515. Chapter 515

After Always

Episode 4.23

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: If you ask me, I'll always say I don't own Castle. Rating: K+ Time: See above

Kate Beckett was wrapped around her lover. My lover. She thought. Castle really is my lover. Not just in the physical sense, but in every way. He loves me, I love him. We love each other. He loves me enough to do things that will upset me, knowing how badly they'll upset me, because he does love me. More than anything, he wanted to keep me safe. He and Roy Montgomery knew me better than I knew myself. Roy said that if he gave me a name I'd run straight at him and I'd die. And what did I do when I had a name? I ran straight at Cole Maddox and I almost died. I should have listened to Castle. I should have been listening to Castle for years, but I couldn't. My walls kept me from seeing what I had right in front of me. Maybe if I'd listened to Castle the other night, things would have turned out differently. Maybe we would have caught Maddox and maybe we would have found the Dragon. And maybe not. But things have all worked out. Now, Gates would never let me go near my shooting or my mom's case, but I don't need to go near them anymore. For the first time since I was nineteen my life is about my future, not about my past. Oh, part of me wants to get justice for my mom, but not enough to make getting justice for her more important to me than Castle is. My life has changed. I have an unlimited future.

Kate ran her hand over Castle's chest and down over his flat stomach and kept going until she found his curly pubic hair.

"Looking for something?" He asked, turning to face her.

She smiled. "Actually, I am."

"What do you hope to find?" He had that adorable smirk on his face.

"Answers." She said softly.

"You wound me, Kate. Answers? And you're looking there?"

She nodded. "Why didn't you give up on Kate Beckett as a lost cause long ago?"

He pulled her to him. "Because I love you, Kate. I love you."

"And why do you love me, Castle? I hid in relationships with men I didn't love. You told me that and you were absolutely right. I've only ever loved you, but I was afraid. I looked elsewhere. That hurt you. I know that."

"You had help. You took up with Demming after I had an affair with Ellie Monroe. I was with Gina and you got together with Davidson."

She ran her hand along his thigh. "Still, I look back on our relationship and I see me treating you badly over and over. I lied to you for a year, telling you that I didn't remember you saying you loved me. And when you said it again, I got mad at you. Why, Castle? Why do you love me?"

"Remember, I kept a secret from you as well."

She shrugged. "I lied to protect me from being hurt, and you lied to protect me from being hurt. But that doesn't make us even. You risked a hell of a lot more than I did. So, why do you love me, Castle?"

"Because you, Kate Beckett are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I've ever met."

"Remarkable might be a reason to love me, but maddening, challenging and frustrating?"

"Let me explain it to you with an analogy. I married Meredith because she was hot, too hot it turned out. That's what our marriage was like, all heat and no light. I married Gina because she was cool. A cool, laid back, unemotional business woman. You, however, are not too hot and not too cool, but just right."

Kate laughed. "That's your answer? You're Goldilocks and I'm Baby Bear?"

"Love isn't a science problem, Kate. It's irrational, inexplicable and confusing. And I do love you."

Kate laughed as Rick pulled her close and slid his hand between her thighs.

Javier Esposito got up as soon as he saw who was coming into the bar.

"Javi, wait, dammit. We need to talk."

He shook his head. "No we don't, Detective Ryan. Now, if you don't mind, and even if you do, I'm out of here." He started to push his way past the smaller detective.

"Do you think that what you did was right?" Ryan asked.

"Do you think what you did was right?" Esposito shot back. "Maddox got away and Beckett quit the force. She's out there all alone and I can't help her. She's my partner."

"She's my partner, too." Ryan grabbed Espo's jacket. "If you'd gotten back up, put a team on the car, brought in some uniforms, you wouldn't have been unconscious while Beckett was being…"

Esposito pushed Ryan away. "And maybe Maddox would have been gone when we got there, that's what Beckett said could happen. We'd never have known he was looking for some friend of Montgomery's. Maybe a lot of things might have happened, Ryan, but the bottom line is that Beckett is gone. She's no longer a cop and there's nothing I can do about it because I'm suspended."

"Maybe, but if we…"

Epso pushed Ryan to the floor and quickly walked out of the bar and into the night. I may not be a cop right now, but there's got to be some way to help Beckett and keep her safe. I just have to think.

Captain Victoria Gates sat in her office long after the bullpen had cleared out. She sat looking at her personnel rosters and trying to figure out how to cover for Esposito's suspension and Beckett's resignation. They won't be easy to replace, Beckett especially. I should have dug deeper and looked harder at her. Everyone knows that she became a cop because her mother was murdered and the detective in charge did a shoddy job of investigation. Random gang violence my ass. Then ex-Detective Raglan is shot while talking to Beckett. What didn't Montgomery pull her off the case? Hell, why did Montgomery let that writer become a part of his precinct? Why did McAllister get shanked in prison by Lockwood? And why did Montgomery end up shot to death by an escaped killer in an airport, with the killer's body and other dead thugs around him? And Beckett gets shot at his funeral and the shooter just disappears? These things only happens in one of Mr. Castle's books. What the hell has been going on in this precinct? One way or another, I have to look into this and find out what really happened. No matter who gets hurt.

Meanwhile, a man in Washington, DC, interrupted a little cocktail party he was throwing for some people whose support he badly needed. Needed for now, anyway. He answered his burner phone and got a short briefing: "Everything is going well in New York, sir. I think I'll have good news for you quite soon." He just smiled and hung up.