Zero Day

Is this really it? Did I do something wrong? Should I have done things differently? Maybe I could have had answers to these questions.

Don't get me wrong, I don't believe I made any mistakes on how I lived my life and what my choice resulted in. I'm a pure believer in what my choices meant for myself and that to me they mean something regardless of it's negative or positive effects. However, it's hard to swallow the fact that maybe I could have understood more of what it meant to live.

Although I was self aware of my circumstances, it was hard to not be close-minded. I'm not blaming myself for this fact, but my upbringing wasn't what I would have wanted for myself. It was hard to outgrow my past and usually there was people there to prove my course of thought right sometimes. In the end, it reduced myself to where it ended.

Dying doing what I enjoyed isn't so bad either, but curiosity always invaded my mind. Oh yeah. My car… Maybe the path I chose want the best but racing was my passion. The feeling of adrenaline is irreplaceable and it's one of the most exhilarating natural feeling that your body can produce. Naturally, it became my life and with it, brought me countless moments of joy. They weren't all happy endings, most of the times it was at the back of a police car but it never disappointed.

It is depressing to think that my car followed my fate as well. I would have wished it could have live in through my brother and some part of me to stay with him. Right… my family. I wish they would forget about me. I have always wondered what their lives could have been if I weren't a factor. Specially my mother, she would tell me stories about her first job, her college education, and her experiences throughout life. I would cry at night sometimes thinking about how my birth was technically her demise.

However, I don't blame my father for giving my mom this idealized life of love, neither my mom for wanting to believe in it. Even myself was at one point curious as to what love could be. Yet, my attempts never worked out, which basically landed me being single for my high-school life. In every situation I found myself wanting things to not work out. It was odd and I always questioned why, but I never figured out why and will most likely still not.

At some point I started reading psychological books regarding the art of manipulation. This wasn't only to control situations but to also control myself and what I wanted to appear as. They began to make sense to me and it soon affected how I viewed things. I viewed people as future opportunities and treated relationships as prospects of future use. It was an odd transformation even for myself, but it actually made me a better person.

I began to keep people closer to me simply to use them when I needed them. I never tried to screw people over though. It was always just to stay emotionally involved with the people around me. To appear more friendly and not to stay far away from their good graces.

I wanted to understand what being a human meant in society. I wanted to be the son that would make his parents proud. I wanted to be the person that people would want to talk with. Yet everything failed.

It's not about wanting, it is about having the ability to do so. My character was completely in disarray and I wanted myself to be different. It was frustrating to understand how bad of a person I was yet not being able to change anything.

Maybe it was for the best.

"Who the f**k are you?"

…

[Why are you so crude?]

I can't see anything but for some reason I know whatever it is is here, right next to me.

[Well. It's only natural you would freak out in my presence. After all, your only limited to your 5 senses so knowing what I am is beyond what you can do.]

Limited to my five senses? Am I supposed to have grown a fourth dimensional eye?

[Not exactly, but usually people that have left their bounded vessel shift to a more… Let's say complex being.]

Isn't that wonderful? Now it has entered my head. " What's is that supposed to mean? Does that mean I'm not meant to be in this state?".

[ You are smart aren't ya? Yeah, you are right. You are what you could call in your terms "Stuck". Which makes my life hard."]

Stuck? So this isn't the afterlife life? He seems to be some sort of janitor to whatever this is. This is interesting however, what could possibly be this 'complex being' he mentioned before?

" Is there a way to undo whatever is happening to me? Because I certainly don't like not being able to know what I'm talking too."

[Ughhh… Three dimensional beings are soooo- Ehem. We'll this isn't a rare occurrence, usually this is fixed by itself.]

"So then, when is this going to resolve itself?" It feels so useless to ask this questions. It is hard to understand what, where, and why I'm here. It feels really strange and out of place. In my point of view all I'm able to see is darkness yet I'm able to keep thinking. It does feel comforting though, it's unlike anything I felt before and I wouldn't mind being here.

[ Actually, you aren't gonna get out of this place :) ]

…

Why do I have the feeling that he has a punchable face right now?

"You just said that it fixes itself, so why?"

[You forgot the part we're I said 'Usually'. You see… You have basically been here an infinite amount of time.]

What?!?! What the f**k does that even mean? It didn't feel like I've been here a long time so how can it be.

[... Is this what I am know? I achieved 19 cosmo evolutions to explain simple logic? Ahhh]

You haven't explained anything yet you egotistical sack of shi-

[ Listen, time doesn't flow in this space. What we are experiencing through right now is a situation. Sort of the same way a cube exists in the space arou— you know what forget it's hard to grasp when you are limited by your vessel]

That word again, what does that mean?

[ It means that your 'soul' or whatever you feel more comfortable calling it, hasn't adapted to exist beyond its previous state. Which got you in this predicament in the first place.]

What the hell is it even saying? Well, it doesn't matter it feels like I get more stupid every time I try to understand.

[That's because you are stup—]

Anyways, it must have a reason for communicating with me. It seems there could be a way out of this. Whatever it is I want to get it over with already.

[Okay listen, there is a way out of this, Sadly you aren't going to advance your soul into the next stage.]

" I certainly wouldn't want be near anywhere you exist."

[And here I thought you had great potential… SO! What's gonna happen is that you will return to your previous state of existence! Exciting for your undeveloped consciousness!]

That is certainly a new type of insult I've never heard before…

"So I'm basically going to be reborn?"

[Cosmic Bingo! However, it isn't going to be a in it's normal process. Although you haven't evolved, your pathetic soul has suffered through alterations. Meaning it will have unforeseeable effect on how you are reborn.]

This means I'm going to live again? I don't know what this is. A blessing? A punishment? I would at least like to be able do to better in this second chance.

"How will it affect my rebirth?"

[It really depends on where you are reborn. These changes are situational dependent but they are positive on its victim. I mean, you did exist in a infinite space with a undeveloped soul.]

Why did it use the word victim? Am I really going to be okay? Analyzing this through… what am I saying there is nothing to think here. How could I justify or try to explain any of this. This whole exchange feels like whatever that will happen will occur regardless of what I do.

[ Yes, this is necessary to keep things in control and well… To also not have you there forever, because I'm a kind superior existence.]

I want to leave already, it is driving me insane to listen to it. I really hope wherever I go is somewhere exciting at the very least. Maybe I'll even be able to satisfy my car addiction again.

[Farewell then, even if you have forgotten your manner's it was a pleasure to meet you. Good luck Alex! ]

Tch… saying my name as well...

Ahhh, I hope my family will forget and move in quickly. I have already been enough of a nuisance for them.

....

[That was interesting! It is sad that he wasn't able to move forward into a higher existence. He would have been a great assistant! How strange… Why would he not transcend? Was his will to understand previous existence that strong? Oh well, maybe in his second death he will…]

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