742. Chapter 742

After Bad Santa

Episode 7.10

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: In this case, there is no sanity clause. I'd be crazy not to own Castle if I could. Rating: K Time: See above.

"Temporary, acting, supernumerary, unpaid, elf Castle, front and center." Roared Senior Elf Demming.

Elf Castle ran to where Demming was standing and stood at attention. "Elf Castle reporting as ordered, sir."

"Drop and give me fifty, maggot and then report yourself properly."

Castle did fifty pushups and then yelled, "Temporary, acting, supernumerary, unpaid elf Castle reporting as ordered, sir."

Demming looked at a slip of paper in his hands. "The Big Guy has decided to take you off of painting dolls faces and send you over to….Literary." Demming shook his head sadly. "Only losers go to Literary."

Castle would have argued but he was too overjoyed. He was sick of painting smiling little faces on dolls. He wanted something bigger and he just knew that Literary was it. "Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me. It was the Big Boss's idea. If it were up to me, you'd be painting geometric figures on baby rattles forever. Now move it! Report to Senior Elf Beckett ASAP!"

Castle didn't need to be told twice. He headed for Literary and this Senior Elf Beckett ASAP. Castle stopped outside of Literary and made sure his green elf suit was clean and that his shoes were properly curly. He stopped to wonder what this Senior Elf Beckett was like. He decided it didn't matter. He'd impress him with his diligence and willingness to work. He was already bursting with ideas for children's books.

He walked into Literary. "Excuse me. Can someone tell me who Senior Elf Beckett is?"

"I'm Senior Elf Beckett." Said the sexiest voice he'd ever heard. There before him was a vision of loveliness such as he'd never seen. Tall, slender, with gorgeous legs, a perfect ass and a beautiful face, with high cheekbones, hazel eyes and long, curly chestnut hair, Senior Elf Beckett was perfect. "Do you want something, elf?" She snapped at him.

"Um, temporary, acting, supernumerary, unpaid elf Castle, reporting as ordered, ma'am."

She looked him over. "We don't stand much on ceremony here in Literary. Call me Beckett. Okay, Castle?"

"Certainly. Anything you want. Anything." Castle babbled.

"Good. You'll be writing the next installment of Edward the Lucky Duck."

"Great." Elf Castle said. "Those books are so incredibly sickly sweet and saccharine, not to mention boring, that the changes I have in mind will…."

"No changes." Senior Elf Beckett said. "My mother wrote the very first Edward the Lucky Duck story and I want it to continue just like she wrote the very first one."

"But nothing ever happens in those books." Elf Castle cried. "Edward says how much he like Percy the Playful Puppy. And what good friends he is with Kenny the Caring Kitty, and what good friends they all are with Benny the Brave Bunny and they just go on and nothing ever happens."

Senior Elf Beckett glared at him. "You'll be writing Edward the Lucky Duck and the Vegan Thanksgiving. We don't want children thinking that Edward could end up on their plate someday."

Elf Castle sighed and sat down and wrote a story about how Edward and his friends had a nice meal of tofu and kale for Thanksgiving. When he went to the elf's cafeteria that night, he tipped his friend Elf Ryan to make him two large cheeseburgers to make up for it.

But Elf Castle wrote Edward the Lucky Duck Is Friends with Everyone, followed by Edward the Lucky Duck and His Wonderful Family, and then Edward the Lucky Duck Has a Delightful Day. By then, poor Elf Castle was getting nauseous at the thought of writing anything at all about a duck. Lucky, or not.

So, Elf Castle started writing on his own. He wrote Edward the Lucky Duck and the Schoolyard Bully, in which Edward and his friends stood up for Sammy the Shy Skunk when he was bullied at school. After taking on bullying, Castle wrote about how Edward and his friends tracked down a stolen bicycle and broke up a bike theft ring led by Josh the Jealous Jaguar. Finally, he had Edward and his friends help Kate, the Caring Cop collar a ring of jewel thieves led by Eric the Filthy Baboon. By this time Elf Castle had given up on alliteration.

"Castle, what are these?" Kate demanded one day when Elf Castle came back from lunch and found her going through his desk. "I was checking to see if you'd finished Edward the Lucky Duck Considers the Pros and Cons of Vaccinations when I found these. What the hell have you been writing? These are nothing like the stories that my mother wrote."

"I thought that the story of Edward and his friends needed something more."

"Something more?" Growled Senior Elf Demming, coming into Literary. "Since when have you ever been given permission to think, maggot?"

"Since I told him to try something different." Senior Elf Kate said suddenly. "We've had fewer and fewer requests from children for the books about Edward. I thought we might want to change."

Senior Elf Demming reached out his hand. "I'll take them to the Big Guy and see what he thinks."

Kate pulled them away. "I'm in charge of Literary, so I'll take them."

Demming shrugged. "Your funeral." And walked away.

"Thanks." Elf Castle said.

"You should have told me about these."

"Would you have let me do anything?"

Senior Elf Kate just glared at him and walked away.

Next Christmas found that the new stories about Edward were a big hit with readers who were older than the little children who read the old Edward stories and they soon became popular with the young adult readers. Castle was promoted to Senior Elf and worked on the young adult books while Kate continued to work on the young children's books.

Then one foggy Christmas eve, Castle asked Kate, "Do you ever want to see what the rest of the world is like?"

"No. I'm an elf. We live here at the North Pole and we make toys."

"We could sneak into the back of Big Boy's sleigh and see what the rest of the world is like."

"That's absurd. I'd never consider such a thing." Kate said firmly.

However, several hours later, Rick and Kate were snuggled together in the back of the sleigh as they sped south.

"I don't know how I let you talk me into this." Kate whispered.

Arriving in a very large city, they hopped out and looked around.

"This is magical." Kate said. "I've never seen anything like this city. And look at the stores." But when Kate looked at her reflection in the window, she got a shock. "Castle! My ears! They aren't pointed anymore. And I'm tall." She turned to look at Castle and found he was no longer elf sized, but was very tall as well, and his ears were sort of round, not pointed at all.

"Oh, no." Kate said as she looked up. Outlined against the moon was Santa's sleigh, on its way to somewhere else. "We're stuck here. What'll we do?"

"We'll write books. Surely someone will pay us for that." Rick held out his hand, noting that Kate's elf garments had changed into a green dress that showed off her gorgeous legs.

Kate reached out and took his hand.

"Come on, Kate. This will be fun."