I can't afford to lose them

Hastinapur,

Gajasahrya

Arjun's POV

Twelve days had passed.The period of mourning was over, but not the storm which refused to subside.

The truth was still sinking deeper and deeper in my heart, but found no anchor to rest firmly.

It felt as if, the feeling had numbed me. I felt no more urges to cry, but just gazed on with a blank face, as everything happened.

Without any response, or having the will to respond. Everything carried on, while the days passed, I kept on succumbing to the reality.

From Kurujangala, to Nagasarhya to Varanashyra, we five kept holding each other's hands, firmly.I saw two of my familiar faces reduce to ashes, and a thousands of unfamiliar faces lamenting over them, none of them we knew, except Maata.

They offered condolences, wept for days, grieving over our loss. Neither were they our family, nor friends, but still they were beside us for comfort. And that is when I realized that Pitashree wasn't the only father of us, but was their too. 

Of the citizens of this mysterious land, Hastinapur. I heard whispers, murmurs and even wails of them, of how they lamented when Pita proceeded for the mountains and wished to accompany him.

How they wept, repeating, "King, you being our father, why did you desert us? Who will now provide the umbrella of comfort over our heads?"

We had only lost our father, and they had lost their protector.

"Maa, is this where we are supposed to stay?" The voices of the twins kept on ringing in my ears as I laid sprawled on the huge bed, quite contrary to the hay grass bed we used to lie down upon.

Contrary would be an understatement, where was our humble cottage and where lies this magnificent palace?

My eyes adjusted to the dimly lit extravagant room, scented with perfumes and incense and decorated with items I could never have dreamt of.

Amusing it was that for a prahar  that had passed after our arrival, my feet were no longer resting on the dusty or muddy path, rather on the floor constructed of marble.

And Maa's words sank in my heart, "This isn't Shatasringa, sons."

True. We weren't in the laps of those forests and mountains anymore, rather would be staying somewhere from where those forests and mountains wouldn't be even visible.

Shatasringa and their residents was miles away, from Hastinapur. It wasn't visible from the huge balconies of our rooms nor from the corridors, from which Nakul and Sahadev were endeavoring hard to have a glimpse of their familiar hills.

But no avail.There we five used to huddle with each other, or lie over each other and here? We all were provided with individual chambers, and moreover luxury. 

But the question was, did we desire for it?

My palms felt the velvety textures of the bedsheet, and it was nothing like the flimsy sheets we used to share, and I felt it.

I felt it.

Bhrata Bheem was amused and beyond, witnessing the huge platter of food served for our dinner, just a few moments ago.

A  smile swept past my lips wondering that now he would eat to his full, after so many days.

He did, he did have to full, but not with a smile, making mine disappear as well.

Not with the smile, when he would gobble up those fruits in Shatasringa, or the food which he would repeatedly request Maatas to serve upon.

I had never witnessed him having his meals with a blank expression of his face. The only time he smiled a bit when Maa swept over to us to feed us kheer, and he had the maximum of it from her hands. She came over to me to feed, but I just kept on staring it, blinking.

That was the first time I did not have the urge to have kheer anymore, it subtly began to remind me of Maata Maadri's face when she used to boil the milk, add raisins and sugar to the mud pot on the fire.

I instantly wrapped an arm around her, "Maa," I kissed her cheek, not wanting to upset her for not allowing her to have from her hands, "Ca-can I have it after a while?"

She held me close, her fingers snaking up to my curls, making me feel as if she had already grasped to what was running past my mind.

Pressing her lips on my forehead, she fed me the remaining morsels. I ate without a complain, too overwhelmed over the fact that once again she deciphered me.

Too overwhelmed that I repeatedly peppered kisses on her face before retiring to bed and clung to her for a while. "You my Arjuna, are an absolute delight."

I realized the fact that I could never, never see her or my brothers shedding tears. If for that, if I have to hold back mine, I would.

Because I know, they too would hold back their tears for the sake of me. And when we would be together, we can cross beyond any difficulties.

"You, my Maa, are beyond my delight." Genuinely smiling after days,

I held her close and rested my forehead on the crook of her neck, experiencing the bliss after being emotionally unavailable for days.

I can't afford to lose them.