27. Safe Haven

I'm back from vacation and as I don't want to let you wait for too long, here comes the new chapter. And thanks for the reviews again! :)

I still own nada.

27. Safe Haven

Their anniversary weekend ended sudden when the unit got a huge case on Sunday and they all had to work basically day and night again. But no matter how hard and eager they worked and how many leads they followed, their case was a bit up in the wind and the whole team got a little worried and desperate that they would maybe, for the first time in a long, long time, not be able to close a case, when especially this was one of the cases that needed to be solved.

″Erin, in my office,″ Hank ordered out of nowhere on Tuesday morning after they all have tried to put some more pieces together for the last two hours without too much success. Erin gave Jay a short, confused look as she didn't know what this was about. She hasn't done anything that required a conversation with just her and Hank and things were still not back to normal between the two of them after she had visited Eddie. She also hasn't exactly told him yet what had happened inside of the prison but she knew Hank was smart enough to figure it out himself.

″Come on, it's nothing bad,″ he sighed as he also didn't miss the serious questionmarks in Erin's face and she finally followed him into his office.

″Take a seat.″

″Nah, thanks, I'm fine,″ she answered and crossed her arms in defence in front of her chest.

″How are you feeling?″ he asked and Erin furrowed a brow while gazing at him. She still couldn't figure out what he wanted from her. After not talking too much during the last few months this was quite an awkward question.

″Hank what do you want?″ she asked back. She knew exactly that this conversation was not about her and how she felt. This was just the beginning of something deeper.

″Can't I ask you how you are feeling? I mean you're pregnant and I'm your boss, so this is a legitimate question.″

″I'm fine and if I wasn't I'd tell you. So, what is this about?″ She didn't want to have another conversation about the baby and the pregnancy with him. The last time they had talked about it he still hasn't been a fan of her pregnancy and she doubted that this has changed in the meantime.

″Is your apartment already prepared for a child?″ Hank then asked casually and for a moment Erin thought she hasn't heard right.

″Excuse me?″ she frowned.

″Is it?″ he only repeated half of the question.

″Of course not. We have three more months left to go. So could you please just spit out whatever you want to tell or ask me? Because otherwise..-″

″Olivia is coming,″ he interrupted her. She hadn't expected this answer and still was a little confused what all of this had to do with her.

″Well...that's nice, isn't it?″ she replied, shrugging her shoulders.

″I phoned with her yesterday and talked about the case and she said she somehow knows the pattern. They have unsolved homicides in New York that have some disturbing similarities with ours. Just some minutes ago we phoned again and I begged her to come and she agreed. So she's coming this afternoon.″

″That's great. We could really need her on this one,″ Erin agreed, still waiting for him to say something that required this conversation to be in private.

″We do. And I have a special job for you.″

″Am I actually allowed to DO something, instead of just sitting around and filling out papers?″ she asked sardonically.

″More or less.″

″What is that supposed to mean?″ There was already that kind of snapping undertone in her voice again as Hank was talking in secrets but she tried to keep it under control. For now.

″Olivia actually has two weeks off at the moment and she just comes because I begged her to. So naturally, she also gave her nanny some time off, what means she has to bring Noah and someone has to look after him during the day. And that's where you come in.″ He smiled. She wasn't smiling.

″You gotta be kidding! I'm not going to play housewife or nanny or whatsoever for the next days while you guys are going to solve the case!″ she answered and no later than now she didn't have her voice under control anymore.

″I'm not. And anyways, this is the best way for you to adjust your future life. You can't get a better practice,″ he said, opposite to her being totally calm, and gazed at her with a piercing glance.

″No. Way,″ she replied angrily and was about to leave his office.

″This is the life you chose, Erin,″ he said casually. Erin had to admit he was right somehow, this was the life she chose indeed but she also knew he's only said it to provoke her, so she immediately turned around again by these words, shooting him a death glare that could easily put him six feet under. He could tell from her furious facial expressions that she wanted to throw him something in his face but somehow she was able to control herself. Instead she stayed quiet and waited for him to say something more, which basically meant that she agreed to his plan without speaking it out loud. She didn't have a chance anyway and no matter what she was going to say, it would end up in another fight with him.

″Good,″ he finally said and that special grin flited over his lips. Erin still didn't say anything at all, just nodded slightly.

″She is going to arrive at your place around two this afternoon. So you can stay here until one and go home then.″

Erin didn't answer, she didn't nod. She just turned around, walked out of his office, didn't forget to slam the door, grabbed her jacket from the chair and literally ran out of the bullpen as she wasn't able to stay in there for even one more second without having a fit of rage.

Now Jay was even more confused and looked over to his colleagues but although they all were obviously curious about what had happened in Hank's office they just shrugged their shoulders and watched Erin disappear. For a split second Jay wasn't sure whether he should go to Voight and ask him what had happened or whether he should follow Erin but it didn't take him long to decide to better look after his girlfriend.

He found her outside, clearly in a rage and he could tell by her behavior that she really wanted to give something a punch. Or someone.

″So what happened in there?″ he asked her, standing relatively close behind her. She hadn't seen him coming and immediately turned around by the sound of his voice so close to her ear.

″Don't ask,″ she snapped.

″Okay,″ he simply answered and sat down on the steps, anxiously watching her how she paced up and down in front of him. Neither of them said a word for the next minutes.

″He drives me up the walls,″ she finally said and gave the tyre of their car a frustrated kick with her foot.

″Guess you're talking about Hank, huh?″ he asked and the glance he got back from her was more than just icy.

″Surprisingly you're not the one who drives me nuts this time, yeah,″ she answered and bit her lips. Jay tried to ignore her remark. He blamed it on the pregnancy hormones that she was that moody again. In addition, Hank had obviously pissed her off, so all of this wasn't a good combination at all.

″So what?″ he simply asked her, looking at her as he waited for an explanation.

″Olivia is coming this afternoon to help us with the case. Actually, to help you with the case. Because I'm not in it. Hank upgraded me. To be Noah's nanny for the next days,″ she answered and her voice was bitter.

Jay furrowed a brow while still looking at her as he tried to figure out whether this was really the cause for her current mood. But obviously it was.

″Honestly Er, I can't see your problem there. You like Noah and he likes you. So, just have some nice and easy days with him and enjoy it.″

″Oh you can't see the problem?″ she snapped. ″The problem is how Hank told me. He exactly knows how I feel about being on desk duty. That it bothers me more than anything else. That I hate it. And that I can't imagine a life with a baby and as a mom yet. He knows all of that, what means he did that on purpose. He wanted to see my reaction. All he wanted to do here was provoking me!″ she said and her voice was rising even more.

″And he won.″ Jay simply replied.

″He didn't.″

″He did and you know it. You totally jumped up on that. You did exactly what he expected you to do,″ he answered and totally scanned her to see her reaction.

″What else should I've done you think? Huh?″ she asked, still being clearly annoyed.

″You should've accepted it Erin. Instead of letting him upset you and running away you simply should've said 'okay, I'll do it' and that's it. But now he won again. He knows exactly that this is the point you're most vulnerable at the moment as well as he still isn't a fan of our...situation. So he tries to tantalize us whenever he senses a situation to do so,″ he said with a calm voice, stood up, and wrapped his arms around her from behind. ″You know, don't feed the troll,″ he whispered in her ear and laughed.

She turned around, looked him in the eyes and tried to smile. With just these words and his calm attitude he had somehow managed to calm her down wihtout even doing much. At least a bit.

″So, what am I doing now? Going back in and eat humble pie?″ she laughed sarcastically.

″Nah, just simply do what you always do when he orders something,″ he paused. ″Or let's put it that way: what you normally should do when he orders something. Simply do it,″ he grinned.

″You know, I think you're right,″ she nodded.

″Say that again,″ he chuckled and gave her a little wink.

″No way. One time is enough,″ she grinned. That smile. There it was again. That sweet little smile that surrounded her lips and constantly drove him crazy.

″So can we go back in then?″

″You can go back in before you get sick. I think I should rather clean up the apartment now and buy some groceries before Noah and Liv are arriving.″

″Are you serious?″ Jay asked and raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

″Totally. I take my job serious,″ she winked, kissed him shortly and then just turned around, ready to go.

″W...Wait...you...you can't just simply go now,″ he said, his words being more of a splutter than anything else.

″Oh Jay believe me, I can. Tell Hank...well, actually I don't care what the hell you tell him. Feel free to tell him whatever you want,″ she glanced at him with a combative look in her eyes.

″Erin,″ he pleaded and his voice almost sounded a bit desperate. Erin was sure he just didn't want to be the one to talk with Hank now, but she didn't want to either, so she left that on her boyfriend.

″I love you,″ she grinned, got into her car and drove off with squeaking tyres and Jay only shook his head as he watched her driving away. This woman, his girl in fact, would never be able to slow down and take things easy for sure.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

The first thing Erin did when she got home was turning on the music. It had to be loud. Really loud. She changed her jeans to some leggins and her pullover to an old T-shirt that was literally to small for the current size of her stomach. She put on some boxing gloves and vented her spleen on the punching bag for the next twenty minutes. Afterwards she felt better. Much better. Meanwhile, the baby inside her belly used its own punching bag and didn't stop kicking her while she was boxing.

″You're mommy's girl, huh?″ Erin said after she had finished her little workout and rubbed her belly on the place where she has just felt her daughter kick. As if she wanted to agree, she kicked against her hand several times. Erin laughed, put the boxing gloves back into the closet and started cleaning the apartment a bit, that was, thanks to Jay, pretty tidy already. So she only had to vacuum the living room, to clean the bathroom and to change the sheets in the bedroom.

After she had finished this unloved housewifely work, she took a quick shower and then headed to the grocery store around the corner to buy some fruits, vegetables and juices and to fill up her half-empty fridge in general.

She has just been home for half an hour when the bell rang. She got up from the couch and smiled when she saw Liv and Noah standing right in front of her door. Liv had her hands full with dozen of bags and seemed to be a bit overstrained with coordinating everything.

″Hey guys, how are you doing?″ Erin greeted them and looked down to Noah who tried to hide behind Liv's leg.

″Hey there,″ Liv replied a little breathlessly.

″Give me some of them,″ Erin said and reached out for two of the bags in Liv's hands.

″Thank you,″ Liv said and hugged Erin as she now had at least one of her hands free. Only now she recognized that there was in fact a belly.

″Wait...what? I didn't have a clue. How did I miss that?″ She had a bright smile on her face when she saw Erin's swollen stomach all obvious in her tight T-shirt.

Erin looked down to her feet, felt her cheeks blush a little and felt bad that she has never told Olivia although they had phoned two or three times ever since she had found out about her pregnancy. But somehow the moment had never been right.

″Well, we didn't want to talk it big,″ she said and her answer came shy and embarrassed.

″Yeah, I notice that,″ Liv laughed and Erin relaxed a little when she realized that she didn't seem to be too mad.

″So, don't you guys want to come in first?″ she then asked and got down on her knees to talk to Noah. ″How are you doing boy, huh? Do you remember me?″ A shy smile got on his face when he nodded but he didn't say anything.

Liv placed her bags in the hall and placed Noah's blanket and some toys next to the couch. The little boy of course started playing with them instantly and seemed to be pretty unimpressed by his new surroundings.

″Dou you want to drink something?″ Erin asked and walked over to the kitchen.

″Yeah, water would be fine, thank you.″

Erin brought two glasses of water and sat down next to Liv on the couch, giving her one of them.

″Cheers,″ Liv said, clinking glasses with Erin.

″Yeah...cheers,″ Erin laughed.

″So...congratulations.″

″Thank you. Hank didn't tell you anything earlier either?″

″Not a word. He just told me he has someone who'll take care of Noah while I'm here and when I was skeptical he said it is someone whom he trusts with his life.″

″Wow,″ Erin mumbled. After everything that had happened between her and Hank within the last few months she hasn't expected him to praise her in such a way. ″He actually told you about that plan before telling me.″

″Ouh, nice one.″ Liv laughed.

″Yeah right?″

″Right. So tell me about...this,″ she said and pointed to Erin's belly.

″Well, where to start? It wasn't exactly planned to be honest.″

″Didn't assume it was. But you know what: the unplanned things in life always turn out to be the best ones,″ she winked.

″Hope so,″ Erin sighed, sipping on her glass again.

″So you have already been pregnant when you guys were in New York in June, right?″

″Yeah, but little did I know back then that I was already around seven to eight weeks.″

″What? Eight weeks? How far along are you?″ Liv asked while glancing at Erin's swollen stomach with raised eyebrows.

″Almost 28 weeks.″

″Wow, you don't look like that. I thought around 25 max.″

″Yeah, she's a small one,″ Erin shrugged and looked down to her stomach where her little troublemaker was all awake again, giving her some nice rib kicks.

″She?″ Liv echoed, a big smile appearing on her lips.

″Yup. Baby Halstead's a girl,″ Erin answered but her voice wasn't as excited as Liv was used to know from other mothers-to-be.

″Come on, at least try to be happy. Pregnancy is the best thing that can happen to someone.″ Liv tried to encourage her somehow but it didn't work out.

″You know, I really don't understand why people keep telling that lie. Because it's not. My clothes don't fit anymore, these bloody hormones drive me crazy, I'm getting fat, I can't sleep at night, my ribs are a soccer field, my bladder is a punching bag and the worst thing is I can't do my job in the way I want to do my job.″

″Can you just stop complaining for a second? Pregnancy is not a given and some women would die for experiencing all that,″ Liv said quietly and made Erin feel bad and uncomfortable with it. And Liv was right after all, being able to grow a baby was something not every woman was allowed to experience.

″I'm sorry...″

″Don't be. I have that little boy now and he makes me complete,″ she said with a smile and gazed towards Noah who was peacefully playing with his cars. ″Just be thankful for the miracle you're allowed to experience and allowed to be part of. I would've given everything to feel a baby kick inside of me one day...″

″I have to admit, this is truly something special,″ Erin answered and this time her smile was real. No matter how bugged she was from the constant movements and kicks sometimes, it was also a beautiful feeling and it helped her to know that her baby was doing fine.

″What about Jay? Is he as 'excited' as you are?″

″You know, when they tell you that pregnant women have that special pregnancy glow? I know I don't have it and I'm okay with it. But Jay has it. I've never seen his eyes sparkling like this than when he places his hand on my belly and feels her kicking. Especially the first time he felt her, that was pure magic and I will never forget that bright and unbelieveable smile on his face ever again. I've never seen him smiling that way than when his head rests on my belly and he listens and talks to her. Actually, I've never seen him this entirely happy before. And just for that it's all worth it.″ Erin didn't notice how much she smiled herself while she was talking about Jay.

″Well wow, this is the first time that you actually look happy.″ Liv noticed. ″Guess that's what love is all about, huh?″

Erin grinned. ″Yeah, I think it is.″

″Mommy, play with me.″ Noah came walking to the couch and grabbed his mother's Hand, wanted her to pull to his toys.

″Mommy has to go to work sweetheart. But Erin's going to play with you all day, okay?″ He didn't look satisfied and like he was okay with this at all.

Erin got up from the couch, went to the kitchen and came back with a little present in her hands.

″Look, this is for you,″ Erin smiled and handed it to Noah. Immediately the boys eyes brightened up.

″What do we say Noah?″ Liv asked her son who was all busy with unpacking.

″Thank you.″

″Your welcome,″ Erin answered, being glad to see that Noah obviously liked the helicopter and the stuffed dino she had bought for him to somehow break the ice. ″He's gorgeous. And he's getting so big.″

″Yeah, they grow fast. You'll realize that soon enough,″ Liv grinned just before Erin's ringing phone interupted them.

″Hank?...- Yes she's here...- I'll tell her...-Bye,″ Erin answered, her voice still being clearly pissed.

″Hank?″

″Yeah,″ she nodded. ″He wanted me to tell you he wants you at the district asap.″

″Guess I shouldn't keep him waiting,″ Liv sighed and got up.

″Better not. What about having a nice girls evening in here tonight?″

″Sounds perfect to me. What about Jay?″

″He will be happy to spend the evening at Mollys with the boys.″

″Alright. You know a good hotel close to the district?″ Liv asked while putting on her jacket.

″You don't need a hotel. You and Noah can sleep here of course. You two can have my bedroom.″

″I don't let you sleep on the couch,″ Liv protested.

″Acutally it's a nice couch,″ Erin laughed but of course Liv didn't get what she meant.

″Huh?″

″Uhm, nothing, sorry,″ Erin said, trying to put the thought away that their daughter was in fact conceived on that couch and that Jay and her had rekindled their relationship on that couch as well. ″Despite the fact that I could sleep on the couch easily, because you know, I'm just pregnant, not sick to death, I won't. I will go to Jay's for the night. So this apartment is all yours and Noah's.″

″Thank you. I appreciate it.″ Liv smiled and went over to Noah's blanket and knelt down next to him.

″Do you have fun with your new toys?″

″Mhm,″ he nodded.

″I'm going to work now. Erin will be with you for the day, okay?″

″Yaah.″

″Fine, I love you,″ she said and placed a kiss on his forehead but Noah was still more curious about his toys than about his mom.

″Everything you need for him is in his bag,″ she said to Erin and pointed to the blue bag that was placed in the hall. ″Diapers, but he usually only needs them for the night anyway, his binky, his blanket, his clothes, his favorite book and the stuffy he needs for sleeping. I left the buggy down in the lobby as well as his car seat.″

″You brought his car seat?″ Erin frowned.

″Well it's the car seat from the car rental service, but anyway, how else should I transport him in a car while I'm here?″ Liv laughed.

″You got a point there.″

″So, I think you have everything you need. He already ate something after we landed but I think he'll need his nap soon. Just enjoy your day and call me if there's anything.″

″We'll be fine,″ Erin assured her. And maybe herself, too.

″I know,″ Liv said and left the apartment but she turned around just before Erin wanted to close the door. ″Ah, he can be feisty these days.″

″Great, thanks for the early warning,″ Erin laughed.

″Save the best for last,″ Liv also laughed and waved her goodbye.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

″So Noah, would you mind if I play with you?″ Erin asked and sat down next to the toddler.

″Here,″ he answered with a bright smile and gave Erin some of his beloved cars.

They've played together for about an hour when Erin recognized that Noah more and more rubbed his eyes.

″Are you tired?″

″Noooo,″ he said and shook his head vehement.

″Are you sure? Because I think you are,″ Erin answered and ran her fingers through his dark brown hair.

″No. Playing,″ he said and grabbed some more toys.

″You know, I think it's time for a quick nap, what do you think?″

″Nooooo,″ he cried and threw one of his cars against the wall.

Amazing, Erin thought, now you have to handle a two-and-a-half-year-old with a major meltdown. She sighed. Now she knew what Liv meant when she'd said he was a bit feisty at the moment.

″Listen, Noah..-″

″Nooooo,″ he cried again and threw another toy away from him. He was clearly super tired but Erin had no idea how to convince him to take a nap and felt a bit helpless and overstrained at first. Then she stood up, went over to the blue bag and grabbed his blanket, his stuffy, the binky and the book and brought it to the bedroom. She built a wall with some pillows so he wouldn't fall out of the bed, took the book and went back to the living room.

″Noah...-″

″Nooooooo,″ he immediately started to cry again. She sat down next to him, stroked his head.

″You see what I have here,″ she said calmly and showed him the book. His eyes, that were filled with tears, focused on her and he finally nodded without having another meltdown.

″I make you a suggestion. We'll go over to the bedroom-″ He was about to start protesting again and Erin noticed that using the word bed maybe wasn't the best idea. She just laid her finger on her lips and surprisingly Noah stopped and just gazed at her with big, tired eyes.

″Hold on boy. I will lie down with you and we're going to read it together, okay? You and me. Both of us, alright?″ she asked him and prayed that he would finally accept it.

Noah nodded and Erin exhaled a deep breath. She stood up, picked Noah up from the floor and carried him to the bedroom. They lay down together, with Noah resting on Erin's side and in her arm. She gave him his stuffy and the binky, covered his blanket over him and started to read one of the stories, showing him some pictures from time to time. It didn't even take ten minutes and Noah was in dreamland, peacefully sleeping next to her and Erin felt a little proud that she has managed this situation.

She waited some more minutes to be assure that Noah slept soundly before softly pushing him aside and getting up. She went back to the living room and tried to figure out what to do next. She quickly came to the conclusion that there was nothing she could do. Despite the toys that Noah had spread around in the living room everything was perfectly clean and it only took her some seconds to bring all of the toys back to the blanket.

It's only been some minutes that she had nothing to do and she already was more than bored. She was not that kind of person who could just sit around doing nothing and wait for something to happen. She needed something to do, a challenge. Anything. She tried not to think about the fact, that this was how her life would look like in about three short months. Being at home with a newborn that would sleep all day. Doing nothing else than changing diapers, feeding that tiny little person and staring at walls. Just thinking about it let her cringe. It was unimaginable for her to survive only one day like this. She loved her job. It was one of the most important things in her life and she lived for it. Her job actually defined her. She was who she was thanks to her job in Intelligence and she didn't want to be anyone different. Being on desk duty was already hard, but at least she had to do something and didn't feel completely useless. When she thought about how much all of this would change once the baby was born she had to fight back her tears. This wasn't the kind of life she wanted. The kind of life she could handle. This was her worst nightmare. Not actually having a baby, but all the things that came with it.

″Calm down Erin,″ she told herself as she felt tears soaring up again. She took some deep breaths and went to the kitchen, pulled out some vegetables of the fridge and started to cut them. Maybe they'd need them for dinner, maybe not. She didn't care. All she cared about at the moment was that she had something to do that prevented her from thinking about this one topic too much.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Noah woke up about an hour later. At this point, Erin had not only cut the vegetables, she'd already finished cooking dinner. She and Noah played with the cars for another while before they started building houses and towers with Lego bricks and Erin was a little amazed by the variety of toys Liv has managed to bring to Chicago. Now she knew why her friend's had literally hundred bags in her hands.

″This is going to be a high one, huh?″

″Yaah,″ the toddler answered all smiles. Noah stood up and built the tower higher and higher until it got too high for him to reach.

″Wait a second, I'll get you,″ Erin said when she saw that Noah wasn't pleased about the situation that he couldn't build his tower any higher. She picked him up and he proudly placed the next brick on the top.

″Other,″ Noah said and pointed to the bricks on the floor. Erin let him down just to pick him up again one second later.

Hell, this is a different way of workout, Erin thought after they had repeated this about fifteen times.

″Don't you think this is high enough now?″

″Noooo,″ Noah laughed and grabbed another brick.

″It'll fall down.″

″Noooo. Up,″ he said and reached for Erin's arms.

″Alright, you're the boss on this one,″ she answered while picking him up again. The little boy giggled when he put the next brick on top. It took ten more bricks and the situation happened that Erin had predicted. Just after Noah had put the brick on top the tower crashed and the bricks spread all over the floor. Erin expected Noah to have another meltdown but surprisingly he started laughing. He obviously enjoyed seeing his tower falling down and Erin couldn't help but laughing with him.

″So my masterly architect, what now?″ she asked him and started tickling him. Noah started to giggle and laugh even harder and squeaked joyfully.

″Huh, Bob the Builder, how are we going to repair this?″ she asked him and started another tickling-attack.

The apartment was filled with laughters when Jay and Liv entered it. And what Jay saw made his heart burst. There was his girl, looking incredibly happy, carrying a giggling toddler on her hip and their baby under her heart and the two of them were so much into deep laughters that they didn't even recognize them at first.

″Guess you guys are having a blast,″ Liv said after watching them for a moment.

Erin looked up and the first thing she saw was Jays glance being all happy and satisfied like he had just fallen in love with her again. Erin smirked at him and he just winked back, without being able to stop smiling.

″Mommy,″ Noah finally said and Erin let him down. He immediately ran into his mothers arms. Liv picked him up and kissed his cheeks while stroking his head.

″Did you have a good time?″

″Yaaah,″ Noah answered all smiles.

″I see that,″ Liv said when she noticed the bricks on the floor. ″Sorry for that chaos,″ she said towards Erin.

″No problem, it was fun,″ Erin grinned.

″How about tyding this chaos up, Noah?″ Liv asked her son and the boy immediately shook his head.

″Liv I can do that. What about you enjoying some quality time with him and bathe him or something?″

″Really?″

″Of course. I mean, this isn't a big deal,″ she answered and pointed to the dozens of bricks on the floor.

″Thank you,″ she winked and took Noah to the bathroom.

″So, how was your day?″ Jay asked after Liv was gone and got closer to Erin, ready to kiss her lips.

″How do you think it was?″ she replied and out of nowhere her voice was anything else but happy.

″Damn it Erin!″ Now his voice was bugged. He took a step back from her, stared her in the eyes and tried to figure out what this was about now.

″I'm sorry,″ she whispered and looked down to her feet.

″You know, I don't get it. I really don't. Five minutes ago you looked so genuinely happy and radiant. And now your mad at me exactly why?″

″I'm not mad at you. Why should I? I just overreacted.″

″You tend to do that quite often these days,″ he stated matter-of-factly.

″I know,″ she admitted and got closer to him. ″After a little boxing workout the day was not that bad. And yeah, I had fun with Noah. But when he took his nap I was bored to death. I felt like being caught in a cage.″

″Oh, I can arrange something bringing you in a real cage,″ he smirked naughtily.

″Funny.″

″Yeah, right?″ He leaned in and kissed her. ″So, how's my little girl doing? Is your mom stressing you out?″ he asked and looked down to her belly, placing his hand on it.

″I'm not stressing her out. We had a good workout this morning. I boxed with the punching bag and she boxed with me,″ Erin laughed.

″Did you expect anything else? I mean, she's your daughter, she clearly has your temperament.″

″Mine? I'm always cool, calm and relaxed,″ she said and tried to be as serious as possible.

″Yeah sure, how could I forget that?″ he laughed and kissed her again.

″I don't know, Alzheimers I assume,″ she simply replied and shrugged her shoulders all innocent.

″Must be,″ Jay smiled and rubbed her belly. ″So, someone's tired huh?″

″Yeah, she's sleeping. But don't worry, she'll be fully awake tonight when I wanna sleep.″

″She's a smart one,″ he smirked.

″Totally yours in this case. But about tonight: Liv and Noah will sleep in my bedroom and I thought we sleep in your apartment, what do you think?″ she whispered.

″Can't wait,″ he mumbled and kissed her more intense.

″Me too,″ she smiled after ending the kiss. ″So you're hungry?″

″Yaah, but not for food actually,″ he winked and his eyes sparkled playfully. ″Why?″

″Because I cooked, so you can eat something before going to Mollys.″

″You cooked?″ he raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

″I told you I was bored.″

″Is it eatable?″ he chuckled.

″You'll be the guinea pig. In case you die after eating it we know it's not,″she answered casually.

″Now I feel special.″

″You should. But before my dinner will kill you, how about giving me a hand cleaning this up?″ she asked and pointed to the bricks spead all over the floor.

″Always,″ he answered and together they started tidying up the mess. Or better, Erin collected all bricks and Jay started building another tower.

″Your defintion of helping is an interesting one,″ she noticed and glanced towards him while shaking her head. He tried to overhear it and continued finishing his project so Erin started to throw the bricks at him. Surprisingly she hit him with some.

″Impressive shooting-skills,″ he laughed and slided over the floor towards her. Exactly in that second the tower crashed again.

″Can't say that about your construction-skills,″ she answered all serious and raised her eyebrow.

″I'll work on that,″ he promised and kissed her.

″Hope so,″ she grinned.

″You know, I can't wait for...all of that,″ he said and looked deep into her eyes. She knew exactly what he meant. He was so excited about becoming a father and sometimes his excitement infected her. At least it made her heart melt seeing him that happy.

″I know,″ she answered and ran her fingers through his hair.

″Erin can you-″ Liv interrupted them but immediately stopped when she saw that her timing wasn't the best. ″Oh, sorry.″

″No problem,″ Erin said and got up from the floor. ″What do you need?″

″Some towels please,″ Liv answered but she still felt bad that she had interrupted their little private moment.

″Sure,″ Erin said and brought her some towels from the closet. ″Here you go.″

″Thank you. And, uhm, sorry again,″ she whispered and went back to the bathroom.

Erin and Jay finally collected all Lego bricks and put them in a box. He then ate something from the meal she had cooked and had to admit that it was more than just eatable.

Just when Liv came out of the bathroom a little later, carrying a freshly-bathed Noah on her arm, he was about to leave the apartment to spend the evening with Mouse, Will and Adam.

″See you tomorrow, Noah-boy,″ he said and gave him a high-five. ″Erin and I will come here tomorrow morning, so we all can have breakfast together and then the two of us can go to the district,″ Jay explained Liv.

″Good plan Halstead,″ she nodded.

″See you tonight,″ Jay whispered smirkingly, gave Erin another kiss and left the apartment. All smiles, Erin went back to the table, where Liv and Noah were already waiting for dinner.

″What?″ Erin asked after she recognized that Liv scanned her once again.

″Nothing,″ Liv grinned.

″Come on.″

″He makes you happy.″

″He does indeed,″ Erin nodded.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

About two hours later, after Liv had finally brought Noah to bed who had tested his limits once again and refused to sleep at first, they sat down on the couch with their selfmade, non-alcoholic juice-cocktails, finally ready for the girl's evening they already wanted to do months ago in New York.

″Cheers.″

″Cheers.″

″So you and Hank?″ Erin asked and put her glass back to the table.

″What?″ Liv replied and raised her eyebrows but Erin recognized that her face turned a little pink.

″He calls you and you're coming immediately, although you're on holiday.″

″I still don't get your point here...″ Liv frowned.

″Come on Liv, we both know there's something special between the two of you. I've seen this from the very first time. I know Hank for a while now and the way he looks at you...″

″We're just friends,″ she interrupted her. ″At least I think so,″ she added and took a long gulp from her cocktail.

″Did you guys talk about it?″

″Not really. Talking is not his asset.″

″Yeah, whom do you tell that?″ Erin answered with a sarcastic laughter.

″I think it wouldn't work anyway. He lives in Chicago and my life is in New York. I have Noah and he has an adult son and a grandkid already.″

″You won't know if you never give it a try.″

″It would end with both of us hurting each other.″

″Sounds like you thought more about it then you want to admit,″ Erin noticed.

″Maybe,″ Liv answered thoughtful. ″Is he over his wife?″

″This is a difficult question,″ she sighed and made a little pause, was searching for the right words. ″You know, Hank loved her. He loved her more than anything else in this world and when she died his world broke into pieces. It actually broke him. He became another person after she died. And it took him a while to fight back all the deamons that came with her death. At some points I thought he'll never be the man again that he once was. But he got it back together, slowly but steady.″ She paused again, scanned Liv's face for any kind of reaction. ″He will always love her Liv. And I think this is normal when you lost the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. But I also think he's almost at a point where he is ready for something new.″

Liv just nodded but didn't say anything. Erin knew that she was deep in thoughts about the things she just had heard.

″How was she?″

″Camille?″

″Mhm.″

″She was the sweetest and kindest human being I've ever met,″ Erin smiled and her memories went back to the many occasions where Camille was just simply Camille: the woman with the biggest and most beautiful heart, always understanding, always caring, always loving and of course always smiling.

Once again Liv nodded.

″Hank told you my story, right?″ Erin asked.

″What makes you think he did?″

″You wouldn't ask me any of these questions if he hadn't told you,″ she replied and shrugged her shoulders.

″Well...yeah...From the case with your brother I already knew you had a difficult past. And then back in June, when you guys were in New York for that Miller-case, we had...yeah I think it was a date on that evening you and Jay took care of Noah,″ she admitted. ″He told me that you are like a daughter for him and then I was curious and wanted to know more. So he told me that you lived with him and Camille and Justin when you were a teenager,″she said but felt quite uncomfortable with this situation as she knew Erin's private life and her past was actually none of her business.

Now Erin was the one who just nodded in response. She didn't know what to think about this. Not many people knew about her past and she was glad for that. She wasn't proud about the things she'd done and she didn't want to talk it big. Hank and Jay were the only people who knew everything about her and obviously Hank has simply revealed some of her biggest secrets to Olivia Benson, a person she truly admired.

″You know Erin, you can be so proud of yourself, that's all I want to say. Life played rough with you but the life you formed out of it for yourself is impressive.″

″Thank you,″ Erin smiled faintly and decided to push the uncomfortable feeling away, that now another person knew about her past. Although she was sure that Hank had only told Liv the superficial facts.

″So you guys had a date in New York? I knew it,″ Erin smirked, bringing the conversation back into the right direction.

″It wasn't a real date, or maybe it was. I don't know. We've just been friends back then and we're just friends now.″

″This is what Jay and I said for a really long time and look where we are now,″ she laughed.

″Didn't work out huh?″

″Not really. But I don't regret anything of it.″

″So what's yours and Jay's story?″

″Quite an interesting one. With tons of ups and downs.″

″These kind of relationships are the strongest. Because you know how to fight for something you love instead of giving up.″

″That's true. And we not only had to fight in our relationship, we had to fight for our relationship as well,″ she said pensively.

″Hank?″

″You got that fast,″ Erin laughed. ″You know, from the very beginning I trusted Jay. And this was new for me. Normally it takes a long time until I trust someone but with him it was completely different. I felt safe with him. And I felt good with him. Little did I know back then that he's had a crush on me from the very first second,″ Erin smiled. ″So it didn't take us long to figure out that there was something really special between us. Kind of a special bond. We loved to spend time with each other, we were able to communicate without words and every time we looked into each others eyes, there was this special glow. We saw our future in each others eyes, although none of us admitted or maybe even realized it at that point. Naturally we started flirting with each other but only as long as Hank caught us being all flirty. He made the both of us pretty clear that he allows no inhouse romances and if we want to keep working in Intelligence there's not such a thing as a relationship in our future.″

″Really? He told two adults what to do with their private lives?″

″I think it was mainly because he didn't trust Jay back then. And of course because I'm like his daughter so he naturally wanted to protect me. Anyway, we ate it and both of us had new things going on for a little while. But we couldn't forget each other. I mean, how should we? We worked together every day and he was still the person who made me feel special, the person I wanted to spend time with because I felt so good when being with him. I could always rely on him and until today this is one of the attitudes that I love most about him. Things then slowly started to get more intense again. And when I took the job at the Task Force all of Hank's rules didn't apply to us anymore, so of course all the feelings we've been hiding for so long just bursted out of us. We became a couple and back then this was the happiest time of my life. When things with the Task Force job went west, I got my spot in Intelligence back, so we were confronted with the same problem again. We decided to hide our relationship and keep it a secret, acting professional at work and romantic at night. But you know, Hank is the boss of the Intelligence Unit for a reason, so it didn't take him long to find out. We had to cool it again, although none of us wanted it to end. So it was quite hard for both of us. Then Nadia died and I had that sabbatical, quit my job and severed all ties with the people from Intelligence, including Jay but nonetheless he had never given up on me during that time. One day Al called me and told me that Jay has been kidnapped and this was the turning point for me. I realized that I can't lose him and that he still is the man I love and that I can't let anything happen to him. With me saving him, he actually saved me. I got my life back together and soon all the flirting started again. But this time we had Hank's approval.″

″Did you? What made him change his mind?″

″I think there were several reasons. He wanted to be sure that someone has my back after that rough time. But I think he also thought that none of this would even have happened if he hadn't forced us to end our relationship. And I think he realized that Jay's the man who makes me happy. Although it took him some time to accept that. We became a couple almost exactly a year ago. Our anniversary was last week to be precise,″ she smiled.

″You didn't understate when you said it's a up-and-down-story. Ever thought about selling this to Hollywood? I'm sure it would be a blockbuster,″ Liv laughed.

″Yeah right? We never take the easy way. It always has to be complicated. But it was all worth it. He's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. He's my soulmate, my best friend. He's always there for me and I can rely on him no matter what. He always finds the words that I need to hear. He's my light in the darkness. He stays calm when I freak out. He catches me before I fall. He makes me stay when I have the urge to run away. He accepts my past and he understands me in a way no one else can. Sometimes I have the feeling he knows me better than I know myself. He's my safe haven in so many ways.″

Liv looked her in the eyes and they sparkled while she talked about Jay and she could tell that Erin meant every word the way she'd said it.

″Did you ever tell Jay all of this?″ she asked and surprisingly her voice was barely there. ″Because this is so touching, I could cry right now,″ she continued and only now Erin recognized her glassy eyes.

″I don't have to. He knows,″ Erin smiled while her cheeks blushed. ″When did I become such an open book though?″ she then asked, shaking her head in disbelief and just emptied her cocktail with one draft. For someone who hated talking about their past and their feelings she just had done an immense job. But somehow it felt good. It was satisfying to tell someone about her emotions and feelings. And to let someone know how much and unconditionally she loved Jay.

″I really enjoyed it Erin. And I think that's what friends are for,″ Liv smiled.

″Yaah, it is,″ Erin answered and smiled back.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

It was after midnight when Erin got to Jay's apartment. She has just lay down for like fifteen minutes when she heard Jay opening the door. He tried to be super quiet which unfortunately resulted in hitting his foot against the edge of his closet.

″Fuuuuuck,″ he whispered and suppressed to scream when he felt the stabbing pain in his two smallest toes.

″You know, turning the lights on would prevent you from breaking your toes,″ Erin said out of the darkness and he could tell from her voice that she had a sneaking grin on her lips. She meanwhile rolled over and turned the light of her bedside lamp on.

″Didn't want to wake you up.″

″So noble. But remember, I have your little monster inside of me and it keeps me from sleeping.″

He hobbled over to the bed, sat down on its edge and rubbed his aching toes.

″It's bleeding. Maybe something is broken, too,″ he noticed when he wanted to put his sock off and saw a deep red blotch.

″Just make sure you'll tell me before you die, alright?″ she yawned.

″Why are you so touchy?″ he asked and rolled over to her side of the bed so that he was able to look her directly in the eyes.

″Because you haven't kissed me yet,″ she smirked. He didn't let her beg twice and as soon as she had finished her complaint, his lips crashed hers with an intense kiss.

″Better now?″ he grinned afterwards.

″A lot,″ she twinkled. ″So let me have a look at your toes now,″ she said and got up just to kneel down in front of him.

″How bad does it look?″ he asked and made a face as if he was about to die.

″I have some good news for you: no losses here, still five toes,″ she chuckled.

″Haha.″

″Okay, I have even better news: you won't die either.″

″Funny. It hurts like hell.″

″Poor you,″ she said, got up and stroked his cheeks with her hands. She leaned down to him and started to kiss him.

″It already doesn't hurt so much anymore,″ he grinned tricksy afterwards.

″Good,″ she whispered before their lips merged again. ″Then you can stop crying now and we can sleep, huh?″

″I didn't cry,″ Jay protested and stripped his shirt and jeans.

″You totally did,″ Erin laughed while she lay down again, waiting for Jay to lie down so she could curl into his side.

″I didn't,″ he said again as he got up to go to the bathroom.

″Yeah, keep on telling that and you can maybe convince yourself,″ she sassed.

″I'm totally convinced,″ he winked and left her alone for some minutes to brush his teeth and wash the blood on his toes off.

When he came back and lay down he immediately wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she snuggled onto his side, just like almost always, as it was her favorite position to sleep and Jay of course let her although it was a bit uncomfortable for him. As Erin nestled her head up to his chest and lay her hand on his stomach to wrap it loosely around his waist, she didn't how much she would need him, her safe haven, in the days and weeks to come and that he could soon prove once again why he was her safe haven at all...

As always, please leave a review and tell me what you think :)

I should be able to post the next chapter in the next few days already as I have some time left until I have to go back to university and I don't want to let you wait this long again! :)