501. Chapter 501

After Kill Shot

Episode 4.09

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Luke, I am your…Wait, that's wrong. Castle, I am not your owner. Rating: K Time: See above

Kate Beckett was spinning out of control. The visit to Doctor Burke had done her no good. She had decided to self medicate with alcohol, but that didn't stop the intrusive thoughts or the flashbacks. She could see the glint of light off of the sniper's telescopic sight just before the slug slammed into her chest. She heard the people yelling and screaming as she fell. The windows! The sniper could see her through the windows! She reached up and closed the blinds, then reached for her sidearm and the whiskey glass at the same time. The glass somehow broke and she fell into the glass shards. She aimed her weapon at nothing and everything. Everything, everything, came rushing back to her. She found her phone in her hand and saw that she had called someone.

"Beckett?" Castle's voice. Damn! How could I have called him?

"It's okay, Castle. It's nothing." Her voice was slurred from the whiskey and the fear.

"Like hell. I'll be right over."

"No, don't …" But he had already hung up.

She continued to sit, huddled on the floor, waiting, watching for something. Something that she didn't know or understand.

There was a knock on the door. She ignored it. Another knock.

"Beckett? I know you're in there. Open the door."

She shook her head. Why can't he just go away?

"I'm not going to go away. If I have to, I'll sleep out here in your doorway. You have to come out sometime."

She knew he'd do just that. She staggered to her feet and walked to the door. She checked to see that she had her sidearm. Suppose it isn't Castle? Suppose it's the sniper? Or the Dragon? She slowly opened the door. It was Castle. "Go away." She slurred.

"Forget it." He pushed his way past her and looked at her apartment. Then he asked her to put her weapon away.

She shook her head. "I need it."

He put his hand on her wrist just above her gun hand.

"Don't." She said, glaring at him.

"Okay, just don't shoot me." He picked her up and carried her through her apartment.

"What are you doing?"

"You're hurt. The arm. I'm going to clean and bandage it. But, there's broken glass all over the living room, and you're barefoot."

He took Kate into her bathroom and put her down. He rummaged through her medicine cabinet, found some gauze, some tape and a tube of antibiotic ointment that was four years past its best by date. He quickly bandaged her arm and then picked her up and put her down on her bed. "I'm going to clean up the living room. You get ready for bed. I'll sleep out on the couch tonight."

"Castle, you shouldn't…"

"I shouldn't, but I will. The only way you're getting rid of me tonight is to physically throw me out, and you're not up to it. At least not now."

Castle cleaned up the broken glass and put the whiskey bottle away. He did a little general clean up to give Kate time and then went to her bedroom door. He looked in to find her still sitting exactly where he'd left her.

"Beckett, you have to go to bed. If you want to sleep in your clothes, that's fine, I'll put a blanket over you. Okay?"

She said nothing.

Castle found another blanket in her closet and carefully tucked her in. "I'll be right outside if you need anything."

Without looking at him, she reached out and took his hand.

"Beckett, we both need to get some sleep." He tried to pull her hand away, but she held on tightly. He was afraid he'd hurt her if he tried to pull away. "I can't stand here all night." He said softly.

She pulled him towards her. He lay on the bed. She still didn't look at him. He leaned across and turned off the light. "Good night, Beckett." She made no reply.

Her alarm went off, waking them both. She looked up to see Castle was in bed with her. She was under the blanket while he was on top of the blanket. She was confused, then angry, then she remembered what had happened the night before. Then she was frightened. How could I have done that? She got out of bed, heading for the bathroom. "We need to get to work. We have work to do."

"Beckett…" He began.

"We'll talk about this later."

He shrugged. Yeah, just like we always talk. He thought. "I'll go home and get cleaned up and dressed. I'll meet you at the precinct."

Later that day, they responded to another shooting. The victim, Emily Reese, was in full panic mode. Her panic transferred to Beckett. She ran to a hallway and threw down her jacket, her sidearm and badge. She stood there crying.

She knew he'd come after her and he did. "Castle, please…"

"You are not fine and I am not going away. I've told you before, I will do absolutely anything for you. But I won't stand by while you self destruct." Castle put his hands gently onto her shoulders and held her as she cried.

"You need help. I'll find you a psychiatrist. He'll be able to help you. I won't take no for an answer."

Kate's mind whirled. What will I do? If I keep falling apart like this, I won't be able to remain a cop. How can I find my mom's killer then? Am I going to spend the rest of my life curled up in the fetal position, crying? What will I be then? I'll be nothing. I can't let that happen. I can't.

Castle's words penetrated her mind. "I have a therapist. Doctor Carver Burke. I've been seeing him since…Since I came back to the city."

"When can you see him?"

"I have an appointment after work."

"Okay, I'll go with you."

"Castle, you can't. They don't allow it. Please."

He nodded. "Okay, I know about patient privacy and medical ethics. But I'll go there with you and stay in the waiting room. He must have some twenty year old copies of National Geographic that my dentist doesn't have."

Kate talked to Doctor Burke about her shooting, her PTSD and about Castle. At the end of the session, she felt she had accomplished very little, but she felt marginally better somehow.

"Would you mind if I spoke with Mr. Castle? I can't discuss your case with him, but I do think it's important to let him know that he has been a help to you over the years. Would that be acceptable to you?"

Kate nodded.

She walked out with Doctor Burke who introduced himself to Castle. The two men exchanged pleasantries while Beckett watched them carefully. I wish Burke would tell Castle everything and I wish he'd tell him nothing. I wish….I wish for so many things I may never have.

"Mr. Castle, I'm sure I'm not violating any patient confidences by telling you that Detective Beckett has had a very difficult time."

"I was there." Castle said seriously. "I have a pretty good idea how difficult it was."

"And I want you to know that you've been a big help to Kate."

Castle smiled. "And she's been a big help to me."

Kate smiled. "Always."