Who are you

I feel lost. My purpose resetting the time is to make Kii lives a happier life. Kii is happier now but I don't think it's because of me. It was him that makes her happy. For people that are not close to her, she would look like she usually does. For me who have been paying more attention though, the differences can be seen clearly. Her eyes look softer, voice gentler. Her face also brighter. They seem to be a radiated by happiness. It's small and tentative as if she still not fully believe that that happiness are hers yet. Still, I can see that she is changing little by little. It was him that change her. Change her heart. Change her world. Not me.

I'm happy to see her happy. It doesn't matter who make her life better. I just want her to be happy. Be it is me or him that ability to do that. It doesn't matter. I don't hate him for making her happy. I just worry. Arzen is different. His attitude, his personality, the way he speaks, the way he does something is far too different than before. I wanted him to be different for Kii's sake but this much is just overwhelmed. I felt it before. He was like a whole different person.

The Arzen I know is someone who always was a perfectionist. He likes perfect things. He did everything perfectly. His study, his duties as a Crown Prince, his duties as a School president. Everything that was tasked to him would be done perfectly. He made plans. He knew what his future would be. He accepts it and content with waiting until it was done. He was not a warm person. He didn't know how to show affection even to the one he loves. Just look at how he was treating Kii that time. He smiled when he needs to be. When he thought it was a polite thing to do. He was good to hide how he really was. He was good at lying. Very very good at lying. People admired him. They painted him as a naive, pure gentleman. I also admired him once upon a time, a lifetime ago. That's why it was hurt when I found out what was actually hidden inside his heart. People said that I was a wolf in sheep clothes because I was young, I have an innocent baby face yet I like to play with woman. People said I was a heartbreaker. They never know that it was more suitable to describe him. Not that they will believe it even if I told them.

This Arzen thought, who prefers to be called Ace by the way, why Ace? I knew it is his middle name but a royalty like him usually use the first name and seldom use their middle name even when they introduce themselves. Only in an announcement that their middle name will be told fully. Or why even he wants to be called differently? For the sake of starting a new life? (that would make sense if he really was also coming back in time). If it was his reason, I would like to let him now that changing name won't be able to erase what he had done in the past. Damn it! It still makes me shake with fury when I remember that. He doesn't seem to remember the past though. Yet again I remind myself that we will never know when it's coming from him. He was a good liar. An amazing actor. Who knows if he actually really was remembering but pretending that he doesn't? If it was him I'm sure he can pull it off.

I don't want to be the one that prevents Kii for having a good life. But my heart just won't let go. I can't trust him. I knew that he loved her. So much in love with her but I just can't trust him. Loved her as he may be, he wasn't able to protect her last time. I would be happier if Kii falls in love with someone else. Someone that can protect her truly. Someone that is not scared to show her just how much they love her. Someone that will always be there for her. Someone that will be able to make her smile more. Someone that will treasure her. Someone that treats her... like how the present Arzen treats her now... Damn, it's coming back to him after all. Damn him for acting this different it makes me even starting to want to call him differently. Maybe I should call the current Arzen, Ace as well?

This Arzen is careless. He is bad at staying still. He doesn't like studying. He is more into physical activity than theoretical. He loves staying out than indoor. He prefers a pipe, A PIPE, rather than a sword. Like, why a pipe?

When did I ask him his answer was "why? It's cool. Sabo and I were used to fighting with pipes. We were unbeatable! Don't look down on pipes"

Excuse you, who or what on earth is even Sabo? And when I questioned it "my brother," he said. As far as I know, he only has one brother and his name was Prince Arren. Where is this Sabo comes from? Did time travel messes up his brain? He is insane and a very bad liar. Or maybe he is a very good liar and been messing with me?

I wonder if Kii is going to be alright staying with him.

I turn to Kii to ask if he treats her well if she likes him.

"I like Ace-kun," she said. Ace and not Arzen? My mind immediately thinks. I sometimes forget that Kii doesn't remember the past.

"you like to be with him?" I asked again.

"Uh-huh, it's fun. He shows me so many new things, new place. Made me try and experience something that I never thought I would like to do before. He tells nice stories about an adventure and freedom. He includes me in his dream. He even shares his dream with me. It is nice. Make me ask is this how it feels to be loved? It's a wonderful feeling" she told me with a smile.

My mind was back to that cell for a moment. I remembered her telling him that she never know how it feels to be loved. Is it an irony that it was him that makes her feels loved now?

"you do know that I love you too right?" I ask. I don't want to take the risk. I don't want her to feel like last time. Think that I never care about her.

"Yes, I do. Aoi-sama tells me any time. How can I forget? I'm happy about it because I love Aoi-sama too" she tells me gently.

"I'm your brother. I think it's time for you to stop calling me "sama". I call you Kii and not Kii-sama. You should call me Nii-chan or Aoi Nii-chan." I tell her.

"Nii-chan" she whispered. She seems to like it but still hesitant.

"I don't think I will be allowed to call you that. Mother will say that Nee-sama will be sad"

"we should stop that too," I told her.

She looks enquiringly at me so I continue.

"Nee-sama has already many people that love her. She shouldn't feel less loved even if I decide to love you more. You're my twin sister. My baby. It's not good for her to feel sad when I decide to spend time with you more" I shrugged "beside it's just a name. I am your brother. It is not wrong for you to call me that. What even need for her to be sad about?"

She still looks worried so I told her that she should stop caring about people that don't care about her.

"trust me more. Rely on me more. I'm your brother. I will protect you the best I can. I will protect you from anyone that is out to hurt you, even from our own family" I tell her firmly.

"Thank you, onii-chan," she said softly then hug me tightly. I hope she will be more open now. I hope I can lessen her burden. I hope she won't feel alone in her own house anymore.

Mother is starting to notice that I paid more attention to Kii rather than to Midori and now is keep trying to make me spend more time with her. It's annoying. Father doesn't care like he always does. I can't think of Midori the same way as before. I can't even bring myself to refer her as nee-sama in my mind. I blamed her. She had a part in making Kii's life miserable after all. I'm aware that she hasn't bullied that girl yet. She hasn't met her yet. But I can't help to hate her for the actions that she (had in the case or will be in her case) done. Yes, I hold a grudge against something that hasn't been done yet. I know but, I don't care, so sue me. It still possible to happen again. I hate them a lot. That girl that ruined everyone's lives just by her presence alone. Midori who was too greedy to share our family love. Mother who never cared of her own daughter but prioritized her adopted daughter. Arzen who hurt her most. I pitied him. I gave him a second chance to love her one more time. Doesn't mean that I hate him less. As soon as the shows just pinch of thought or act to hurt Kii, I'll take Kii away from him. From them. I don't care much about father and Akai. I already lost respect for them long ago.

Right now we are sitting in the family room. Mother said she wants to have a family meeting. Unsurprisingly, Kii is not here. We, Kii and I were supposed to go to the palace for our class. It was to be only Kii but like hell, I'll let her spend alone time with Arzen. So I told them that if Kii is going to study there than I would like to go as well. I hold Arzen's gaze and tell him that I need to protect Kii. Surprisingly he was not offended like I think he would be but nod in understanding and let me join them. We won't be alone anyway, he said. Arren Nii-Sama is going to join us too. It was not what I expected, it's better though. More people is better. Hopefully, Kii will safe enough.

But now, with me here and Prince Arren already in Academy, they're alone there. I'm worried. This Arzen is different but I still don't trust him. What if he did something to Kii while I'm here talking about unimportant things?

Mother told me that I need to stay home today because we are going to have a family meeting right in front of Kii, without telling Kii to stay too. Kii's sad smile when she said "I'll see you later, Aoi-nii" is making my heart aches. Mother is more suitable to be that girl's mother. They're alike. Innocent smile but their words hurt people.

"we are here to talk about Aoi-san recent behaviour" my mother began. Honestly, I don't think my behaviour is worth being discussed. I'm not doing something bad, I only care about my sister.

"Thank you for Papa-san, Onii-san and Midori-chan that are willing to spare their busy time for us. It makes us feel loved because it proves your love for us. Aoi-san has been acting weird. He's been making Midori-chan sad. Would you like to explain why darling?" she says looking at me.

I want to tell her to Fuck off but it wouldn't be nice. We're nobles after all. Besides if I do say that Kii is the one that will get the blame. I knew that.

"what is so weird about caring for my own sister?" I ask them instead

"you're making your Nee-sama sad, dear," she said gently. It makes me want to puke.

"and why does she need to be sad? She has you, father and Akai... Nii-sama to love her. Kii only has me. You make it like it was a competition. But even if it was, she won't lose by losing me, will she? I only one person after all"

"Aoi-san, we have..." my mother start again. But I was in no mood to listen to their bullshit, so I cut her again.

"yeah, yeah, she was fragile and we don't want to make her feel left out or whatever," I said

"if you understand..." she trails

My patience is breaking. Midori is looking at me with a pitiful expression, Akai with disappointment face. Father seems to puzzles. That's it. I have enough of them.

"so, we don't want her to feel left out but it is okay for Kii to be left out? We don't want her to be sad but if it's Kii then it doesn't matter? Kii is always alone. Kii is also deserving to be loved. Isn't she your daughter too? Why can't we love them both?" I ask them. They look surprised at my statement. Father seems to think hard about something. And I'm starting to think that I born in an idiots house. Honestly.

"You don't like it when I act like this? Then feel free to left me out too. I would rather be with my precious twin sister than with a bunch of selfish beings" I said on my way out, then slam the door for good measures. Akai's shout of "Aoi!" is left unheard in the wind.

I was really worried about them so I came as soon as I can. I had this wild imagination that he was forcing her to do something she doesn't want when they were alone. But what I found is really different. The class must end hours ago. They are sitting in the pond. Foots in the water. Arzen is telling her something, hands gesturing wildly. She is laughing at his story. They look happy. I watch them for a while. My heart feels heavy. Not because Kii is laughing, definitely not because she is happy. I don't know why even when Kii is there laughing and happy with Arzen. I feel sad thinking of the Kii that was alone in the cell. Of Arzen who love her so much but hurt her the most. The Arzen that I hate. Suddenly I feel like I'm intruding. I don't want this moment to end. I want them to stay happy like that. Who are you really, Arzen? Are you the same Arzen as before? Are you also come back to make her happy?

Who are you?

On my way back I keep asking that. God, who is he really? Can I trust him? Who is that? Is it the same Arzen? Or Ace? Who is Ace? Arzen... Or maybe Ace...? Whoever you are I hope you're not here to hurt her. I hope you're the right one for her. I hope you will not abandon her like last time. I hope you will still stay by her side even after you meet that girl. Because if you're not. Heaven forbid. I'll even sell my soul to the devil to make you suffer for hurting her. I would not, could not bear to see the same thing happens to her again. To see her suffers again. I promised to protect her. And protect her I will! Even if I have to have blood in my hands.