Work Journey

It's early in the morning, let's say 5:30am; freezing winter morning with strong winds blowing that makes it close to 5 degrees. it hurts to breathe through my nose...as my nose is running with the sheer power of the weather. There's a thick blanket of fog masking the entire road and homes, making it almost invisible and hard to see what's ahead or what's there.

"I guess this is what I get for living near the blue mountains"

The moon is still out and for some reason it's very bright; maybe as bright as the sun, (if i choose to stare at it like an idiot), its even brighter than the lamp I am under. Piercing through the thick fog as well. At the bus stop waiting for the bus that should arrive at 5:38. im wearing my iconic green jacket and a blue jumper that i know for a fact i had this for 4 years now. where my chest is nice and warm, wearing my fiberglass safety boots that I bought last year. but it's still cold. hands are in the pockets hibernating away from the cold wind. One of the main problems that I have now is my legs where my long pants are not enough to warm them up. frozen stiff, like a pair of ice blocks if they came in a metre long with no flavour but ice. i can't barely move or even walk or bend my knees but I have no choice if I want to warm them up. I wandered around in circles, back and forth, side to side and repeat. It makes things worse that my head is freezing. I don't own a beanie and I know I won't look good in one. Also, I should have dried my hair properly with a hairdryer. I can feel the water in my hair freezing up and solidifying as I move in circles; sharp icicles digging into my head and reaching my brain… brain freeze is coming my way...same goes for the bus.

As I wander around gathering the heat that is escaping my body into the air; like a bunch of birds escaping from a kid jumping at them for fun. A bright light came from the distance opposite from the moon and more unnatural; more man made light. like the street lamp I'm under; it's the bus, it can't be anything else as I live in the middle of nowhere. I pulled my hand out of my pocket to signal the driver. That's when I had a glimpse of my hand and realised. that it's bloody pale, Pale white. usually hands are pale pink or red beige from the blood rushing in the hand. I haven't seen my hand like this in years. It kinda reminds me of the movie I've watched recently, "Harry Potter". as the bus pulls up and opens its doors like the curtains on a play/concert. I step in.

The A/C is on and it's warm enough to give my face a strong punch with a mild massage as I step closer. my legs are melting as the warm wind pierce through the pants and hit the right spot. the faint smell of the warm air lingering on the inside of my nose. I don't know the smell but I know that people have tried to mask it with detergent and cleaning products over the years. I turned to the bus driver and saw him wearing a mask, a simple blue medical mask, something that everyone is wearing even on the concrete ground as people are littering them everywhere.

"morning" with the voice of Voldermort"

It completely slipped out, just because I was thinking about it doesn't mean that i should impersonate him. He looked at me with no reaction. I am sure he's had worse cases or he's not in the mood to react to my stupidity this early in the morning. He just simply nodded his head and looked back on to the road. Thank the lord that he's had enough of the human race and to be honest the same goes with me. As I shuffle further down I tap my bus card and head towards the middle of the bus. Here's the 1 hour ride to work.

…

As the sun rose and created a beautiful scene just above the clouds with its orange tint with the bright warm yellow light, I was getting close to work, the warm bus trip was soon coming to an end. The fear of leaving this bus and exiting to the cold atmosphere made me shiver. I did not want to get off. I reached my arm out towards the button to get off the next stop. As the bus came to a stop and the doors opened, The grasp of the winter wind grabbed hold of me and pulled me towards the exit. I tapped off and nodded to the bus driver.

"thank you"

he nodded back and closed the doors as I stepped off. 5 more minutes of walking to the nearest gas station to grab some breakfast and a flavoured milk(preferably coffee). To be honest, I could and should make my own breakfast and make coffee, save more money and a real coffee would pack a lot more of a punch that a fake would do.

But I, can't, be fucked, too lazy and it would make a lot of noise in the morning.

My love for coffee and tea are beyond and stronger than the word "Love" that people would lightly use in a conversation. if i say i love coffee and tea, if i could i would marry it. but sadly my body wouldn't; i'm now a lactose intolerant; well i grew into one.

and I have a sweet tooth, so unless my meals or drinks have some sweetness or flavour to it, I will not be satisfied.

enough of this self narration on what i like and love. no one gives a damn.

The cold wind crashes into my face and eyes, making it hard to keep it open, especially when the wind has been amplified by the speeding cars. the wind and the sound of the cars brush through my hair and around my eyes,

it's cold. And walking faster would not help that, the gas station is getting closer and closer and just thinking on what to buy for breakfast is a challenge, it's' hard to choose between a sausage roll that will ruin my stomach and intestines for the day or a healthy banana bread but at the cost of a $2 extra.

"hmmmmmmm"

that $2 could get me a Mike Wazowski pop figure if I save enough.

Mike is a character of my most favorite disney movie "Monster Inc. and Monsters university"

hmmmm….a figure or a healthy lifestyle. I can't decide.

I went for the sausage roll and a 750ml bottle of dare iced coffee double espresso.

*not sponsored by the way

I exit back out into the cold and walk towards the staff entrance of the store I work at.

As I get closer I know today's sequence of my never ending nightmare continues

Nightmare (noun or whatever it is; doesn't really matter right now) a nightmare is a dream that is more of a negative experience or filled with negative energy, usually takes place when someone is in deep thought/dream or someone with negativity in their lives, but a dream is something that you wake up from and usually a nightmare is easier to escape or awake to. When people use the word nightmare in their day-to-day personal lives, they are simply using "nightmare" for it's negative effect. It's not really effective as you cannot wake up from reality nor escape it. I say that my life is a nightmare because I never really woke up, my life is depressing, terrifying and most of all a mess and to be honest I am very lonely. I never learn from my mistakes and I trip myself over and over again. I make scenarios that will never happen and get sad that if it doesn't, I overthink possibilities of every outcome and it's exhausting. I still make and take the most out of this nightmare though, as I don't know how to wake up and I don't really want to, as a nightmare is still counted as a dream and dreams are used to give fulfillment and an escape from reality. It's hard to believe in hope, but if I have my darkness surrounding me, it's worth the effort when I reach that goal. I failed many times in my past and to be honest nearly died. But I never really gave up. I turned my nightmare into my reality and my reality is my nightmare but with a goal, survive and make the most of the present. Use my past mistakes and depression to help others and make fun of it. Making people laugh and happy, connecting with people that I never thought I would be able to. Making people happy is what will make this nightmare into a dream.

I walk down the stairs towards the staff entrance and return to my world.

I wait by the staff entrance, with my iced coffee in my jacket pocket and the sausage roll completely digested into my stomach ready for work. I go to ring the bell with my frost fingers to say I'm by the staff entrance wanting to come in. Usually it takes several minutes to even get a response with a door opening and a "good morning" but today was different it seems. Frozen outside for maybe 6 minutes; ringing the bell a total of 3 times. No response meaning the manager is lazy or not in yet, it's a common routine to happen but not as common to find a kid crying on the floor cause he wants some candy that is sold in our store that he saw on a commercial on TV. It's cold and too cold to drink the iced coffee. And I'm slowly falling back asleep, technically I can go home if the manager doesn't show in 20 minutes or so...excited to see if I can go home and sleep again. As I slowly blink to re-moisture my eyes I look back and see a team member; 3 team members actually. Marie, Collen and Francis, All 3 I work with and get along quite well. I wave my hand aggressively(more like shaking my hand like a glow stick to get it's toxic level of glow) as a gesture of "hello I am fully awake and have energy to spare. Nice to meet you guys again for today"

All 3 were waving back but with less energy as they are already tired of my bullshit and with work but I know they were happy to see me.

"Morning~~~~" I scream like a alien in the movie Terminator or something (never watched it and never was interested)

"It's too early for this shit" Marie replied with a sigh and lack of energy.

(Marie is a co-worker I've worked with for a while, maybe over 2 years now. I call her mom for her motherly figure and she tends to take care of me quite a lot and im not too sure if it makes her happy but it sure does for me)

"Oh no, the crazy one is in today" Collen replied to my stupidity.

(Collen is also a co-worker that I worked with for a while, and I believe he is one of the few who has worked here the longest. He's sometimes full of energy but that energy is usually all wasted towards him getting angry and grumpy over just how the younger kids don't give 2 shits on work)

"Morning, ahahaha" Francis laughed with energy restored with a good amount of sleep.

(Francis is one of kindest and best hard working full timers here, works mainly in the Kitchen department, he knows everywhere around there. He even helps the managers when it comes to anything about the kitchen area.

These 3, I would say are the best people I love working with. With their common jokes and banter. My days are always brighter with them.

As we were laughing and having our chat about the beautiful sunrise or the weekend that we enjoyed; a sound of a SUV was approaching. I looked over and it was a midnight blue Toyota Yaris. it's a nice car but i say my personal all time favorite is the Nissan Cube or a Mazda RX-8. I know, 2 different cars on the opposite sides of the spectrum, don't hate my weird taste.

It drives into an empty parking spot close to us when there is a whole lot over to my left away from the crowd of us waiting, like it wants to park near us, step out and give us the finger call us all "wanker" step back in a drive off but all of that just happened in my head. Laughing to myself with my stupidity. That's when I look down and see everyones emotion take a turn from Joy and Happiness to Grim and despair….Like each of their favorite type of ice-cream flavour was reported fake, merely using the colours of the spectrum and the power of science and a roll of lettuce to make everyone's favorite flavour "Peanut Butter".

But it seemed something far worse, something that the power of science and maths cannot save us all. out of the Toyota yaris was our manager, 6:59, 1 minute before the store commences our shift, the start of our daily journey to hell and back. Retail work, Shop-fill starts in 3 minutes and ends in 8 and a half hours. Here I go, no...Here we go.