16. Chapter 16

After the Late Shaft

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Bwaaahaaaa! I own everything! Um, sorry about that. No, I don't own Castle. Rating T. Time: After the Late Shaft, as if that wasn't clear from the title.

Kate Beckett sat in her Crown Vic in front of her new apartment. She had intended to start thinking about new furniture, new clothes and try to figure out what she could salvage from her old place. Her mind had wandered, though.

I should have known. She thought to herself. Castle is Castle. He's what he's always been. Why should I expect him to change? When a beautiful actress throws herself at him, of course he'll sleep with her. She's gorgeous, has a fantastic body, she's glamorous. It was obvious to me that she was only interested in Castle because she wanted to play Nikki Heat in the movie. Is Castle so egotistical that he couldn't see that? Or was he just happy to have another conquest under his belt and didn't care that she had an ulterior motive? Neither option is very reassuring.

Kate mentally compared herself with Ellie Monroe. Then she shook her head. I know I'm attractive. She smiled ruefully. After all, I was the hot rookie when I graduated from the academy. No, it's not that I'm not attractive enough for Castle. It's that I've never really given him any reason to believe that I was the least bit interested. I told him I hated him. I threatened to shoot him. When he asked me to assume we were married for a case, I started an argument with him. It was just a damned theory building session there in that kitchen. There was no reason for me to get angry at him. He ran into my burning apartment, and what was I worried about? That he'd see me naked. Like he was going to try something in the middle of the flames. Of course he thinks I have no use for him.

Her mind ran back over her recent talks with Castle. After Coonan was shot, I told him I wanted him around when I caught the bastards that ordered my mother's death. How would Castle have taken that? Mom's death has dominated my adult life. It made me what I am, who I am. Naturally, he'd think that I would want a writer, a good writer, around to document the end of my search. I also told him that I'd gotten used to him hanging onto my pigtails, that he made things fun. The more that I think about that, the more it sounds like I said I had finally come to tolerate him, nothing more.

He said I was jealous of Ellie Monroe and I lied to him. Of course I was jealous. Any woman who had a relationship with a man would be jealous of another woman. But he seemingly accepted what I said, and went off to screw Ellie. Why wouldn't he?

I could hardly tell Castle how I feel about him. I can't even figure that out myself. I find myself wondering what it would be like if he'd taken me to bed instead of Ellie, or instead of any of the other women he's slept with. I could just do what Ellie did. Some night when we're alone, just lean over to Castle and whisper, "Take me home and fuck my brains out." I see our naked bodies entwined in his bed. I see him gently kiss me, then move his lips down to…No! I don't want a one night stand with Castle. It would ruin what we have and it would leave me forever wanting more.

No, Castle is more than I first thought he was. He an honorable man, a caring man, a compassionate man. He has depths I never saw before. I know what I want with Castle. It's what I've always wanted. I want forever.

Kate sighed deeply and felt a tear fall. And forever is what I'll never have with Castle. He's feels differently about me than he does with Alexis or Martha. He'll stay with them forever, but not with me. I'm sure he cares, but he's still the playboy I first met. It's probably a good thing he slept with Ellie so publicly so that he's out of my system now. God knows what would happen if I had tried to tell him how I really feel. I'd feel like an idiot.

Castle sat in his office staring at his computer. He was writing a love scene between Nikki and Rook. The two were locked in a deep, passionate kiss. Rook had slid his hand beneath Nikki's sweater. Suddenly, his mind had gone blank. "What the hell? I could write a Nikki-Rook love scene in my sleep." He muttered.

He cleared his mind, closed his eyes and thought about Nikki. Surprisingly, instead of the image of Kate/Nikki in his mind, it was Ellie/Nikki. Rick kissed Nikki passionately. Rook felt, rather than heard, Ellie moan. Rook slid his hand onto Kate's naked breast. Rick reached down to squeeze Nikki's perfect ass. Rick wanted Nikki more than anything. "Rook, I need you." Nikki whispered. Kate began unbuckling Rook's belt.

Castle's eyes flew open. "Where the hell did that come from?"

He cleared his mind again, closed his eyes and tried again. This time Kate/Nikki was there. He slid his hand out from underneath her sweater and gently stroked her beautiful face. "I need you so much." He whispered.

He opened his eyes and shook his head. "Maybe I should get some sleep."