So that's what it was

Some time has passed. Maybe a week or two. I tried my best to completely ignore Mina, but it was hard.

It seemed that now everyone knew Mina and Tasha were dating. They were always seen holding hands and going around together. Looking at each other with lovers' eyes. Mina looked over at me every now and then, and we had a few eye contacts too. I know she is capable of completely ignoring me without giving me a single glance, so the fact that our eyes met every now and then made me realize she still wanted things to be okay between us.

Will it ever be ok?

Will it ever go back to normal?

I was asking questions again, and this time I wanted answers.

But I was afraid. I pushed her away from me in a bad way. I embarrassed her in front of everyone and exploded in anger without any good reason. I just couldn't bring myself to approach her again.

Then one evening, my mom knocked on my door and said a friend has come to see me. She seemed happy because it was the first time she saw a friend of mine from high school other than Juno. She knew I had been brooding over something again, so any chance for me to cheer up would have seemed good for her.

Just the right time…

"Okay, but I will go out. Tell her to wait by the door"

I was a mess but I didn't care to make myself look presentable. I just put on a hooded top and wore a baseball cap.

"Let's go"

I told Mina by the door before she could even greet me.

On the elevator down she did not say anything. I just kept my eyes on the door in front of me, waiting for it to open.

Again, when we got out of the building I still didn't say anything. I didn't look at her and made no gesture to ask her to follow me. I just went straight to a bench by the playground. I then realized it was a bit stupid of me because I wasn't gonna sit down.

Once we reached the bench I turned around to face Mina and spoke first

"What brings you here"

"Nana... I want to talk. This has been going on for too long"

I looked at her face and could tell she was sincere and determined.

"Now I think I know what I did wrong and why you are mad at me"

I let out a big sigh.

How could she know why I was mad at her when even I didn't know why.

"It's because of Juno… right?"

What-

"What are you talking about?"

"You helped me so much... You tried so hard to bring us together... You put up with my blabbering about how I feel. You put up with me crying. You gave me the courage to do something. Yet… after all that... I ended up falling for another person.."

Are you serious-

"It happened during the summer break. We went to a study camp together for two weeks. She confessed to me first and I rejected her... I always sensed she had something for me, but I didn't feel that way about her"

"Just stop-"

"But she didn't give up... She said she knew I liked Juno, so she knows I like boys. Well, not exactly 'boys', more like just Juno… anyways. She still didn't give up and stood by my side. She-"

"Please… just stop… I don't want to hear any of this…", I covered my closed eyes with my hand.

"She was always there for me… when I was heartbroken... She was there... And-"

"And I wasn't there for you?!"

Something snapped in my head and I screamed at her.

"Nana- what do you mean-"

"I was there for you. Every single time. Every time you were afraid. Every time you needed help. I was there"

"I know, Nana-. I really appreciate that and that's why I like you"

"Don't. Fucking. LIKE. me! Why can't you…"

Then I think we both came to a sudden realization.

My legs gave away and I fell to my knees.

Mina gasped covering her mouth. She looked at me with the tears swelling up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry... I never knew…"

Her voice was shaky and breaking up.

"Please… just leave…"

She started to sob but obliged. She turned around and walked away.

I broke down and I was on all fours with my head drooping low.

So that's what it was, and this is how it is.

It sucks.