- 7 章コンテンツ
- レビュー結果
- NO.200+応援
"And I told you, you can give any woman a red rose, but all your white roses are mine, Diocese. Mine." Jiana used to protect her pride by never getting attached to guys. Ayaw niya ng tinutukso o di kaya'y inaasar sa kung sino man. However, life shouldn't always be lived with reservations. Minsan, kailangan mo lang ibigay ang lahat na para bang wala ng bukas. Wala ng susunod. Wala ng darating. Jiana turned her back to her beliefs when she learned that cancer will soon redeem her and exile her from this world. Mahirap iyon tanggapin para sa maraming pangarap na tulad niya. Mahirap iyon tanggapin dahil lahat naman yata hindi handa sa idea ng scheduled na kamatayan. But if the clock is ticking and the sands are falling down the hourglass, does she really have time to sulk and whine? O mas tama yatang guguglin niya ang oras sa mga bagay na hindi pa niya nararanasan? Right there and then, after several nights of disbelieving that she really had more or less eight months to live, she had made a firm declaration. She'll explore every single thing she haven't tried yet. Every single thing. She'll live like there's no tomorrow. She'll love like she could be with them tomorrow. She'll adore all the white roses as if it can't remind her.. she'll be buried with it tomorrow.
Tahimik na hikbi mula sa kabilang kwarto. Ang hirap na paghinga. Pinipigil na hagulhol.
Gabi-gabi ay nakakatulugan ko ang pagluluksa ni Mommy at ang pagpapatahan sa kaniya ni Daddy. Gabi-gabi ay naririnig kong pinagluluksaan nila... ako.
Their only daughter dying in eight months. Buhay pa man ay naririnig ko na ang iyak ng ina. Hindi ko na kailangang dumalo sa sariling libing para malaman kung paano sila iiyak.
Everyday, my mother reminds me I am her tragedy. I am the story she loved. I am the story she poured her whole life into. And soon, I will really remain nothing... but a story.
Mahirap iyon tanggapin noong una. Na mamamatay na ako. Na hindi ko na makikita ang mukha ni Mommy. Na hindi na ako patagong makakapagpalibre ng ice cream kay Daddy. Na hindi ko na maiinis ang nag-iisa kong kapatid na ubod ng selan. Na ang aso kong si Dunzen ay hindi na kailangang salubungin ang school bus.
Naisip ko ang eskwelahan. Ang mga kaibigang nagpapataasan ng marka. Ang mga gurong nanggagalaiti sa mga pasaway. Ang lalaking kinahuhumalingan ko na hindi naman ako tinatapunan ng tingin. Ang sikretong hardin malapit sa ilog. Ang paborito kong milk tea sa canteen. Ang arm chair na may pangalan ko sa likod.
I, then, thought, sino kaya sa mga ito ang makakaalala sa akin? If I would be gone tomorrow, who would give me a white rose and say I will always be missed?
My dying thoughts aren't very selfless. I wanna be remembered. I want to be a photograph captured by their hearts... etched on their minds and will never be gone in the tale of time.
I want to be an all-time favorite story, a best-selling piece, and a well-loved book. I don't want to be my mother's tragedy. I just wanted to be a wonderful story kept inside a beating heart because my existence is a memory of happiness.
Iyon sana ang gusto kong baunin. Maliban sa mga puting rosas na kusang ibibigay sa akin. Gusto kong baunin ang puso na kung magmamahal man ng iba, ayos lang. Basta alam kong habang sinasabuyan ako ng puting rosas ay sa akin iyon tumitibok. Hindi bale nang umibig siya ng iba pagkatapos ko. I just wanted to be loved till the end of the eight months.
And at the seventh night in one of my remaining nights, after refusing to accept and denying it to myself, I have decided. To live as if I'd die tomorrow. To love as if I could be with them tomorrow. To adore all the white roses as if it can't remind me, I'd be buried with it tomorrow.
