229. Chapter 229

After Undead Again, Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I'd be dead set against saying I own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

"You aren't looking too good today, kiddo." Martha said to her son as he sat at the kitchen island, eating breakfast.

"Yeah." Castle muttered.

"I assume your mood is because you finished your last case with Kate Beckett. How did it go?"

Castle actually smiled. "I'll tell you when I've had my last case with her."

"Whoa! You mean this wasn't your last case together. What happened, if I may ask?"

"We had this odd zombie case. Some guy who liked to dress up and pretend to be a zombie was given a drug which made him highly suggestible. The guy who gave him the drug told him to go commit a murder. Really, almost a perfect murder idea. I'll have to remember to use that."

"So what happened with Beckett?" Martha asked, not really interested in her son's book ideas.

"When the zombie guy was leaving, I asked Beckett how she thought the guy would do, having killed someone, even if it wasn't his fault. She said that he'd hardly be able to face things at first, that it would be all he could do to put one foot in front of the other. Then she told me that she's been in therapy ever since her shooting. She also said that her walls were coming down and that she wanted me to be there when they did. She said that then she'd be able to face all of the things that happened that day. I know she was talking about me telling her that I love her. I told her that I'd be there. And I will. I'll be there no matter how long it takes."

Martha smiled and nodded. "Well, I'm glad that you and Katherine still have a chance. But, shouldn't you be a little happier about the outcome?"

He nodded. "I am. I'm really glad that we really do have a chance, but I feel like a complete asshole for the way I've been treating her. I knew she had troubles from being shot. I saw her on her first case back after her shooting, and I saw how she was during that sniper case. But I thought she was better. Kate never lets on how she is, but I should have known better. I should have been there for her, even if she didn't want me around. I never should have done…All the things I did to her. I should help her, if I can."

"I'm not sure how you can, aside from being there for her. It's often a comfort to know that someone is there for you, even if you don't actually ask for or need help."

Castle stared down at his breakfast for a few seconds, then nodded to himself. "I did some reading about PTSD after the sniper case. Not much, just enough to get some idea of what people with PTSD go through. Beckett is a lot worse than I thought. I just need to be ready, if anything goes wrong, if she ever does need me."

"How are you going to do that?"

Castle smiled. "I know a guy."

Castle walked through the seemingly endless corridors of the James J. Peters VA Medical Center in the Bronx, clutching a large yellow post-it with the directions he needed to follow. All around him were men and women, mostly men, of every age and race. There was one thing they had in common. In some way or another, they were all hurting. I have to remember this. He thought. This needs to be in a book. People need to know about these veterans.

A sign up ahead caught his eye: Psychiatry. He checked his directions and walked on until he saw a small sign that read, Dr. Jim. Ross. He walked through the door and smiled at the nurse at her desk. "Hi, I'm Rick Castle. I'm seeing Jim about a friend of mine with PTSD. I need a little information on it."

The nurse checked her calendar. "Yes, Mr. Castle. I'm afraid Dr. Ross can't see you today after all. One of his patients has…had a problem and Dr. Ross had to leave. But, he asked another doctor here to talk to you. Just a second, I'll call him for you." She picked up the phone and spoke to someone. "The doctor will be with you shortly." She said brightly.

"Actually, the doctor is here." A voice from behind him said.

He turned to face the doctor. He was a casually dressed African American, somewhat older than Rick, with a friendly smile. "I'm Dr. Carter Burke. Come with me. My office is just across the hall."

Once inside and seated, Dr. Burke smiled at Castle. "You're Richard Castle, the author? Derek Storm and Nikki Heat?"

Castle nodded. Okay, if he's a fan that should make it easier. "Yes, that's me."

"If that's the case, I'm afraid I can't help you."

"I beg your pardon?" Castle said, surprised and unhappy. "Why not?"

"You wanted information on PTSD because of friend of yours is suffering from that condition. Is that correct?"

"Yes. All I want is some information. So I can help her, if I can."

"I'm assuming your friend is Detective Kate Beckett?"

Castle nodded.

"Detective Beckett is my patient. While I know you only want some general information about PTSD, I think it would be impossible for me to talk to you without violating doctor-patient confidentially in some way. I am sorry, but I can give you some literature to read that should help you and you can see Jim Ross later."

Castle smiled and prepared to argue with the doctor.

Kate felt better when she went to see Dr. Burke that day. Her talk with Castle had been productive and she felt they were moving in the right direction again.

"Please sit down, Kate." Burke said. "I need to tell you something. I saw your friend, Mr. Castle the other day."

"What? Is something wrong with Castle?" Kate suddenly felt butterflies in her stomach.

Dr. Burke shook his head. "No, he's fine. Let me explain. I do some work for the Veteran's Administration. As it happens, Mr. Castle knows one of the psychiatrists who works for the VA. Castle wanted some information about PTSD because of you. However, his friend, a Dr. Jim Ross, was called away and Ross asked me to see Mr. Castle. I was pretty sure he was your Richard Castle and he was."

"What did you tell him?" Kate asked.

"I told him that talking about you would seriously violate doctor-patient confidentiality. I did, however, tell him that you had no homicidal or suicidal ideation, and there was no evidence you had any intention of hurting yourself. I felt I should put his mind at ease to that extent. I hope that's acceptable to you?"

Kate shook her head, but smiled. "Castle just can't stay out of my private life." She regretted what she said as soon as it was out of her mouth.

Dr. Burke spoke first. "He told you he loves you, Kate. And from what you've told me and what I saw of him, he does love you. If you intend to have a long term relationship with Castle, you need to accept that he deserves to know those things about you that you have preferred to keep from him and everyone else. Otherwise, it won't work. You have to be each other's partners in every sense of the word."

"I know. I know. And I'm trying. Really, I am. But it's very hard."

"Castle does care for you, Kate. Even after I told him I couldn't discuss you with him, he did try to get information from me. I did see that he's very worried about you. He's upset that you don't ask for help. In fact, he repeatedly told me that if you, or I, needed anything at all for your treatment, he'd get it."

Kate smiled. "He's sweet that way."

Dr. Burke looked serious. "Kate, I don't mean to minimize your PTSD, but there are people who are in worse shape than you. They have suicidal or homicidal ideation, the self-medicate with alcohol and/or drugs, they become socially very isolated, they can become paranoid and hyper-vigilant. Their loved ones can develop serious psychological problems from having to deal with another's PTSD."

"Oh, my god! You're not saying Castle is…"

"No!" Dr. Burke held up his hands. "I can see no sign of any psychosis or neurosis in Castle. But he does worry about you a lot. That means stress, and stress is not our friend. Please try to remember that your PTSD can and does affect everyone who loves you."

Kate nodded. "What can I do?"

"You need to try to be more open with Castle. You don't have to try to open up all at once with him, but let him know you appreciate him. Okay?"

"Okay."

When Castle arrived at the precinct the next day, he put Kate's coffee on her desk. "Good morning."

"Thanks, Castle." She said, smiling at him. She took a deep breath. "I know I don't tell you this enough, but I do appreciate everything you do for me. I really do. Thank you."

Castle beamed at her like a little by who had just found that Christmas would come twice this year.