Re: Childhood (1)

'It's dark... is this what death feels like? No heaven, no hell, just nothingness? It kinda makes sense if I think about it. Hah, fuck the church and their retarded delusions...

...But why does it smell so bad? It smells like the trash areas in the slums. Is this my punishment, an eternity in this familiar horrible smell? I see, my damned actions have caused-'

"WAKE UP, MAGGOT!" A loud sound interrupted Xavier's monologue, and as if it was ingrained in every fiber of his being, he stood up and shouted.

"YES, SIR... W-what the?"

"Did you have good dreams, maggot? Make sure you work extra hard today so I can have some good dreams too. I swear, kids these days are too..."

In front of Xavier, there was a large, bulky man standing who ranting about his hate for today's generation. He looked around and found the dark walls, dusty air, the depressing and bleak atmosphere, all too familiar.

'The fuck is happening here?! I remember this place. This is the mine I used to work in back when I was at the orphanage. Am I dreaming? But how can I dream when I'm dead? Is this what the afterlife really is? Anyway, I remember this bald bastard, he was one of the first ten people I killed. Just what was his name...'

"...Do you get it now, maggot?" The large man stopped his rant and asked Xavier, which made him snap out of his thoughts. He quickly replied, in the nick of time remembering this guy's name.

"Yes, instructor Baldie."

"...Huh? What did you say?"

Silence quickly settled in the mines, all the clanking noises of the pickaxe died down. Xavier realized what the hell he just said,

'Fuck, this guy was Baldur. We just called him Baldie behind his back. Shit, why the fuck did I say that to this demon?!'

"I-I said, yes, instructor Baldur."

Xavier replied with a stutter. Internally, he also wondered why he was acting like a kid here, he was supposed to be one of the most powerful in the world. Why did it feel like he was once again back to his childhood, with all that trauma back in his mind?

"Nono, I heard it very clearly. Baldie huh... Shit, I can't hit you maggots these days due to the orders from above, but I sure can make you starve for a day or two. Now you won't be acting funny when your tummy's rumbling...

Now, you other maggots, SHOW'S OVER. START MOVIN' YER HANDS."

Saying that, the bulky man left the scene to supervise the other kids who quickly went back to work, with gossip floating around the highlight of the day that Xavier dared to actually call that bastard 'baldie' in front of his face.

"That notorious bully actually did it. I thought he only bared his fangs to the weak children..."

"That crazy psycho is gonna die early, I'm telling you. It's best to stay away from people like him even more now..."

Hearing the rumors about him floating around, Xavier was confused for a second before it finally clicked.

'Ah, I was quite the bully back then. I was a bit rough and violent back in my childhood, 'cause the weak and soft here got devoured by the others. I wanted to survive, so my antisocial ass thought violence and fear were the answer, as I could not become the leader of the children with my charisma alone.'

"Whatcha' lookin' at? Wanna catch these hands?!" Xavier shouted at the nearby kids, trying to imitate what kind of attitude he had those days. It came naturally to him, as the muscle memory and habits had also come back.

It seemed to work well, as all the kids started minding their own business. With that, Xavier also went back to his own thoughts.

'Let's answer the main question to myself first... It's real, this is no afterlife, and I'm not dreaming. The smell, the sound, the feel... everything is my reality. If I remember correctly, I am 8 years old right now, working away in the mines operated illegally by the orphanage. That means I am somehow back in time about 76 years from my death.

I also am uninitiated right now, just like I was back then, so not a drop of powers from my prime remains. In conclusion, I traveled back in time, more accurately, I regressed to my childhood... That means...

I really regressed to the time before the mistakes were made, back when the series of unfortunate events that painted this era as the darkest time of humanity hadn't occurred yet. The First Great War, the Second Great War, The Bloody Interspecies War, Laplace's Rise, Hunt for the God Tears, the Age of Chaos, and finally...

The Advent of The Demon King.

Nothing has happened yet. I really am back in the time called 'the good ol' days' by the old generation...But...

.

.

.

...What now? I had already met my death, and now I am given the blessing of living once more. What should I do with this life?'

Xavier sat down and went into deep thinking. He had a lot on his mind to process, as this wasn't some everyday occurrence.

'I absolutely am never becoming the demon king again, that's for sure. I have walked that path and seen its end. Repeating my steps is something I'm never willing to do. I'd like to think of myself as a pioneer, and I wish to remain as such.

But I am not going to become a hero either. I have seen someone else walk that path already, and as I said, I'm a pioneer, so I don't walk repetitive paths.

Those unfortunate souls who are in anguish? I now know that there is already a hero out there who will bring salvation to them. I don't need to care about any of that shit anymore. Those corrupt nobles who are a tumor to the society? Hero's problem, not mine. I'll just take care of those who I have personal enmity against, and any grand scheme, the hero would take care of that.

So, keeping all that in mind, what to do now? I have a vague idea now, but it's really, really, vague.

...I'll just be me. It's not much, but I'll at least not try to become something for the sake of others. I'm bad at it, and now I know by example. Whether I'll be evil or good, it'll depend on my whims. I had enough talent in the way of strength that I became the demon king, so I'm sure it'll turn out just fine. A fresh start with no grand goals, no direction towards anything, just going through the profundities of life and fulfilling my whims and desires... it doesn't really sound bad at all.

I'll just be Xavier. No Demon King Xavier or Hero Xavier, just Xavier. Nothing more, nothing less.'

As Xavier reached this conclusion, it felt to him like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It felt as if breathing the same air was easier, the world around him was not so narrow and blurry anymore. It was only at this moment he realized the true meaning of the phrase, "Heavy is the head that wears the crown."

'This freedom of mind feels nice. But, to be truly free, I need to get out of this dingy shithole. I hate this place with all my heart. Luckily, I know just the way. Last time, I ran away at the age of 10 and came back to demolish this place at the age of 17. But now, let's just destroy it a little bit early. Now, after all those years of dealing with nobles and leading a damn whole revolution, I know how to get help from other people, regardless of whether they would like to help or not.'

Xavier snickered to himself as he mined away, not minding the creeped-out stares he was receiving from others.