13

So, this was what it felt like to lose my mind.

Those were the thoughts that remained with me as I fell into that dark abyss after the engulfing feeling of fire. I couldn't see anything in this darkness, nor could I hear anything. All I knew was that somehow, someway, I'd become trapped deep within myself. I even wondered if this was the state closest to actual death. Maybe I would soon be joining Lennox and so many others in it. Maybe this was the ending to the story where Chris and the others ultimately couldn't save me from myself.

I don't know how long I floated in that darkness, unable to see or hear anything. But slowly, my consciousness became aware of the fact that my eyes were beginning to twitch in the first movements of waking. Soft sounds came to me as my ears began picking them up. The shuffle of sheets, the sound of light footsteps on what seemed to be hardwood. Even the whisper of voices, although they seemed too far away for me to tell who may have been speaking.

All of this began to drift into me in a slow, steady stream of what one might call enlightenment and it was that stimuli that would allow me to finally bring myself back into reality from this dark world.

My eyes opened slowly, and even the dim light in the room hurt them at first. I tried to make them adjust by blinking. The first thing I could make out once they began clearing was the dark blue ceiling above me. My body felt so heavy that I wondered if I'd become partially stone in the time that I'd been out. So I laid still, trying to wrap my mind around everything that had happened to me and where I now was.

The last thing that I could recall was Saffron destroying the Heretic Stone during the fight with Belial. After that, everything felt like a blur. I was certain that Chris had been there. Somehow, he'd managed to stop me from losing all control.

But then, something had happened, and I'd gotten really dizzy and felt incredibly sick. That was right. Jade had said that it was because I couldn't control the strong power within me, and it was going to kill me if something wasn't done. Then Chris had demanded that Will stop it in whatever way he could.

But as I thought about this, I recalled what I'd heard about Zane, and more importantly, the truth about Israfel. My eyes filled with tears. Could that have been real? Could Israfel really be Kinsley Martell?

The sound of a door opening snapped me out of these thoughts. I could hear someone come in, and the door was closed behind them. Soft footsteps came towards where I was lying, which I was certain must have been a bed by the feel of it. They stopped abruptly as they got to me.

"Ariana? Are you awake?" I heard Chris say.

I managed to turn my head and saw him standing there. There was a combination of shock and relief in his eyes as he sat down beside me. I felt him squeeze my left hand. I was so relieved to see him. He was really there with me. Everything that happened, no matter how horrifying, had not just been a passing nightmare. Chris was there and he was alive and well.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Chris asked, gently using his free hand to stroke my hair away from my face. I was surprised to feel that it seemed wet. I must have been sweating pretty badly while I was out.

"I don't know. I'm so confused." I admitted softly.

"Well, you have been through a lot in the last couple days. I was getting worried that you wouldn't wake up." Chris sighed.

"What happened? Where am I?" I asked him. I tried to sit up, but my body still felt very heavy.

Chris noticed my struggle and helped me sit up. My head spun slightly as he did, and I closed my eyes for a moment to allow the spinning to stop. Slowly opening them again, I took a deep breath and looked around to see that I was now in a bedroom. The walls were not a dark blue as I'd originally thought, but still blue. Aside from the bed I was lying in, I only saw a small dresser and a round mirror on the opposite wall. The floor was also hardwood, just as I'd assumed. Near us on the opposite sides of the walls were windows covered by dark sheer curtains that were illuminated with the afternoon sunlight.

Chris was making sure that I was able to sit without falling back, "Come on, take it easy. You're going to end up hurting yourself if you move too quickly. You're still recovering." he told me.

"I guess, but seriously, will you tell me what happened now?" I asked.

"There's not a whole lot to tell." Chris admitted, letting out a long breath, "Apparently, Lennox was foolish enough to take you to his father because he'd been hoping to steal your sealed power, but then he had a last minute change of heart and ended up getting himself killed trying to save you after Saffron showed up. Then Saffron ended up breaking that Heretic Stone and you lost any control you had. It took everything I had to break through that wall of flames you brought up, and even when I got to you to stop you, you couldn't hold that power inside of you on your own and it began eating you alive. So I made Will help you by exchanging some of his abilities of control and it ended up saving your life."

I stared at him as he told me all of this. I had almost died, but Will had managed to save me. He'd done exactly what they'd all hoped he would do.

But sitting there, I began to realize that something looked a little odd. Namely, the hair hanging over my shoulders. Holding up the ends on my left side, I realized that they weren't red anymore.

They were pitch black.

Chris saw how startled I was as I looked at this, "Don't get too upset. It's just a side effect of Will's power when he first transmutes it to you. Once you learn how to control your abilities better, his power will be completely absorbed, and your hair will turn back to its original color." he explained.

"I really hope so. This definitely isn't my thing." I said, frowning at the black strands. I didn't like that part of it at all.

Chris laughed at me, "Oh, come on. It's not that bad."

"Maybe not to you, but I'm not digging it. Anyway, what else happened there?" I asked, trying to change the subject. I was starting to get a little uncomfortable now with this new hair stuff. It made me wonder what else might have changed about me. I'd have to get a good look in the mirror later.

Chris shook his head, still smiling like he was thoroughly amused by my reaction, "Not a whole lot more than that. We just ended up bringing you back here to let you try to recover."

"And where exactly is here?"

"It's a hiding place that my father made a long time ago. I'm actually a bit surprised that he brought us here, especially with the past involving you, but Jade said that he wanted to move us to a place where you could recover, and we could start training you on getting everything you have under your complete control. Sorry, but I think I'm going to have to give in to that one. I'm not too sure that I'm the best person to help you with that now. He's probably right about me being too soft, although I can't really help it when it comes to you." Chris explained.

Okay, so I did believe that one. I'd seen Chris throw training matches with me before, but I wasn't that concerned about all of that either at that moment. Instead, I was more interested in what he hadn't answered. Namely, my notion that perhaps Kinsley Martell had been involved in them finding me and saving Zane before he returned to us.

"Maybe, but you didn't answer my first question completely." I told him.

"What do you mean?" Chris asked, looking a bit confused.

"I mean about what happened back there. It wasn't just about what happened with me. What about Israfel and Zane?" I clarified.

Chris became quiet. I could tell he was thinking over his answer carefully, "You remember some of that?" he finally said.

"I think I do, but it's all kind of blurry, and I wanted to make sure that I wasn't imagining things or making them up in my head." I admitted.

"No, you weren't if you're talking about them, especially with Israfel."

Chris looked a bit pensive now, as though he really didn't like admitting the truth to the whole thing.

"He really was Kinsley Martell? Did you know?" I pried, leaning a little closer to him.

"No. None of us did, say for Jade. But then, Jade has more of an intuition when it comes to sensing the ones like him. He probably knew from the moment Israfel walked in the door with Zane exactly who he was." Chris replied.

Okay, so that didn't surprise me, especially considering that it was Jade we were talking about. A part of me had wished that I could've spoken more with Saffron about him when I'd had the chance. Perhaps Saffron would've dropped hints too.

But as I thought about this, I again thought about Zane. Did he know? Did he even suspect?

"In case you're wondering, Zane really didn't know either. He was telling the truth about it when he first found out there. He'd thought something was a little odd with how Israfel was able to help him heal his mind so completely, but he didn't imagine that he was really one of the three Seraphs involved with those clans. He's as shocked as everyone else. I think he's a bit humbled too, although he doesn't want to admit it out loud." Chris added.

"Chris, I'm sorry." I whispered, squeezing his hands in mine and looking down. I could feel my long hair falling over my face as I did.

"What for?" Chris asked, sounding confused.

"I really was beginning to think that you were dead, and if you weren't, then I'd never get to see you again. I wasn't trying to lead Zane on, and I wasn't trying to betray you, but I feel like I really jumped to conclusions." I managed.

I felt so guilty for everything. Even though Zane's relationship with me really hadn't gone much of anywhere, I still felt like it was a betrayal to the man who had loved me so deeply and waited so long for me.

I heard Chris sigh in frustration, "Come on. I thought we'd already gotten through this. How long are you going let it eat you up?" he complained.

"But I..."

I started to say as I looked up at him, but I stopped at seeing the look on his face. There was no hesitation in his eyes as he regarded me.

"Just listen to me," Chris interrupted, looking into my eyes, "I told you before and I'm telling you again that I'm not blaming you for any of that. You're still part human, and you had no way of knowing if I was even alive then; and if I was dead, then I would want you to be happy in your life. I can't blame you for attempting to move on, but I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere anymore. I'm never going to leave your side again until I actually am dead. Got it?"

His words penetrated my heart and mind, even my very soul. For the first time, I felt a forgiveness of myself for everything that had happened while he was gone. He was right. Maybe there had been no actual betrayal. Either way, we would make it through all of it. The most important thing was that we were together again, and that we would remain together always.

The moment was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Looking over, the two of us saw Will stepping in.

"I thought I sensed that she was awake now. Glad to see you're feeling better Ariana." he said, smiling at me as he walked over to the side of the bed. He seemed casual now. At least compared to the last time I'd seen him. Perhaps he was relieved too. That had been some scene that he'd had to deal with.

"I think I am, although I've been a bit confused." I admitted, rubbing my head.

"It'll all come with time, especially after everything that you've been through. I was getting worried myself there. I didn't think that I'd done what I needed to do in time; although once I knew you'd survive, I was kind of worried that I did too much." Will confessed.

"Are you sure he's Lucifer's son?" I asked Chris.

Honestly, how in the world did this Shadow Wing, who was written and preached about in so many things, get to act this humble? But then again, was this real or were we being played into his hand?

"It's just how he's gotten to be in the last hundred years, but it's much more becoming." Chris answered with a straight face.

"Don't make fun of me. I'm still your leader!" Will protested. It still sounded more light-hearted than it probably should've been.

"Don't leave yourself so open for it then." Chris responded.

"Either way," Will continued, choosing to ignore Chris for now, "we were all a little worried about this outcome. It's good to see that you're awake and acting like yourself, even if you are a bit confused right now. Just give yourself a bit more time to recover and we'll see about getting you to where you need to be in terms of your power and abilities."

"I guess." I reluctantly agreed.

I couldn't help looking at the ends of my hair again and wondering what in the world was going to happen to me now. A part of me wanted to reach up and hold the stone around my neck, but it was no longer there. That felt so odd to me. Maybe it was because I'd had it my entire life. I felt naked without it.

I was pulled out of those thoughts by Chris pulling me close beside him, "I know it's going to take time, but you'll be alright. Just let us help you now." he said gently.

"By the way, it seems that Saffron's doing his own thing to recover as well. He's not going to die after all." Will added.

"Really? Has he retreated back into the Abyss?" Chris asked as he looked at him.

"More or less. He's apparently cocooned himself in his lair down there. At least that's what I've been hearing from my sources. It doesn't surprise me. The ones like him know when to retreat and when to give themselves time. He's lucky as it was that we showed up when we did. If Ariana's power had continued going out of control like it did, he very well would've been killed along with her." Will explained, putting a hand on his hip.

"He probably did think that he was going to die with me. Why else would he have crushed that stone like he did? He was losing to Belial." I told him.

"Well, he was pretty badly wounded before, and it was a foolish risk for him to fight such a powerful Fallen on his own like that. Of course, I won't go into what he may have been thinking either. Saffron's always been an enigma that couldn't be comprehended, even for most of the other Fallen. He may have had a death wish or he may have been playing a very risky hand." Will explained.

Playing a very risky hand.

Those words stuck with me throughout the next few hours as I was finally able to get up and moving again. With Chris's help, it seemed like I was able to recover my sense in almost no time.

However, as I came out of the door to that bedroom, I began to realize where we were. Although it was now fixed up to look like new, I knew this house all too well.

It was the one in Fallsburg where Faith Evans had once lived.

As we came out of the hallway to the den room, we found Jade sitting back on the restored couch near the door that led to the porch. He was casually looking through a leather-bound book but looked up as we entered. A smile crossed his face.

"I see the child has finally awoken. This was quicker than expected." he commented.

It was odd for me to see Jade doing that. I likened it to when Saffron would smile at us. Like him, Jade was the type that hid his evil nature very well when it suited him.

Yet when one looked into those green eyes, they couldn't help feeling a chill run down their spine. There was a cold calculation hidden in those eyes; something that told you that you were dealing with a creature who could outwit and kill you whenever he pleased.

As usual, Chris wasn't the least bit worried about any of this. His reaction to Jade said that much.

"You haven't bothered checking on her once, so you couldn't have known until now." he countered.

"There was no need, considering that you have refused to leave her side. However, it seems now that the time has come to get her ready for the road ahead. You should feel lucky that your young lady has made powerful allies on the other side of this. It's bought us the time we have." Jade responded, closing the book as he stood up.

I stood still as he walked over to us, "You mean Kinsley?" I guessed.

"The very same. I'm rather thankful that you've awakened as you have now. I can finally get that too good bastard to leave my territory." Jade responded.

Although he continued to smile, I could see in his eyes that he was seething with rage. Kinsley must have worn out his welcome long ago when it came to him.

"He's still here as well. Why don't you let her speak with him before he leaves then?" Chris suggested, crossing his arms.

"I won't stop such a thing, but it will not be long. Come with me." Jade ordered, turning on his heels and leading us through the kitchen and out of the restored patio doors.

I marveled at how incredible everything looked as we stepped outside. The house was completely back to the way it had one been. Everything that had been ruined was now as good as new. It was amazing to think that all of this came from one Fallen. Almost scary too, considering how little time had passed.

Kinsley was standing outside with Zane near the water, about ten feet from the house. Bright sunlight shown down through the branches of the surrounding trees, and despite the cold of the day, the scene remained beautiful.

Seeing Kinsley in real life was even more incredible then the first time the two of us had met in a dream. He was a beautiful man, slender and tall with coal colored hair and vibrant violet eyes. Dressed in a long trench coat and dark pants, his very being seemed to radiate light from deep within.

Zane was smiling as he spoke with his hands in the pockets of his long grey coat.

"I'm very grateful for everything. I'm glad that you've been able to give me this new lease on my life, and I plan to use it well once we can make this redemption go through." he was saying.

Kinsley returned his smile, "I'm glad to hear that. I pray that things go better for you now. You certainly deserve it after all you've been through." he responded. He looked over as he noticed us coming, "It seems we have company."

Jade stopped a few feet shy of him, regarding him with some distain, "I've only brought them out here so that you may finally take your leave of us. You asked to see the girl before you had to go, and I will allow such on that condition." he said curtly.

"Very well. Then give me just a few minutes. You all don't mind if I have a private word, do you?" Kinsley requested, glancing at Zane and Chris.

"I suppose not, as long as Ariana feels up to it." Chris reluctantly agreed.

"I'll be okay. I'll call you if I need anything." I promised.

"Very well. Thank you again. I hope we can meet again soon." Zane said, nodding at Kinsley before he walked over to Chris and Jade.

Chris still seemed apprehensive about all of this, but he did comply with the request. I watched as he walked back into the house with Jade and Zane. I was nervous standing out there alone with Kinsley too. Even though we'd spoken before in my dreams, I hadn't thought of meeting him face to face until now. It was a little intimidating.

Kinsley chuckled, "It seems I'm wearing out my welcome very quickly with Jade, but it's something I expected as well. The ones like him will never be able to take kindly to the ones like myself. It's just not in them, no matter how much they may wish to try at times." he admitted.

"I guess not. They aren't exactly holy anymore." I agreed.

"No, they are not, but at times, I'm not that certain that it was their choice not to be. Corruption is a disease for the ones like them. At least from what we've been able to learn throughout the millennia in our battles with them." Kinsley went on.

The soft look on his face made me feel a bit uneasy. I guess I wasn't used to it. No matter how Saffron or Jade tried to act towards me, I always felt that underlying doubt about their caring, and after seeing what I had with Belial, that feeling had only gotten deeper.

But I tried to push all of this to the back of my mind. Kinsley obviously had a reason for being there, and I needed to focus on that.

"So, what's going to happen now? You're here because of me, right?" I asked.

"I am." Kinsley confirmed, "I've been hoping to find you for quite some time now. I admit that I was disappointed when I realized that Saffron had already taken you from Zane's side by the time I found him, although that situation turned out beneficial because I was able to help him."

"He really was going to take his own life." I murmured as I looked down.

"Do not blame yourself for that. Zane Hedel has had many terrible things in his life, and that can weigh down the soul if there isn't some intervention. I feel rather lucky that things worked out as they did, considering we've had too many tragedies with the Shadow Wing children. That boy is strong and kind, and he's more than worthy of a better life then what he's had." Kinsley assured me.

"I think we all are. From what I've seen, all of the older Shadow Wings have had terrible lives." I told him.

Kinsley nodded, looking at the water for a moment. In the filtered sunlight, he seemed to have an almost ethereal glow to him, "Perhaps, but that doesn't mean that there isn't room for change. Hopefully our talks have spurred on what needs to be done. However, I'd warn you that this isn't over yet. The talks are still underway, and I'm afraid that the only ending to this may be in defeating Judiel himself."

"Are you kidding?" I responded, "How are we supposed to beat an angel?"

"Now, now, don't fear little one. There are ways that you could do so. Judiel is not as invincible as he wants all to believe, and I know in my heart that the Fallen Children can defeat him and show him that they are worthy of life. All it will take is for the right ones to step up." Kinsley assured me.

"But I'm just a new Shadow Wing. I haven't even had my wings for a year. What am I supposed to do?" I asked him as he looked at his watch. It looked like our time was running short, but I was determined not to let him leave yet. Not before I had my answers.

Kinsley patted my shoulder, "I believe that you have already done a lot. You have been able to unite three powerful Shadow Wings completely as brothers, not to mention that you've driven others like Lennox to want to change. Just keep doing as you are and keep getting stronger. If you choose to lead like your love and your friends, then the others will follow you. You will be the true princess of the Shadow Wings."

He then brought out his wings. They were the most beautiful wings I'd ever seen. They were as big as he was, with feathers that were tinted violet. There weren't just two of them either. He had six of these giant wings splitting into groups of three down each side of his back.

I was memorized as I stared. So this was what a Seraphim was like. It was almost too much for a half mortal mind to take in.

As he began flying, I called out to him, "Wait! What should I keep doing to make sure I can face Judiel?!"

"Just as you've being doing. Just trust what's in your heart. It won't tell you wrong." Kinsley responded. He then disappeared in a bright flash of golden light.

I suddenly felt a bit lonely as I remained out there. It was odd, but I had felt a closeness to Kinsley from the moment we'd met. Even though we were worlds apart, that feeling had always been there. Kinsley had offered me a safety that I'd never felt around the Fallen that I'd met, and he'd been the only one so far who had truly believed that I could be a savior for my kind.

Even though Chris and the others loved and cared for me, I didn't think that they believed I could do anything more than perhaps spur on a bunch of angels to argue for a while. Even I didn't believe that I could do much more than I had.

Looking at the snow around my feet, I closed my eyes and prayed to find the right answer. I couldn't do any of this alone. I couldn't be the savior they wanted me to be when I didn't even understand who I was yet. Even with my wings and abilities, I was still far from that. That much I was sure of. I still had a long way to go.

A hand on my shoulder made me look up, "Hey, it's getting cold out here now. Let's get back inside." Chris suggested.

I nodded and allowed him to guide me back into the house. Stepping into the kitchen, I stopped and looked around one more time. This was so strange. Everything was like new. Even the busted marble on the countertop was gone and looked like it had never happened. How had Jade been able to do this in so little time?

"I see you're admiring my work." Jade commented from the kitchen bar. There was a smug smile on his face as he regarded us.

I couldn't lie to him. It was probably written all over my face.

"I'm amazed. The last time I was in this house, it was falling apart." I responded.

"No kidding. You worked pretty quick this time." Chris agreed, putting out coats away in the nearby closet.

"I didn't have much of a choice. I needed a place that I could quickly bring the girl to, and where I could start training her along with the rest of you without attracting too much attention from those angels. This was the best choice." Jade explained.

I pulled out a chair so that I could sit across from him, "So, you're getting to train me like you wanted, huh?"

Jade shrugged, leaning slightly across the countertop to me, "Do I really have a choice? If you want to survive, then you obviously need to be taught how to use those abilities that Abass so lovingly helped you rein in, and your dear father certainly will not be in any shape to help you with it for quite a while, so the obvious choice in the matter would be me."

"Yeah. Chris said that he was badly hurt. I'm sure you're really happy about that one." I commented, resting my cheek against my hand.

A part of me felt bitter about that one. No matter what I thought of Saffron, I still preferred him to Jade when it came to things like this. I had no doubt that Jade may have had it out for me eventually because of how attached Chris had become to me.

"Quite." Jade agreed. He suddenly slammed a hand down on the counter, cracking it a little. So much for keeping it new looking again, "However, his mistakes have become my problems when it comes to you. Things have come too far for me to see you killed by some angels who think that they are more significant than they truly are. Word has already spread among the Shadow Wings who are left, and they all are beginning to think of you as some sort of savior. To have them back down as quickly as they are starting to rise up would be a travesty, not to mention how this one would react if you truly died."

"Yeah, yeah. Go on and complain some more about it." Chris muttered as he sat beside me.

"I only complain because you are losing sight of the goals you need to set. If you want to keep this, then stop allowing yourself to soften to all those around you. If you had done that in the first place, then you would've seen through Will's charade for Lucifer back then and Lennox in this recent event. What's happened has been your fault as well." Jade shot back. I saw a flash of red go through his eyes.

"Come now. Are you really going to argue in front of her? Enough has already been said." we heard Will say. I looked over to see him leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed.

Jade seemed to calm down in his presence, "And I trust that you will be staying here with us as well." he added as he stood up.

"Of course. Zane and I both plan to." Will answered.

"Where is Zane anyway?" I asked.

"He's resting for now. I told him that he should, considering he's been staying up just as much as Chris here to make sure that you would be okay." Will explained.

"He was just as worried." Chris agreed, "He sees you a lot like he saw Ester. Sometimes I think he's paranoid to let you out of his sight because he wants to protect you from the same fate so badly. He was a pain in the ass when we were trying to get to you after Lennox took you into that mirror."

I smiled as he said that. This was definitely the Chris I'd come to know. He didn't sugarcoat much of anything when it came to Zane or Will.

Jade huffed, "It really doesn't matter that much about how her sees her. The only important thing is that the three of you get your heads on straight and start doing right by her. The time is growing short." he reiterated. He then turned to leave.

"Going back out so soon Jade?" Will asked as he walked by him.

"There are other matters that I need to attend to, but I will return within the next day or so, and when I do, I expect her to be ready to train under me." Jade responded, looking him straight in the eyes.

Will shrugged, a satisfied smile on his face, "If you insist, then I suppose we can make sure of that much." he agreed without hesitation.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I had to ask once I was sure that Jade was gone.

"There's really no other choice in the matter. It's always better for a Fallen to train a Shadow Wing once they've realized that they are able to tap into their full potential. I would say that I'd be willing to do it myself, but I'm afraid I'm just as guilty as Chris when it comes to letting you off easy. Those kinds of habits are the hard ones to break." Will replied, sounding a bit thoughtful.

Chris stood up and walked over to him with me following close behind, "You realize that you're making yourself look a lot softer than you really are." he pointed out, keeping his voice quiet.

"I'm well aware of that. However, I think Ariana may suspect that I am anything but when it really comes down to it."

He was right about that. Looking at Will now, something inside of me knew that a good part of this was all an act that he put on for my benefit. Will may have seemed pleasant and nice, but there was something far more cunning hidden in those violet eyes. It was hard to see a lot of times, but it was definitely there. Even though Will claimed that he wanted to be accepted for who he was and keep us as friends, I instinctively understood that at least a part of him would always feel that he had to use us for his own gains. Maybe that was just his born nature, considering he was Lucifer's son; or maybe, just maybe, it was all just how he was in reality. I doubted that I'd ever know, even if I lived to be a thousand.

Chris squeezed my hand, "Actually, if you don't mind, I'd like to speak to Ariana alone while we have the chance too." he told him.

"Very well, then I'll take my leave. There are things I have to check on too." Will agreed.

He stepped past us to go to the glass doors, but as he walked by, I felt him reach up and run his fingers through the back of my hair, and in my head, I heard him speak.

I expect good things from you now, Ariana Benson.

I stood still as I heard the door open then close with his leaving. His words stunned me a bit. For the first time, I felt like Will was using more of that commanding air towards me. It sent a small chill down my spine. Could I really handle him being like that all the time? I wasn't that sure when I considered how I'd always known him before.

"Hey, don't worry too much about him. He's not turning on you, and no matter what he says, he's not going to change how he acts around you. He likes you far too much for that." Chris spoke up.

I looked back at him, snapping out of my thoughts, "You heard it?"

"He made sure to open the channel for me to hear that one. Sneaky bastard."

I took a deep breath, changing the subject a little. I'd had about enough of being uncomfortable.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" I asked.

Chris immediately looked away from the doors and back at me. It seemed like my question had brought him back to reality too.

"Yeah, that. Come on. Let's sit down in the den." he suggested.

I was a bit taken back by all of this as I sat on the black leather couch. Everything about this room seemed like an old memory; not only of the time that I'd first stumbled onto this place, but of when it had first come into existence back in the 1930s. This was a home that was built to give refuge to a woman who had made a deal with Fallen Angels and had paid dearly for it. Now one of those Fallen had fixed it up in the blink of an eye as his hideaway in the mortal world. Even though things were obviously more modern than they had been back then, that air of the past was definitely still lingering in this house.

Chris sat down beside me, leaning back against the leather cushions. He seemed to be a bit more relaxed than he'd been when Jade was around, but I still sensed a slight tension within him. Whatever he had to say seemed to be making him nervous.

Finally, he decided to speak, "You know, I was getting pretty worried. I can say all I want about Zane, but it's not like I got a lot of rest either while you were recovering."

"You were really that worried about me?" I asked. I didn't think that they would worry as much as they apparently had, considering that Will had helped reel in my power.

"Well, it's like this," Chris went on, "it's one thing when Will steps in and adds the ability to fully control stronger powers just because he can, but what happened with you usually isn't the case. Even when he had to use that on me, I still had a stone around my neck that was only cracked. Yours had been completely shattered, and when I made Will step in, that out-of-control dark magic was literally beginning to burn you alive from the inside out."

I blinked as he told me this. I did recall the distinct feeling of burning that I'd had in my chest then.

"I really was being burned? It wasn't all in my mind?"

"No, it all happened. That's why we were all so concerned that you might not wake up. None of us really knew what kind of damage had been done after that. Even though Jade and Will seemed certain that you would make it, Zane and I couldn't be sure, so we both stayed by you, watching and hoping that you were alright." Chris confessed.

I looked down, absently touching my chest to hold the stone that was no longer there. I guess the saying is true that old habits die hard. I almost wanted to cry as I didn't feel it.

"What now? If Jade's going to train me, then I guess things are going to get worse before they get better." I said, hearing a slight crack in my voice.

Chris let out a long breath, "I can't tell you that you're wrong about that one. I guess the best I could say is that you should still look at the world like I warned you about when we first met. The peace hasn't been made yet, and for that reason alone you need to make sure you're able to fight."

"But what about you?" I asked, "You're not getting ready to leave me behind, are you?"

They were hard words for me to say, but at the same time, I felt like they were warranted. After all, six months had passed since the incident with Judiel before I got to see Chris again. I'd even thought for a time that I would never see him again, even when I knew for certain that he was alive. Whether it was because Jade wouldn't allow it or because he'd simply changed his mind about everything. Perhaps I was not the girl he'd been waiting for after all.

Chris was quick to counter me, "Hey, don't you ever start thinking that way." He reached over and held my hands tightly in his own between us, "Listen to me. I told you a long time ago that you are the only thing in this world that is truly important to me. I'm never leaving your side again."

"But I'm no good at being a Shadow Wing. I couldn't do anything back then to help you, and Jade almost took you away from me forever." I managed, looking down at our hands to make sure I didn't cry.

I heard Chris chuckle bitterly in the back of his throat as he looked away from me, "You honestly think you're no good with any of this? I'm the one who should be saying that."

"Huh?"

"I was supposed to be the one to protect you from everything, yet every time something happened, I managed to mess up. I couldn't protect you from Norma's acid, I wasn't there when Astaroth showed up and came after you and Zane. I even messed up in not reading into the whole thing with Will when he led us right to Judiel. I knew that I couldn't fight against that angel yet, but I still was foolish enough to try, and I almost got both of us killed for it. I even missed the signs with Lennox that were sitting right in front of my face." Chris went on.

I stared at him as he said this. I'd never thought of any of it that way. I couldn't help but tell him so.

"I've never blamed you for anything that happened Chris. I've always thought that you were my hero for doing what you did. You've always tried so hard to be here for me, and you've risked your life so many times to protect me."

Chris shook his head in resignation, "And I'll keep risking it. Being away from you like that only convinced me more about everything. I know for certain that I was meant to find you, and I know that we're here now because we're meant to end all of this fighting. I just wish I could do more to help you with everything that's happened."

"But you do help me." I insisted, "You help me by always being here for me, no matter what happens."

Silence filled the room as we sat there. Chris seemed to be thinking my words over. I saw a gentle smile cross his lips.

"Maybe so, but I meant what I said earlier too. I'm not upset over anything that happened with Zane. I could get some of where he was coming from, and I think he wanted to both fill a void in himself and make you feel happy if I couldn't be there."

"You really weren't upset over him trying to start something with me?" I verified.

"I can't say that I felt nothing over it. Actually, I was kind of pissed with him when I first heard about it, but I gave myself some time to calm down and consider everything too, and part of it was my own fault. If I had fought with Jade more about coming back to you sooner, then maybe you wouldn't have been put in that position to think that I might actually be dead; and personally, when I think about how long I've known Zane, I know he's really not like that. He was quick to admit to things and back off as it was, so we were able to just have it out and square it away to the past." Chris told me.

"I guess that's okay then, but I still feel like a fool about all of it." I confessed.

"Stop worrying. The past is the past and feeling bad doesn't change it." Chris said, letting go of my hands and leaning back on the couch.

"If you say so, but you know, you're sounding more and more like your old self now." I commented, leaning back with him.

"I'll take that as a compliment. It's been a long time now since someone's told me that." Chris admitted. He glanced at the door to the porch a few feet behind us.

I followed his gaze, taking in the glass panels that went in rows of three across the panes of the door.

"So, what now? Does Jade just train me here while we wait?" I asked absently.

I felt Chris shift slightly beside me, "More or less, although I think moves will be made pretty soon. However, there was one more thing that I really wanted to talk to you about while it's just us." he responded.

"Really? What is it?"

Chris smiled slightly, holding a hand behind him as he looked back at me, "I've been thinking a lot about things too since you came back to me, and personally, I'm not that willing to take that many chances on losing you to someone else."

"Okay, so are we talking about protecting me or are we talking about the whole thing with Zane again?" I asked. I gave him what I hoped with a skeptical look. He was up to something. I could see it in his eyes.

"A little bit of both." Chris admitted, "Although the second part does have a bit more to do with all of it. Anyway, I've been thinking about it since I got you back, and I thought that maybe there was something more I could do here."

I tilted my head a little, unsure of what to think. He couldn't have been planning what I was thinking, right? That just didn't strike me as something a Shadow Wing, especially Chris, would ever do.

"What are you thinking about? I thought I'd already given you everything to prove how I feel about you."

"You did, and I've done the same, but this isn't really that much about proof either. It's more of something that I wanted with this, and I thought maybe you'd want it too, if you'll agree." Chris said. For the first time, I noticed that he was hesitating. That wasn't something I'd really seen with him before.

I was getting a bit frustrated now, "Okay, so what's going on? You're beating around the bush." I complained.

Chris laughed, "Are you really that worried?"

"Don't make fun of me! I'm being serious!" I pouted, crossing my arms and looking away from him.

I heard him chuckle before he spoke again, "Alright, I get where you're coming from, and I'll admit that this whole thing has made me a bit nervous too, but please turn around." he requested.

I allowed myself to debate on whether or not I should listen to him, but in the end, curiosity got the best of me, so I finally turned around to face him. When I did, I was shocked to see that he was holding something in his hand. It was a small, open black box. Inside of it was the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen. It had a silver band, and in the middle was a brilliant light blue stone that had three smaller white stones on each side.

"I..."

My voice caught in my throat as I stared at it. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. There was no mistaking a ring like this.

Chris looked relieved as he saw my reaction, "I know it isn't the right way of doing things, but I've never been the type who can follow any real traditions. Maybe it's not in our blood to do stuff like that, but I'm still asking the question. Will you marry me?"

I stared at him and the ring, wondering if I'd heard him right, but still managed to nod.

"Yes. Yes, I will. But can that actually happen?"

It was kind of stupid, but I did wonder if the ones like us could honor something as sacred as a marriage. Wasn't that supposed to be two people joined under God?

"Yes, we can marry. Most Shadow Wings never do, but it is possible." Chris assured me as he slipped the ring onto my finger. It fit perfectly and looked beautiful.

I smiled as I snuggled against him and looked at the ring I now wore. It glittered softly in the dim light of the room.

"I'm so happy. Hopefully we'll eventually have everyone's blessing too." I whispered.

"It's okay whether we do or don't." Chris assured me as he kissed me, "All we need is us."