Midnight Musings

The scorching afternoon sunlight blinded me as we walked down the street, on our way to Anati's house. I could feel the heat of the heated road under the rubber soles of my school shoes. It felt as if I was in an oven. I was in such a rush that morning, I totally forget to bring my umbrella. I tried to use my hand to shield my face, but it still wasn't much help in any case.

"You sure her house is this way?" Juliet asked, panting from the exhaustion of the heat

"Of course. I visit her all the time." I said, "How come you don't know where your own girlfriend's house is?"

"She's never taken me to her place. She always insists that we should go to my house whenever we want to chill. And no, she's not my girlfriend. We just...like each other. A lot."

"Do you plan on asking her to be your girlfriend?" I asked

"Oh definitely!" Juliet rejoiced, smiling widely as she did, "Anati means so much to me. She's so smart and kind and... she's everything a whimsical girl like me would ever want. She's always there for me when I'm at my worst, she helps me with my homework, she sits so close to me whenever we talk, and her smile. Oh she's has the prettiest smile ever..."

Juliet went on about how much she likes Anati for a few minutes. I stopped listening halfway through her words and starting thinking about what had happened with Anati. The way she walked into the classroom earlier that morning shocked everyone. The oversized pullover she wore, the increase in her weight, and the acne on her face was all so new. She looked totally fine a few days before the weekend. Or perhaps I just wasn't attentive enough to have noticed the change in her appearance before. The way she angrily left the cafeteria table made me wonder if Anati was hiding something from us. Something that was causing her to go through such a drastic change in appearance.

My attention was immediately pulled back into Juliet and I's conversation when she suddenly mentioned Amara's name.

"Wait, could you repeat that?"

"I'm asking what's going on because you and Amara? Things seem pretty good between you and her."

I raised my eyebrow, "In terms of...?"

"Come on! You know what I mean." Juliet said

"I'm not sure if I do know what you mean."

"You two were holding hands when you got to the school gate. Is that not something?"

I blushed at the thought of it. I hoped Juliet didn't notice.

"She grabbed my hand without my permission. I never intended to hold her hand." I said

"At the end of the day, you still held her hand." Juliet teased, nudging my arm with her elbow

I rolled my eyes,"As I said before: my sexuality is as straight as a ruler." I quickly scanned the area to see if anyone was listening. Luckily no one was around to hear me say that.

"You're going to stay single for the rest of your life with that attitude."

"I don't mind." I said

"But seriously though. After everything you've been through with Amara, don't you feel something? Like some sort of spark between you two."

"...No," I said, "It's best we keep it that way."

I wanted that conversation to end. Juliet was a good friend and all, but my friendship with Amara was a bit sensitive. Amara and I grew up together over the years. We did everything together, and even had sleepovers all the time. But ever since male extinction, a lot had changed between us. We somehow became a lot...closer? I'm not sure if that is the right word to use, but all I know is that ever since we lost our fathers and she lost her brothers, we stuck by each other all the way. We had no one else but each other. But I feared that our closeness might turn into something else. Something more fragile than a friendship. That was why I tried my best to limit my physical contact with her. My friendship with Amara was far too precious. I couldn't afford to lose it.

"How far are we to Anati's house?" Juliet asked

"It's two houses away. We're almost there."

We were almost at Anati's place. I could see Anati's mother, Mrs. Khoza, sitting under an umbrella next to her lemonade stand. Her money jar, which was empty in the morning, had a few coins and money notes in it. I was relieved it did.

"Hello, Mrs. Khoza," I greeted when we reached Anati's house

"Oh, hello Thandi my dear! Who do you have with you today?" Mrs. Khoza said

"Hello ma'am. I'm Juliet, Anati's best friend." Juliet greeted politely

"You're Juliet? I've heard Anati mention your name a many times before. You guys must be close right?"

"Indeed we are, ma'am."

I looked around the yard of the house and found that there was no car that could have possibly dropped Anati home.

"Is Anati home by any chance?" I asked

"Yes, she is. She asked one of the neighbors here to drop her home today."

"Mrs. Khoza, " Juliet said, "Has anything bad happened to Anati recently? She acted a bit strange today at school."

Mrs. Khoza opened her mouth to speak, but it seemed like she struggled to get any words out.

"Um...well...Anati has been like that for the past few weeks?" She said, almost muttering

"Weeks?" I questioned

"Things haven't been the same for Anati, today especially. She does share a birthday with her late brother, Anthony, so she feels worse than the other day. But perhaps you can go inside and hear from her?"

"We would love to. Thank you Mrs. Khoza." Juliet said, walking through the gate

"Alright, dear." Mrs. Khoza said, sadness clearly present in her voice

Juliet and I made our way into the house. As we walked down the hallway leading to Anati's room, we encountered framed photos of Anati's family members. There were family photos of Anati standing with her mom, dad and her brother. They were all so happy back then. Now it was just Anati and her mother. They were lucky to still have each other. Even though I had a mother, it sometimes felt like she didn't exist at all. And my sisters were nothing but the devil's pets. We never shared happy moments ever since our father died. There was only hatred amongst all of us.

I knocked on Anati's door, but no one responded. Juliet tried knocking a few times, but still, no one responded.

"Is she really home?" Juliet asked

"That's what her mother said. Mrs. Khoza would never--"

To my surprise, Anati slightly opened the door, sticking only her head out.

"Thando? Juliet? What are you guys doing here?" She asked, surprised

"We came to see you and wish you a happy birthday." I said

"We also wanted to see if you're okay." Juliet added

"Why would there be anything wrong? I'm totally fine. It's my birthday after all." Anati said, forcing a smile

"Anati, we're your friends. You can talk to us about anything." I whispered. Why was I whispering?

"Yeah. We will never judge you for whatever you are going through." Juliet decided to whisper too

Anati sighed, "Listen, I appreciate you guys being here for me. But what I'm going through. It's just... it's too much for me to handle."

"Let's talk about it then. We won't tell anyone. We promise." Juliet pleaded, almost desperately

"I..." Anati seemed hesitant. I could see the tears filling up in her eyes.

"I just...I can't, okay? You guys need to leave."

"Anati, we understand that not being able to share a birthday with Anthony is hard. But that's why we're here for you. We want to make this day special for you, because we care for you." Juliet said

"What I'm going through has nothing to do with Anthony. You guys wouldn't understand."

"Then make us understand. That's why we're here."

"If I were to tell you what I'm going through, all hell might break lose." Anati said

"What do you mean?" Juliet asked

"If I get you guys involved in what I'm going through, people might find out about it somehow, and once that information reaches the Queen, she might send people to kill us all."

"What?" I questioned, confused. What on earth was Anati talking about?

"You're overreacting, Anati. Something like that would never happen." Juliet said

"You wouldn't know since you're not in my shoes right now." Anati said

"Anati..."

"Just leave!" Anati slammed the door in our faces, leaving us both confused

+++++++++++

(22:45pm, bedtime)

I lay in bed, texting Amara about everything that happened at Anati's place. I found it hard to sleep, especially with all the suspense Anati is creating. The part when she mentioned that the Queen could get us killed because of her situation really puzzled me. Was Anati's situation so bad to even involve the Queen? Or was she just overreacting like Juliet said? I didn't know what to think at all.

Amara: Did Anati at least give a hint of why she's acting like this?

Me: No. She shut us out completely. She only told us that if anyone, including us, found out about her situation, the Queen would get us killed.

Amara: Damn! It's that bad?

Me: Seems like it. I wonder what it could be?

Amara: I honestly wish she could tell us. We would figure out a way to help her.

Me: Exactly! Juliet is hurt by all of this. She hates seeing Anati like this.

Amara: I hate seeing Anati like this too. She's always so happy and vibrant around us. Whatever she's going through is honestly disturbing.

Me: I hope we get something from her 2morrow. I'm curious about what going on with her.

Amara: Same. But anyway, I have to go to bed. See u 2morrow. xoxo

Me: See u.

I placed my phone next to my alarm clock and switched my lamp off. Even when I closed my eyes, sleep wouldn't take over me. Anati's words kept running in my head. I needed to know what was going on. I wouldn't stop until I figured out what it was. I switched my lamp back on and sat up straight in my bed, biting my nails nervously.

'What could it be?' was the question I asked myself repeatedly? Was Anati being bullied? Was someone threatening her? Is she still mourning the death of her father and brother? Is school stressing her out? Is--

Just then, my phone vibrates. I switched it on and found that I received a message from Anati.

Anati: Thando, can you keep a secret?