame before planting my elbows on my thighs and dropping my chin into my palms. "Well first, Brooke called me to say that she and the girls were going back to Carter's tonight."

"Going back? With everything they know about what Elyse went through?"

"Apparently they met up with Carter and he explained his side of the story. In a nutshell, Elyse is a crazy drug addict who will lie through her teeth and say anything to manipulate people into giving her what she wants."

"And I suppose he insisted he's just an innocent victim in all this, a truly stand-up guy, nevermind that he plies women with narcotics so they can get loosened up enough for him to jerk off watching them get fucked."

I grimaced. "In so many words, sure."

"And they BOUGHT that?"

I sighed. "To some degree or another, yes. Lexi's in love, and DJ and Brooke and the rest wanted to keep an eye on her. Me too."

"You left Elyse alone?"

"Well she was actually gone before I went to Carter's party last night. I went there to go LOOK for her."

Sasha's eyebrows popped. "She was gone BEFORE? When?"

"I'm not explaining this very well," I said with a wince. "Let me start over chronologically: I went over to Brooke's place to try and talk some sense into the froshling girls. Andie and Jamie were here keeping an eye on Elyse. While I was out, Elyse stole my emergency cash and walked out the door. Jamie tried to stop her and got a black eye for her troubles. THEN, figuring that Elyse might have gone back to her original supplier, I sent Andie and Jamie home to the Tri-Delt House and I drove to Carter's to look for Elyse."

I paused to collect my thoughts, but Sasha impatiently stamped her foot, demanding, "And... ?"

I sighed. "Couldn't find her. The minute Carter saw me, he came over to say 'hi'. I asked where Elyse was, and he gave me a strange look and was all, 'I thought she was with you'. I explained that she stole my money and bolted, and he clapped his arm around my back and tried to console me for being only the latest guy of a few dozen to get screwed over by her. Said she'd pulled this stunt with another of his friends the day after Jillian died, claiming that she'd 'seen her own future as Jillian's body went cold on the floor'. Carter said she cleaned the guy out and showed up on his doorstep with enough money to buy more drugs."

Sasha frowned and thought about that. "Well then she's probably at Carter's again, looking to buy drugs with the money she stole from YOU."

"But he insisted that she hasn't shown up." I shrugged helplessly. "When his buddy told him about her stealing about a month ago, Carter said he checked Elyse into rehab. But then she ran away and he hadn't heard from her until Lexi told him she was with us."

"And you just took his word for it..."

"Of course not. I insisted on looking around for her myself, thinking that he might have stashed her away in some room. He let me look around, even hang out in his Voyeur Room while he had some wicked three-way on the other side of the glass. But I never found her. In the end I went back upstairs to keep an eye on Brooke and DJ. I could tell they were a bit more subdued than normal, but they stuck around with their friends until 1am. So I had to stick around as well, and only when they finally went home safe and sound did I leave, too. That's it."

Frowning and still with her arms folded across her chest, Sasha chewed on all that for a minute before glaring at me once more and barking, "That's it? Elyse didn't say anything to you before she left? Gave you no indications she was about to bolt?"

I shook my head. "No, nothing. I had no clue."

Grimacing, Sasha stomped her foot and did a quarter-turn to glare at the wall. "Why did you LEAVE her?"

"I HAD to. Once I found out Brooke and DJ and their friends were going back there, I HAD to try and convince them not to."

"You should have brought Elyse WITH you to help prove your point! Kept her within your sight!"

I groaned. "Okay maybe I should have. But this isn't the first time we've left her with Andie and Jamie. They know her. There's never been an issue before."

"There only had to be an issue ONCE. She freaked out and they couldn't do a thing to stop her. Fuck, this is my fault. I shouldn't have gone back to the club. If I'd BEEN here tonight then--"

"Then maybe she would have given YOU a black eye instead," I interrupted.

Sasha shook her head. "She wouldn't have. Not me. She was my friend."

"Was she? Or was she really a user who manipulated our compassion into giving her a soft landing until she could scrape up the money to buy herself another fix?"

Sasha leveled me with a look. "Do NOT tell me you believe a thing Carter said to convince your little sister. Now I've never met the guy, but from what you've told me – and from what Elyse told me – well let's just say that in my line of work I've seen enough guys like him."

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "I don't know WHAT to think. Maybe Elyse is exactly the person we came to know these past few days, trying desperately to get clean but fighting so many mental demons along the way. Maybe she's a manipulative user like Carter says. Maybe she's somewhere in-between. I don't KNOW. That's what's got my head spinning tonight and that's why I'm still up right now, unable to think straight and unable to sleep."

Sasha held her forehead with one hand and put her other hand on her hip. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled heavily. Shaking her head slowly, she frowned and muttered, "I have no IDEA where she'd be now. Shacked up with some lowlife dealer, getting plowed while she drifts away to dreamland? Huddled in an alley leaning against a dumpster to get out of the wind? I don't know."

I opened my arms and reached out to her. "I know..."

She gave me a pained look as she slowly approached the bed. "Is it crazy for me to want to hop in your car and start driving up and down the streets screaming her name?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Crazy? Yes ... But I get it."

Slipping onto the mattress beside me, she shook her head. "The rational part of my brain knows I'm being ridiculous. Fuck, I only met her a week ago, but it's been kind of an intense week, you know? We got so close, so fast. I feel responsible for her, and I feel like I've failed her."

"I know the feeling," I replied, wrapping my arms around her and tugging her against my side while I sat back against the headboard. "But there's really nothing we can do. Elyse made her choice. She knows where we live, and she knows how to contact us. But she took that money, punched Jamie in the face, and walked out the door."

"So what? We just let her walk away?"

I sighed. "For tonight, at least, there's nothing either of us can do."

10:12 AM

"Hey there, stranger," Lynne greeted as she opened the door. "It's good to see you."

I blinked in surprise to see Lynne, and with a frown, I glanced around to make sure I hadn't mistakenly walked up to the wrong door. But although the physical layout was similar, there was no mistaking that I was standing on the second floor landing and was in front of the north-side apartment, not Lynne's ground floor/south-side place. "What are you doing here?"

"I invited her up after you called me to say you were coming over," Amber explained from just inside the doorway. The gorgeous blonde bombshell was still dressed in a sheer nightshirt and a bathrobe, the robe open from throat to tails and the nightshirt short enough to show off her long, long legs and make me wonder whether or not she was wearing underwear. Clearly, from the way her nipples poked through the satin shirt, she wasn't wearing a bra.

I gawked for a moment. It had been a while since I'd last gotten laid, by my standards at least. But remembering why I'd come here, I stood erect and got my brain screwed on straight. "Right. Hi, Lynne. I'm glad to see you."

The petite brunette folded her arms across her chest and gave me a withering glare. "Elyse Laughton shows up on your doorstep drugged out and disheveled, spends almost a week in your house, and you don't even CALL me? Did you forget I was her friend, too?"

I blinked rapidly and my jaw went slack as my memory darted back to the high school cheerleading squad. "Uh ... well ... yeah, I did forget. Sorry," I apologized before a new thought came to me. "Wait, shouldn't Bert have told you about her? On the phone or something? You guys talk all the time."

"That guy ... If he was here instead of on that family trip I'd strangle him with my bare hands." Lynne rolled her eyes and waved me off. "He told me you'd taken in a stray, so to speak. But he only told me she was a girl you'd known from Carter's party freshmen year, and he's been decidedly closed-mouthed about the whole thing. My guess is he's embarrassed and doesn't want to tell me too many details about what stupid shit he did or what crazy slut he hooked up with or something. I never knew it was ELYSE until Amber told me her name like twenty minutes ago."

I shrugged. "Well you know now. And to be honest, I don't think you being around would have made any difference. She's gone now."

Lynne sighed, and rather belatedly she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around my torso. I held her to me and gently patted her back. And she murmured quietly, "Well whatever the reason, it's good to see you."

"You too."

Lynne stepped back and smiled at my traveling companion. "Hi, Sasha."

"Hi, Lynne," Sasha replied from beside me where she'd been quietly watching the entire exchange.

"So ... how was your medical conference?" I asked, shrugging at Amber.

"It was fine, but not as important as this. Besides, I don't want to have this conversation out my front door," Amber said with a nod across the way while crossing her arms over her chest protectively. "The new guy in the apartment over there has been ogling me for the past month, and I wouldn't put it past him to be staring over here with binoculars right now."

Lynne and Amber listened patiently while Sasha and I recapped the events of the past week for them, only interrupting occasionally to ask a clarification question here and there. Then, I told Amber about meeting with the froshlings last night and Lexi claiming that Elyse was a liar who'd fudged the entire story. My inclination was to discount Lexi's claims as the product of Carter's manipulations, but at the same time I couldn't be entirely sure of Elyse's reliability, either.

According to Amber, the truth was somewhere in-between. She'd known Elyse from the first time she arrived on the scene with her ex-boyfriend Dexter a little more than two years ago.

"At the time, Elyse was one of Carter's 'girlfriends', although he didn't mean the term like you or I would mean it. He was a player, through and through, and he was charming enough to pull it off. Every couple of months we'd see some new green-eyed brunette on his arm. Sometimes the new girl stuck around; other times she never came back. But Elyse stayed around as part of Carter's harem for a long time – a couple of years or something – until last December or so when Cameron told me Elyse wasn't a 'girlfriend' anymore."

"Elyse claimed they had a falling out after she tried to get clean," I said, leaning forward in my seat with my elbows on my knees.

Amber shrugged. "I don't know the details, just what Cameron told me off-hand. At the time, I wasn't really interested in pressing her for more information."

"So that means you weren't around when all the other crap Elyse claims happened went down."

Amber shook her head. "I wasn't, but I'd been there to see others fall off the wagon. It wasn't pretty. Meth addiction is deadly, and I mean that literally. There was this one girl, Raleigh ... I only ever saw pictures, but let's just say she didn't die a quiet death."

Sasha shuddered beside me.

Amber winced. "Sorry. I'm sure Elyse is doing better than that."

"But you don't know, do you?" Sasha replied quietly.

Amber shrugged helplessly. "Sometimes girls find a way to get clean. Sometimes they get help. I'm proof of that."

"But sometimes a girl turns to prostitution?"

Amber winced. "It's not unheard of. Although to be fair, once a girl goes down that path ... well ... the rest of the party circle doesn't really want to have that girl around much, you know? Ruins the vibe. Party people don't want to associate with that sort of thing..."

"But would Carter ... well ... pimp out his girls that way?"

Amber winced again. "It's complicated. I can't imagine him ever sending girls out onto the streets the way you might think of a pimp. More like ... he'd run an escort service for his rich friends. Arrange a friendly companion. Play matchmaker a bit. But there was never a 900-number or an ad in the yellow pages. He just sort of did that stuff for people he was connected to, you know?"

"And you were part of all that?" Lynne asked with a rather obvious tightness in her eyes.

"Me? Goodness, no," Amber exclaimed immediately. "I was a party girl, not one of Carter's thralls. For one thing, I always had enough money to cover my expenses. For another, my ego would never let me stoop to that sort of thing. I did some crazy things while wired, and a few things I'm not proud of as well, but nothing like that."

"But you can see Elyse doing that."

"She did, I know that for a fact. It's part of being one of Carter's favorites, like being the entertainment in his Showroom. He arranges all that."

"And the thing with Jasper?" I asked. "Could Carter have 'sold' her to him?"

Amber grimaced and shook her head. "I kinda doubt it. I only ever saw the guy a few times, but your friend was right about that one: Carter DETESTS Jasper. Those two do NOT get along, and the few times he showed up, Carter went out of his way to make sure his goons kicked the guy out pronto."

I exhaled wearily, taking it all in. "So Elyse lied to me."

Sasha put her hand on my leg. "She didn't lie about everything."

"I don't know, maybe she did. Maybe everything she ever told us was a bald-faced lie designed to manipulate us."

"To what end? For two grand in cash and a roof over her head for a few nights? I don't think so." Sasha shook her head. "If she was that desperate of an addict, she'd have been getting high from the beginning. Instead, she was drug-free for almost an entire week right up until something snapped inside her Friday night and she ran away. I choose to believe that she didn't deliberately mislead us. I choose to believe that she's scared, and she's alone, and for one reason or another, she felt that she HAD to do what she did that night. For all we know, she's back at our house right now, crying on the doorstep and hoping you'll let her in again so she can apologize for stealing the money and running off to get her fix last night."

I blinked. "You really think so?"

Sasha shrugged helplessly. "I want to think so, don't you?"

I took a deep breath. "Then maybe we'd better get back to the house."

12:24 PM

Elyse wasn't crying on our doorstep, and there was no sign that she'd come by the house while we were gone.

Neither of us knew what to do. I called Adrienne, just to let her know what was going on since she was the one who'd sent Elyse to my doorstep in the first place. She seemed suitably concerned but of course couldn't do anything from where she was. And besides, she was pretty busy and couldn't stay on the phone long.

After a bit, I came up with the idea of calling the police, just to see if Elyse had been picked up or anything. The cops couldn't open a missing persons report or anything just yet, especially since I wasn't related to Elyse in any way. But I managed to convince the sergeant to put my phone number into the system so that if she (or if "Serena Grey") did turn up, somebody would give me a call.

Sasha wanted to go looking for her, and asked me to stay in the house just in case Elyse came back. I told her she was crazy, and asked where she planned to start looking. Her suggestion of heading into Oakland and asking random black people where she could buy some crystal meth was met with a wide-eyed look and even more accusations that she was being crazy.

"Beautiful, busty 21-year-old girl like you walking into the seedy parts of town looking for that kind of trouble? You're likely to get kidnapped and sold into sex trafficking!"

In the end, Sasha resigned herself to the fact that she had no idea what to do. She plopped down on the couch, turned on the television, and tried in vain to stare at it until she could stop thinking about Elyse. Then when that didn't work, she put her face in her hands and shook her head for a few seconds before looking up at me and saying, "Come here and open your fly."

I blinked. "Uh ... what?"

"I need a distraction."

"And your idea is to give me a blowjob?!?"

"Well ... I don't know what else to DO!" Sasha flailed her arms out and shook them before abruptly curling into a ball, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. Her heels on the edge of her seat, she rocked slightly and put her face down into her knees. "I can't take it, this feeling of ... helplessness. Not now. Not again."

I'd already moved to sit beside her, and I was in the middle of stroking her back when the word "again" finally hit me. "This isn't the first time someone's walked out on you," I stated in realization.

Sasha shuddered and pressed her face even deeper into her knees.

"Sasha, I'm so sorry I didn't realize it sooner."

"Not your fault," she mumbled.

Instead of stroking her back, I wrapped my arms around her and molded myself against her body. Her rocking stilled, but she still shuddered every now and again. Gently, I told her, "This isn't the same as what happened with your mom."

"What, doing drugs and disappearing?" she scoffed. "It's exactly the same."

I frowned and hugged her tighter. "But Elyse isn't your Mom. She's just a girl, a scared girl, and if nothing else I think we understand a little better why she would have left. Elyse is an addict, and she told us from the beginning there was a high probability that she'd bolt in search of another fix. I know it hurts. I know you invested yourself into trying to help her, but this isn't the same as a parent abandoning you."

"I know, I know. The rational part of me knows. But it still sucks to have someone walk away from you like that." Sasha took a deep breath, and some of her shuddering went away. "I didn't do a thing for my mom. I didn't help her, even as SHE spiraled into addiction. Maybe I wasn't the grown-up I am today, but I wasn't a child, either. I was old enough to do something, but I didn't. I lost her, and now I've lost Elyse, too."

"You can't compare what happened with your Mom when you were a teenager to what's happening with Elyse now. They're different situations, different people. You're a different person. And you can't let your guilt over what happened then affect what's going on right now."

"But it does. Different situation, different person, but the same feeling of helplessness. Same feeling that it's somehow my fault, that if only I'd done something different she wouldn't have abandoned me."

"The only one at fault here is Elyse. She's the one who walked out the door."

Sasha snorted and shook her head. "Can't believe she'd do this to me, especially after what happened in her own past. Did you know her Mom walked out on her, too? It was one of those things we bonded about from the beginning. I sometimes wondered if our two moms were out there somewhere, together, bonding over the daughters they left behind."

"You can't dwell on that. You've already let your pain from losing your mom impact the way you treated Elyse, but you can't let it continue to affect the way you handle the pain right now. It's too much for anyone to handle, it's misplaced, and you're smart enough to know that."

Sasha exhaled slowly, and she began to uncurl, so I backed away and gave her a little space. She sat up a little straighter, although she still had her arms wrapped around her knees. "Fine. So maybe my guilt over not doing more to stop my mom's addiction played a role in how fervently I wanted to help Elyse. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't have tried, and it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell to have a second person walk out of my life like this."

"I know it doesn't."

Giving me a red-eyed, haunted look, Sasha swallowed thickly before mumbling, "I can't sit around and do nothing. If I do I'll go insane. So come here and unzip your fly."

I rolled my eyes. "Like I could even get it up right now."

"You're Big Ben. You're always ready."

I frowned and shot her a look. She simply sighed and rubbed her face with her right hand. But I reached for that hand, gently took it away from her face, and leaned in to tenderly kiss her on the forehead. "I get that you don't like feeling helpless. I don't either. It's just ... there's nothing else we can do, not for her."

Sasha shook her head sadly and put her face back down on her knees.

Not for her...

Not for her...

But maybe for someone else?

Here's a bright idea: Why don't you go get Kim?

Kim?

Yeah. Skinny little Japanese chick? Pregnant with your baby? Remember her?

Of course.

You've put her off long enough, don't you think?

Yeah ... Probably too long, in fact.

Damn fucking straight.

I took a deep breath and stood up from my spot on the couch. "Look, if you want a distraction, I've got something I need to do. Elyse will ... well ... I guess she's on her own for now. But for me, I'm going to get out of here. Still, especially after that talk we just had, I'm not just going to walk out on you. Why don't you come with me?"

Sasha looked up at me. "And go where?"

"To Kim. I feel as helpless as you do right now, and I can't do a damn thing for Elyse. But I've got to do something productive, and to be honest ... Even though I've been scared to go do something about Kim, I've put her off for Elyse's sake more than I should have already."

Sasha glared at me. "What? You can't give up on Elyse! You're Big Ben. Mr. White Knight himself, come to save the beautiful maidens from the terrible world we live in."

I shook my head. "I'm not giving up on Elyse. If she comes back, or if we find some trace of her whereabouts, I'll be right with you and do what I can to help her. But she's not here right now, and she's not here by her own choice. Nobody showed up in this house and kidnapped her against her will. She walked away, and after telling us she wouldn't hurt a fly, she punched Jamie to get out the door."

"That doesn't mean she isn't in trouble at this very moment and in need of our help!"

"There are a LOT of people out in the world that are in deep shit and in need of somebody's help, but we can't help all of them."

"I'm not asking you to help all of them, just Elyse. Come ON."

I sighed. "Okay, maybe I wasn't with her day and night for the past week the way you were, so maybe I'm not as ... attached to her as you are. She's not my guilt-replacement for a lost mom, so it's not as personal to me. But you have to remember that a week ago you didn't even know Elyse existed. She showed up needing our help, and we really did our best for her while she was here, didn't we?"

"You promised," Sasha glared at me with evil in her eyes. "You promised you'd never let her go back on the street."

I frowned. "I promised I'd never PUT her back out on the street, and I'll stick to that promise. If she wants to stay here, for this to be her sanctuary, I'll let her in immediately. But how far do we really have to go to rescue her? Sasha, we're WEEKS away from graduation. I've got a LOT of other shit on my plate. Really, I tried to do the right thing for her in the first place and look at where it's gotten us! Right now, there's nothing I can do about Elyse. But there IS something I can do about Kim. SHE means a ton to me as well, and I've stuck my head in the sand for waaayyy too long as it is. Can you please understand that?"

Sasha huffed and folded her arms across her chest, like she didn't WANT to understand, but a moment later she screwed up her face and looked a little peeved to realize I was right. "Fine..." she pouted.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'm going to go and try to fix things with Kim, but I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable with you being alone. Do you want to come with me?"

She waved me off dismissively. "And if Elyse comes back here while we're gone? No, I'm staying. I'll change into some comfortable clothes, make a bunch of food, and stare at the TV for a while."

"All day? Maybe you should get your homework done."

"Are you kidding me? I can't think about my studies at a time like this. Could you? No, I'll wait as long as I need for Elyse to come home."

I made a face, not exactly liking the idea of my house being Elyse's "home", but it would be arguing semantics at a time like this. "How about we call someone to keep you company?"

"Like who?"

"Andie ... Jamie ... Peyton," I suggested. "You girls are friends now, aren't you? And Peyton promised she'd be available to help out with this situation."

"Maybe. But I'm not sure how Andie and Jamie feel about this place after what Elyse did to them last night."

"Still..."

"I'll be fine," Sasha insisted.

With a sigh, I replied, "Okay, okay. Call me if you hear anything. I'll come right back."

Sasha suddenly picked her head up. "But what if something comes up? I don't have any transportation."

I thought about that for a half-second and dug into my pocket. "You don't have a car, but you DID get your driver's license, right?"

Sasha popped her eyebrows. "Uh, yeah."

I tossed her my car keys. "Mustang's out front if you need it."

"But what about you?"

I shrugged. "It's Kim. I've got a bike now, remember?"

1:56 PM

It had been nearly three months since I'd last ridden a motorcycle, and while some might say "it's just like riding a bike", I can tell you that it's not that easy. Add in the fact that it was only my second trip riding this far, and it's a wonder I didn't kill myself along the way.

But I made it down to Sunnyvale in one piece, slowed down the Triumph, and made a right turn into the driveway of a now-familiar suburban house.

I'd expected to have a few minutes to compose myself. I'd figured I would park on the curb, remove my helmet, and take a deep breath to gather my thoughts. Then, once I was ready to face Kim – or more importantly, to face her father – I'd walk up to the front door, ring the bell, and let the chips fall where they may.

I wouldn't have that kind of time.

The garage door was rolled up when I pulled into the driveway. Two motorcycles were parked inside, and the two people hunched over them both looked up at my approach.

One of them was Kim.

At first, she merely gawked at me as I turned off the engine and bent to remove my helmet. But once I got my helmet off, I looked up to find that she'd bolted out of the garage and was only two feet away from me. Still straddling the bike, I could barely brace myself for the impact as she wrapped her arms around my neck and sealed her lips over mine.

No fireworks went off in my head, no explosions of joy and bliss and pleasure all mixed into one spectacular burst of all that is happy and good. Instead, I felt like a dark cloud of damp, heavy humidity that had been fogging up my brain suddenly evaporate into nothingness, leaving me lighter than air as Kim and I floated away in a sea of exhausted relief.

She still loved me.

After everything we'd been through, after three months of almost no contact and her obedience to her father to stay at home and stay away from me, she still loved me. Sure, she'd told me as much when she called a week ago to tell me we were having a boy, but that had come only moments before reminding me that if faced with a choice between me and her father, she would choose him.

This was different from hearing her say she loved me. This was Kim's kiss, a touch of longing and desire and... need for me ... mingled with the detachment of her aloof nature and the impish deviance of her Mona Lisa smile all rolled into one. It was everything I knew about her and everything she represented to me. And it was everything I'd missed about her over the past few months.

Because of her father.

No, because she'd chosen her father over me.

And speaking of her father...

"Ahem..."

Well, he didn't say "ahem" so much as that he cleared his throat in that low, rumbling way people do intentionally when they don't NEED to clear their throats but they want to get your attention anyway.

Opening my eyes, but still with my lips on Kim's, I tilted my head to look behind her and felt my stomach knot up as I realized that the second person who'd been in the garage this entire time was ... you got it ... Kim's father. Feeling his baleful glare on us, I sat up straight and gently but firmly pried Kim off of me, doing my best to project calmness and confidence. But inside I was freaking out as I realized that save for the exquisite relief of that first kiss with Kim, everything about this encounter was going exactly WRONG.

"Okay ... here comes the restraining order," I muttered beneath my breath, staring right back at Mr. Fukuzaki.

"I shouldn't have kissed you," Kim mumbled while letting her forehead fall forward against my chest.

"Probably not," I replied before bending down and pecking the crown of her head. "But I'm glad you did."

"Me, too..." she sighed rapturously before hugging me fiercely. But after only a few moments, she sighed and pulled away, holding her hands in front of her and bowing her head obediently.

Setting my helmet down, I finally dismounted the Triumph and unzipped my motorcycle jacket.

"Ben..." Kim mumbled quietly. "You need to be strong."

I took a deep breath and nodded. Summoning all my confidence and strength, I kept my eyes on Kim's father, ignoring Kim by my side as I strode up the driveway and into the garage to meet him.

Now face-to-face, I bowed my head momentarily before standing erect and stating evenly, "Sir, I apologize for coming here against your direct orders to stay away. But I would like to explain that despite what just happened there on the driveway, my intent is not to come and convince Kim to leave with me. I respect your authority over your daughter and your right to do what you think is best for her. At the same time, I ask that you please understand that I ALSO care deeply for Kim, especially now that she is carrying my son. I have come here not in an attempt to change your mind regarding your decision to keep her safe at home, or even to keep her away from me. But thus far you have not given me the chance to truly explain to you how I feel about her, how much she means to me, and how important both she and her baby are to my future. Please, sir, I have come here asking for the opportunity to talk to you. And once we are done, I will respect your wishes for me to stay away until such time as you deem appropriate."

Mr. Fukuzaki's eyes narrowed, and he scrutinized me for what felt like two full minutes. That's a hundred and twenty seconds of staring (one ... two ... three ... four ... five... ), and I wasn't exactly comfortable while he did it.

By the end of it, I was starting to wonder if I'd used too many complex English words for a non-native speaker to easily process, but just when I started thinking to repeat myself using simpler vocabulary, Mr. Fukuzaki cleared his throat again.

"Kimiko, stay here and finish the repair," he stated gruffly. "Benjamin ... follow me."

4:08 PM

Thoroughly exhausted, both physically and emotionally, after the hour-long ride back to Berkeley, I slowed down the Triumph and turned into my own driveway. The Mustang was still parked there, with no sign of it being moved in the time that I'd been gone. On the other hand, a semi-familiar BMW 5-series WAS in the driveway, so I figured that Sasha had found herself some company after all.

Indeed, I walked into the living room to find Peyton, Annette Bergstrom, and Natalee Kirby on the couches with Sasha, the four young women carrying out some inane conversation about nothing important. I was relieved to see that Sasha had found some company rather than be cooped up alone in the house, although I was quite surprised to discover exactly who had come to call.

"Uh, hi ladies," I greeted with a mildly perplexed smile. "Funny seeing you here."

"Ben!" Sasha exclaimed as she turned around in her seat, only now realizing that I'd returned.

"After Jamie and Andie told me what happened last night with Elyse and everything, I wanted to check in on you in person," Peyton explained as she stood up and walked around the couch to give me a hug.

I patted her back. With a shrug, I replied, "Well you know about as much as we know. She just took off and nobody has a clue where she went."

Peyton pursed her lips. "I'm sorry. Andie and Jamie are really sorry. They're holed up in the Chapter House blaming themselves. Well, Jamie's a little miffed at getting popped in the eye, but Andie's practically inconsolable."

I grimaced. "Ah, shit. I should go over there..."

"No, don't," Peyton said quickly.

I frowned. "Why not?"

She gave me a steady look, took a deep breath, and folded her arms across her chest. "Do you love Andie? I mean, 'in love'?"

I winced.

"Thought not. Andie will be fine. Just let her cool down on her own for a bit. Going over there right now to comfort her will only fan the flames of her infatuation with you."

I frowned. "But I can't just--"

"You can," she cut me off. "It's for the best. You don't need to baby her."

I shook my head. "At least tell them I don't blame them, alright?"

Peyton nodded. "Sure. I've told them so, but I can tell them you actually said so when I get back."

I nodded my thanks and turned back to the living room. Annette and Natalee were waiting patiently, but Sasha was giving me some questioning looks. When I focused my attention on her, she sat up straight and asked, "So how'd things go with Kim?"

I sighed wearily, closed my eyes, and reached up to pinch the bridge of my nose. Rubbing it, I muttered, "Well ... ah ... things didn't go quite like I'd hoped."

Sasha looked at me inquisitively, clearly expecting further detail, but I swept my gaze across Annette and Natalee before settling on Peyton.

She had already read the situation. "Private conversation?" Peyton asked.

I shrugged in apology. "Kinda, yeah."

She nodded with her head toward the stairs. "Go on. Take as long as you need. The girls and I will stay here in case Elyse shows up, okay?"

I smiled warmly at the Tri-Delt President. "Thanks."

I stood by the window overlooking the street, staring outside and mentally retracing the route between my house and Kim's, way south in Sunnyvale. I wondered what she was doing right now. I wondered exactly what her father was saying to her about our conversation.

Sometime later, I glanced back and found Sasha waiting patiently for me, curled up in one of my bedroom's armchairs with her feet tucked beneath her. I'd paused mid-explanation to pace over to the window, and she was ready to pick up right where we'd left off.

"You actually TOLD him his only daughter is a submissive?" she asked with a bemused smile.

I sighed. "I had to. I had to make him realize that I understand how Kim thinks, and that she's a very special girl with special needs."

Sasha shook her head wryly. "I still remember the first time you told ME she's a submissive, back when Kim's dad first kicked you out of his house. I didn't get it then, and I'm not sure I get it now."

"Took me a while to wrap my head around as well. It's complicated, and nothing like I might have expected from what little I've heard about Doms and subs."

"Certainly not like anything I've seen, either. We get that sometimes, guys or even couples wanting to role-play with me. But those are games, and I can't see Kim acting like that."

"She doesn't, not usually. At least, she doesn't with me. Like I said--"

"It's complicated," Sasha finished for me with a smile. "But did he get it? Kim's dad?"

I sighed. "Eventually. From the way he initially reacted, I knew I had to stop using the word 'submissive' right away. Instead, I tried to stress that Kim is a very obedient young woman who loves him dearly, so much that she derives great satisfaction from her obedience to him and great dissatisfaction from disappointing him, even more so than most children. He seemed to like that idea."

Sasha nodded.

"But I also explained that she can be very vulnerable at the same time. Absent a strong presence she can latch onto, it's in her nature to follow the crowd. I managed to elicit a few examples from him where he saw that pattern of behavior with her siblings at least. She doesn't volunteer new ideas, or even suggestions, always willing to go with the flow and do whatever everyone else wants to do. And if she ever ended up in the wrong crowd, she could easily be led into a bad situation."

"Ouch. I'll bet he didn't like hearing that."

"He didn't. Kinda amplified his paranoia and made him want to lock her up in the house for the rest of her life. But I needed to scare him a little because he's GOT to realize he can't be there forever, and even if he could, that's no life for a young woman."

"So what? You convinced him that YOU'D be there for her forever?" Sasha arched an eyebrow.

I sighed. "I tried to. Whether or not he believes me ... remains to be seen."

Sasha furrowed her eyebrows. "WILL you be there for her forever?"

I blinked and walked back to the chairs, sitting down across from her. Leaning forward with my elbows on my knees and my hands clasped together, I looked at Sasha seriously and replied, "Yes. Yes I will be, if he'll let me."

She took a deep breath and frowned. "That's quite the commitment, especially from you."

"She's carrying my child. It's that simple."

"It's not that simple. You're not the first guy to have a kid out of wedlock. There are many ways of being there for your kid that don't necessarily include being there for the kid's mother."

"Perhaps, but then that wouldn't be me."

"So what, if some other girl ended up pregnant, you'd commit to taking care of her for the rest of your lives? Someone like... Casey. Ooh, lots of love there."

I shook my head. "It's not about committing to my baby mama just because she's my baby mama. This is something specific to Kim."

"You really care about her that much? Don't get me wrong, I've always known you were friends, but let's be realistic: You went through Tri-Delt West and invited me into your home and had that little rescue-damsel-in-distress thing with Peyton and now this past week the whole fucked-up business with Elyse and Carter. And Kim's been out there this whole time, pregnant with your baby, and you've seemingly barely even THOUGHT about her."

"I've thought about her. I think about her a lot. But unlike Peyton or Elyse when either of those two came to me, Kim is actually in a very good situation. She's home, surrounded by family, and being given the best care. Sure, I'd rather have had her here with me, but the thing about my relationship with her that you might not realize is that even if she WAS here, all of these events with the Tri-Delts and Peyton and Elyse and yes, even you moving in ... all of those things would still have happened."

Sasha gave me a skeptical look. "Really?"

I shrugged. "Believe me or don't, but I know her and I know our relationship. Hell, right around the same time we were doing our level-best to GET her pregnant – on purpose, I'll remind you – she was also encouraging me to go on those initial 'dates' with Casey and Carolyn and Chevelle and the Tri-Delts. And she went ahead and let you make that video with me and Adrienne. My sex life is not in conflict with my relationship with her."

"You tell all of that to Kim's father?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course not."

"Did you tell him you'd marry her?"

I took a deep breath, looked at the floor, and looked back up at Sasha. Shaking my head slowly, I replied, "No."

She scrutinized my expression and correctly guessed, "But he wants you to."

"Yes, he does. But I won't."

"Why not?"

I blinked. "You mean besides the fact that Kim won't marry ME?"

"Yeah, besides that. If his big problem is that you won't make an honest woman of her, then why don't you insist to him that you would marry Kim? Then his problem wouldn't be with you, but with convincing HER to marry you."

"But I wouldn't marry Kim."

"And ... why NOT?"

"Because she doesn't want to marry me. Even pointed out how much of a mistake it would be when I suggested it."

"That's circular. IF Kim would marry you, would you marry her?"

"No."

"And why not?"

"Because I wouldn't."

"She's not good enough for you?"

"Not the reason. I wouldn't marry ... Jamie ... Do I need to go out of my way to explain why?"

"No, but then Jamie's not Kim. Or at least, I don't think she's as special to you as you claim Kim is."

"I wouldn't marry anybody right now. I won't even DATE anybody right now, remember?"

"That's different. Kim is a completely different situation: she's pregnant and carrying your child. You've known her for years already, and you've told me point blank that you impregnated her quite intentionally. Went out of your way for about a week to make sure she was good and plugged up with sperm during her fertile time if I recall. So boom, she's pregnant. Congratulations, you're going to get the kid and family you always wanted. Now the only thing standing in the way of getting her and your baby boy back into your life is your willingness to marry her, so the choice is simple: Do you marry her and get her back into your life? Or do you NOT marry her and continue to be estranged from your only child and your only child's mother?"

"I can't marry her because Kim can't be my wife, period."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't love her that way, not in that forever love, romantic partner 'from now until death do us part' way."

"You know that for sure? And even knowing that, you spent a whole week making good and sure she was knocked up?"

"I did."

"That's fucked up, man."

I barked a short laugh, shook my head, and stood up to walk to the window again. I was still smiling, but when I looked back at Sasha she was scowling at me. "You don't approve?" I asked.

She sighed, dropped an elbow onto the armrest, and flopped her cheek into an open palm. "I don't get it. And I don't get my feelings for you. Every time I stop to think about our relationship, I find myself wondering why the hell I'm in love with you. You show me a million reasons why I shouldn't be in love with you, about how you represent the absolute WORST qualities a boyfriend and future husband should have. You ARE a man-whore, and watching you mow down girl after girl in this house only confirms it. You know full well that Andie and I are head-over-heels for you, and know that we'd both love to be your girlfriend, and yet you continue ... What's the phrase?... 'getting the milk for free'. It's borderline sociopathic."

I started to speak, but Sasha held both hands out to cut me off.

"I know, I know. You've been upfront and honest with us this whole time, and you 'acknowledge' our feelings even if you don't return them, but still..."

"I DO care about both of you."

"Equally? Don't answer that. Trap question." Sasha winced and covered her forehead with one hand. "And now this whole thing with Kim. This ... promise to her father to be there for her forever and yet NOT marry her because you don't love her like that ... It's hard for me to wrap my head around."

"It's complicated."

She sighed. "Look, I know you came up here to tell me about how things went with Kim, but I can't help but wonder where I stand in all of this."

"You?"

She gave me a puppy-dog look. "I've made clear to you that I'd like nothing better than to become your girlfriend, now and beyond graduation."

I sighed and nodded.

"But you don't take me up on it. You tell me you're not ready for a serious relationship and that you've set this arbitrary time of graduation to wait things out and see where your life is at, which I can sort of understand. But still, I can't help but wonder if your reasons are less about waiting for graduation to decide and more that you've already decided that you simply don't love me and never will." Her voice had started to crack.

"Sasha, that's actually not--"

"And now this thing with Kim! She hasn't been here all semester, and you say you already know you'll never have that kind of romantic love for her, yet you're totally willing to commit to taking care of her for the rest of your lives. That's big. That's HUGE. That's incredible. But if you can commit like that even though you KNOW you don't love her, what does it say that you can't give ME any kind of commitment, period? Certainly it seems to imply that your love for me is even lower than what you feel for Kim, and if that's the case then what the hell am I even DOING here anymore?"

"Sasha..." I soothed again, putting my hand on top of hers. I'd crossed the gap between our chairs and now knelt in front of her while rubbing the back of her hand. "Please don't doubt my feelings for you. We HAVE talked about this, and we've talked about how I simply haven't been ready to make those kinds of romantic commitments to anyone. Not to you, but not to Kim, either. Not to Andie, not to anyone. It's more than an arbitrary date for graduation; it's about reevaluating my life once I come to that point where school is done and I can stop and face my future. But you DO need to know this: I don't want to lose you. I WANT you in my life, and I hate the idea of you leaving it. You've been my constant these past few months. You've given me companionship, friendship, and intimacy at a time when I needed it most, and for that I'll be forever grateful. And as for love ... well ... I've been holding back that part of me for a while now. I've been scarred by what's happened to me, and I'm ... well ... terrified about being hurt again. But I told you that I KNOW that I don't love Kim in that forever love, romantic partner 'from now until death do us part' way. And the honest truth is, I don't know that I CAN'T love YOU in that way. In fact, I kinda think that I CAN and WILL feel that way about you."

Sasha's eyes blinked rapidly as she gawked at me, her brain processing what I'd just said. Her jaw had gone slack, and after a few more moments, she stood up straighter and gave me a look of total and utter confusion. "Um ... what did you just say?"

I chuckled and smiled before reaching forward and taking both of her hands in mine. Still kneeling in front of her chair, I raised my eyebrows and gave her an earnest expression, explaining, "I said that I'm falling in love with you, Sasha Serafian. I said that after everything we've been through together, from the first confessions in the immediate aftermath of both our break-ups, to the way you stood by me as a friend while I went through all that drama with DJ, and how you've finally become my constant to help me get through all this shit with Kim and with Rutledge and with Elyse ... Well, it's not yet graduation. What precious little brain power I have left is kind of devoted to holding up the bare minimum amount of academic focus I need to ensure I pass my classes and get my degree. But right here, right now, I'm telling you that I want to do more than just acknowledge your love for me. I'm telling you that when school is finally over, I'd like to take the chance and find out if you and I can develop into something more."

She was blinking fast again, and trembling just a little bit. Her hands were limp in my grasp, but presently she began to grip them back. And in an excited, breathless voice she asked quietly, "Really?"

I squeezed her hands. "Really, Sasha. Really."

5:13 PM

"Unnngh..." I grunted, my legs muscles screaming in agony as I dug my toes into the mattress and forced myself to thrust forward as deeply as I could go. Despite the exhausting day, the warm-wet pleasure surrounding my cock felt too good to NOT thrust forward as deeply as I could go, and besides my own selfish quest for pleasure, both my ego and my heart refused to let my lover down.

"Ohhhh..." Sasha moaned blissfully beneath me. She was face-down on my bed and still fully-clothed, save for her panties which were currently dangling around one ankle. She'd worn a comfortable knee-length skirt for the trip to visit Amber and despite saying she'd change into comfortable clothes, she never actually changed out of it. That skirt was now bunched up around her waist, leaving her firm asscheeks exposed to meet my pistoning pelvic pumps. Her hands were stretched out in front of her, fingers gripping the bedsheets while my fingers interlaced themselves with hers. And my chest was pressed flush against her back, pinning her beneath me as I aggressively fucked her to her next climax.

"I'm cumming again..." she whimpered into the mattress, hands bunching up the bedsheets as she quivered and came. As her inner muscles spasmed around my invading rod, she trembled and repeated, "I'm cumming again!"

"Unnngh..." I grunted once more, forcing my way through her clenching tunnel to continue fucking her through her orgasm while feeling myself approaching my own.

To be honest, I was still surprised to find myself in this situation. Still reeling from the emotional exhaustion of the past twenty-four hours or so talking to Brooke, DJ, and Lexi, finding Elyse had left, searching for her at Carter's house, visiting Amber and Lynne, and finally the conversation with Kim's father, the absolute LAST thing I expected to be doing was getting laid. But my confession to Sasha that I was falling for her and that I would be willing to explore a deepening of our relationship once school was over had put her in a mood that would not be denied.

She'd kissed me immediately. Kisses turned to groping. Groping turned to a hand-job. And then she'd fallen backward across my bed, pulled me with her, and demanded that I immediately make love to her.

I'd already cum in her pussy once. That previous load was even now leaking out of her while simultaneously lubricating our current coupling. Five seconds after I blew my first load she was already going down on me to make sure I stayed hard for Round 2. And without bothering to strip off any more of our clothing she flopped onto her belly, grabbed onto the sheets, and ordered me to climb on.

She'd whimpered "I'm cumming again..." three times already since we'd started in this position, and that doesn't even count her very first "I'm cumming..." I'd learned Sasha's buttons pretty well, but even so she'd never been THIS multi-orgasmic in THIS short of a time period. I wasn't even stimulating any of her other senses; once I grabbed onto the backs of her hands and intertwined my fingers with hers, she'd insisted I keep my hands right where they were and continue pinning her down while I pistoned in and out of her from behind. And of course she immediately started cumming again.

It's amazing how a girl will react when you sincerely tell her you're falling in love with her.

"One more..." Sasha now whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut and quivering so cutely. "I'm gonna get one more. Cum with me! Cum in me! Fill me up with your love and never let me go! Cum with me, Ben! Cum! Cum! I'm cumming again! FILLLLL MEEEEEE!!!"

I'd been nibbling on her exposed neck when she started her next orgasm, but the sudden pulsing of her pussy muscles wracked me with such pleasure that I couldn't focus on nibbling any longer as I picked my head up and groaned gutturally. Clenching her hands against my palms, I used them as grips to leverage myself to thrust HARDER and DEEPER and FASTER into Sasha's spasming snatch, hammering her so rapidly that I started to hyperventilate. But there was no stopping myself at this point, and as my vision began to cloud over with inky blackness, I felt my balls compress and then suddenly go slack, releasing great gouts of hot sperm to spray out of me and splatter the insides of Sasha's waiting womb.

"FUUUUUUUCK!" I roared, firing away.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Sasha screamed, thrashing beneath me.

And finally, my cock ran out of ammo and I slowly lowered myself back down onto Sasha's body as I felt the tension flow out of me while I crushed her beneath my limp weight.

Sometime later, Sasha hummed happily, "Hmm ... That was awesome..."

"Glad you enjoyed it," I murmured into the bedcovers.

Flipping her hands palm-up, Sasha re-interlaced our fingers and squeezed my hands. She turned her cheek so that we were facing each other, a well-satisfied smile dominating her face. She looked far less worn-out than I was feeling, and if anything, she looked energized.

"I love you, Ben," she said sincerely, her eyes big, bright, and luminous.

I smiled back. "I know."

She smirked. "Not ready to say it back yet?" There was no accusation in her voice, but amusement instead.

I blinked. "Eventually. Maybe. But I'm willing to find out."

"Good enough," she replied before leaning forward and pecking me. Taking a deep breath (not an easy thing with a guy's limp body on your back), she collected herself and gave me another easy smile. But after a moment's thought, her smile began to evaporate, leaving an expression of puzzlement in its wake. "One thing though..."

"Hmm?" I asked drowsily, weighed down by weariness from both the emotionally-draining day as well as the recent energetic sex.

"What changed? What's different? I probably shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but what changed your mind? Why did you decide now to tell me you'd take a chance on a relationship with me?"

I blinked. "I can't say, exactly. I certainly didn't walk up here planning to tell you that. I kinda ... I dunno ... I said what I felt, and what I felt in that moment is what I said."

She arched an eyebrow at me. "It's because I doubted our future, isn't it? When I implied that I mean even less to you than Kim does, you started to panic that you'd actually lose me, and something in you decided you didn't want that to happen."

I blinked again. "Uh ... well ... maybe..."

She smirked. "Shoulda tried to walk out on you months ago."

I furrowed my brow. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think it would have worked on me months ago. Too much has happened to us since then, things that have only recently brought us closer than ever."

"Like Elyse."

"Yes."

"And Jamie moving out."

"Yes."

"And Kim leaving school."

I took a deep breath. "Yes."

Sasha now picked her head up, pushing herself upwards so that I took the hint and finally slid off her back and onto the mattress next to her. She rolled onto her side and tucked one arm beneath her head. And with a frown, she stared at me and stated, "And because of whatever happened to you just hours ago with Kim and Kim's dad."

I sighed, pursing my lips and taking a deep breath. "Well ... yeah. But that doesn't mean what I told you isn't true," I added quickly. "I still want to be with you."

She grinned. "And I want to be with you. But the truth is: I interrupted your explanation of what you and Kim's dad REALLY talked about. I think that before -I- jump into anything resembling a serious relationship with you, -I- need to understand just what the hell is going to happen between you two and your baby, fair enough?"

"Completely fair," I replied immediately, and just then, my stomach gurgled quite loudly.

Sasha giggled and glanced down at my tummy. "Hungry? Did you ever manage to go get lunch?"

I shook my head. "No, actually. Been pretty busy. No wonder I'm feeling so tired."

"Then let's get some food. We can talk about Kim and her dad over dinner."

I nodded. "Sounds good."