23. Chapter 23

AN: Whew, finally got this done. One of the hardest things about writing, for me at least, is figuring out how to translate the images in your head into words that can clearly convey that imagery to the reader. This chapter has been a long time coming, and I've run through many variations of these scenes in my head time, and time again. So it is entirely possible that this is going to come out like a gigantic, random mess, because now I have to figure out how to convey this insanity to you guys. Hopefully I managed to achieve this in a way that is more funny and entertaining than stupid. Because this, admittedly, is kind of a weird chapter, conceptually.

nuuo: Unfortunately, I don't have any plans to write any m-rated material for this story at this time, sorry if you're waiting on that. Aside from the fact that I've never actually tried to write that kind of thing before, the premise of the story doesn't really allow for that kind of thing, and the main story is already a lot of work as it is, so I don't really have the energy to try writing side-material right now. The m-rating is mostly there because I personally feel like a story that heavily features something like incest being portrayed in a positive light pretty much deserves that rating by default. And because I like the freedom to occasionally indulge in things like Leni and Lincoln's comic-reading session, and a certain scene in this chapter. But I'm not adverse to other people writing something like that based on the circumstances from my story, if anyone's interested in doing so.

And with that, on with the chapter.

"CITIZENS OF ROYAL WOODS"

Lori Loud had gone through a gamut of emotions over the last few hours. Confusion. Frustration. Envy. Even more envy. And a perplexing degree of affection towards her little brother, which she would have preferred to avoid dwelling upon for the moment.

"Hey Lori, it looks like something's happening on stage!"

Lori grunted in acknowledgement and drifted after Carol, slipping off her mask as she did so and allowing herself to bask in the, admittedly minor relief, that came from the air brushing against her unobstructed face. For the moment, she was content to follow the other blonde's lead. Lori had lead her friend on an intentionally confusing romp around the convention hall, and was now fairly confident that there was zero chance of accidentally running into Lincoln from their current location. It seemed that she would finally have an opportunity, however brief, to be alone with her thoughts.

Chief among them being...why had she done this to begin with?

Keeping Carol away from Lincoln had been an, admittedly spurious decision. Easily justifiable at the time. Carol; smart, popular, beautiful, succeeds at freaking everything she tries, Carol Pingrey of all people, had built up this grand, Cinderella fantasy in her head based on little more than conjecture and happenstance.

It had been equal parts amusing and a little worrisome to find that her friend had such an idealistic streak. It had been Lori's worry that finding out that the thing Carol had interpreted as a grand, romantic gesture, was really just a series of contrived circumstances, unwittingly perpetrated by her oblivious little brother, was certain to crush the poor girl.

"Ooh." Carol cooed in excitement. "I think there's a show going on!"

But...would it, really? Naturally, the girl was going to be shocked and embarrassed at her mistake, at least initially. But it's not like she was finding out that her mystery man was just any old guy, it was Lincoln. Despite the age gap, the two apparently got along great. Infuriatingly so, having somehow formed their own friendship without her noticing.

Lori had seen it herself when Carol had so effortlessly fit into the special night she'd planned for her and Lincoln. That whole night, Lori had been unable to shake the incredibly uncomfortable thought that if Lori had removed herself from the equation, things may have gone exactly the same, if not better. Compounding that with Carol's unwitting appropriation of the High Card, a character literally based off Lori, and...well, it's possible that she may have overreacted. Just a tad.

"Huh." Carol muttered to herself, craning her head for a better view. "You know, there's something really familiar about that guy on stage."

Maybe it was time to finally put this matter to rest. Let the chips fall where they may. Despite what this recent, incredibly contrived series of hijinx might indicate, she knew in her heart that Lincoln was her little brother. And nobody could ever take that away from her.

"Hey Lori? Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that kid up there look a lot like...Lincoln?"

Lincoln? Lori's gaze snapped upward and she turned in the direction Carol was indicating. Lincoln. On stage. Bound. Looking profoundly uncomfortable as Sam wrapped herself around him, all while a crowd of onlookers cheered enthusiastically.

"...WILL KISS! ACE! SAVVY!"

Lori's jaw clenched as righteous, sisterly fury began to course through her very being. The situation before her was more baffling than anything else she'd seen today, which said quite a lot. But the how and the why of the matter were immaterial. Nobody kidnapped her little brother and violated his purity before a cheering crowd. Not if Lori Loud had anything to say about it.

"Sorry, Carol." Lori growled "I've gotta go deal out some justice."

"Lori! Wai—"

But Carol's words went unheeded as Lori dashed off, quickly losing herself among the gathering throng of onlookers.

"UWA HA HA HA HA!"

Luna dashed towards the stage, years of accumulated concert experiences allowing her to navigate through the surrounding crowd as easily as a fish swam through water. This was it, Sam had finally played her hand. Truth be told, it wasn't a terrible plan, insane super villainy notwithstanding. Sam making out with Lincoln, in plain view of a packed convention crowd was going to be a hard thing to cover up. Mom and Dad would demand answers to many, many uncomfortable questions, which Luna wouldn't have answers for. Lori and Lynn would straight up murder her. To say nothing of poor Lincoln.

She pictured him, crying out in terror, struggling against his bonds as Sam mashed her lips against his. His cries becoming muffled, slowly turning to moans of pleasure as her lithe, dexterous tongue teased against his own. One hand cupping his soft, trembling chin, holding it in place, the other slowly drifting down to his...

The world snapped back into place around Luna as she narrowly avoided crashing into a small, rotund fellow dressed eerily similarly to Lori. Had to focus. Had to save Lincoln from his terribly sexy fate.

Fortunately, it seemed Sam had grossly underestimated Luna's skills. She was nearly at the stage, and there was plenty of time left on the clock...

"I think I see Luna." Lincoln observed, squinting as he tried to peer around Sam's shapely frame.

"Right on time." She chirped in response.

With a small sigh of disappointment, Sam slid off her young accomplice and climbed back to her feet. As enjoyable as that was, it was time for phase 2.

"CITIZENS OF ROYAL WOODS!" She called out, slowly approaching the front of the stage. "IT WOULD SEEM THAT MY CHALLENGE HAS BEEN ACCEPTED."

"BUT WHAT FUN WOULD IT BE IF OUR LITTLE GAME ENDED SO QUICKLY? THUS, I CALL UPON YOU, ROYAL WOODS!

Sam paused briefly, both for dramatic effect, and to catch her breath. "TO ANYONE WHO AGREES TO JOIN ME, AND PREVENT ANY WOULD-BE INTERLOPERS FROM APPROACHING THE STAGE BEFORE THE COUNTDOWN IS COMPLETE, I OFFER YOU THE PRINCELY SUM OF..."

Sam, quickly glanced at one of her belt pouches, and took stock of her inventory. "TWO DOLLARS!" Then she smiled, viciously. "EACH!"

"TWO DOLLARS!"

Sam, I love you, but you've got to be crazy if you think that's going to-

"...EACH!"

-Work? Luna skidded to a stop as the crowd before her suddenly coalesced into a solid mass of flesh, bone, and plastic. The Savvy-Con conventioneers who had answered the call forming an impenetrable barrier around the stage. Facing outward and standing shoulder to shoulder, not unlike the Roman phalanxes of old. A fantastic array of super heroes and robots. Soldiers from various eras, both real and imagined. Pirates and ninjas, and a surprising number of people who just appeared to be wearing swimwear.

"You've gotta be kidding me!" She shouted in frustration, glaring at the veritable army that had suddenly assembled before her.

"Foolish girl!" One of the foremost defenders shouted back at her, clad from head to toe in what appeared to be foam rubber, shaped to resemble a suit of medieval plate mail.

"You know nothing of our people's plight! We are many, but our means are few! Our women and children, crying out for sustanance that we simply cannot provide!"

"But now..." He dramatically thrust his sword in Luna's direction, the effect somewhat diminished from the way the tip wobbled to and fro. "We have hope. With the money we will earn from stopping you, we will be able to nourish ourselves once more! Not just on overpriced pretzels! But perhaps, if our new lord is generous...Pizza."

"PIZZA!" The crowd roared in approval.

"PIZZA!"

"PIZZA!"

"PIZZA!"

Lynn grunted in annoyance as she shoulder-checked another dope who'd been dumb enough to get in her way, sending him flying into a nearby booth. It wasn't that she was heartless, but Sam had crossed a line, and protecting Lincoln's virtue took precedence over social niceties. Besides, after all the embarrassment and frustration she'd been subjected to over the last few hours, the opportunity to deal out some blunt force trauma felt extremely gratifying. She could only imagine what it was going to feel like when she got her hands on Sam.

Seeing the stage finally in sight, Lynn allowed a savage grin to spread across her face, as she prepared for her final charge.

"...EACH!"

Which was immediately halted, as the sea of costumed masses coalesced into a single defensive wall, directly blocking her path.

Well, Lynn thought to herself. I've tried things the Lynn Loud way. Time to try the Strong Suit way.

Lynn took a deep breath to center herself, then exploded forward, directly towards the waiting defenders, roaring her patented battle screech.

"AYAYAYAYAYAYAYA~!"

Luna growled in frustration, pacing up and down the battle line before her, trying to find some sort of weakness in their formation. Unfortunately for her, this random collection of convention-goers had managed to assemble a pretty solid formation. It was going to take something akin to a wrecking-ball to knock down this figurative wall of people.

"KIYAAA!"

Luna's head jerked upward as a fury-filled scream split the air. She looked around for the source of the sound, and found herself met with the sight of...Lori?

Yes, Lori Loud. Who, in an impressive display of gymnastic prowess, had somehow manage to place herself atop the sea of defenders, and was dashing across the top layer of the crowd. Nimbly bouncing of heads, shoulders, and in the case of one incredibly confused individual, knees and toes, Lori propelled herself towards their waiting brother at incredibly speed.

Holy cow! Thought Luna in amazement. Go Lori!

...Unfortunately, the praise came somewhat too soon. About halfway through her journey, Lori missed a vital foothold, and fell. The crowd parted around her descending body, and with one last scream of terror and frustration from her fallen sister, reformed around her, swallowing her whole. Luna looked on, desperate for some sign that Lori had managed to recover, but the sea of bodies rippled once...twice...and then lay still.

"ayayayayayaya~!"

"Well..." Luna began. "I kinda thought that was going somewhere."

"ayayayayayaya~!"

"I know, right?" Agreed a nearby attendee.

"ayayayayayaya~!"

"It was super impressive." Agreed another. "Right up until it wasn't."

Luna opened her mouth to respond, intending to defend her sister's honor...

"AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAA!"

...When a small blur of red and white smashed into the defensive perimeter, with force akin to some sort of incredibly destructive construction equipment. When the dust cleared, an enormous hole was left in the formation. Seeing that nobody was in any hurry to close the gap, Luna shrugged, and continued on towards the stage.

Sam stared at the approaching form of her girlfriend with no small amount of amusement.

"You know.." She called out conversationally as she walked over to her backpack, "I was expecting that to hold you at least a little longer."

"Ah! My leg!"

"Well..." Luna drawled "I had a little help."

"Bullets do nothing to her!"

"That's because your gun's a prop, you idiot!"

"Where did she get the baseball bat!?"

Luna winced and let out a silent prayer for Sam's former minions. Lynn clearly had a lot of frustration to work out.

"Hi Luna!"

The Loudest Loud let out a small smile at the enthusiastic greeting from her little brother. A smile which shrank somewhat at the sight of him struggling against his restraints.

"Remember issue #169, sweetie." Sam gently chided him.

"Oh, right. I mean...'Nightclub! You've come to save me!'"

Luna rubbed her aching temples in exasperation. Time to put a stop to this.

"Game's over Sam! Now let Lincoln—Woah!"

Luna managed to bring her hand up just in time to catch a small plastic cylinder that had been thrown at her face. It wasn't very heavy, but it had taken her by surprise.

"Hit the button!" Sam instructed her, eyes alight with excitement.

Luna glared at the object warily, but complied. In response, the cheap plastic telescoped out into a tube-like shape, about two feet long. At the same time, a light flickered on inside, filling the tube with a soft, purple glow.

Luna turned her confused gaze from the object in her hand, to her entirely too-excited girlfriend.

"Sam, what the heck is—"

"Laser swords!" The other girl cheerfully interrupted, activating her own, cyan blade. "Two for $1 at the discount store. Also, they do this!"

She tapped her sword against the ground, which caused a distorted, static-filled, stock sci-fi laser noise to ring out.

"...Why?" Luna asked, annoyed that she seemed to be the only one of the trio questioning this turn of events.

"Because no super villain confrontation is complete without a climactic duel!" Lincoln called out.

"Exactly right." Sam said, beaming at her surprisingly non-distressed captive. "Now, Nightclub, let us—"

"No!" Luna snapped, finally fed up with this rampant display of insanity.

"Why are you okay with this?!" Luna growled, stabbing one accusing finger at her little brother.

"Okay with what?" Lincoln asked, blinking in confusion.

"This! All this! The schemes, the...chicanery!"

"Chicanery?" Sam interjected, a bemused smile on her face.

"You don't get to talk!" Snarled Luna, before turning her attention back to her little brother.

"How about the fact that she's somehow convinced you to become an accessory to you own kidnapping! Why are you okay with this!?"

"Oh." Said Lincoln. He paused, seemingly considering his response, then spoke.

"I guess because I'm kind of used to it. You and the other girls are always roping me into weird and inexplicable circumstances. And, to be fair, I do the same to you. It's our thing, I guess. And yeah, sometimes its kind of annoying, having to, say...put on a one-man impersonation of 10 entirely distinct girls. Or keeping you guys from literally tearing the house apart. Even though its in your own best interests to not do that, seeing as you all...you know, live there. And don't even get me started on the sister fight protocol..."

Lincoln let out a small chuckle before continuing, signaling that there wasn't any malice in his words.

"I put up with you guys because I love my sisters, and you put up with me because you love me back. We're family, that's how it works. And since Sam's your girlfriend, that basically makes her my big sister too, right? So I put up with this stuff, because I love Sam."

Luna's heart fluttered at the sincerity in her little brother's words. So touched was she, that it nearly proved her undoing. A flash of cyan was the only warning she received as Sam's blade dove towards her breast. Fortunately, Luna's instincts, honed through years of family brawls, allowed her to bring her own weapon up just in the nick of time. Plastic met plastic in an explosion of colorful lights and low quality sound effects as the two girls struggled for dominance.

"Change of plans, Lunes." Sam said, an odd hitch in her voice. "Now I'm keeping him for myself!"

Lincoln watched the confrontation between the two girls with great interest. For a couple of amateurs, they were actually putting on a pretty respectable showing.

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain!" Sam cackled, swinging her blade low, clearly aiming for a disabling shot.

"You've been in that costume for less than a day!" Luna screamed. "We haven't even gotten lunch yet!"

She artfully stepped over Sam's blade while bringing her own down in a counter strike

"I'm a fast learner!" Came Sam's retort, as she darted out of the way of the blow.

The blonde landed on the balls of her feet, then launched herself forward, causing the girls to lock blades once more.

"He can be my little brother! That'll solve all of our problems!"

Lincoln was...perplexed, to say the least, but still found the show to be incredibly entertaining. He was just about to call out some encouragement to the two girls when he heard the rustling of cloth behind him. Lincoln craned his neck, trying to glimpse the source of the noise while still being constrained by his bonds, when a flash of black filled his vision.

Lincoln's first instinct was to cry out in surprise, but a small hand shot out and covered his mouth with lightning speed, muffling the cry.

The figure before him was dressed in a familiar looking cloak. The hood was pulled low, so as to obscure the occupants features, but a familiar spade-shaped clasp around the bearer's neck was a pretty clear indicator of who they were supposed to be.

Maggie? Lincoln asked himself, as his gaze flicked beneath the figure's neckline for the briefest of moments. Definitely not Maggie.