96. Chapter 96

After Setup and After Countdown

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: This is twice the Castle I don't own. Rating: K+ Time: See above.

Kate Beckett stared at the ceiling of her dark bedroom. She could hear Josh snoring softly beside her. How in the hell could I have screwed my life up this badly? She asked herself. I told Castle that I wished I had someone who'd be there for me and I could be there for him and we'd both just dive in to it together. How could I have said that to Castle? He was about to say something, I know. I was just lucky that the hazmat team leader came in when he did. I know that Castle has feelings for me, he's made that clear. I also know that he's perfectly capable of breaking my heart. He's done it already. And I know he'll do it again. He's had feelings for, his two ex-wives, but that didn't stop him from getting divorced. Kate shook her head. No, that's being unfair to Castle. I've met Meredith. Whatever he felt about her, staying with her would have been a mistake. Gina, I know less about. But there's Alexis. He is capable of loving someone unconditionally.

Kate turned over and looked at Josh. No! She said to herself. Josh, or someone like Josh, is what I need. What I want. I'll never be able to have what I want with Castle. I have to stop thinking this way. Josh stayed in New York for me. That means we have a chance. That means I have a chance. I can have what my parents had. I can have what I've wanted since I was a little girl, a family and a home. I can't have that with Castle. I can't and I absolutely must not think that I can.

The alarm clock rang. Kate turned it off and got out of bed. She left Josh sleeping. She went into her bathroom and got ready for the day. Once dressed, she headed for the kitchen, intending to have some toast and maybe make something for Josh when he woke up.

She had just put bread in the toaster when Josh came into the kitchen, still dressed in his pajamas. They kissed and Josh looked into her eyes. "What do you say we stay home today? Just the two of us? Or maybe go out later. See a movie or something?"

She shook her head. "Josh, after the madhouse these last couple of days, there are a half a dozen cases that didn't get worked that really need our attention. If I don't go to work, that'll means everyone will have to work harder. And some things won't get done at all. I'd hate it if somebody's murder fell through the cracks like that. I'm really sorry."

Josh smiled. "Well at least let me make you a cup of coffee before you go."

Without thinking, Kate said, "Oh, don't bother. Castle will have coffee for me as soon as he gets to the precinct." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew she'd made a mistake.

"Castle will bring you coffee, but you don't have time for me to make you a cup."

She put her arms around Josh. "Josh, I've told you about me and Castle. He's my partner and he's a friend. There is no reason at all for you to be jealous." Even as she said the words, she knew that the words rang false.

"Sure." Josh said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. "Castle is just a friend. Do you have any idea what he's like? I have a friend, she's a doctor, but comes from old New York money. She's known your friend Castle slightly for a number of years. Do you want to know what she says about Castle? If they called men sluts, a picture of Castle would be in the dictionary under "male sluts." He sleeps with anyone and everyone he can get his hands on. Do you really think that's not why he hangs around you? Do you honestly believe that Mr. Millionaire Playboy Richard Castle isn't trying to get you in bed?"

Kate took a deep breath. They had gone over her relationship with Castle before, but Josh had never been so angry. Why does this have to happen just when things were starting to go right for us? But she smiled at Josh. "Josh, Castle can hang around the precinct until we all grow old and retire and I'm not going to sleep with him. You do trust me, don't you?"

Josh smiled at her. "I do. I'm sorry."

Kate relaxed, but then said too much. "Besides, I've known Castle for a couple of years now. Really, he's not the same bed hopping playboy he once was. If he ever was."

Josh stiffened. "So maybe he's interested in you for more than just a fling? Is that supposed to make me feel better? It's not like I don't see the way he looks at you, Kate. I'm not blind."

Before Kate could reply, her phone rang. "Beckett." She answered, turning away from Josh. "35th and Franklin? Okay, I'll meet you there." She hung up, and turned to Josh. "I have to go."

"Was that Castle?"

She shook her head. "No, it was Ryan."

"But you'll call Castle."

She headed for the door. "Yes. But only because he's my partner."

"Keep telling yourself that." He yelled as she left.

Kate say in her Crown Vic, holding tight to the steering wheel, unable to force herself to start the car. I know Castle, he broke my heart once, he'll break it again. And why can he break my heart? Because I'm in love with him. Yes, if I thought it'd last I'd jump into it with Castle. While I was waiting to die in that freezer I almost told him that I love him. Thank god I didn't. When I thought the bomb was about to go off, I took his hand because I wanted to die touching the man that I love. When he ripped those wires out and I saw we were going to live, I hugged him. I wanted to tell him how I feel, but I can't. I can't lose what I have with Josh for a short term relationship with Castle.

Something suddenly came back to Kate. When he talked to me in the precinct, after Fallon left, he was going to say something just before Josh came. When he walked away, I watched him. He was sad there in the elevator. Oh my god! Did I break his heart? This is worse than I thought.

Author's note: Yes, there is another one of these, Chapter 28. However, for this one, I've written an alternate ending.

Josh walked out of Kate's apartment building some time later. As he stood on the sidewalk an odd looking bird ran up and stopped by him.

"Beep! Beep!" Said the bird and rushed off in a cloud of dust.

As Josh was staring at the odd bird, a coyote stopped in front of him, looked up and then waved bye-bye to Josh. As Josh stared, a safe marked Acme Safe Company fell on him driving Josh through the sidewalk and into the subway below. As Josh looked up, be saw a piano falling. The last thing he ever saw were the words Acme Piano Company, and the coyote looking down at him, again waving bye-bye.