680. Chapter 680

After Murder He Wrote

Episode 5.04

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Even on vacation, I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Hampton's Heat

By

Richard Castle

Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Jameson Rook's chauffeured Rolls-Royce came to a smooth stop in front of his summer house in the Hamptons. A uniformed butler rushed out to open the door for Rook and his beloved wife, Captain Nikki Heat, NYPD.

Nikki looked at the mansion. "Are you rich or something, Rook?"

Rook nodded humbly. "I'm not rich like Larry Ellison or Warren Buffet, but I do okay." He smiled at her and took her hand to show her their new home. "It is a bit smaller than the Palace of Versailles, but I do think my garden is better. And I do prefer Scandinavian modern furniture to the Louis Quatorze that Versailles uses. I'll show you through the wing we'll be staying in tonight and later we can go up in my helicopter and I'll show you the rest of the house, the golf course, the race track and the ski slopes. Oh, my yacht is in the yard for refueling the nuclear reactor. It's second hand, I'm afraid. It used to be an aircraft carrier."

"What's this?" Nikki asked, looking at the magnificent living room.

"Oh, that's just a little something I had painted up for you. It's a mural a bit larger than the one in the Sistine Chapel, it shows you cracking all of your most famous cases. The end panel shows you in a gown with a crown and scepter, accepting the adulation of the masses."

"Those masses look familiar. Isn't that Vladimir Putin kissing the hem of my gown? And Kim Jong Un is crying."

"Because you've turned your face from him." Rook explained.

"I'm surprised that you're not in any of these."

Rook smiled. "You and I are in a mural on the ceiling of the bedroom. I thought it was more tasteful than mirrors."

"Someone painted me in the nude?" Nikki asked suspiciously.

"Of course not. I insisted she remain clothed at all times. I even had Demming from my security detail keep an eye on her."

As if on cue, Demming ran past the rear window of Rook's house with a telephone pole on his back as two leather lunged ex-Marine Corps drill instructors screamed at him. "Run, maggot! Is that the fastest you can run?" Screamed one on Demming's left while the one on his right screamed, "Do you think this is funny, maggot. Assume the front leaning rest position and give me a thousand, maggot."

Demming began doing his thousand pushups with the telephone pole on his back.

"Really, Castle?" Kate said, reading over his shoulder. "Not as big as Versailles but it has a better garden? And you're still jealous of Demming?"

"Of course I'm still jealous. And the rest is just dramatic license. Rook is a two time Pulitzer Prize winner. He'd have a nice place in the Hamptons."

"With an aircraft carrier for a yacht?" Kate asked skeptically.

"John Wayne used to have a converted Navy minesweeper for a yacht. How cool would it be to have an aircraft carrier for a yacht?" Rick said, imagining himself at the helm of a thousand foot long yacht.

She shook her head slowly. "I think you need a little help bringing Nikki and Rook back to reality or something vaguely resembling reality."

"I'd love to see you try." Castle said, handing Kate his laptop.

Hampton's Heat

By

Kate Beckett

Jameson Rook's Corvair wheezed to a stop just yards from his place in the Hamptons, steam pouring out of the engine.

"That's odd." Nikki said. "There shouldn't be any steam, the Corvair has an air cooled engine."

"The guy who sold it to me said they were supposed to do that. I'm sure Honest John wouldn't lie to me. He took my Yugo in trade, you know. He gave me top dollar for it."

"How much is top dollar for a Yugo?" Nikki asked.

"Top dollar. The dollar on top."

Nikki rolled her eyes as Rook got their suitcases out of the car and opened the front door of his house. "It may be just a bit musty, Nikki. I haven't been here for a while."

Nikki followed Rook inside and immediately retreated outside, overwhelmed by the aroma of unwashed socks, stale beer and urine. "How long is a while?" She demanded.

While Rook muttered, Nikki opened all of the windows and began cleaning the mess up. She washed, cleaned, scrubbed and waxed and polished, happily making a pile of, and setting fire to, all the female undergarments she found.

There was a knock on the door.

"Yes?" Nikki said. The stranger was a somewhat slatternly redhead, wearing an ill fitting bikini. For some reason she had a rusty Colt Peacemaker on her hip.

"Sheriff Meredith, ma'am. We had a report of open air burning out here. Do you know anything about that?"

"Why do you ask? And can I ask why the sheriff wears a bikini?"

"I wear the bikini because we're a beach town and we like to show you New Yorkers that we're friendly around here."

"I'm sure you are." Nikki muttered.

Sheriff Meredith looked past Nikki. "Rookie! I didn't know you were back. Come by tonight and I'll show you my new lockup. It has all of the toys you love so much. It'll be just like old times."

"Um, Meredith, this is my wife, NYPD Captain Nikki Heat-Rook."

"Hands behind your back and turn around, both of you." Snapped the sheriff.

"What did we do?" Asked Rook.

"Illegal burning."

"But you used to come out here and tear off all of your clothing and dance naked around a fire while I got…." Rook stopped, thinking that this was not the time to revisit the old days.

Just then a blonde bimbo in a skimpy bikini ran up to the Sheriff. "There's been a murder." She giggled.

"What?" Sheriff Meredith gasped. "Where, Deputy Jacinda?"

"Deputy Jacinda right here? Where you?"

"Where is the murder victim?" Nikki asked.

"Over there by the road?" Jacinda pointed to the ocean.

"I'll help you with the investigation if you forget about that stupid illegal burning."

Sheriff Meredith nodded slowly. "Okay. What should we do first?"

"Take our handcuffs off."

"Oh, they're not locked. I lost the key ages ago,"

Nikki and Rook pulled the cuffs off and followed Deputy Jacinda to the road. There they found a brunette with obviously fake boobs sprawled by the roadside. "First we need to make sure she's dead." Nikki said.

"Okey-dokey." Said Jacinda brightly, pulling out her Chinese made copy of the 1911A1 Colt and firing a round into the woman.

The woman screamed and sat up, the round luckily having bounced off the silicon protecting her heart.

"Rook!" She screamed. "It's me. I've found you at last. I've been searching for you for twenty years, my love."

"Myra?" Rook said, looking unsure.

"Kyra! I'm Kyra."

"And where did we meet again?"

"We lived next door to each other as children and then went to college together. You swore I made the lights go on for you."

Rook shook his head. "No, that was the clapper I borrowed from my grandfather."

"You don't remember me at all?" Kyra screamed, standing up and grabbing Rook.

"Since I married Nikki I can't remember a single woman I knew before her. They've been erased for my mind."

Kyra walked away. As she did so, Jacinda fired again. "Making sure they're dead is harder than I thought."

"You shot some blonde driving by on the highway." Sheriff Meredith called to Jacinda.

"I'll make sure of both of them."

"Oh, and you're worried about me still being jealous of Demming?" Castle said.

"Do you think you could do better?" She handed Castle his laptop.

"I think we could do better."

Hampton's Heat

By

Rick Castle and Kate Beckett

The weekend hadn't turned out exactly as Detective Heat had imagined, but now nothing... not even another murder on the beach, could stop her from getting exactly what she desired most. Nikki swung her long, toned leg over Rook and straddled him. Then leaned down and kissed softly and then with more passion. As she did so, she slid her black nightgown over her head and reached for him, knowing he was fully aroused.

"That's very good." Rick said.

Kate shook her head. "No, it needs more work. In the bedroom."