Ch 10 - Irrational

"You? Someone like you wants to cultivate?" Mei spoke with a sneer. "Don't make me laugh."

Shen Jian was frozen, completely and utterly shocked by the sudden change in her attitude.

"… Mei?" He slowly said her name, as if to confirm that she was indeed the same person.

The girl clicked her tongue. He flinched at the sound and Mei spoke right over his reaction. "Don't call my name so casually, peasant. I only tolerated you this long because you didn't show any interest to get in my way but now that you have…" She narrowed her eyes at him, seeming more hostile than he'd ever seen her.

Shen Jian flinched again and stepped back away from her. He was used to confrontations with beasts, not with humans. Especially not with someone he called a friend. It was no wonder that he felt incredibly nervous and afraid at the current situation.

At this moment, it was not a matter of strength.

Mei's fist clenched tighter when he retreated from her. She gave him a disdainful look. "Pathetic. You think someone weak and untalented like you can become a cultivator?"

"I'm not-!" Shen Jian reflexively opened his mouth with an indignant feeling. "I'm not untalented! I'm strong! Stronger than-" He hesitated.

"Stronger than what? A fly?" Mei interrupted. "You even got your arm broken from a mere boar. And the people of this village call you an accomplished hunter. What a joke." She let out a derisive scoff.

Shen Jian clenched his fists, looking down at the cast on his arm. He felt a variety of feelings right now. Indignation, fear, anger.

But most of all, he felt hurt. Even words spoken as a joke can hurt a person. And Mei's words right now were far from even a mean-spirited joke.

His mind felt dizzy. He couldn't understand what drove this sudden change in her personality.

Was he wrong? Was the secret to cultivation more precious than he had thought? Was his knowledge of novels from his past life inaccurate? Was the knowledge so important and precious that it drove Mei to lash out at him like this?

He didn't know. He couldn't think.

"The privilege of cultivation is reserved for the best. Not people like you. So that's why…" Mei narrowed her eyes and suddenly approached him.

Shen Jian froze. Before he could do anything, she grabbed the front of his shirt with one hand and brought him closer, his amber eyes a mere foot away from her own cold green eyes.

"You better not even think about cultivating in your life. If I ever see you on the same path as mine…" She tightened her hold on his shirt. "I'll make you regret it."

Shen Jian didn't say anything in reply. He simply stayed in her grasp, staring into her eyes silently.

Mei eventually let go of his shirt and turned around, moving towards her house. She stopped at the door and spoke without turning around. "Leave. And don't forget my words."

And without another word, she closed the door, leaving him standing outside.

Under the light of the setting sun, Shen Jian stood silently, staring at the closed door. A heartbroken look adorned his face, a strong feeling of something akin to betrayal running through him.

He turned around and moved towards his home. There, he went to his room and fell onto the bed, looking blankly at the ceiling.

While he did feel extremely hurt by her words, Shen Jian also felt a significant amount of confusion. What exactly did he do for her to react like that? She had never before shown any particular reluctance to share any knowledge with him, so her sudden shift in attitude made no sense.

Perhaps she had some reason to treat him like that, some reason to purposefully put distance between them. But why so suddenly? And surely, there were better ways to go about it than to put him down and discourage him like that?

As he lost himself in his thoughts, feelings of indignation and humiliation rose higher and higher. At some point, those feelings ruled his thoughts.

Even despite the fact that she may have had some reason to do what she did, who was she to judge him like that? Shen Jian thought as such with a scowl on his face.

She had no idea how fierce the beasts of the forest were. She had no idea of what he was capable of. She had no idea that his raw physical strength exceeded hers even though he still hadn't started cultivating.

Talent? Shen Jian was absolutely confident that he had the required talent. He refused to believe that every other child his age was capable of the things he was. Many were, undoubtedly. But those many would also be considered talented, just like him.

Part of him wanted to go and confront Mei about her nonsensical behaviour. To show her exactly how wrong she was about everything. Unfortunately, his personality didn't allow it.

And at this point, he didn't care what reason Mei had to distance herself like she did and he was sure that she did have some reason.

'Maybe she wanted "protect" me or something stupid like that.' Shen Jian thought sarcastically. He was not unaware of those common tropes after all. He just found them ridiculous.

But regardless, he didn't care about her intentions. He would simply prove that he didn't need her protection. He would become someone strong enough that whatever problems she had would not even bother him.

As for reconciling their friendship though? He had no such immediate plans. He would wait and see whatever happens naturally.

After all, whatever her reason, what she said and did hurt him and his trust in her. And that wasn't something he would simply forget about.

His decision made, Shen Jian closed his eyes and fell into the meditation trance. He was closer than ever before to finding the method to harness the energy. It would only be a matter of time.

And now, he was extremely motivated to do so.

Despite everything, spite was an excellent motivator.

---

Mei closed the door behind her without looking back. She stood still for a while, just looking at the ground. Soon, she heard the sound of footsteps going away outside the door.

Her shoulders slumped, the cold look on her face from before vanishing, being replaced with one filled with anguish. She leaned on the door, slowly sliding down until she was sitting on the ground, her head buried in her knees.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I'm sorry…" She mumbled apologies repeatedly, tears running down her cheeks.

"… I didn't mean any of it. I really didn't. Please forgive me…" She sobbed softly.

Mei sat there and cried for a long while. Eventually, her tears dried up and she pulled herself up shakily. She sluggishly made her way to her room, dragging herself to the cupboard.

She slowly pulled open the drawer and stuffed her hand between the clothes that lay there. She soon withdrew her hand and within it was a photo frame.

The picture was of a tall green-eyed man and a beautiful brown eyed woman. Both had black hair in varying length and both were smiling out the picture.

Mei held the picture in her hands. She tenderly stroked the people in the picture with her fingers.

"Mother, father…" She spoke with a glum look on her face. "I did something bad."

The people in the picture of course didn't reply because they were merely characters in a fading and yellowed photograph.

"It hurts…" She continued, her voice shaking. "But… I had to. I can't let him be hurt because of me."

Mei's thoughts turned to her time spent with Shen Jian. Ever since her parents died and she had started staying with her aunt and uncle, she had always felt like she didn't belong.

Although her aunt and uncle had tried to foster a feeling of familial love and belonging to the family, she had always felt a disconnect with them. Like she didn't belong. Like she wasn't supposed to be there. She had always felt uncomfortable.

It was just barely better outside her family. She had some casual friends that she'd spend time with but none of them ever felt like true friends that she could rely on. Even though her personality was naturally bright and open, she felt like she was forcing herself to portray such a personality in front of them.

After many years of that, when a big sect's wandering recruitment elder had chanced upon her and declared that she was talented and wanted her to join his sect, Mei agreed to it with little to no hesitation.

She was taught the way to cultivate before they left and she had made such progress in such a short time that she successfully entered the first level of cultivation in a mere two weeks.

In that time, though she had travelled with the elder to other cities and villages, no one had caught his attention enough to let them personally travel with him, unlike her.

At one point though, he had received a message from his sect that warned him of something. From his words, she had learned that something like a small factional skirmish was occurring in the sect. Because of that, he'd judged that she would be targeted by the opposing faction if she were to enter the picture at that moment.

So he'd left her in one of the villages on the way, along with some cultivation texts that she had to learn from and a talisman that he instructed her to tear when she was in danger.

Mei hadn't expected much of the village. Despite having a bright personality, she was still a city girl and had an almost instinctive dismissive attitude towards the poor villagers that surrounded her.

Until she met Shen Jian.

She still felt exasperated at the stunt he pulled to get her attention. He could have just called out to her if he wanted to talk. She wasn't nearly dismissive enough that she'd ignore a person talking to her.

But aside from their initial encounter, the two of them became friends very quickly. Mei herself was surprised how comfortable she felt with him. Perhaps because of the way he was visibly trying to suppress his shy nature around her, Mei felt compelled to return his efforts with her own, making strides to meet him halfway on the path of friendship.

Her efforts were rewarded. Shen Jian turned out to be one of the most enigmatic people she'd ever met. He was oddly mature, he was oddly strong and he was amazingly thoughtful at times.

She had so much fun playing games with him and exploring the village and its surroundings. Even her so-called friends from the city weren't nearly as fun to spend time with as Shen Jian.

Even on the day of her parents' death, when she was grieving over their passing, he had thoughtfully put aside their usual pastimes and just settled for a picnic in a peaceful meadow, to let her thoughts settle down.

It was a sweet gesture that Mei appreciated more than she'd admit.

But when he ended the day by asking for tips on cultivation, Mei's earlier dark thoughts returned with a vengeance and she froze.

On any other day, Mei would have shared her knowledge with him while maybe hinting that he should join the same sect as her. She was sure she could convince the elder to take him in. She'd seen with her own eyes how talented he was.

But with her mind filled with thoughts of her past, Mei had made a bad and irrational decision. She'd chosen to insult him and discourage him from entering the path of cultivation.

She felt a stabbing sensation in her chest when she remembered the look of betrayal and hurt he had on his face at her words. She bunched up the dress on her chest with a hand, finding it hard to breathe at the guilt running through her.

But despite her guilt, she hoped he would heed her words. That he would stay away from the path of cultivation. That he would live his life peacefully as a civilian.

Mei let out a soft resigned laugh. "As if that's going to stop him."

Her words wouldn't stop Shen Jian from stepping onto the path. No, her words would probably serve as a motivator instead. To prove her wrong.

"But he doesn't know…" Mei's face scrunched up in frustration. "He doesn't understand how dangerous this path is."

Mei knew better than most others how dangerous her path was. The path of cultivation was one filled with violence. The concept of being reasonable was almost belittled by practitioners. Because those who walked that path all followed only one rule.

Might makes right.

In an argument between cultivators, it didn't matter who was right or wrong. All that mattered was who had a higher capacity for violence.

Mei hoped that Shen Jian would keep away from that path. Despite only spending little more than a month with him, he was the only one she'd come to like as someone close to her other than her parents. She wished that he would live his life peacefully without any violence.

But in her heart, she knew her wish was futile.

He'd always shown interest in cultivation from the very beginning. Whenever she ranted about her cultivation and the elder and his words or tales, Shen Jian would be paying extra attention to her. The Legend of Creation had resonated with him more than she'd seen with anyone else, even herself. And she suspected that he was even physically almost as strong as her, even though he'd never outright showed it, hindered by his injury.

Him embarking on the path was a foregone conclusion.

"At least we won't be close anymore. Maybe he'll even hate me instead." She muttered with a forced smile.

Thus, she could only protect him by distancing herself from him so that the consequences of her future actions wouldn't affect him.

And she was sure her actions would have significant consequences.

"Maybe there was a better way to do it." She mumbled sadly. "But it's too late now."

Her eyes went back to her parents' picture. Her face gradually darkened as the memories flashed through her mind.

She still remembered the fire that burnt down their house as she watched from the stable nearby. She remembered the condescending smile of the man who appeared with a poor façade of sympathy after everything was over. She remembered the clothes he wore and the symbol on his chest, the same as the people who committed the deed the night before wore.

Mei's eyes became cold as she remembered all of it in crystal-clear clarity, that symbol they wore that intimidated even the city mayor mansion from taking action.

That looming mountain surrounded by the elements.

---

Shen Jian watched from the window of his house as the elder from that sect slowly rose on his flying sword, Mei holding his arm tightly. They were a bit far away, near the village centre but it wasn't so far that he couldn't see them.

He watched as they rose higher and higher into the morning sky, their clothes swaying with the wind. The sword began to move forward horizontally, slowly beginning to accelerate.

As they moved towards the edge of the village, Mei turned around and looked straight in his direction. Their eyes met across the vast distance, both of their faces just as neutral as the other.

There was no change in either of their expressions. Amber eyes and green eyes continued to look at each other until they drifted too far to be visible to each other. As he continued watching, Mei and the elder whose name he'd forgotten gradually became a dot in the sky and soon disappeared entirely.

Shen Jian looked down and closed his eyes. In his mind, he muttered a silent farewell and goodbye to his once friend.

Opening his eyes, he pushed himself from the windowsill he was leaning on and raised both of his hands and stretched, his back popping satisfactorily.

With his arm fully healed and his body back to peak condition and himself feeling extraordinarily motivated, Shen Jian thought it was about time he got back to his training.

And this time, he planned to push himself even further.

"Maybe I should try training with a handicap?" Shen Jian mused as he walked away.