A simple goal

There was nothing inherently earth-shattering or very innovative about the goal I had in mind. It is something very basic and quite frankly unoriginal. In fact, it was so common that not finding it in someone was the exception.

I just want to live.

It is not a grand revelation nor infallible words of wisdom. Given my circumstances, this objective is very easy to understand. But there is a huge difference between simply surviving and actually living.

Right now, I constantly find myself being tortured at the hands of monsters and the Scale. With my flesh suffering from horrendous injuries and with death staring at me impatiently...

I would hardly call that living. Barely surviving is a more suiting description of my current life. Living to me is much more than just not being dead. A man who has lost everything is alive but not living.

A place to rest, access to food and water, shelter from the harsh climate and not having to fear for my life every step that I take. A difference like that may seem minuscule but to me, it was more than the world.

Having a place to return to amongst all of this mess and chaos is important and should not be looked down upon. I was not content with merely scraping by from battle to battle. A life like that was not something I could accept. Who knows, one day I might even call it my home.

Securing a water source was the first step in order to accomplish this goal. Since it would make for a good location, to build a place I can find shelter in.. With the magician at my side, I do not have to fear any monsters interfering in this matter, but at one point even he needs to sleep.

We are currently in an open location, which means that we can be attacked from all sides. Furthermore, we might never know what type of enemy we face. These monsters might not be restricted to the land.

Air, water, land, or directly under my feet nothing is truly safe. The best course of action was to keep the potential dangers to an absolute minimum. As always my journey ends with me digging a hole.

Going underground was the option that posed the least risks and was also something I was already familiar with. My hands quickly moved towards the ground to slowly chip away the soil, but my hands were able to enter it without any problems.

As the dirt ran through my hands I managed to remove a lot more with each repetition than initially expected. This detail seemed a lot less important then I noticed just what I was digging up currently.

The soil was as dead as its surroundings or to be more exact consisted out of the dead in the surroundings. The stench it gave off was undoubtedly the same.

Everything here, in its entirety, is dead. The air, the ground, the water; only these monsters were very lively. I can not imagine the sheer extent of lives that came to an end here.

Was the number in the millions? Billions? How many Zeroes were needed to make something like this possible? The answer was probably a lot.

I had no time to contemplate the implications of said knowledge as my fingers tore through the ground without much resistance. It's like riding a bike, you never forget. Maybe I was always fated to be a mole in my second life.

My lack of sight could be ignored for now, but in due time it will have an impact on the hole digging process. Though I should never underestimate the volume of dirt that needs to be moved. The pit I was thinking of, still needed a lot of time and effort.

From time to time I heard the mage speak to me and as always I could not make any sense out of it. Although it was a welcome distraction to the stillness that ruled this eerie place. The noise produced by the movement of my hands only added to the ambient atmosphere.

I might as well be in a horror movie. "Pitch-Black" starring the blind protagonist who has an affination for getting down in the dirt and his sidekick the hot foreign guy unable to speak one coherent English word. Coming to a cinema near you soon

If the token foreign actor had at least the common decency to help me out in this endeavour then this film could be wrapped up in half the time. While he was busy hogging all the spotlight, making middle-aged women swoon left and right I had to get down on my knees and do the dirty work.

I feel like I've dug myself in, figuratively and literally. Sadly it was not deep enough yet and my mind had already gone astray leading me onto a path of no return. The only direction was going deeper into the rabbit hole.

Although I had never known it any other way, I might call it home right now. But this can not continue; I should move out or rather on. The price I have to pay is too high.

Obviously, I am not going to start another tirade full of morals and other things that reek of hypocrisy. Any form of credibility had been lost a long time ago and the current circumstances did not work out in my favour either.

Keeping my mind busy while I slowly move the ground in front aside was the only thing I tried to accomplish. I still had to listen closely to the sounds of my environment; due to this place truly being full of danger.

My life should not be at risk without any reason and not showing the necessary respect for the surroundings could prove to be fatal. Because for all creatures of this world I am a great food source. Who present would not want a bite out of that juicy meat?

Since I am a snack. How could I not be popular? My succulent and young flesh paired with the flavour of death and decay create a union of life and demise. Paired with the side dish of magician it should become a scrumptious feast for the low price of their life.

This was the latest trend in this godforsaken place; it was in the truest sense of the word to die for. Most of them truly burn with passion for this wonderful meal. Our product is 100% not natural and should be consumed with great care.

Fed only the most suitable customers, the meat is something of everyone. Whose mouth can stay dry upon laying your eyes on such a delicacy? The sheer anticipation must be unbearable but rest assured there is enough for everyone.

Come one come all, we welcome you with our arms wide open and carry more than just hospitality. Guns would have made all of this so much easier, but this would only give them even more stupid ideas.

As tradition dictates, the honour of testing out this newly gained knowledge befell, of course, none other than me. Having access to firepower would only worsen my current predicament in the long run.

Although magicians wielding guns would certainly not do me any good, I could not help myself from seeing the scene of a lone mage wielding a firearm unfolding right in front of my mind.

" Die, beast!" yelled the player with his machine gun aimed directly at the ferocious monster. Pulling the trigger absolute carnage ensued as the bullets tore through the monster without any remorse. Empty cartridges covered the ground and the cries of projectiles filled the air.

The battlefield was full of corpses that had suffered a similar fate, and only the skinny magician was left standing amongst the vast field of death and despair. Facing the impending end of all things to come, the bootleg Rambo laughed menacingly.

Raising his voice to the heavens, he made a vow full of conviction. "Intelligence, I shall never bow to you. Your vileness shall be brought to an end through me."

Still feeling the sensation of my hands tearing through the soil, I finally had lost my patience. Why do they always find a way to screw with me? In my dreams, they could hardly wait to reinstate the world back to its previous state but all of a sudden, they are too lazy to do even that?

How could they have predicted my aim here? Seems like they saw through my lie, I would not dig through this dirt for such a petty reason. It has so much more worth than any one of them could ever imagine.

As I had confirmed beforehand, anything that is altered stays in its position and only returns to its previous state when it is not bound anymore. I would have to simply wait and watch as more and more soil is generated.

Rinse and repeat and I could collect an infinite amount of earth. So what would I do with this heap of useless dirt?

A single grain of sand might not amount too much, but it crushes everything under its weight, once it is amassed. They are really leaving me with no other choice; I really have to dig in this soil to escape underground.

That being the case, I could try to use magic to deepen that hole. Although flames, even if they are made out of magic, might not be the best choice for that matter.

First of all, this kind of dead soil does not appear very inflammable and if it was, then the magician at my side was a walking time bomb. Everything in my surroundings is full of it.

If I want to see this entire world be engulfed in flames, then this would be the perfect chance to do so. Becoming an arsonist was not a career path I had in mind. I might consider it, should some decide to push me too far.

Therefore I had no other choice than doing this mundane task and do everything with my own two hands. The battle against boredom was in full swing and my mind began to wander anew; dragging me away from this prison made out of dirt.

Sadly, the chains of reality brought me back from time to time and reminded me of what needed to be done.

I dearly yearned for a way to avoid all of this tedious work, but there was no way to skip this cutscene nor fast-forward it. This was neither a time-lapse nor a montage and I could not even load a different check-point.

Before I would lose my mind, I decided to vent my frustrations by cursing out loudly again. It was only a temporary solution, but it was the best alternative, that did not cause a widespread fire.

I had not forgotten about the weird substance inside of me, but I had no intention of cutting myself open to be able to reach it. Taking unnecessary risks will only cause me more trouble than its worth. For once I should really use my head.

The next thing on my agenda to pass my time was punching the ground with full force. Treating the ground as my worst enemy was soothing me and brought back peace and serenity. As it turns out I am quite a simple creature.

At least this kind of distraction was enough to make the mindless digging somewhat tolerable. But boredom is a sly fox, it creeps upon when you least expect it. The moment I had barely forgotten about it, it struck hard and fell over me like a starved predator.

My mood was dropping lower and lower and was even deeper than the hole I was planning on digging. All the while, the Scale had been silently judging me in front of my eyes. Yet, I could only direct the anger at the innocent soil beneath me.

There was no way to make this any more interesting, it was a battle to the death.

The soil versus human patience.

It was a battle which knew no victor; only suffering and utter despair. All the brain cells lost in this heartless war will never be forgotten. Their noble sacrifice should not be for nought.

I will persevere.

Who am I kidding, this is not about digging a hole in the ground. As much as I like to exaggerate it to keep my mind busy; it is not something which would cause me so much trouble. What I truly fear the most, of being alone with myself.

Being alone with myself the feeling of guilt starts to overwhelm me. It is the same old debate, which I can not escape from. A bottomless abyss, which I have dug with my own two hands.

Trying to find a light in a place, that swallows all of it has proven to be not something I am able to do on my own. Still, here I am desperately searching and all I meet is even more darkness.

The same small child, which considered pain to be the only suitable teacher. It had taught me many things, but I have never learned my lesson.

While everything around me changes, I am static. While I stay the same the world moves on without me. I am merely a relict of the past, waiting silently for the maelstrom of time to do its bidding. By putting off and repressing such issues, I was able to live day by day and hid from the truth.

I do not even know what I truly want. Being truly happy, it sounds so simple; but how does it feel to be truly happy? There is no dictionary that defines such a feeling. In the end, it is a subjective matter.

To sum up this delightful dilemma. I try to find something, that I can not find on my own. But this something can only be found on my own.

As it turns out, nothing has changed.

The hole was still a hole, I was still shovelling an even deeper hole and I could still not see an end to it. This pit in front of me might be the best representation of the state of my life I could have asked for.

There is no big lesson that can be drawn here, there is no point or purpose in all of this.

It is pointless. It is entirely devoid of any meaning. It is so useless.

I did not gain a new perspective on this matter, instead of going forward I kept on spinning in circles. Moving forward is impossible that way and I do not want to look back. What am I doing wrong here?

Regardless of what I try or do, I always find myself having the same thoughts and do the same mistakes.

Even as I searched for answers I could not find, I had continued to dig. Though as always I did not know how deep I found myself in it.

A simple goal, it would be nice to have.