447. Chapter 447

After Love Me Dead

Episode 2.09

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I'd love to own Castle, but I don't. Rating: T Time: See above.

2009

Kate Beckett watched Castle walk out of the precinct after Scarlet Price had been arrested. I've pushed Castle away from day one. I've done everything I can think of to make sure he never gets past my walls. Because I know that if he does, he'll break my heart. That's just the kind of man he is. He won't break my heart because he's bad person, I know how good a person he can be. And what a giant asshole he can be, as well. Richard Castle has no interest in what I want. I want a husband who'll be with me always. A husband, a family and a life together, just like my parents had before everything went straight to hell. I've built up too many walls to ever have that life. And then Castle has his "date" with some murderous hooker and I feel like I've been punched in the gut. Scarlet isn't stupid. She knows how to read a man, to know instinctively what he wants. And Castle may as well be wearing a neon sign around his neck that lights up and says, "I want sex". Of course he took her to bed. I'll bet Scarlet didn't have to try very hard to drag Castle into bed. It's just as well that I won't allow myself to become interested in Castle. A small part of her brain laughed sarcastically at her. Sure, why should I have fun like normal people? Plenty of people go out for no other purpose than to have a good time. But not me. Not the extraordinary Detective Kate Beckett. Hell! Castle called me extraordinary. What did he mean by that? And how can a man who is such a great father be so…Kate shook her head. I'll never figure Castle out and that means I shouldn't try.

Kate sat back down at her desk and began writing her report.

2010

Castle looked tired that morning. Beckett knew why. "Rough night?" She asked sarcastically.

Castle smiled happily. "No, great night, actually."

Kate rolled her eyes. "You know she just wants something from you, don't you?"

Castle looked insulted. "You know, there are actually women who find me attractive. Fun to be with. Even entertaining to talk to."

"Just how much talking did you two do last night?"

"Very little." Castle said smugly.

"I thought so."

Castle shook his head. "It really bugs you that Ellie Monroe, a beautiful, sophisticated, desirable woman wants me."

Kate rolled her eyes. Years of keeping everything inside her kept Castle from seeing how accurate his statement was. Castle is with me day in and day out. As partners, we're as close as anyone and we're friends. Sort of. Or we would be if I didn't have to keep pushing him away. And I'm glad I did push him away. As good a father and as good a parent as he is, he sees women as just another conquest. He'll never see me as anything else. I just wish I could stop thinking that we could be something else.

2011

She sat at her desk. For the first time in years, she knew that her partner would not be sitting there. Ever again. Just as well. She thought. He wanted me to stop investigating my mom's murder. How could he ask that? How could he ask me to give up the one thing that has defined my life, my entire being since I was nineteen? He told me to think about the people who care for me: My dad, Josh. I asked him if he was one of those people. He told me he didn't know where he stood with me. He had no idea. Okay, I am definitely not the easiest person to get to know and I don't tell people how I feel or what I want. But he should know that I do care for him. How could he not know that? She sighed. At least I won't have to worry about that any more. We are over.

2012

We're together. She thought. She looked over at Castle, sleeping peacefully beside her. I didn't want this to happen for the longest time. I knew it would never work. And then I wasn't sure what I wanted. I wanted Castle and I didn't. I used my head and not my heart. I need to listen to my heart. And then he told me he loved me. Richard Castle loves me. How impossible is that? And I love Richard Castle. And I'm afraid of loving him. If this doesn't work out, it'll be as bad as when Mom was murdered. I can't handle another broken heart like that. It took that man years to break through my walls. What are the chances that anyone else would put up with that just for me? I need to make sure that he will always love me, but how?

2013

Kate was happy to get back to her own apartment, even though she was really beginning to love staying with Castle and his family. Martha wasn't her mother, by any means. In fact she was nothing like Johanna Beckett. Maybe that's why I like Martha so much. I don't feel like I'm replacing my mom with someone else. I could never do that. But Martha has become an important part of my life. Her mind drifted to Alexis. Alexis is the best kid ever. She's smart, good looking, hard working and not the least bit rebellious. At least not yet. In Alexis I just might be able to see what I might have become if Mom hadn't died. What would the life of Kate Beckett, Esq. Attorney-at-Law be like? Would I have ever gotten together with Castle? A thought came unbidden to her mind. Will I stay together with Castle? How could he let Meredith, the deep fried Twinkie that he once bragged to me was such great sex, stay with us? Oh, she can be quite friendly and pleasant, but she's a manipulative bitch. I made coffee for Castle and she took the credit. Which was nothing compared to inviting herself to stay with us. How could Castle do that to me? How could Meredith put the blame for their divorce on Castle? He does tell me about himself. Kate laughed to herself. I know more about Castle than he knows about me. I'm the one who doesn't let anyone in. But I can. I need to let Castle in.

2014

When they got back to the loft, Kate suddenly began crying. Rick went to her side and put his arms around her. "Kate, what is it? What's wrong?"

Kate said nothing, but continued to sob in his arms. Finally, she spoke. "I've spent my whole adult life looking for the man who killed my mother. Now, Bracken has been arrested and he'll go to jail for the rest of his life. And my mom is still dead. No matter what I do, she'll never come back to me. What do I do now?"

Castle held her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "You do what you've always done. You get justice for everyone else. And you make your soon to be husband very, very happy. And I'll do my very best to make you happy. I told you once before, Kate, you deserve to be happy. And you will be. I plan on spending a very large part of my life making sure that you're happy."

"Castle, why have you stayed with me for so long after all the grief I've given you?"

"Ah, dear Detective Beckett, because you are truly extraordinary."

2015

Kate stared at the ceiling of their bedroom as Castle snored beside her. Captain Kate Beckett? State Senator Kate Beckett. Rick told me that no matter what I decide, he'll back me and he will. She smiled to herself. That decision is for another day. Now I have the title I have so wanted. Not Captain, not Senator, but Mrs. Castle is the best thing to ever happen to me and as long as we're together, everything will be fine. Kathryn Houghton Beckett Castle rolled over to face her husband and drifted happily off to sleep.