Chapter 30

I sat next to Justin in the back of a police car. It was the second time and hopefully the last time I would ever have to be in the back of one. I mean, they said we weren't in trouble, but that we just had to go in for interrogation so they could get some sort of information. Still, the back of a police car was a very intimidating place to be.

The car ride there was nerve-wracking and silent. Justin kept trying to send me comforting glances, but they weren't really helping. My stomach churned at the thought of having to talk about that night. I mean, I had to do it plenty of times when I was in the hospital. But that was different. Those conversations were with doctors who turned out to be doing their best to help me get past what happened. It was confidential. I had never so much as had an actual conversation with a police officer before.

Once we arrived at the police station, they had both Justin and I sit in the front lobby for a few minutes until one of them came over and called me to come back with them. I flashed Justin a slightly worried look, and he returned it with a reassuring smile. At least I wasn't there alone. That's what I kept telling myself anyway.

"How are you today, Kellin?" the officer asked me as he led me into an empty room that looked kind of like a conference room that would be in some sort of office. He motioned to one of the chairs and asked me to sit down.

"I'm okay," I said, in a small voice.

"No need to be nervous, Kellin," he said, giving a friendly smile. "My name is Officer Elmakias, and I just need to clarify a few things, okay?"

"Um, okay," I mumbled, shifting uncomfortably in my chair.

"So, were there any . . . incidents that took place at the Alpha Sigma Sigma house on the night of November 1st?" he asked, in a very professional voice. So he was going to make me say it first. I opened my mouth to speak, but it took a few moments for me to actually get the words out.

It was difficult. One of the hardest hurdles I'd ever had to cross. A big part of me wanted everything to stop, but I knew that none of this was ever going to go away if I wasn't honest. Things needed to be set right once and for all.

I took another deep breath and gripped the arms of my chair nervously before I finally said it.

"I was raped," I said, barely above a whisper. My throat felt tight like I was about to cry; yet at the same time I felt like this immense weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Officer Elmakias looked up at me for a moment, almost with a sadness in his eyes, before turning back to the file he had in front of him. He already knew it was coming.

"And do you know the name of the alleged rapist?" he asked, his voice calm.

"His first name is Zack, I'm not sure what his last name is," I told him, honestly. "I could describe him, though."

"Yes, please do," he said, still looking down at the file.

I went on spiel, trying to recall every detail I could. It disgusted me that I remembered him so well. But it was the kind of thing you don't just easily forget. At this point I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to forget him.

"That sounds like the guy we're looking for," he sighed, catching me off guard. I sat up straight and frowned, trying to fathom what he meant by that. How exactly did he know?

"What?" I asked.

"This may be unsettling for you, Kellin, but when we evacuated the Alpha Sigma Sigma house today, we found some pretty disturbing videos," he said. I gasped and clasped a hand over my mouth.

" No ," I whispered, shaking my head as my eyes stung with fresh tears. I had no idea they had even filmed it! The fact that someone not only found a video of it, but had to watch it in order to figure out who I was . . . it made me sick. "I didn't . . . what?"

"I know, Kellin, but don't worry, once we get a hold of this last guy, after all of the inevitable trials are over . . . these videos will be gone for good."

"No, I don't want anyone else to see," I cried, shaking my head again. I didn't feel panicked or anything, which was a good sign. I just felt genuinely sad and embarrassed. That was the most painfully vulnerable moment of my life, and it was going to be used as evidence in a trial. I knew it had to be done in order to get Zack behind bars, but still. Still.

"Kellin, it's going to be okay, alright? We're going to catch this guy, I promise," he said, firmly.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused by the way he chose to phrase that. What did he mean by 'catch' him? I stared across the table at him, my eyes searching his face for some sort of answer.

"We're holding several fraternity members that were identified in the video, however, Zack Merrick seems to be the only one who was not in the house when we evacuated," he explained, which didn't make me feel much better about the situation at all. It meant Zack was probably purposefully evading the cops.

"You'll find him, right?" I asked, worried.

"Oh yeah, I'm confident we will," he said, shaking his head. He seemed to be genuinely empathetic about the situation, which put me at ease. He wasn't judgmental or harsh, like I had imagined he would be. I always imagined being questioned as something more intense and frightening. "Just. . . here."

I watched as he pulled a small business card out of his shirt pocket and handed it to me across the table. I took the card from him, and glanced over it a moment before looking back up at him.

"What's this for?"

"It's my card. You don't need to be afraid okay? If you see him again- or actually if anyone tries to hurt you again, you can call me at that number," he said, making eye contact with me. I took the business card and slid it into my wallet so I wouldn't lose it.

"Thank you, I really appreciate that," I said, genuinely. Simply knowing that I had someone to call made me feel a lot more at ease about the current situation. Also, it really meant a lot to find out that I wasn't in trouble for admitting what happened. I don't know why I thought I'd be in trouble . . . but it still felt good. Everything was good.

"Not a problem, Kellin. You're free to go now, okay?" he said, giving me a warm smile. "Do me a favor and send your friend back?"

I nodded and thanked him again before leaving the room to go find Justin.

"Hey," he said, standing up as soon as I arrived. His eyes were wide like he was bracing himself for another breakdown. "Is everything alright?"

I nodded, though my eyes filled with tears all over again.

"Whoa, hey, it's okay," he said, stepping forward to give me a hug. My head fell against his chest and I hugged him back, really appreciating the support more than anything. It was something I really needed.

"I know, I'm just . . . thank you Justin, you're the best," I told him, honestly. He had messed up in the past, but he was being the best friend that I needed right now, and I couldn't thank him enough. He was helping me so much in ways that I didn't think he even realized. It was amazing the wonders having a supportive net to fall back on did for me.

"I know, I know," he laughed, stepping back so I could wipe my own tears.

"He wants to see you now, by the way," I shrugged. He nodded and headed down the hall. After he was gone I let out a long sigh and sat down in one of the chairs. They were uncomfortable and stiff, so I hoped that Justin wouldn't be gone long. It was getting really late, but I decided to pull out my phone and call Vic. He would want to know what's going on.

I stepped outside the building for a moment, so I could feel like I had at least a little bit of privacy. I felt a little off about getting emotional by myself in an empty police station lobby.

"Hey," he answered the phone in a tired voice, and I felt bad for possibly waking him up. Even still, his voice made me feel warm inside, and an unintentional smile started creeping across my lips.

"Hi boyfriend," I said, in a small voice.

"Aw, hey Kells, what's up?" he asked, with a yawn. It made me wish I was there lying next to him. I could just imagine him lying in his bed, his hair a mess as I cuddled against his chest-

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm at the police station with Justin - "

"What? The police station?" He asked, clearly alarmed and suddenly sounding about a hundred times more awake.

"No, no, it's fine, don't freak out, okay? Apparently they found . . . "I had to pause a moment so I could stomach the next part. "They found videos of the night I was. . . you know. . . and they're pressing charges on the guy that did it."

"Wait, videos? Are you fucking kidding me?" he groaned. "That's sick. I can't believe- That makes me so angry, Kells."

"It makes me angry too," I told him, even though it was probably more than obvious. I drew in a shaky breath, held it for a few seconds, and then let it out again.

"I swear to God, I'd tear them apart for you," he said, his voice slick with venom so I knew he meant it.

"I know," I said. In a weird way, it kind of made me smile, though. Just the thought of Vic being protective of me . . . it was a nice thought.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. I found it very touching that he was so concerned about me. I really was lucky to have people in my life that cared so much. People like him and Justin who wanted to make sure I was happy, and who knew my weak spots and how to help me out of them. God, I loved him.

I thought about his question for a minute. It was odd, because a few months ago I would have had a meltdown over confrontation like this. I would have been back in that dark, downward spiral. Yet, somehow, I was still standing. Still breathing normally, not crying.

"I'm . . . you know what? I'm okay," I said, laughing a little. "Vic, I'm okay ."