*Special* Chapter Fifteen

Tw maybe?

I couldn't move. I couldn't breath. It seems as though time had stopped. Everything stopped. Nothing moved. No one moved. No one said anything. No one breathed. And the cause of this, was the thing that was standing in front of me. The cause of all my pain and suffering was standing in front of me. The cause of everything that happened in my life was standing right in front of me. Everyone was probably confused on why this was my biggest fear. But I knew. I knew why this was my biggest fear. I knew that this was my biggest fear because it was the reason for the lack of love, attention, and appreciation in my life. My biggest fear was the cause of everything. My biggest fear is something that is with me forever. My biggest fear is something that will never leave me because.....

My biggest fear, is me.

My biggest fear, is myself as I am.

That is what is standing in front of me right now. Myself. I'm staring at myself. Myself as I am right now. Same outfit, same hair, same eyes, same everything. It was me. Staring back at me. My biggest fear is me because I am the reason for everything.

My hand that held my wand was shaking, causing me to drop my wand. The wood clincked on the ground, but I didn't hear it. The music was still playing but I couldn't hear it. People were talking, laughing, and gossiping with one another, but I couldn't hear them. The only thing I could hear, was my own thoughts.

'It's your fault.'

It's all the repeated in my head. I couldn't feel the tears that were streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't feel the lump in my throat. I couldn't feel the burning in my chest from lack of oxygen. I couldn't feel the sweat that was starting to drip from my pores. The only thing I could feel, was the panic starting to rise in my chest. My body started shaking as the panic starts to consume me.

'I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here.'

The thoughts kept repeating in my head the longer I stood there. I couldn't stop myself. My breathing starts at a very fast pace. I felt like I was being suffocated by nothing. I couldn't be in there anymore. I take a few steps back until I run into someone, knocking them and a few other people down, causing people to turn their heads my way.

My breathing picks up and the room starts spinning. The tears don't stop as I turn around and start running. I didn't know where I was going. All I did know, was that I needed to get out of there. I needed to be alone to calm myself. I needed to be alone so I could let my emotions go.

I ran. I just ran. I didn't stop. I didn't stop until I reached the girls bathroom. I find the wall by the sink and slide down it until I'm on the floor. The tears don't stop. My quiet sobs echo through the bathroom. I was so caught up in my emotions that I didn't hear the door open.

"Y/N?" I hear Draco ask. I look and see him kneeling down in front of me. Once he sees the tears on my face, he moves to sit beside me. He pulls me onto his lap and rests my head on his chest. I try to hold back my tears by only letting our small whimpers. Draco must have sensed it.

"It's okay. You can let it out. I'm here for you." So that's what I did. I let it out. The tears, the sobs, the everything. Draco just stayed silent as be had his arms wrapped around me. I was getting his undershirt soaked but he didn't care.

After a while, my tears stopped and I was just sitting on his lap as he holds me.

"Can I ask you something?" He asks me. I look up at him and sigh.

"Yeah."

"Why was your boggart, well, you?" I close my eyes and look down.

"Because I'm the cause of it all. It's all my fault. I'm the reason my family hates me. I'm the reason for my suffering. Everything in my life, good or bad, is because of me. Because it's all my fault. It's all my fault, Draco. My fault!" I stood up at the last part. I make my over to the sink and stare at myself in the mirror.

'My fault. It's all my fault.'

I don't know what came over me. I let out a blood curdling scream and my fist makes contact with the mirror.

"IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" I yell out. Draco flinches back a bit before rushing over to me and pulling me into a hug. I try to pull away but his hold on me is  too strong. My knuckles and fingers had glass stuck in them and they were bleeding, staining Dracos shirt, but neither of us cared.

*Time Skip*

I got a few stitches on my hand but it wasn't too bad. I had been avoiding Lupind class lately. I was scared to go back in there. Why? I'm not to sure.

Currently, I was standing on the wooden bridge, watching all the kids go to hogsmead. I wasn't able to get my permission slip signed. I kept asking my parents but they just ignored me. Literally, I kept tapping their shoulders but they just acted like nothing was happening. I sighed as I looked down at all the happy children. 

"Why aren't you down there with them?" A kind and warm voice says from behind me. I turn around to find Lupin looking at me with curiosity. I let out a dry chuckle.

"Didn't get my permission slip signed." I say. He tilts his head a bit in confusion.

"Long story." I say before turning back. He walks up next to me.

"I have time."

"Not enough."

"I can make more." I chuckle.

"You're not giving up are you?" I ask him, turning my head to look at him. He smirks and shakes his head.

"My parents ignored me whenever I tried to ask them to sign it." He furrows his eyebrows.

"I can't see Molly and Arthur doing that." I let out a scoff.

"That's what everyone says." I say, looking back down at the, now empty, courtyard.

"Why do they ignore you?" I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Hell if I know." I say with a shrug. Lupin chuckles.

"Hagrid said you have a mouth on you. I guess he was right."

"I've been told that." There was a moment of silence before Lupin spoke up.

"Why have you been skipping my class?" I look up again and look up at him. I look down with a shrug.

"I'm not really sure, honestly." I say with an empty chuckle.

"Does it have something to do with your boggart?"

"Probably. Did you see what it was?" I ask the werewolf.

"I did."

"Do we have to talk about it?"

"If you don't want to, no."

"Good." There was another pause before I decided to speak up.

"Can I show you something?" He raises an eyebrow at me and nods. I take a breath and step away from the ledge. I pull out my wand and give it a wave. I feel my body start shrinking. It hurt but I didn't show it. My bones snap, my muscles stretch, my skin changes into scales.

Once I feel my body stop morphing, I open my eyes again to find Lupin staring at me with shock. I mean, a normal person would when they just watched a human turn into a serpent, my Animagus form.

"You're an animagus?" He asks. I nod my little head before changing myself back to my human form.

"That I am."

"Why? I mean, why did you show me?" I smile.

"Because I know your secret." I see his face go white and his shoulders tense.

"Relax. I'm not gonna tell anyone. You can't control it anyways." He relaxes a bit.

"How did you figure that out?"

"The scars, the tired eyes the day after the full moon." I say, standing near the ledge again.

"You are one of the brightest witches of your age." He chuckles before walking over to stand next to me again. There was another moment of silence before an idea popped in my head.

"I could help you. During your transformations." He looks to me confused.

"What do you mean, exactly?"

"I could stay with you when you transform. In my animagus form. I'm great at potions so I could make you your potions." I see something change in his eyes. I hint of sadness with a mixture of nostalgia.

"I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm great at reading people's eyes. Yours hold of sadness and nostalgia. Was it something I said?" He smiles and shakes his head.

"No no, nothing like that. It's just, my old friends used to do the same." I smile up at him.

"I bet they were great friends then." More sadness comes to his eyes.

"Yeah, they were."

"May I ask, who they were?" He chuckles and nods.

"First off, we have James Potter. Oh boy. That man was something else. He would always chase Lily Evan's around, practically begging for a date with her. Lily kept rejecting him of course, even though we all knew that she liked him back. It was hilarious watching him chase her tail. He was like a lovestruck puppy.

"Then, there was Sirius Black. Sirius was they playboy of Hogwarts. Always breaking girls hearts. That was until Marlene came around and put a stop to his actions. Sirius and James were the pranksters of our group. I was the brains. The one who came up with the plan while they proformed it. I did my fair share of pranks in my lifetime but they were the ones who mainly did it.

"And finally, there was Peter Pettigrew. Peter was the quiet one of our group. He didn't really do much but he was pretty good at jokes. The three of them were also Animagus'. They would always help me on the nights of the full moon. We all had a nickname for each of our forms. James was a stag so his name was Prongs. Sirius was a big black dog so his name was Padfoot. Although, we almost called him Snuffles. Peter was a rat, so we called him Wormtail. And me, well, I was Moony. Together, we formed-" I cut him off.

"The marauders." I say. He looks at me with intrest. I smile up at him.

"You can thank this." I say, pulling out the marauders map that I stole from the twins. His eyes widen and fill with more nostalgia.

"How..?"

"My brothers." His eyes close and he smiles. He shakes his head before opening them and looking at me.

"Wow." I giggle.

"I know." I put the map away and continue talking.

"So what do you say? About my help?" He thinks for a moment.

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" I smile and nod.

"Yes I am." He let's out a breath and smiles.

"I'd like that." I smile back up at him.

"You won't regret it. I promise." He chuckles and nods.

"I'm sure I won't." He opens his arms for a hug, which I gladly take. He wraps his arms around my upper back while mine wrap around his.

"You're probably one of my favorite Professors here." I say once I pull away. He cocks an eyebrow.

"Oh? And who is your favorite?" I smirk.

"Professor Snape." Both his eyebrows raise in shock, making me giggle.

"I always get that reaction."

"Ah! I'm sorry."

"Nah, your fine. The thing is, it seems as though I have a great way with people." I look around a bit before motioning him closer. He lowers his ear next to my mouth so I could whisper to him.

"I was able to get him to laugh and smile." I say proudly. He pulls away with a shocked expression.

"Only one other person was able to that." I smile sadly and nod my head.

"Lily. I know, he told me. He didn't mean to tell me though. It just kinda slipped out, y'know?" I say. Lupin nods.

"Yeah, that happens."

"I guess I have this thing about me that makes people able to open up to me." I shrug.

"That you do, Y/N." Lupin agrees.

"Professor-" He cuts me off.

"Remus. You can call me Remus outside of class." I nod.

"Remus, do you mind if we go inside? We could have some tea from the kitchen?" He smiles down at me.

"I'd like that."