Interlude : Recollection of First Love II

"Wow! WOW!!! This… This is incredible! Look, look! It turned out very good!"

Almost hoping about the place, the girl showed me a little mirror. Into it was my face, the one I was so unused to seeing, but even though I didn't know it that much, I could tell something was different – my hairs were now a beautiful pale blonde color.

"Wow… It really worked."

I don't know what I was expecting to go wrong exactly but whatever it was didn't. The blonde princess in that mirror had a familiar name – it was Dawn Riftwalker.

"Wah! It suits you so well! I knew it would look good on you!"

"... Is that so?"

"You aren't happy? If you aren't, I am sorry. I just wanted to try it out but if you don't like it…"

"Huh? No, I am happy! It looks really good!"

"But you aren't smiling…"

"I am smiling!"

"Hm~"

The girl squinted her eyes and brought her face closer.

"I don't see anything. You are smiling in your head again, aren't you?"

"Oh!"

I looked in the mirror again. Indeed, the girl I saw on it wasn't smiling at all.

"Excuse me, I will try smiling wider," I said, trying to put up a more visible smile this time.

The girl smiled back at me and chuckled.

"You still don't know how to really smile, huh? Well, we will do something about that eventually or you will never make friends in middle school!"

"I don't need more friends. Mama says that there's no need to have many anyway."

"Ah! Maybe we should go back to sleep after all! Maybe your mom is coming back already!"

"Ah! I forgot about her! Huh, wait, help me wash my hair," I said, walking towards the shower column.

"Yes, yes, right away!"

I bent my head using the water coming from the shower column to clean my hair. Noticing a yellow stain on the ground, I suddenly realized our work would be harder and panicked a bit.

"We also need to wipe the floor! Quick! What if she comes, now?!"

"Hehehe. Calm down, Dawn! Your mother is not some monster!" said the girl as she started washing my hair too.

"You don't know how she is when she gets angry…"

"Hm, it is true she scolds you often but she is nice, isn't she?"

"Only with you!"

"Hm, I don't know about that…"

"You probably don't know but she is always scolding me for everything and she always punishes me. She isn't like that when it's you. It is like she doesn't like me anymore ever since my sister is there."

"My parents are also really nice with you, you know! They always tell me that I should be more calm and feminine like you! That I should play with dolls and stuff. They still like me though, even if I have a big sister."

"You are the little sister. Of course they will like you."

"But I have a little brother too, you know? My parents still like me even though he is here."

"Hmph. What about your big sister then? I am sure they don't like her anymore since you two are there! You are probably still liked because your father likes your little brother and your mother likes you! But what if they get another child? I will tell you, they will get angry at everything you do and never praise you just like me!"

"Hm..."

The girl stayed silent only making a faint noise that couldn't be interpreted correctly by someone who didn't know her. It was a sign that she was really angry but restraining herself because she didn't believe the conflict was worth it. Of course, I caught up on that and felt incredibly embarrassed. Back then, I didn't take well the fact that I was not an only child anymore for various reasons. I think I knew my mother liked both of us but what I perceived as a preference for my little sister frustrated me to no end.

I didn't hate my little sister though. I just didn't like her selfishness and how my mother always favored her whims over my wishes because she was the younger one. For instance, she could sleep later on days like that specific day by asking my mother if she could accompany her, or get the exact same pastries as me even though I was the older one. Well, pointless details now that I think about it but, even though I did my best to never show it, all of them fueled my jealousy for her. I often wondered why my mother seemed to like her more than I and my child's mind came up with an answer to that interrogation. An answer I talked about with that girl and an answer she used against me in the most vicious way possible.

"Well, it is not my fault if your father abandoned your mother. If he didn't, maybe he, at least, would love you."

A critical hit. I was hurt in a way only a friend could and the worst part was that I couldn't argue against that. In fact, I could only add to – if my father left me, then even he didn't like me. Conclusion: I was alone, loved by no one.

"*sniffle**hic**sniffle*"

"H-Huh? W-Wait, you… you are crying?"

"*hic**sob**sniffle*"

There was a reason I was called a crybaby. I was weak physically and mentally, a simple declaration like that one was enough to make me cry especially since I couldn't deny it. My sister still had her father around, not like mine who was God knows where. Even though he didn't live with us, he still supported my mother, not like mine. Those presents, those pastries she shared equally between us, he was the one who bought it and I only even got to taste them because my mother wished me to.

My mother rarely talked about my father and when she did, it was never in good terms. I had the distinct impression she was taking out the frustration she had about him on me, his daughter, especially since the father of her second child was more present. Of course, I can't say I fully formulated all of this that clearly in my young head, but it was there, somewhere. I always avoided thinking too much about it because it was a painful thought and because I wanted to believe my mother when she said she wasn't making any difference between the two of us but having someone else making the same reflection forced me to look at a reality I desperately tried to ignore before.

It was like falling while closing your eyes and being brutally reminded of gravity by the hard ground. As a wimp, in one case or the other, my only response was to cry.

"I… I am sorry, okay?! I didn't… I shouldn't have said that! I am sure your mother loves you!"

"No!!!*sob* She doesn't!!! She only likes her because her father didn't leave her!!!*sob* Why am I even there?!! If I didn't exist*sniffle* If I didn't exist, everyone would be happy!!!"

"What are you saying?!! Don't say things like that!!! I would be sad if you weren't there!!! You are my friend, you know?!!"

"Liar!!! You just told nobody liked me!!!"

"It was a lie, I swear!!! I!!! I like you very much!!!"

"Liar!!!"

"It is the truth!!!"

"... If *sniffle* If it is the truth, then prove it. Prove that you like me."

"Prove it? How?"

"... *sniffle* kiss— *mumble**mumble*"

"What?"

"Kiss… Kiss me…"

The water of the shower column falling in us, the younger me said those words to my very first love. Outside, the rain started falling, at first meekly, soon like the boldest firework. My mother still wasn't back and didn't take her umbrella with her. It seemed that this night with my friend was going to last a bit longer.