704. Chapter 704

After The Human Factor

Episode 5.23

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I'm not a machine and I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

"Hello, Detective Beckett. Have you given my proposition any further thought?"

Kate Beckett looked up from her desk. "No, I haven't, Agent Stack. You just suggested that to me yesterday. I need more time."

Stack shrugged. "You have no more time. I'm afraid the Attorney General is quite insistent on having you on the team. You'll have to come with me."

"Like hell!" Kate stood up and glared at Stack.

"Don't worry, I'll be taking over for you."

Kate whirled around to face….herself?

"I'm the newest AI unit from DARPA. That's the Defense Advanced Research…."

"I know what it is and I'm not going anywhere. Now both of you get…." All of a sudden Kate felt light headed, then collapsed.

"I'm sure I'll do just fine." The AI Kate said. "Return her to Washington, AI Stack."

Luckily for AI Stack, the bullpen was empty and he was able to move Kate out unhindered.

AI Kate looked at the paperwork that needed to be completed and hooked herself into the computer. Writing at 5,000 words per minute, she finished all of Kate's paperwork in 43.67 seconds. Looking around, she hooked herself into both Ryan and Esposito's computer and finished their paper work in 31.74 seconds. She made a note to herself to explain the rules of grammar to organic unit Esposito.

She then entered Captain Gates' office. "May I help you, Detective Beckett?" The Captain asked, taking off her glasses.

"The crime database used by the NYPD is deficient. I have developed a much superior algorithm to track major crimes. Allow me to demonstrate." AI Kate pushed Gates off of her chair and onto the floor. AI Kate then sat down and began changing the crime stats report that Gates had been working on.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing, Detective?" Gates screamed, attempting to push AI Kate out of her chair.

"I'm doing my job, that of Detectives Ryan and Esposito and your job." AI Kate answered truthfully.

"Get the hell out of my office and get out of the precinct. Take the rest of the day off. Your lunatic partner is starting to rub off on you. Get out!" Gates screamed.

"My job is completed." AI Kate rose. "I have the rest of the day off? I will return to the loft and have sex with Castle." She walked out leaving an angry Gates behind. Then Gates began to review the new crime statistics and the new conclusions.

AI Kate walked into the loft and began to shed her clothing. She was totally naked when she walked into Castle's office.

"Hi, Beck…." Castle looked up, his eyes widening in shock. "Wow! Not that I'm…." That was as far as he got before AI Kate picked him up, threw him over her shoulder and walked to their bedroom, ripping Castle's clothing off as she went.

Alexis and Martha watched. "Do you think Kate's been working out?" Alexis remarked.

"It wouldn't surprise me one bit. Actually, I like to see a woman take the lead in situations like that."

There was a mighty roar from the bedroom.

"Actually, I think I'll study upstairs."

A high pitched scream from the bedroom rent the air.

"I may go out for an early dinner myself." Martha said, gathering up her things.

Three hours later, AI Kate carried the sweating and bloodied Rick Castle back to his office. "We need to discuss your books based upon me. I have discovered some plot holes that need fixing." AI Kate sat down at Castle's desk and began typing.

"Kate, what the hell happened to you?"

"Nothing. Why do you ask?"

Meanwhile, Kate had landed at Andrews AFB outside of Washington and was whisked by limo to the Department of Justice where she was taken to the Attorney General. The Attorney General was sitting at his desk, typing at his computer at a terrifying speed.

"Hello, Detective Beckett and welcome to the Attorney General's Office. I hope you like your new job here. Don't worry, I can talk with you and continue with my work here. I'm just outlining a few needed amendments to the Constitution that I'll be asking the President to present to Congress. We'll also be amending a few laws. "

Kate noticed a carafe of water by the Attorney General's desk and walked over and picked it up. Then she threw it onto the Attorney General. Sparks began to fly from his ears and nose while the scent of burning insulation filled the room. "Did….you….have….to…" The Attorney General fell over.

Kate looked around. The outer office was filled with people working extremely rapidly. She didn't want to go that way. Then she saw a door leading off from the office marked, "Authorized Personnel Only." She walked over and tried to door knob. It was unlocked. She opened it. Before her was staircase leading downward. She started down the stairs until she estimated she was well below ground level. Finally the stairs stopped before an unmarked door. She opened it and walked through. What she saw truly shocked and amazed her.

"Meredith? You're behind this?"

The redhead nodded. "Everyone thinks we're just dumb bimbos, but actually we're quite smart. We've been planning this ever since that rat you date dropped us. Oh, Castle will pay for what he did to me."

"You cheated on him!"

Meredith shrugged. "It's Hollywood. Really? He's going to get all bent out of shape because I was screwing some other guy? If he'd just ignored it like any sensible Hollywood husband or just gotten himself a lover, things would have been different by now. I could have been Elizabeth Taylor."

"I'm Elizabeth Taylor, you can't be me."

Beckett gasped. It was Liz Taylor, at the age when she played Cleopatra and dressed for that role.

"And you can't be me, I'm the only Marilyn."

It was Marilyn Monroe, from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

"Je suis Brigit Bardot."

It was and she was nude.

Suddenly Beckett understood. "All right, come on out. I know who you are and what you're trying to do here."

There was no reply. The three women just stared at her.

"I said come on out. Now!"

Simon Warburg and Omar Dixon slowly emerged from behind a curtain. "You'd never have gotten us it we'd had our Lucy Lawless as Xena ready." Omar mumbled.

"What do you two idiots think you're doing?"

Omar shrugged. "We're geeks. Unless we made a gazillion dollars in Silicon Valley, no chicks would ever look at us. So we decided, let's build our own."

"Things got out of hand." Warburg added. "They turned out to have a mind of their own."

"Women are like that." Kate said coldly. "I want you to turn off every single robot you have and never, ever build another one. And I especially want that imitation Kate Beckett destroyed. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" She screamed.

Warburg took out a small remote control and pushed a button. The three female robots fell over and then disintegrated.

When Kate got back to the loft, she found Castle hiding behind his desk. "Kate is that you?"

"Why are you naked?"

"She tore my clothes off and had her way with me. I feel so used."

Kate knelt down beside him. "She's gone and I'm here. Why don't we have a drink, some dinner and I'll tell you all about what happened."

There were two consequences to this bizarre turn of events. Captain Gates presented a new algorithm for the crime statistics to One PP which met with rave reviews. She told Kate later that there were no hard feelings for Kate's little problem previously.

And, there were also reports of sightings of celebrity look-alikes at a farm near a small community in upstate New York. But a woman who strongly resembled a young Lucy Lawless kept reporters off the property.