Wanting to improve how I look, and me ranting.

I'm sure everyone has had this issue, and a lot of people love to talk about loving yourself and your body.

Well I'm not totally into that kind of thing? I've told others how I wanted to get cosmetic surgery and lighten my skin a bit, as well as lose ten 10 pounds. I got some typical responses like, "No way you shouldn't be thinking like that! You should be comfortable in your own skin!" "Don't get surgery! I've seen others get surgery and they all looked uglier after it!" "Your weight is fine!" and "Your skin tones beautiful! Don't buy into the Asian's white supremacy!" (Yeah, I really got the last one albeit said a bit differently. #triggered )

While I'm thankful for the compliments and feeding my already large ego my good friends, I. Want. To. This. Still. Yeah fight me, y'all complimented me and didn't even change my damn mind, ya fucking losers. (jk dont fight me im too weak for this shit)

This isn't really an issue of how I want to be more beautiful to please others. This is my PERSONAL beauty standard FOR MYSELF. It's not something I'd push on others on purpose (unless y'all piss me tf off, or ask me for opinions). I'm not going to do anything extreme to get to my personal beauty standard, like going into debt to get surgery, or sit in a tub full of bleach to get lighter skin. Bruh I ain't fucking dumb. I love the people who say this to me, but. Do y'all think I'm a fucking idiot? I am fucking dumb, but you guys know I'm too low effort, too self interested to purposely get into situations that will harm me in the long run. I'm okay. I'm not too concerned about my looks, so I don't really talk about it. I mean I can't even see myself unless I'm looking into something reflective, and even if i did I'd just take my glasses off and take a few steps back to pretend my acne is gone. (My eyelids and the whites of my eyes blur off into the rest of my face when I back off far enough from the mirror to not see acne and I just see the slightly blurry black holes on my face and it kind of gets scary, but I just laugh because its dumb I'm getting scared by looking at my reflection, then I'm no longer scared. Just felt dumb, and a little embarassed I went through all of that while making gestures, alone in my bedroom, and promise myself I'm not going to talk about this but here the fuck I am, talking about this, still embarassed. Now back to whatever I'm talking about.) Yeah, no this shit for me. Not for you, not for your friends, not for your momma. For me. I want to look better for me. I mean I know I started talking about getting surgery, but I'd like it if you wouldn't tell me that my ideal standards for myself are 'ugly' or that people who get them are 'uglier' afterwards. I get it, theres some surgery horror stories. Do I care? Yes, I want the surgery and you can't change my mind about it, but I like hearing those kind of horror stories so I can feel pity for the poor patient! But my point is that I think I'd look better after getting the surgery, and that it's not common for people to get botched surgeries to happen if they get a good surgeon, in a safe, certified clinic.

In conclusion I want to look pretty, and to get pretty, I believe one way is to get surgery. Does that mean I'm 100% gonna do it? Not really tbh. Want it, but not to the point I'd go out of my way to get it. Will I regret it if I do? Maybe, but I'll deal with it when/if I do (cue me being a hypocrite). Will I push others to get surgery? No. If they want to I'd support them, as long as it isn't anything too drastic. (I don't really support changing your entire face. Things like nose jobs, double eyelids, and to an extent jaw shaving is fine, but if you want to look like another person completely? lol that some weird shit.)

Me wanting to get surgery is for me, not you. Let me want what I want okay?

I feel like I'm being quite hypocritical saying all this but its really my opinion, and I feel like I wrote this the best way I can at the moment to express my opinion.

I really feel like it's okay to want, and get surgery to meet your own personal beauty standards, as long as you're not heavily pressing the people around you to do the same.