892. Chapter 892

After For Better or Worse

Episode 6.23

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: It's worse that I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

"Castle, nothing is going to go wrong. Absolutely nothing. "Kate smiled at her husband, trying to make him feel better.

Castle nodded glumly. "Probably not, but I remember what you went through after the wedding we never had. How miserable you must have been for all of those months. And I remember when we did get married, just you, me, your dad, Mom and Alexis. I wanted to give you a fairy tale wedding, one for the ages, and you got a bargain basement wedding. And everyone was mad at us after we got married."

Kate leaned over and kissed him. "I did get a fairy tale wedding, one for the ages. I got married to you." She kissed him again and held him close. "Nothing is going to go wrong with the wedding. Now, let's go downstairs."

As they got to the door, they were met by Esposito. "We may have a problem, bro."

"What?" Castle asked with visions of disasters filing his head.

"The Reverend Billy Bob has locked himself in your panic room with a couple of bottles of rum and won't come out."

The three headed for the panic room in the Castle's house in the Hamptons. Arriving there they found the groom, Dave Olmstead, a tall and lanky Texan talking on the phone. Olmstead had taken his father's oil business and turned it into a high tech empire. He had become a Broadway financial angel, which had led him to back Martha's new play, and ended in romance and a proposal.

"What is it?" Castle demanded.

"The Reverend is having a crisis of conscience. Listen." He held the phone out to hear the Reverend drunkenly talking about not being able to handle the cares of his parish any more.

"Miz Watkins allus talks about how her husband drinks too much. What am I supposed to do? And Mr. Tolbert? So the factory closed. Does he think I'll build him another one?"

Olmstead shrugged. "He gets these maybe two or three times a year, but the last one was a month ago. If I'd known he'd do this to me and my little sweetie, I'da never let him get out of the sight of the Alamo."

"Is there any way in?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah, through a steel door or through steel reinforced concrete." Castle replied glumly.

"Windows?"

"None."

"Is there some way to open it from the outside?"

"No. That's the point of a panic room. You can't get in from outside. He's got food in there for a month and the bartender said he took three bottles of 151 proof rum. He could be in there for days."

"We need to find another officiant, now." Kate insisted. "Let's go."

They took the Ferrari and headed for town.

"Castle, slow down. You're speeding. You'll get a….." She stopped when she heard the siren behind them and saw the flashing lights.

Castle pulled over and the cop got out of his car. "License and registration, please."

"Officer, can we hurry this up? My mother is getting married and I have to find someone to do the honors."

The cop shook his head. "New York City people. Always in a hurry." He muttered and began to write the ticket.

"Look, I'm Richard Castle, the author, and this my wife, Captain Kate Beckett, NYPD. And I'm a friend of Chief Brady's."

The cop stopped writing. "One of Brady's friends? A friend of a guy who refused to promote me for three years until he finally put in his twenty and retired in Florida? That Brady?"

"What my husband means is that we'll just sit quietly here while you do your job." Kate said with a smile.

"Let me make sure I have this right. Please spell your last name for me."

"C-A-S-T-L-E."

The officer said, "That's a C?"

"Yes."

"Then an A?"

"Yes."

"An S?"

"Yes!"

"T?"

"Yes!"

"And an L?"

"And L."

"E?"

"Exactly."

"Now let's go over your address again." The officer said.

A half an hour later, the ticket was finished. The cop leaned over to hand it to Castle. "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"A couple of beers a while ago." Castle confessed.

"Out of the car, sir."

After a field sobriety test, Castle was given a breathalyzer.

"According to this, you blood alcohol is .5. That's drunk."

"Officer, that's more than drunk. If that was accurate he'd be dead from alcohol poisoning. You know that." Kate said at once.

The cop nodded. "We'll go to the hospital to get a test there. The lady will drive."

Once at the hospital, the Castles had to wait while an elderly woman was taken to have an MRI.

"Sorry, sir. We're short handed today." Said an orderly.

At long last, blood was drawn from Castle's arm and tested.

"Nope." Said the doctor. "Blood alcohol is zero."

"Have a nice day, sir." Said the cop.

With a great deal of effort, Castle managed to say nothing.

They arrived at the nearest church, a Catholic church and quickly found a priest.

"Father, you have to come at once. My mother is getting married and the reverend who was supposed to do it is drunk." Castle gasped out.

"Is your mother a Catholic?" The priest asked in a kindly manner.

"I don't know? Does it matter?"

"It matters a great deal. And I can't go anyplace with you to perform a marriage, a Catholic marriage must be in a church. And our church is being renovated due to the wind storm last week. The roof."

"Thank you." Castle said, grabbing Beckett's hand and heading for the car. As they left the church, his phone rang.

"Alexis? Is the Reverend Billy Bob out and sober?"

"No, but we have someone to officiate. You can come home."

Kate drove home ten miles an hour below the speed limit. When they got home, Alexis was at the front door with her date. "Dad, Kate, this is Mike. He'll be officiating."

"You?" Castle said, looking at the slender, unshaven and under dressed young man.

"When I was in college I became an ordained minister in the Holy Church of Peace, Brotherhood and Enlightenment, Incorporated, Yonkers, NY. I even sprung for the extra twenty buck to become a prince of the church." He held out a card which identified him as Michael Cardinal Coleman, SJ."

"SJ?" Castle asked.

"Silly jackass. It's a kind of a joke, you see…."

"But you are legally entitled to marry people?" Kate broke in.

"Absolutely. But I don't know if this one will be legal."

"What do you mean, this one?" Castle screamed.

Mike held out a document. "Look at the marriage license. The printer screwed up."

Castle grabbed the document and groaned. The groom was identified as Marva Roobers and the bride as Daf Stedolm. The rest of the document was as big a mess.

"Where's your dad, Beckett?"

The Castles, Alexis, Jim, Martha, and Dave gathered in Castle's office.

"This is a valid marriage license." Jim said. "But only for Marva Roobers and Daf Stedlolm."

Castle groaned.

"But you can still get married today. You'll be legally married in the eyes of this gentleman's…church and you can get married with a new marriage license later."

Castle smiled.

"I'll do no such thing." Martha said. "I came here today intending to get legally married. I intend to do just that."

Dave nodded. "I'll do whatever my little filly here wants."

"Richard, we got the license here in the Hamptons, so we'll just go straighten this out and get married properly. I will not have a faux marriage!"

When they arrived at the City Hall, a man outside, noticing the wedding gown and the tuxedos smiled at them. "Problem with the wedding license?"

"What else?"

"Down the hall and get in line."

"In line?" Castle said." How long is the line?"

The man checked his clipboard. "There are fifty four couples ahead of you."

They walked inside and Castle took out his phone and called the caterer back at their home. "Jimmy, we'll be here until it's dark. Start serving drinks and hors d'oeuvres. At least that'll keep people happy."

At last they had only one couple ahead of them. The groom was dressed in a black leather tuxedo with the legend "Assassins Motorcycle Club" on the back. The bride was wearing the tiniest white leather gown imaginable. It was so small that her huge fake boobs kept popping out as she screamed obscenities at the marriage license clerk for ruining her magical day. As the groom tried to stuff her boobs back inside her dress, he glared at Castle. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Castle yelled.

The biker made a fist. "You calling my old lady nothing?"

Luckily for Castle, that was when the bride punched the clerk.

Once the happy couple was hauled off by the police, it took more time while they got someone to take over for the clerk with the broken nose.

The new clerk smiled at Rick, Kate, Martha and Dave. "This may take some time. Normally I handle voter registrations. Now what seems to be the problem?"

When they finally got back to the Castle's place, Alexis met them at the door. "There may be a problem with the cake."

"Show me." Castle said, prepared for almost anything.

"Oh, no." He said, looking down at a sheet cake with the words, "So sorry for your loss" on it.

The teenaged girl who had delivered the cake spoke up. "I think the order for your cake and the Doyle wake got mixed up."

"You think?" Kate asked sarcastically.

"I called the Doyles, but since the wake started at noon, it's all gone."

"I'll sue you." Castle said threateningly.

The girl shrugged. "I'm only seventeen. You'll have to sue my boss. Or my parents."

"Richard! I want to get married!' Martha announced. "The cake is fine. Let's do this."

They walked out onto the back yard and found almost no one there.

"Where is everyone?" Castle asked.

"Mostly inside drinking, I think." Alexis said. "You did tell them to open the bar and since it's an open bar…."

"We'll get them outside." Kate said, looking around for Ryan and Espo to help her.

The wedding was completed with a few missteps. Michael Cardinal Coleman was so drunk that Espo and Ryan had to hold him up while Alexis and Kate got him through the wedding ceremony. Three women began singing The Hawaiian Wedding Song, loudly and off key, until one of them threw up on the other two, causing a fight. One of the groomsmen staggered up to Kate and demanded that she have a drink with him. Kate politely declined and the man went away to have his broken nose looked at. Jenny Ryan and Tori Ellis, who hardly ever drank, loudly and drunkenly criticized the dresses other women were wearing. Ryan, trying to quiet Jenny down, accidentally dropped Cardinal Coleman. Coleman, who, trying to stand back up, grabbed onto Martha's leg and pulled her down on top of him. Several groups of men were gathered around their smart phones watching games and cheering or booing at inopportune times.

But, eventually, the happy couple were married and all was well.

Early the next morning while sleeping in, Rick got a phone call.

"Richard, the airline sent our luggage to Singapore and not Cancun and now they say that a tropical storm is causing them to cancel our flight."

"Mother, you have a husband now to handle those things."

"Oh, right."

"Have a wonderful honeymoon, Mother." He hung up.

Rick pulled Kate to him and went back to sleep.