12

One year later, the day before the start of 12th grade. 

​Chen Xia sat up in bed. 

​The clock read 11:35.

Chen Xia sighed and ruffled his messy hair. Damn, school starts tomorrow. How am I going to wake up early? Whatever. I'll deal with that when it comes.

He rubbed his eyes and kicked away his blanket, forcing himself to get up. I don't have the energy to do anything right now, ugh.

He trudged over to the bathroom to complete his morning (afternoon) routine. He brushed his teeth mindlessly and splashed water on his face. 

Returning to his room, Chen Xia stood before his closet, pulling open the door. His eye caught the cardboard box that was placed precariously on a pile of clothing. He grabbed it before it could slide any further.

Chen Xia looked at the box for a moment, then placed it in a more secure spot without looking inside. He quickly grabbed a couple random clothing items, closed the closet door quickly, and turned away. 

Suddenly feeling a wave of exhaustion, Chen Xia flopped back onto his bed, letting out a grunt from the impact.

His eyes were turned towards the ceiling, at which he stared blankly. He really felt extremely tired. 

Just then he heard a knock on his door.

"Can I come in?" Mrs. Chen's muffled voice inquired from outside of Chen Xia's bedroom.

"Yeah."

Mrs. Chen opened the door carefully and walked in to see her son still in bed. She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at Chen Xia, who was still staring at the ceiling.

"I have some good news, and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" Mrs. Chen got to the point immediately. 

"I really don't care. Just tell me what you need to tell me." Chen Xia's voice was monotonous.

"..." Mrs. Chen frowned at Chen Xia's rudeness. "Fine. but before that, can you tell me what's wrong? You've been really out of it."

"It's nothing, I'm fine." Chen Xia turned to lay on his side with his back facing his mom.

Mrs. Chen looked at him for a moment, then sighed.

"...Well, good news is that we just got another letter from Yang Qiu."

"WHEN?!" Chen Xia sat straight up, face lighting up. 

"Just a little bit ago." Mrs. Chen smiled to herself. My son is so predictable. At least he is not ALWAYS down in the dumps, I guess I will have to thank Yang Qiu properly when he returns.

Chen Xia was still elated when he suddenly remembered that his mom still had bad news. 

"Then… what is the bad news?" Chen Xia's excitement melted from his face.

"It… seems like Yang Qiu won't be able to be back in time for senior year." Mrs. Chen lowered her eyes, a bit scared to see Chen Xia's reaction. 

Chen Xia went quiet for a moment.

"How… how do you know?"

"Well, I read the letter."

"I told you not to read them without me!" 

"I'm sorry! Here it is. I'll let you read it yourself." Mrs. Chen could tell Chen Xia's emotions would only spiral further out of control if she were to stay. 

She handed the letter to Chen Xia, got up, and left the room without another word.

Despite being along in his room Chen Xia escaped to the privacy of his closet, settled down, and read the letter.

​Hello Xiaxia, Mrs. and Mr. Chen,

Thank you for the letter last time. Dad and I are doing well. Dad is able to get around by himself now, but many things are still difficult. He is recovering well though, so there is no need to worry. I know it has been a long time, and I really appreciate how much you remember and care for me, even after all this time. I always miss you. 

Yang Qiu

​Chen Xia sat on a pile of clothes in his closet, a space that became increasingly too small for his growing stature throughout the years. He hugged his special teddy bear close to his chest with one hand, held Yang Qiu's most recent letter in the other, and had the cardboard box that lived in his closet, in his lap.

​He took off the lid of the box and emptied its contents into the tight space around him. Folded up papers fell all around Chen Xia's lap. 

​Chen Xia picked up a letter and began to read, tracing the neat handwriting with his finger.

​As he read, his tears began to flow. As he picked up another letter, his tears flowed harder. Suddenly he couldn't stand it anymore,and he buried his face in the teddy bear's tummy, tears soaking through the age-worn material.

​Idiot, you always tell us the same things every time. If you really miss us, then just come back! Why are you so adamant about staying in the city? Staying away from us? From me? It's our senior year and you still won't come back.

​Feeling his anger boiling, Chen Xia pushed open the closet doors, only to see some of the letters fall out onto his bedroom floor. 

Seeing the letters littered across the floor in such a disorganized manner, his anger was immediately smothered. He quickly began to pick up the letters, carefully folding them neatly back into the box. These letters were much too precious to be thrown around.

​After he returned the box to his closet, he closed the door and collapsed onto his bed, the latest letter tightly clenched in his hand, and the corners of his eyes still stained red.

I miss you so much…

​

​The clock read 4:28 pm. 

​Chen Xia awoke from a fitful rest with eyes puffy, hair messy, and letter still in hand. 

​His eyes felt heavy upon opening. Chen Xia somehow felt more tired at that moment than before he fell asleep.

​Seeing the letter in his hand, Chen Xia sat up and read it one more time, though he already knew the contents by heart.

Sighing, he stood up and went to his closet. He opened the door, took out the box, and carefully placed the letter inside.

He picked up the closest t-shirt and shorts and threw them on mindlessly, then went to the bathroom.

As he walked in he was immediately greeted by his own haphazard reflection in the mirror.

I feel like shit.

He turned around and went downstairs, still feeling drained. 

Mrs. Chen saw Chen Xia approaching as she was in the kitchen and walked out to meet him. She almost couldn't tell this was the same son she saw just that morning. Chen Xia was looking particularly rough with his puffy eyes and dark eyebags, unbrushedhair, unwashed hair, and wrinkled clothing. 

"Xiaxia…" Mrs. Chen hesitated. "The restaurant is pretty busy today. Dinner will probably be late again." That is not exactly what I wanted to say. Mrs. Chen wanted to ask him what was wrong, but she knew Chen Xia probably would not talk to her at the moment. 

"Okay," Chen Xia replied, already halfway to the front door.

"Hey-" Mrs. Chen started, but Chen Xia did not hear her. He had already walked out the door and onto the street.

That boy… Mrs. Chen shook her head and returned to the kitchen.

​Chen Xia walked mindlessly, letting his body take him wherever it pleased. It brought him down familiar streets, past old and new buildings, small and large houses, and colorful shops, but thought his eyes saw it all, his mind did not process any of it.

​Mom seemed worried, but I don't really know what's wrong either. I just feel like shit, and I don't know how to tell her that…

​ Just as Chen Xia was contemplating his situation, an extremely strong scent of flowers wafted by his nose. The smell floated acrossthe light breeze and Chen Xia's body seemed to move along with it. 

He turned to see the flower shop, which currently had a variety of large bouquets bunched together in the display window. The sight was beautiful but also bright; it broke through the dreary fog floating endlessly around Chen Xia's subconscious. 

​Chen Xia's body led him inside the shop and into the slightly overwhelming world of colorful flowers and fragrances. 

​I'll get mom some flowers… then I'll think of what to say to her later. 

​Chen Xia stepped forward to observe the seemingly endless variety of shapes, sizes, and hues of flowers and leaves that came together in all different ways to form the bouquets that lined the wallsof the shop. 

​As he turned a corner, he suddenly noticed a figure near the opposite wall. 

The person seemed a bit shorter than themselves, and at first glance looked quite feminine. However, as Chen Xia looked on, he noticed the person's medium-length black hair and square shoulders silhouetted by a loose-fitting shirt, making them look more androgynous. 

Chen Xia's curiosity was piqued: he had not seen this person around town before, and with their back facing him, he was unable to get a good look at this person's features. 

​The more he looked, the more he was curious, until he suddenly realized the absurdity of his actions. I am being quite rude aren't I… Why am I staring so much? Hopefully they didn't realize I was staring…

​He quickly turned his head away and refocused his attention on the flowers, eyes landing on a bouquet of white chrysanthemums. 

​Mom likes chrysanthemums… I'll get this one.

​He carefully picked up the bouquet and walked to the counter.

​"Good afternoon!" The shop owner flashed a friendly smile at Chen Xia. "Is this for someone in particular?" 

​"My mom." Chen Xia replied with a tight smile.

​"Aw, that's nice. I'm sure she'll love them."

"I hope so," Chen Xia replied with a smile that felt more genuine than he was expecting. 

As Chen Xia walked back to the restaurant, his mind wandered again. This time though, his thoughts circulated around the person he had seen in the shop. 

Their hair was quite short for a girl, but long for a guy. They had a lean build, though I can't quite tell whether they were male or female… They had quite a relaxed sense of fashion, not at all like the clothing people typically wear around here. Their waist was hidden by that shirt too… Wait. Chen Xia smacked himself. Why am I thinking about such weird things?

Though these were all just thoughts in his head, Chen Xia suddenly felt embarrassed, and with his face flushed a light pink, he quickly sped back to the restaurant. 

Chen Xia pushed open the front door and walked into the bustling restaurant full of customers. These people generally consisted of townsfolk, with the majority of them being from older generations.

As Chen Xia walked through the maze of tables, chairs, and customers, one old lady noticed him.

"Woah, Chen Xia, did you get a girlfriend?" she asked out loud, piquing the interest of many gossip-loving folks around her. 

Chen Xia sighed.

"No, this is for my mom." 

"Aw, bummer. You're such a handsome young man now, have you thought about getting a girlfriend? I can help introduce you to one if you want!" She grinned, feeling excited.

"That's alright, you don't need to do that," Chen Xiareplied, trying to hide his irritation.

"Kids these days-…" the customer kept talking, but Chen Xia had already turned and left the dining area.

That's the only thing people care about these days, huh. 

He entered their family dining room and put the bouquet on the table. Just then Mrs. Chen walked in with some bowls.

"Oh? You're back!" Mrs. Chen smiled. She could tell Chen Xia was still irritable but could also sense that he was at least in a better mood than before he left the house. 

"Yeah... these are for you." He picked the bouquet back up and handed it to his mom. 

"Aw honey… thank you!" Mrs. Chen was very moved. My son is so thoughtful…

"And uh, I'm sorry for worrying you, I'm just having a bit of a hard time right now. I'll try my best at school, and I'll try to make this last year a good one."

"Xiaxia.... oh, my little Xiaxia you've grown up so much! come give your mom a hug." Mrs. Chen wrapped her arms around her son, who was now much taller than his younger self. Mrs. Chen was relieved that Chen Xia was okay buteven more so felt quite emotional. He has become so mature… I'm relieved. 

After a few moments Mrs. Chen released Chen Xia from her embrace.

"As your mom, it's my job to worry about you. Whenever you feel like talking, please come to me. And you don't have to force yourself to have fun when you really aren't. But I do think you will be happy this year... after all it's your senior year!" Mrs. Chen hoped to end their conversation on an optimistic note.

"Thanks mom, we'll see." Chen Xia smiled appreciatively.

"Haha, that's the spirit. Now… help me set up for dinner?"

"Of course."

At night, Chen Xia lay in bed. 

Senior year… how is it here already! If only Yang Qiu were here… I really want to spend senior year with him. I wonder if he does too… He has been gone for so long, but I still can't get used to him not being here…

He turned over, grabbed his teddy bear, and hugged it tight.