After Overkill
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: Claiming that I, and not Mr. Marlowe, owns Castle would be….No! It's too easy. Let's just say I don't own Castle. Rating: K. Time: See above.
After leaving the precinct Castle had gone to have a nice long dinner and then had gone to see a movie. Not from any desire to eat or to see anything. He needed something to keep his mind occupied and to kill time so he could get back to the loft after both Martha and Alexis had gone to bed. He definitely did not want to talk to anyone on this night.
He had planned well. The loft was silent and dark when he returned. He went to the liquor cabinet and got a bottle of good Scotch and a glass, and went to his office. He turned on his laptop and opened his most recent chapter of Nikki's story. Good old Nikki. She's my girl, not doubt about it. She'll always be with me. I can always count on her to stay true to me. Okay, actually I can count on her to stay true to Jameson Rook. They love each other. They belong with each other. Nikki is never going to dump Rook for some handsome, charming Robbery detective is she?
Or will she? All of a sudden, I'm not seeing a succession of Nikki Heat books that I was seeing before…this. I'm not sure I have it in me to write about Nikki and Rook any more. They were supposed to go on forever. Nikki and Jameson! Always. Maybe it would be better if I ended the third book I owe Black Pawn with Nikki and Rook getting married. Nikki could leave the NYPD and live happily ever after with Rook. Someone should live happily ever after.
Maybe I should bring Derek Storm back? He's dead. Hmm! Twin brother? Clone? Alternate universe Derek Storm? No. I was bored with Derek. That hasn't changed. I'm not exactly bored with Nikki, but the old interest isn't there anymore. Too bad. I really liked Nikki. I could have written a lot about her.
Who the hell am I kidding? I liked Beckett and she's Nikki. But, I suppose I was lucky she let me hang around as long as she did.
How did I screw this up? Let me count the ways. Sex. Yes, I'm always interested in sex. I certainly never indicated to Beckett that I had any interest in her for anything beyond sex. That's all part of my boyish charm, isn't it? Beckett was always willing to exchange a little sexual innuendo with me. I remember her at that place in Dungeon Alley. But she made no bones about the fact that I should keep my hands off of her.
And I know what she wants. She told me that when we first met. She's a one and done girl. And I'm more of a one after the other boy. Hmm! Nice line. Maybe I should write that one down. Maybe not. There's not much chance that I'd be her one and done. No one seems to stay with me for one reason or another. Not Kyra, not Meredith, not Gina and not Beckett.
What the hell was I thinking of, getting serious about Beckett, anyway? She never wanted me around. Okay, I proved that I was a competent homicide detective, but how many woman want to cuddle up with a competitive homicide detective at night? Any sensible woman wants what I'm not. Someone who's going to be there. Someone who…isn't Rick Castle.
I will admit I was surprised at how much it hurt to see her kiss him. I've kissed gorgeous women, I've made love to them. Super models, actresses, debutants…there was that girl in London…I can honestly say that I would never have felt as bad about seeing them kiss someone else as I did seeing Beckett kissing Demming. Actually, it was as bad as finding out that Meredith was shacking up with some damned Hollywood bozo. Who she stayed with all of four months. She didn't even leave me for the love of her life. Just for some damned fling.
Okay, Rick. It's not your style to get all maudlin and upset like this. You need a plan. First, finish off the Nikki Heat books I'm contracted to do. I won't have any more distractions after this. I used to write all the time, like a damned machine. Kyra used to tease me about it. I can do that again. I'll finish the Nikki Heat books as fast as I can, and that'll help get Beckett out of my system.
Next, I have to find a new character to write about. Rule number one: It absolutely won't be a woman. Not even a Jessica Fletcher or a Miss Marple. It'll be a guy. A guy with no emotional attachments. That'll be the way to go. Maybe a cyborg? A science fiction detective? Could work. I'll make a note of that.
And I have to get out of the 12th Precinct. I am not going to sit around and watch Beckett and Demming smooch in the hallways. I've made some friends there, learned a lot. I even helped Beckett. I found the guy who killed her mom. I wonder if she'll ever figure out who hired Coonan?
How did I let myself get into a situation like this? How could I have fallen so hard for Beckett and not even seen it coming? How could I…Here's an answer. Maybe I'm just stupid. Maybe if I hadn't put so much effort into becoming a rich, spoiled playboy, I could get someone like Beckett. Could I really change what I am? Beckett thinks people don't change. They do. Within limits. I guess some evildoers do find Jesus and go on to live righteous lives. Sounds boring, though.
I shouldn't feel that bad, though. I would want Beckett to have a good life, the kind of life she's always wanted. The kind she would have had if her mom had lived. The only thing I have against Demming is that he won and I lost. He's the sort she's looking for. Solid, dependable. Someone who'll be there for her.
And Richard Castle won't be there for her. I really have to start working on the rest of my life. Such as it is.