172. Chapter 172

AU After Sucker Punch

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I'd be…Oh, hell! That's too easy. Let's just say I don't own Castle and leave it at that, okay? Rating: M Time: See above.

Castle and Beckett finished their dinner at her desk. Since he had bought far more food than they could possibly have eaten, they left the leftovers in the refrigerator with a post-it saying that anyone who was hungry could take what they wanted.

Kate smiled at him. "At least someone will be happy you're here." As soon as she said that, she regretted it. Damn it! Why did I say that? After all that he's done for me, why the hell did I say that.

She grabbed his arm and took a step closer to him, looking up into his blue eyes. "Castle, I'm sorry. That was a stupid and cruel thing for me to say. Especially after all the help you've been to me. Not just on my mom's case, but from day one. I'm truly sorry. Do you forgive me?"

"Certainly. No problem." He returned her smile, then checked his watch. "It's been a long day. I should be going. Tomorrow?"

She nodded, but didn't let go of his arm. "Could I buy you a drink?"

"Of course. But only if I can buy you one in return."

"Deal."

As they walked to the elevator, she kept her arm around his. Even when they reached the street, she didn't loosen her grip on him.

Beckett must have been more upset by the shooting than I thought. She's definitely not this touchy feely, at least not with me. Actually, I've never seen her fall apart emotionally like she did after she shot Coonan. Okay, I should be emotionally available for her, a pal, or a friend. Whatever I do, I can't act like I'm coming on to her.

"Do you have any place in mind?" He asked.

"Yes. Paulo's, about two blocks away. It's not a cop bar. I don't think I could take having a bunch of cops come by and congratulate me on killing Coonan."

"Did killing Coonan bother you that much?" he asked, not sure if he should bring the subject up.

She shook her head. "No. He deserved it. He deserved to be killed over and over. But I've never had to kill anyone before. It's an… emotional experience."

"Kate, I'd like…"

"Castle, could we just not talk about the shooting right now?"

"I'm sorry."

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "Don't be. You did the right thing. We can't let cold blooded killers walk out of a police station to kill again. I may want to talk about this later. Probably much later, but not tonight."

Castle was glad that he saw a neon sign for Paulo's just ahead. "Almost there."

Paulo's was small and quiet. There were no more than a half a dozen people in the bar and they sat close together and spoke in low tones. Castle ordered a Scotch and Beckett a glass of white wine.

To Castle's surprise, Beckett pulled her chair around to his side of the small cocktail table they had, put her arm through his again and rested her head on his shoulder. The drinks arrived and they sipped them in silence.

Finally, Beckett spoke. "Thank you, and I'm sorry."

He frowned. "You're welcome, apology accepted and what for, on both counts?"

"It's my mom's killer and you did more to catch him than I did."

"Beckett, that's not…"

She reached up and put her finger to his lips. "Shhh. Let me talk."

"And you did the right thing and I did the wrong thing. Coonan was a professional killer. We may never know if he murdered anyone between the time that you found the information about the other murders that were linked to my mom's and now. We may never know if his heroin trafficking killed anyone in the same time, but it's more than likely. Certainly he hurt a lot of people while I did nothing. I owe an apology to you and to a lot of people I may never know about."

"You don't owe anyone an apology." He said softly. She made no reply.

They finished their first drinks and Kate called to the waitress for a refill. She moved her chair as close to Castle as she could, pushing her thigh against his.

They drank. Castle was very conscious of the warmth of her leg against his. He both wanted to rest his hand against her thigh and move away from her. Instead, he did neither.

"Castle, I'm terrified of you." She blurted out.

"What?" That was the last thing he expected to hear. From her. "Beckett, I'm sorry… I don't know…Why are you… Can I do anything?" She put her fingers over his mouth again.

"I've avoided any kind of emotional attachment since my mom died. I'm just too afraid of losing someone and going through all that pain again. In spite of myself, I'm very attracted to you. I'm attracted to the brave, generous, hard working, intelligent, caring, Rick Castle. I'm amazed and impressed with Alexis' father and Martha's son. I even find myself entertained by the Richard Castle of the bizarre theories and the fascination with the impossible. The egotistical and vain Richard Castle I can take in small doses, but that person doesn't bother me as much as he used to. I've been happy to discover a Rick Castle who's capable of loving a strong, complex and intelligent woman. And I'm happy he let her get on with her marriage."

She stopped for a second or so. "And then I think, he's Rick Castle and I'm just…"

"The remarkable, amazing and spectacular Detective Kate Beckett." He finished for her. "And did I mention the endlessly fascinating, brave, resourceful, caring and determined Kate Beckett?"

"Or shall we just say, I'm Kate Beckett? And I know that nothing can possibly ever come of any kind of a relationship between us. Not the kind that I want. Not the one and done. Not the forever and ever, not the relationship my parents had, not what I've wanted all of my life."

"And all of a sudden I don't care if this eventually falls apart and we crash and burn. I just want you." Kate levered herself up onto his lap and kissed him, pushing her tongue into his surprised mouth. She took his hand and rubbed it over her boob, moaning into his mouth. She broke the kiss. "Take me home. Take me to bed, Castle. Now."

He stroked her cheek. "Kate, I can't."

She looked at him in shock. "Castle…I'm sorry. I'm so stupid. Please…."

He put his hand to her lips this time. "You are an amazingly desirable woman, one that I want desperately. But not tonight. Not this way."

She was still confused, but no longer embarrassed and ashamed. "Why? What's wrong? What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, Kate. You're perfect. Perfect for me, at least. But I want more than just your body. You're too precious to me to settle for that. I'm your partner. I want to be your friend, your best friend. I want to be your lover. I want us to be as much to each other as we can be. I don't know what we'll be to each other, but I want to find out. I want to find out what the maximum we can be together is. What I don't want is for either of us to wake up tomorrow and wonder if this happened because you were upset at killing Coonan, or losing a lead to your mom's case, or anything else. I don't want us to wonder about us. I want us to know."

"So what should we do, Castle?"

"Maybe we could call each other Rick and Kate when we're not on duty?"

She smiled. "What do we do now, Rick?"

"Would you like to go out with me, Kate? Dinner and a movie, perhaps? You're off this weekend, aren't you?"

"I'd love to, Rick."

He nodded. "I know a nice Chinese restaurant I know you'll like. We should look up what's playing and see what movies there are that we haven't seen, or are interested in. Okay?"

"Okay." She whispered. Then she kissed him lightly. "We should go then. Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow, Kate."

As he walked her back to her car, she thought about what had just happened. This is the last thing I expected to happen, but it just could be the best thing that could happen to us.

Us.