Losses And Gains

Slowly opening my eyes, I saw the familiar decor of a hospital room, but something was off. However, my musings were cut short by a throbbing headache.

The pain only grew in intensity, and I was soon forced to close my eyes since the ceiling light only served to aggravate the situation. In complete darkness, the headache began to fade, and in its place were memories utterly foreign to my knowledge.

Finally, the memories froze, and in front of me was a screen. Then, much like a VCR tape, it started playing while making an occasional whir sound.

The video was the biography of Ichijo Ryuu, a boy who just passed away, and for future purposes, the body my soul had found itself in.

Ryuu was a soccer genius that would have inevitably etched his name in the annals of the beautiful game. However…

Slowly opening my right eye, since the left one was swollen shut, I peered down at my current body. In short, I was a complete mess.

I felt pain all over, especially in my right leg, left arm, and lower back. The area around my left eye also painfully pulsed every half second.

I almost laughed at the irony of the situation, but I held back. The sound of my labored breathing and the beeps and clicks of the medical devices filled the silence.

Staring blankly into space, I felt a wetness on my face, and with great difficulty, I reached up with my trembling right arm to wipe the liquid. It was only then that I realized that I was crying.

I cried for Ryuu. I wept for myself. And I sobbed for both our lost futures.

Eventually, the tears dried up, and I was left feeling hollow.

Why was I forced into this poor child's body, and why was I not allowed to pass on?

At some point, I heard the door opening, and after wiping the tear stains, I closed my eyes to avoid talking with anyone. In time, the medications were injected intravenously, and the overall pain in my body forced me back asleep.

- - - -

The next time I opened my eyes, I was greeted by the sight of Ryuu's mom. The dark circles under her eyes only partially took away from her natural beauty.

The moment we made eye contact, she covered her mouth and started crying. She immediately grabbed my less injured right hand with tenderness and motherly love.

She wasn't my mother, but I held onto her hand and let her cry.

- - -

The following person I saw was Ryuu's father, who practically mirrored his wife's reaction.

Then, I saw Yuki Oume and her parents. The former was one of Ryuu's best friends, and the latter was essentially his second set of parents. They were all in tears and thanked me for saving Yuuto while encouraging me.

Earnestly, I felt incredibly empty during the whole exchange.

- - -

Soon, the members of the Ohura FC came for a visit. Most of the members were either sniffling or had tears in their eyes. Even the coach had a downtrodden expression.

In the front of the group was Kuze Tatsuhiko, the team's captain.

"Ryuu…"

I involuntarily flinched at the name. Looking into his eyes, I knew that I needed to comfort him despite being the one lying in a hospital bed.

"I won't be able to make it to Nationals."

"You…forget about that…."

"I'll have to apologize to all of you. Coach, everyone."

By now, a few were already wiping their tears.

"Tatsuhiko, I'll leave the team in your care."

I stretched out my bruised right arm to the blonde, and he quickly grabbed it. His tiny hands transmitted his fierce determination.

"Don't worry about anything! I'm the captain of the team! Leave it to me!"

"Then I'm relieved."

After exchanging a few words with Ryuu's teammates, the coach guided them out and gave me a head bow filled with regret and sorrow before closing the door behind him.

- - -

I was lightly chatting with Ryuu's mom a few days later when Yuki barged in with tears pouring from her eyes.

"Ryu-chan…Please…Please forgive Yuuto. He's scared…He doesn't have the courage to see you still… He's a weak and unreliable guy, but…."

She desperately fought back the tears as she poured out her heart.

"Ryu-chan... don't, please don't hate him."

Ryuu's mom put down the plate she held and wrapped Yuki in a tight embrace.

"Aunty! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Objectively, it was such a selfish request. In every one of Ryuu's memories, Yuuto was an above-average talent, yet he only suffered a fractured arm. On the other hand, had Ryuu, the once-in-a-generation genius, lived, he would likely have become a paraplegic. Yet, Yuuto couldn't muster the courage to apologize, so his twin sister came and begged for forgiveness on his part.

Objectively, Ryuu is the one that lost the most here. And truthfully, I don't know if I would have saved Yuuto if it meant potentially jeopardizing my life and future. However, I would have likely exploded in frustration if he had failed to build the courage to face me after the fact.

Yet…I could feel Ryuu's powerful bond with the twins and his ardent desire to stop Yuki from crying. Ryuu's lingering emotions were gradually dissipating, and while they didn't force me to behave in a certain way, they did transmit how the original would have reacted.

As a parting gift for the boy whose body I was mystically thrown into, I had followed those feelings. Every hour, I could feel the last vestiges of Ryuu's memories, but right now, they had manifested into a fragment of Ryuu's soul. I could see him standing next to Yuki with a worried expression.

When we made eye contact, he approached me. Then, he dropped onto his knees and slammed his forehead into the ground. Ryuu, in a dogeza, was begging me to forgive Yuuto.

Slowly, I felt my resolve fracturing, and I eventually gave in.

"Yuki. I don't hate him. I just can't…If I couldn't save Yuuto back there…I would have regretted it my entire life."

The old me, the one widely accepted as the most outstanding soccer talent from the U.S., was not someone who could ever sacrifice himself for another in such a fashion. Ichijou Ryuu would have made that sacrifice effortlessly.

Ryuu slowly got up and gave me an incredibly infectious smile. He mouthed 'thank you' before giving me a polite head bow and scattering into motes of light.

As the particles of light added, I felt something click. It felt as if my soul and body had finally synced. Ryuu's memories had blended into my own, but the sliver of his soul had departed.

Belatedly, I realized I was no longer Cameron West but Ichijou Ryuu…

- - -

(Ichijou Sae's POV)

By the time Ryuu and I had comforted Yuki and the latter's parents had brought her home, it was late into the afternoon.

"Does it hurt? Should I call the doctor?"

"It hurts so bad, I want to curse, but it's fine. The doctor has already done what he can."

It was an answer that I would not expect from Ryuu. His stubborn and bold personality made it so that he seldom complained. Maybe the trauma from the accident is also changing his character.

"Ball, please."

"Hmm?"

"The one in your hands, Mom."

I dazedly gave Ryuu the ball, which he wrapped underneath his right arm.

"Thanks. Be careful on the way home."

Seeing his faint smile, I couldn't prevent my lips from quirking up. Even so, bruised, he had a charming smile.

"If it starts hurting, make sure to call the doctor."

"Sure, sure. Bye."

Giving my son one last look, I headed out of the hospital, giving a kind greeting to the passing medical personnel, especially the ones who I knew took care of him.

Absentmindedly making my way home, I couldn't stop the tears thinking back to what the doctor had said before about Ryuu's condition.

Soccer aside, Ryuu may suffer from a physical disability for the entirety of his life.

I reminisced about the first time Ryuu met the twins, Yuki and Yuuto. Shortly after, the three became interested in soccer, but Ryuu had quickly developed something closer to an obsession with the sport. He made many friends and made so many great memories.

"It's because of soccer that he was able to become who he is…If you take soccer away from him, what will happen to that boy?"

- - -

(Ichijou Ryuu's POV)

Despite knowing that the pain was getting better, it felt worse.

It wasn't a question of being able to play soccer again, but could I reach the stage I had dreamt of as both Cameron and Ryuu. Would the talent that was stored in this body or the one contained in my soul ever have the opportunity to reveal themselves?

I nervously tapped the ball. The moon was fully out by the time I settled my emotions.

Taking a deep breath, I winced at the pain near my ribs but otherwise felt much more at ease.

"First step, get back in shape."

- - -

It was harsh sunlight instead of gentle moonlight that greeted me when I woke up at a quarter past 7. The unpleasant taste in my mouth made me impatient to see the nurse who brushed my teeth and took care of my overall hygiene.

Feeling around for the soccer ball, I had to prop up my head to find it lying on the floor. Intuitively, I knew it would be foolish to try and grab it, but I did so nonetheless.

The pain in my lower back was excruciating, but I persisted. When I was just a palm's length away, my mother entered the room.

"Good morning Ryu-!!! What are you doing!!"

She dashed towards my bedside and carefully hoisted me back into a resting position.

"You still can't move yet! Did you forget that you hurt your back!"

"I didn't…Can you please give me the ball?"

She held my gaze for a moment before picking up the soccer ball and handing it off.

"Thanks."

"Of course, dear."

"Mom."

"Hm?"

"How's Yuuto?"

"Physically, he's doing fine, but mentally…."

"He's likely still traumatized about falling down the stairs and believes he's the cause of my injuries. And to an extent, he's right…."

"…What do you mean, Ryuu?"

"I want to clear up something, Mom. I can easily forgive Yuuto for not paying attention, it could happen to anyone, and I'm not going to hold that over him. However…"

"…"

"I can't stand how emotionally weak he can be at this moment. His supposed best friend is in the hospital and might have to live with a physical disability, yet..."

My right hand firmly squeezed the soccer ball as my frustration flared up.

"Yet…he won't even visit. Maybe I can let it pass since he's a kid, but… I'm just disappointed…."

My mother looked at me with a complicated gaze.

"You've changed, Ryuu. You from before wouldn't have said something like that, but… It's not a bad thing either. You want him to fulfill his responsibility as your best friend, but he has yet to do that."

She understood the crux of the problem. I nearly died for Yuuto, but he couldn't even see me in the hospital. I didn't save his life so he would owe me a debt; I did it because it was the right thing to do.

"Maybe I'm being too harsh on him. He's only a kid, after all."

"You've matured, Ryuu, but don't forget that you're still a kid too."

We both burst out in laughter before I started coughing and felt a sharp pain in my lower back. After mom pressed the 'need assistance' button in less than a minute, my physician, Dr. Takano, came in to check on my condition.

"I heard you were trying to get up. Haha, you're quite energetic, so you'll heal in no time."

"Doctor. How long until physical therapy?"

"…Hahaha…With the rate that you're improving, it won't take long."

"…I need a real number, and Mom, can you buy me a new notebook and a few pens?"

"What's wrong, Ryuu?"

Both Dr. Takano and my mother were looking at me with quizzical expressions.

"I need to make a plan. Since I'll be injured for the foreseeable future, I need to make a timeline so that when I return to the pitch, I'm even better than before. I won't allow myself to be surpassed by anyone. Injury be damned."

Their expressions turned bright at my declaration before my mom's nose scrunched up, and she lightly pulled my ear for cursing.

- - -

Later that afternoon, Yuki made a visit.

"Ryu-chan."

"Yuki."

And she brought Yuuto.

"Huh, so you finally came."

At my voice, he lifted his head, and I could see the shock on his face as he scanned my injuries. In a breath of time, he was at my bedside and sobbing.

"Ryu-chan!!"

"You definitely took your time…But I'm glad you came, I was getting worried."

"I'm sorry I took so long, I should have been the one worried about you, but I-I-"

Seeing his desperate and sincere expression, I mentally felt something else lock in place. Yuuto was such an honest person that it was difficult to dislike him. I couldn't stop myself from patting his head, and through that, I felt like an older brother comforting his young sibling.

"Don't worry. This is just a setback. Also, I hope that you won't quit playing soccer."

"What the heck! What about you? You're in this state yet…."

"Listen, Yuuto, Yuki. I have no intention of quitting soccer; heck, I have no intention of allowing anyone to even dream that they ever surpassed me."

"Ryu-chan… you've changed."

As I locked gazes with Yuki, I couldn't stop the smile on my face from growing larger.

"I have. I want to play soccer, and reach the very pinnacle, so giving up here is unacceptable. I'll do everything in my power to achieve my dream…Yuuto!"

His tear-filled eyes looked into my singular right eye.

"Let's play soccer again together. So don't quit."

"…Okay…"

I watched the twins fondly as they cried. They were more than just my friends. In a sense, I was their older brother and their pillar of support. If they were placing their trust in me, I would naturally exceed their expectations.