Never Zero

Beau Riley

--

"YOU'RE WHAT?!" It was Anton who yelled from behind me. 

My gaze shifted from Sage to him. I could feel my cheeks heating up in utter embarrassment. I gave Sage a glare as our eyes met. 

"Bro, you're gay?" Anton looked at Sage in disbelief, even holding his shoulders to turn him over and stare back at him. "I never knew you were into men!" 

"I am not into men," Sage denied. "Just to Beau." He raised his hands up in surrender after being stared down by Anton's inquisitive and judging gaze. 

Anton flicked his eyes back to me. "You made him gay?" 

I tensed up at that. "I didn't!" 

Anton rolled his eyes in annoyance. "You two are bullshitting me." He then gave me a knowing look. "Do you swing that way too?" 

I reflexively shook my head. 

"You're all in denial!" He wiped his hands over his face in distress. "Whatever, I'm out. I still need to change." He pointed at us. "You two better talk this out before I finish changing. So suddenly confessing like an idiot..." he muttered as he made his way out of the pool. 

I consciously looked at Sage. "What you said earlier..." 

"It's true," he shrugged. "I'm attracted to you. Technically, I'm gay for you."

I scratched my heated cheeks with a slight grimace. "Maybe you're just confused over your feelings, Sage. To come out like that..." I paused. "I don't know what to say." 

I'm such a pretentious bastard. No matter how my heart skipped a beat the moment he 'confessed' to me, a part of me still wants to deny his advances. I only want to admire his existence, and I never wanted to have any kind of reciprocation I could receive from him. I'm already satisfied with just being his friend. 

To have him as my lover... 

I'd rather not think about it. I can already imagine how many goosebumps I'd get if we started acting lovey-dovey in the future. 

"Sage," I called out to him, grabbing his attention with a serious expression on my face. "I don't have any plans to see you as someone more than a friend." 

'You're just my crush. We can't be more than that, Sage,' I added in my mind. 

His face fell. 

Seeing his bright expression suddenly plummet into a gloomy one made my heart squeeze painfully. As much as I don't want him to be my lover, I still admire his whole being. To see him hurt is to feel hurt as well. 

"You don't like men?" he asked in a whisper after a few seconds of silence. 

I shook my head, biting my lips guiltily. 

"You don't like me?" he asked again, his voice softer and lower than before. 

I sighed. "I like you as a friend, nothing else," I replied, clenching the white shirt in my hand. It was only then that I noticed how I hadn't changed yet. 

I watched him nod his head weakly. "Okay." He then raised his face to give me a small smile. "You must be feeling cold. You go change first; I'll wait here," he urged me, his gaze focused on the white shirt on my hand. 

I hesitated at first. When he saw me staring at him indecisively, he nodded at me. It was a signal for me to go ahead. 

Before I left him, I gave him a brief glance. 

I feel sorry for Sage. It was very wrong for him to feel attracted to me. I couldn't understand myself well, so I couldn't commit myself just yet. I knew that such a relationship would affect both of us in the future, whether it was good or bad. 

We both need time to think. To take it all in and ponder whether to risk everything or not. 

Especially since we're both men. 

I'm not ready. I think we're both not ready. Perhaps we should take things slow and figure it out along the way. 

After changing into my dry clothes, I went back to the pool while rubbing my slightly wet hair. 'I need a towel,' I inwardly mumbled, a small pout on my lips. 

Before I could even raise my head to find Sage and Anton, a heavy but soft weight was in my head. 

"Dry your hair with this." I heard Sage's gentle voice before me. 

He put a towel on top of my hair. 

I unconsciously held the towel to steady it, avoiding it from falling off. I finally had the chance to raise my eyes and take a closer look at him. 

His sullen expression from before was long gone. He was now smiling at me brightly, his green eyes sparkling. Although he wasn't as bright as he was before we came here, his mood turned a little bit better after I changed clothes. 

"Thanks," I muttered quietly, rubbing the towel on my wet hair to dry it up. "Where's Anton?" I haven't seen him around yet. 

Sage scratched his brows. "He was in a hurry to leave, so he told me to just go ahead without him." 

"Oh." I nodded as we walked out of the place together. 

It was awkwardly silent between us, but no one initiated the talk. 

It was when we reached the school gate that he finally spoke. "I won't give up." 

I glanced at him in confusion. "Huh?" 

"I'm not giving up on you," he repeated, his green eyes focusing on my hazel brown ones. "I'll take it slow, but know that my end goal is to be with you. You know, romantically speaking." 

I pursed my lips in a straight line. "I'd rather you not expect anything from me. I can't promise you anything," I warned him with a stern glare. "The possibility of me being your boyfriend is close to zero." 

"But never zero, right?" He wittingly grinned at me. "I'll take that chance."

I sighed. "You do what you want to do. Just don't come crying to me if I don't like you back." 

"Okay!" He happily skipped beside me, humming a soft tune.