part 1

"I have been married to Nain for 9 years and 10 months now but I can for sure tell you I don't know much about him.

He is a reserved guy, not that it is bad but sometimes it gets too much like the times where we have to Share some information as a couple about things that are essential in our marriage.

He sometimes doesn't even reply to my opinions, like when I said we should start a family all he could say was "uhmmm".

He hums all the time like a dummy. He is my husband yes, but am his wife as well and it's like he doesn't acknowledge that." I rumbled on and on to my close friend Jina.

Jina and I have been friends for a very short period of time.

We met last Christmas when Nain and I had gone to try out some clothes for our anniversary which is two months to come but I feel like I can trust her with my marital issues.

"Come on Tiii, I know it's not easy to be married." She scoffs

"That's why am divorced but I don't want you to do the same." She continued as she arranged clothes neatly onto the clothing line.

"Jack and I called it quits because we were not happy together. I don't understand why we thought we had fallen in love in the first place." Her attention was now fully on me and her hands were on her waist. She usually does this when speaking about a sensitive or serious topic.

"My marriage was not what I expected; Jack and I quarreled over very small issues. About everything thing that made sense and the nothings. We would go on and on for days and sometimes we would not want to see each other at all." She takes in a sharp breath and continues

"We slowly grew apart our arguments would happen more often than the times we agreed. Our pride grew so big that we even forgot how sorry sounded like." She moved away from me to the counter of her boutique and I quietly strolled behind her.

She sat behind her desktop computer and held her head in her hands. For a moment we were all so quiet. I don't know how long it took until I spoke out a little too loudly because I felt my throat was a bit dry.

"Are you okay Jina?"

The sob that escaped her mouth caught my attention and that's when I realized she has been crying all along.

I didn't know what to do because it was so sudden. I didn't expect Jina to cry because she is the strongest woman I have met since I moved into town.

I moved closer to her seat.

"It's alright" took in a deep breath "it's ok jina, let's not talk about it" I moved closer and held her tighter when her sobs became louder.

Tiii

I think I do understand jina's pain though I haven't been there myself but I feel that the path her marriage life is on is too familiar.

Never have I been divorced because this is my first marriage and am trying my best to make it work, at least I think I am but why do I feel like i am walking in a divorced marriage.

The drive home was longer than usual. It felt like have been driving for miles than I usually do. Jina's words were playing in my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about me and Nain, are we really trying to make it work, am I trying to make it work or is it him who puts in too little effort.

"I don't think Nain and I can fall out of love that easily." I thought out loud as I put the car into parking at my house. Our house.

"Ohhh God I love that man more than life, I love him so much." I leaned my head on the steering wheel trying to contemplate the situation of my marriage.

"Hey babe....honey" someone was hitting on my car window which startled me from my thoughts.

"Baby what are you doing sleeping in the car, is there a problem" Nain asked as he opened the car door for me.

"No, nothing" I said as I walked past him into the house.

"I have been waiting for you so we can have dinner together..."he said excitedly as he rushed to open the house door for me.

"Sorry honey, but I don't feel like anything right now." I fake yawned "am feeling so sleepy." I gave him a quick kiss in the lips and rushed up the stairs to the bedroom before he could utter anything.

I still have to clear my mind; i just don't know which part I am not doing right. Is it the house wife bit but am an educated woman with a career I can't throw away just like that. I worked so hard to earn every single bit of my success.

My cooking is great at least that's what others think, and am so confident about it since I took a short catering course so that I can be the kind of mom who cooks for her children.

Am very hygienic and he also knows that though am a little clumsy but everyone has a weakness right.

My mind wouldn't let me rest, it kept playing so many thoughts as I took the shower and now am lying on the bed with no hopes of sleep tonight.

"Wait, maybe I don't give him the pleasure he wants." I whispered to myself as now my thoughts continued their trail falling in all the wrong places.

"Am not experienced in this field, I haven't been with so many men he was my second after my very bad first experience but he has never complained."

Why doesn't he want to have a family with me, he never wants to touch that topic. I have been married for too long and I don't think I can handle anymore.

Maybe I got married too early but who cares it was my decision.

He is my husband and we deserve kids of our own.

I want my own child... children.

"And why is he not coming to bed" I snapped as I sat.

I heard footsteps on the stairs and I went back to pretending that am sleeping.

He entered the room and headed straight for the bathroom. After a few moments he joined me on the right side which is usually his, he kissed my cheek and whispered,

"I love you babe" then rolled off to his side and slept off.

"I need to talk to you about it." It was very inaudible and so sure he didn't hear a thing as he didn't even make any movement.

I think I have to be loud enough next time.