493. Chapter 493

After Heroes and Villains

Episode 4.02

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I've been in this town for so long that back in the city they know I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Super Heat

By

Richard Castle

Jameson Rook's super sensitive hearing picked up the soft sound of crying coming from the break room. His well known compassion for his fellow man led him to investigate. There, with his hand stuck in the soft drink machine was Schlemming. Rook sighed. It was always Schlemming. Schlemming will always be with us, as some said. Rook hoped they were wrong.

"Can I help you, Schlemming?" He asked softly.

"Yes, please Mr. Rook. I can't seem to get my money into the soft drink machine. Can you please help me, sir?"

Rook nodded. "To begin with, you need to put your coins in the little slot up here. The big slot down there where you have your hand is where the cans of soda come out."

With a little help from Rook, Schlemming got his hand out.

"Now, can you put your coins in the slot?" Rook asked gently.

Schlemming put the money in. Rook helped Schlemming read the labels of the soft drinks and push the correct button. Schlemming smiled when his soda came out. "Thank you so much, Mr. Rook. I don't know why the NYPD has to use such complex machinery."Schlemming said, beginning to cry.

Rook patted Schlemming on the head and sent him off. "Try not to get caught in the revolving door again, Schlemming." He called to him, knowing it would do no good.

Rook walked back to the office of the love of his life, his wife, Captain Nikki Heat, the head of the 20th Precinct.

He kissed her lightly on the lips. "How's things, love?"

Nikki shook her head. "There is just so damned much paper work involved in being the head of a precinct. I never get out in the field with Roach and you anymore. I just sit here, chained to the desk."

Rook nodded in sympathy. His wife had been getting home later now than she had when she was a detective and was dead tired when she got home. Rook was planning a nice long vacation in the Caribbean as a surprise for her. More than anything else, he wanted to keep Nikki happy and safe.

"Captain," Detective Ochoa said, sticking his head into her office, "we've got one to roll on. Some guy was turned into sushi at the corner of Houston and 23rd."

Nikki's head shot up. "Wait! That's got to be right by "Little Josh" Davidson's headquarters."

"Right in front of it." Detective Raley said.

Nikki looked at the pile of paperwork on her desk. "To hell with this. I'm going with you." She stood and grabbed her coat and sidearm. "You coming, Rook?" She asked with a smile.

"When you said turned into sushi, I thought you were exaggerating." Nikki said to Ochoa. But there in front of them were the grisly, shredded remains of what had once been a human being.

"Got anything, Lauren?" Nikki asked of the ME, Lauren Perry.

The lovely African-American ex-ballerina shook her head. "Maybe once I get him back in the lab I can run a DNA scan on him, but right now, I have nothing."

"What could possibly cause that kind of damage to a person?" Rook asked.

"A military grade blender. It's a new design to be used on aircraft carriers to make food for over five thousand sailors. The prototype was stolen from Area 51 a few months ago."

Both Nikki and Rook narrowed their eyes at the speaker, FBI Agent Will Thor. Thor had actually asked Nikki out for a date once, but had stood her up so that he could kiss the asses of his superiors. Nikki never forgot that. Neither had Rook.

"Is the FBI taking jurisdiction?" Nikki asked coldly.

Thor shook his head. He knew better than to try to take over a case from Captain Nikki Heat. The last, and only time he had tried, had not ended pleasantly. Public spankings by the head of the FBI rarely were.

"Still Thor?" Rook asked.

"Yeth." The Agent replied without thinking.

Then, "Little Josh" Davidson waddled out of his criminal headquarters, preceded by a foul stench. With him were his two lieutenants. Although they both wore gas masks to ward off the stench, both Rook and Nikki recognized them as Meredith Muscle and Gina Brains. Their place in the criminal hierarchy was self- explanatory.

"This is the work of Solo Revenge, the so-called super hero who has been harassing me, an honest businessman, for weeks now." Little Josh said around his ill-fitting false teeth.

"So far, the crimes attributed to Solo Revenge have been crimes against property. Six thousand bootleg copies of what appear to have been David Hasselhoff CDs were shredded, but CSU was unable to make a positive ID." Nikki said coldly.

"Nonsense." Little Josh said, as he farted thunderously. "Those we're Johnny Vong self-help DVDs that I distribute at cost because of my desire to make the world a better place."

"Then there was the shredding of thousands of illicit photos of Russian President Vladimir Putin in a tight, wet tee shirt. Do you have any idea what those are worth on the black market in Russia?" Rook said.

"Those were posters of the Dali Lama." Little Josh snarled.

"You god nuddin ob us." Gina Brains mumbled from behind her gasmask.

"We have nothing on you." Nikki agreed angrily.

With that, Davidson waddled back into his headquarters.

"Captain." Ochoa said quietly. "We have something on a surveillance cam from across the street. It's from Fast Eddy's House of Photoshop and Fakes."

"Sounds legit." Rook said. Nikki wasn't so sure. But the video showed a tall, leggy and stacked super hero in tiny bikini shredding an innocent bystander.

Rook immediately noticed something. "There! At the top of her thigh. It's a tattoo of a Lange's metalmark butterfly. That can only be…GASP! Officer Ann Normandy!"

"And how do you know what's at the top of her thigh, Rook?" Nikki asked coldly.

"Lange's metalmark butterfly is an endangered species. She told me about her tattoo when I was writing my Pulitzer Prize winning article on how Mexican drug cartels are using butterflies to "mule" drugs across the border. She showed me a photograph of the tattoo in the presence of her fiancé, GeorgePaulJohnandRingo Whittaker."

"The mild mannered crime reporter?" Nikki asked.

Rook nodded. "The very one."

Once confronted by Nikki Heat, both Ann Normandy and Whittaker quickly confessed to every unsolved crime going back to the 1929 Valentine's Day massacre in Chicago. Captain Nikki Heat has that effect on people.

Rook found Nikki looking at the murder board. "I know that look." He said.

"What look?"

"The look that says that you think something's wrong."

Nikki bit her lip. "It's just that neither of them were born in 1929. It doesn't make sense."

"Reincarnation?" Rook suggested.

"I don't think so." Nikki said thoughtfully.

"I know so."

"Why?" Nikki asked.

"Because we both know who Solo Revenge is. Someone with a passion for justice and a desk job that keeps her from being out in the field as much as she'd like."

Nikki blushed. "That wasn't me. I didn't kill that person. I've only done property damage. "

"I know. As it happens, I know a guy. He looked over the security cam footage. It's been photo shopped. I have the original video right here."

Nikki gasped as the video clearly showed Little Josh Davidson shredding Schlemming. "But…but…Schlemming is right here in the building. I saw you pulling a thorn out of his paw just minutes ago."

"Again, I know a guy. Actually Schlemming is a very large one celled creature. When he was shredded, the shreds just grew into more Schlemmings. I've had animal control round all of the other Schlemmings up. Actually, I think this Schlemming will be more intelligent."

Rook was interrupted by the sound of crying coming from the men's room. Schlemming had locked himself in a stall once again. Rook sighed.

As Little Josh was led off to face punishment for felony littering and damaging an endangered Schlemming, Nikki talked to Ann Normandy. "Ann, you're a fine officer and you have a great body, so you can't run around being a super hero in a tiny bikini any more. Too many people will recognize you."

"But, Captain Heat, I want to be just like you. My father was wrongly executed in Texas for an overdue library book. That's why I became a cop, to prevent such miscarriages of justice."

Nikki nodded and said sympathetically. "And if you ever show Rook photos of any part of your body again, I'll shred you. Understand? Now get out of here and be a good cop."

Later that night, the real Solo Revenge hung up her super hero's bikini for good. Well. Not so much hung up as had it removed and tossed on the floor by Jameson Rook.

"You coming, Rook?"