1049. Chapter 1049

After the Late Shaft

Episode 2.20

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I'll be shafted if I say I own Castle. Rating: T Time: See above

Author's note: Sorry for the delay, but the laptop I write on went all wonky on me and I had to take it in to get unwonked.

Richard Castle hurried to get away from the Bobby Mann show. He had asked a stagehand if there was a back exit to the building, and he was happy that there was. Once outside, he found himself in a reasonably well-lit alley. At least nobody's waiting for me. He thought. However, to get to a taxi stand, he'd need to go out to the well-lit main street where there were probably audience members from Bobby's show still about. Why didn't I bring a hooded sweatshirt, a baseball cap and some sunglasses? Maybe one of those fake nose, mustache and glasses things? Then he realized that would only make him stand out even more. He decided to wait in the alley a little bit longer. There wouldn't be a mob outside, would there? Better not to take a chance.

He waited for a few minutes and decided to chance it. He walked quickly down the alley to the street. He was no more than fifty feet from the first cab. He could only hope that the driver was some recent immigrant who spoke no English and never watched TV. He was halfway to the cab when a familiar car, a very familiar car, screeched to a halt and the passenger side door was flung open. "Get in, Castle. Hurry!'

"Beckett?" Castle said as he raced to the car. This was better than a cab ride. "What is it? A murder? Where? When? Who?" Castle hoped it wasn't someone famous, or so gruesome or odd that it would make the news. That was not what he needed right now.

"It's not a murder, but it's important."

After a few blocks, Castle realized where they were headed to. "Beckett, this is the way to your place. Oh, my god! It isn't your dad, is it?"

"No, Castle. It isn't my dad. Don't worry. All will be made clear to you soon."

They stopped at Beckett's apartment building and went inside. Castle noticed there were no police cars around, no yellow crime scene tape, or anything else indicative of a crime, even a misdemeanor. "Beckett, what's going on?"

"You'll see." She opened her door and pulled him inside. For the first time he noticed she'd brought a large paper bag with her.

"What's in the bag?"

"I got some popcorn and M&Ms. Let me get them in bowls." She headed for her tiny kitchen.

Castle finally realized what this was all about. "No! You didn't! You couldn't do this to me. You taped the Bobby Mann show?"

Kate laughed. "Castle, it's a classic. It'll be on You Tube for years. Just sit down. I have some beer for us, too."

Castle sat grumpily on her sofa and watched while Beckett put out two bowls of munchies and handed him a beer. She sat down next to him and hit the remote. He heard the Bobby Mann's Show theme song, then Hank McPhee announcing the guests that night. Then Beckett fast forwarded through Bobby's opening monolog, the bit with the emu, Ellie Monroe and then they got to Richard Castle. Castle and Bobby started discussing Heat Wave.

"This is the start. Castle. Look at how Ellie Monroe is trying to get next to you and you keep moving away. Listen. You can hear giggles from the audience already."

"I know. I was there." Castle said glumly.

"Oh, now she's trying to hold your hand, and you keep pulling away. You have to admire how she kept that smile on her face all through the performance."

"No, I don't."

"This is priceless. She looks like she's trying to get on your lap, and you're trying to move so far away, it looks like you're trying to get on Bobby's lap. Just listen to the audience laugh."

Castle said nothing.

"Oh, look. This is the part where McPhee is getting on the couch with the two of you and trying to get on her lap. Or was he trying to get on your lap?"

"Hers, I think."

"Look at how high her skirt is riding as she tries to land the White Whale. I hope she was wearing panties."

"She wasn't." Castle said, then wished he'd kept his mouth closed.

"How could you tell? Spill, Castle."

"I didn't see anything, but the people off stage could. At the commercial break the producer came out and told her that if she flashed the audience or the cameras, she'd never get on Bobby's show again, or get on any of the network's shows. According to the producer, she was shaved."

"Shaved? Was it smooth, or with a landing strip? Tell, Castle. Tell."

"I have no idea." He said sullenly.

Kate fast forwarded through some commercials. "This is a great one. Look at how far she bends forward and then bends back. I'm amazed her boobs didn't pop out of her dress." Castle said nothing. "Castle? Is there something you're not telling me? Come on. Tell."

"They did pop out during a commercial break. McPhee gallantly offered to put them back in, but she was trying to stuff them down my throat. She got them back in just in time to avoid an encore by the emu."

"Poor Castle. Your life is so hard."

The warnings from Bobby and the producer tamed Ellie Monroe down a bit, but the audience roared with laughter at each double entendre she said and again at Castle's stone faced refusal to get involved.

Finally, the show was over and he was spared the humiliation of being seen sprinting for the exit with Ellie in hot pursuit. He was lucky she couldn't run as fast as Beckett could in high heels.

Kate took a swig or her beer. "That was the must un-Castle-like performance I've ever seen. The Richard Castle I know would have signed both of her boobs and dragged her behind the couch for sex. But you just kept fighting her off."

"What was I supposed to do? Tell her that I'm already in a bizarre relationship with the most gorgeous, sexy, scary smart, driven, compassionate, complex, maddening and frustrating woman I've ever known?" He asked angrily. "Should I mention that this relationship is one part fantastic sex, one part insults and putdowns and one part murder mystery?"

Kate nodded. "That probably wouldn't have been a good idea."

"So, what? You object to my pushing her away?"

"Not at all. You should have pushed her away."

For a second, Castle thought Beckett might just be on the verge of saying something about their odd relationship. But she continued.

"She's not your type at all. She's another Meredith. And she'd make an awful Nikki Heat. You do realize the only reason she was coming on to you was to get you to recommend her for the part?"

"Are you sure it wasn't because I'm a ruggedly handsome millionaire playboy best-selling author?"

"Not at all. But since you saw them, tell me about her boobs. You must be an acknowledged world expert on the female boob. How many do you think you've signed over the years? Hundreds? No, more than that. Thousands? And how do you count them? If you sign just one boob. Is that half a pair? If the woman has small boobs do you have to sign both to get your name on? And if she has big boobs, do you sign just one, or do you sign both, having so much to work with?"

"Do we have to discuss this?"

"Yes, I'm curious. Are hers natural or fake?"

"Natural." Castle said.

"And you can tell that just by looking? You don't need to touch them or taste them?"

"I can tell." Castle said shortly.

"What about size?"

"In a difficult area. Too big for your standard C cup but too small for a D cup. She might have to have them specially made."

Kate swung her leg across Castle so that she was straddling him. "How do hers compare with mine?" She asked, starting to unbutton her blouse. When she had gotten to the third button, Castle realized she wasn't wearing a bra.

He gave the only answer he could. "Yours are better."

"Are you sure? Hers are so much bigger than mine. Why do you think mine are better?"

"Because hers are attached to Ellie Monroe and yours are attached to Kate Beckett."

She undid the last button. "That's so sweet, Rick." She took her blouse off and tossed it on the floor. Then she shook her shoulders, causing her boobs to jiggle enticingly. "Do you like to play with my boobs?" She leaned closer to him.

"I love playing with your boobs." He took a chance and began to stroke them.

"Me, too. You know, when I was a freshman at Stanford, the girls in the dorm used to talk a lot about sex. As freshmen we talked about it more than we did it. But this one girl said her boyfriend could get her off just by playing with her boobs. Do you think you could do that, Castle? None of us believed her. What about it."

"I'd love to try." He said, as gallantly as he could.

Beckett go to her feet and led him to her bedroom. She plopped herself down on the bed. "Okay, ground rules. You can't touch any part of me but my boobs. You can use your hands, mouth, lips, tongue and teeth but only on my boobs."

"Just my hands? Can't I run barefoot through them?"

"Not at all. And take your shoes off. I don't want you getting my bed all dirty."

"But I intend to get your bed, and you, all dirty. Very dirty."

"Shoes, Castle."

He took off his shoes and lay down beside her. He kissed one boob very softly while softly stroking the other one. He continued to kiss, lick, nibble, squeeze and stroke her boobs. He noticed that she was breathing faster. So was he, actually. Then he saw that Kate had spread her legs as far as they would go. He increased in intensity of his work on her boobs. Lick. Suck. Nibble. Stroke. Kiss. Nip. Tickle. Squeeze. He opened his mouth as widely as he could and took one boob as far into his mouth as it would go and sucked on it. He saw that she had raised her hips off of the bed. Then she started moving her hips up and down, slowly at first, then faster and faster. He wanted desperately to slide one hand under Kate's gorgeous ass and squeeze it. He refrained.

"Castle." She moaned. "It's starting. Oh, Castle. Rick, keep on….Yes. That's it. I can feel it. Now! Yes! YES! Oh, God! Castle. Rick. Lover."

Kate lifted almost her whole body off the bed, having only her feet, shoulders and head in contact with the bed. Then she collapsed, rolled on her side and threw her arms around Castle. "I knew you could do it." She whispered. She threw her leg over his. "Just hold me, Please."

Castle wanted nothing more than to hold Kate Beckett.

They lay there quietly for long minutes.

"I forgot to tell you. Do you know the new Robbery detective?"

"Fleming?" Castle tried to remember his name.

"Demming. He asked me out today."

"What?" Castle pulled away from her. "Are you breaking up with me, because if you are, it's totally unfair. We aren't even together. We should at least be together before we break up. It's only common courtesy."

She put her fingers to his lips. "I'm not breaking up with you. I told Demming that I thought that colleagues dating was a bad idea. When things go south, as they do, there are always a lot of hard feelings and awkwardness. Plus, there's an NYPD regulation against it, although no one really pays attention to it unless someone screws up."

"So you're breaking up a relationship we don't really have because of some regulation no one pays any attention to. And you're afraid of awkwardness?"

"I'm not breaking up with you. I just want you to know we have to be careful of how we let people know about our relationship."

"What is our relationship? Friends with benefits?"

"I hate that expression."

"Partners with benefits?"

"I don't even know what that means."

"You're my girlfriend?"

"That sounds like something from high school."

"Lovers?"

Kate thought for a moment. "Too one dimensional." She thought some more. "We're a couple."

"We are?"

"What? You don't want us to be a couple?"

"Of course, I do."

"Good. Because this is going to be hard for me. Ever since my mom died, I've had this wall around me, emotionally, to keep me from ever getting so close to someone else that I could get hurt. You've somehow managed to get through a hole in my wall, but it's still there. I'm used to doing things my own way and answering to no one but myself. This won't be easy on you, Castle. I apologize in advance."

"No apology is needed. The person who's responsible for the wall is whoever killed your mom and that's who I blame."

"Good. Now finish undressing me and get your own clothes off. Do I have to do everything, Castle?"

The End

(Probably Not)

(Okay, the end for now)

(Except there is one more.)