Chapter 17: Is It Over Now?

Desiree's POV

I gazed into Aizen's eyes, my body still trembling with a mixture of fear and uncertainty. I couldn't deny it—I was scared. The coldness that emanated from him, his touch, his very presence, seemed almost otherworldly as if he were possessed by the devil. It was a side of him I hadn't seen since the days with Matte, and it felt as though it had only grown darker with time. 

I fear what he could do to me… Despite knowing deep down that he would never intentionally harm me, I couldn't shake the feeling that there were lines he might cross when consumed by this darkness. He would make me feel his pain, his frustration, his anxiety—just as he had on that stage. Whether through psychological manipulation or emotional torment, he would ensure that I felt every ounce of his anguish. It had been that way before, and I feared it would be no different now. 

I should run, right? I should end this before he could go further… I had made it clear to him from the beginning—if he ever hurt or betrayed me, it would be the end of us. I had every right to walk away now, to put an end to this destructive cycle once and for all. But despite it all, I found myself unable to leave, tethered to him by some invisible thread of hope. 

"You're an idiot," I whispered, my hand coming to rest against his chest as I struggled to steady myself. "And I'm an even bigger idiot." Tears welled in my eyes once more, threatening to spill over as I fought to compose myself. "I'm a fool. A stupid, foolish fool."

Aizen's voice cracked with pain as he spoke, his body leaning heavily against mine. "You're leaving me," he murmured, his words heavy with remorse. "I am so sorry."

But I shook my head, lifting his chin gently to meet my gaze. "No, I'm not," I replied softly, my voice barely above a whisper. "I can't. So, really, I'm just a fucking idiot."

I really am a fucking idiot.

"Why?" he asked, his eyes filled with a deep-seated fear of abandonment. 

"Just because…" I struggled to find the words… 

"Do you love me?" he pressed, sitting up and pulling me onto his lap. "Do you love me?" His gaze bore into mine, pleading with a desperation that tugged at my heartstrings. "Because… I love you. You know that already." His words pierced through me like a knife. "Do you love me?"

I never told him I loved him. At least, not in our current life. 

"You told me you were falling for me," he said, his eyes reflecting a profound sadness. "Do you love me now?"

"Actions speak louder than words, right?" I deflected, evading the weight of his question. Drawing him close, our chests pressed together, I inhaled deeply, losing myself in the familiar scent of his skin, my face buried in the crook of his neck. "I can't bring myself to leave you, even though I know I should..."

"I don't deserve you," he murmured, his hand tenderly stroking my back. 

"No, you don't," I conceded softly, holding him tighter, seeking solace in the reassuring rhythm of his heartbeat against mine. "Please don't hurt me again," I pleaded, pressing myself closer to him, yearning for the warmth of his embrace. "I know you didn't mean to..."

"I really didn't," he confessed, his touch tracing the curves of my body with a delicate reverence. "I'm disgusted with myself for causing you that bruise... I deserve to die."

I clung to him desperately, my limbs wrapped tightly around him as if trying to shield him from his own self-loathing. "Don't say such things," I insisted, my fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. 

Aizen flinched, his cheeks flushing crimson with embarrassment. "Desiree," he choked out, gently extricating himself from my embrace, his eyes locking with mine in a silent plea. "You have to get off."

Just then, I felt him grow beneath me. It was my turn to blush. I could feel him… He was awfully large, and it frightened me. The sheer magnitude of his desire, pressing against me, sent a shiver down my spine. Only the thin barrier of our clothes separated us, yet it felt like a formidable boundary, a line I dared not cross… 

The ride home was silent and awkward, the tension between us palpable. Neither of us spoke, each lost in our own thoughts. As we reached the Estate, my heartbeat intensified, pounding against my chest with a frantic urgency. Everything had happened so fast—the foolish party, the humiliating auction, his explosive outburst, his sudden violence, and our ensuing argument. It was like a whirlwind of emotions, and I didn't know which one to address first. 

I couldn't deny the undeniable pull I felt towards him. I wanted him, had always wanted him... He had always been attractive, and with time, he only grew more irresistible. As a woman, of course, I had my desires. But it was bewildering to realize that, even after his violent outburst, I still craved his touch, yearned for the closeness we once shared. It was a maddening contradiction, one that left me feeling conflicted and unsettled. 

As we stepped into the manor, his hand found mine, fingers interlocking in a silent promise. With each step, our hearts grew heavier, the anticipation building to a crescendo. By the time we reached my bedroom, it felt as though my heart would explode at any given moment. 

"Are you still upset?" Aizen's voice was soft, eyes filled with concern and longing. He pulled me closer, my body melting against his warmth. Pressing my face to his chest, his hand slipped beneath my blouse, deftly undoing my bra with ease. With a gentle tug, he removed it, a slight sting of anticipation lingering on my skin. 

Blushing, I looked away, unable to meet his gaze. "No," I murmured, reaching for his hand on my waist. "Just... don't do that again. You were right, I was scared."

His touch was tender as his hand trailed over my bare chest, fingers tracing every curve with reverence. "I knew it," he confessed, his gaze lingering on my form. "I won't let it happen again," he vowed, planting a soft kiss on my eyelid. His lips continued their gentle assault, exploring every inch of my skin as his hands roamed freely. With a swift motion, he untied the scarf around my neck, his warm breath sending shivers down my spine. "I want you," he whispered against my ear. "Please, Desiree," he pleaded softly.

Before I could respond, he tore open my blouse, the fabric falling to the floor. Instinctively, I crossed my arms, cheeks burning with embarrassment. "Aizen," I gasped, turning away. 

But he refused to let me hide, drawing me back into his embrace. "You're beautiful," he murmured, gently removing my arms. "You're perfect," he added, lifting me onto the bed with tenderness. As he shed his own shirt, revealing his chiseled physique, I couldn't help but feel my cheeks flush, every inch of him an invitation to surrender to desire. 

Aizen," I gasped, a moan escaping my lips as he showered my neck with kisses. His hands trailed over my skin, igniting flames with every touch. As his mouth found my breast, alternating between kisses and gentle licks, I couldn't suppress the strange sounds that escaped me. 

Looking up at me, Aizen's cheeks flushed with desire. "Don't hold back," he murmured, nibbling harder. "I want to hear you." The pleasure enveloped me, a stark contrast to past experiences. This was love, this was passion, unlike anything I'd felt before.

But then, a flashback struck—a painful reminder of Vance and his possessive advances. My heart raced, the memory casting a shadow over our intimacy. 

"Are you okay?" Aizen's voice was tender as he kissed my cheek. "Did I hurt you?" His concern was a stark contrast to Vance's callousness. 

I nodded, clutching his hand tightly. "I-I'm fine," I stuttered, still shaken. His lips met mine in a sweet kiss, igniting a fierce longing within me. Despite the nagging voice of doubt, I yearned for him more with each passing moment. 

Aizen's tongue tangled with mine, his kiss demanding and passionate. One hand held me in place while the other caressed the bruise he had left on my thigh. "I'm sorry," he murmured between kisses, his touch soothing the ache. 

"Shh," I hushed him gently, my desire matching his intensity. I wanted to cherish every moment with him. 

As his hand ventured further, he paused to meet my gaze, his eyes filled with determination. With a swift motion, he tore my skirt apart, discarding it without hesitation. "We don't need reminders of that awful auction," he murmured, his lips finding mine once more. 

His hand moved past the barrier of my panties, delicately removing them. I felt exposed and vulnerable, the heat rising in my cheeks without needing a mirror to confirm it. 

"I love you," he whispered, nibbling at my earlobe. Rising to remove his pants, he left only his black boxers. Even in the dim moonlight, I couldn't escape the sight of his impressive bulge. Climbing back over me, he positioned himself between my legs. "Scared?" he teased, his gaze meeting mine. 

"I am, actually," I confessed, cupping his cheek. I was terrified, yet consumed by desire. I wanted him to claim me and to mark me as his own. I want to have my body completely devoured by him. I wanted him to mark me as much as he wanted so the world would know that I was his. 

Leaning in, he kissed me with sweetness and longing. As his tongue deepened the kiss, his hand found its way to my core, his touch gentle yet electrifying. A moan escaped me as he chuckled softly. "You're so wet," he observed, his fingers continuing their dance. With a sudden movement, he slid a finger inside, eliciting a gasp.

"Did it hurt?" he asked, concern evident in his voice. 

"No," I managed to reply. "It feels… weird." 

Aizen's smile was like a promise of pleasure as he trailed kisses down my body, pausing between my legs with hunger in his eyes. As his tongue made contact with my core, I couldn't help but shudder. 

"No," I protested softly, feeling the weight of embarrassment and unpleasant memories resurface. 

But Aizen was undeterred. "But you're begging me to," he countered, withdrawing his finger from within me to display the evidence of my arousal. "You're so wet, Desiree," he murmured, his voice thick with desire. He continued eagerly, pressing his face against my femininity, licking, kissing, and tasting every part that made me a woman. His tongue explored every inch of my femininity while his finger continued its relentless rhythm. 

My body felt as though it was on fire,every touch pushing me closer to a climax I couldn't resist. I was out of breath and I didn't understand the feeling that came along with it. I felt a sweet tension building within me, unfamiliar yet exhilarating.

"You're tightening up," Aizen observed, his pace quickening as he teased me mercilessly, driving me closer to the edge with each passing moment. 

"Stop," I gasped, "It feels strange…" 

Aizen continued, my protests falling on deaf ears as he intensified his efforts, plunging deeper and sucking harder. My body responded involuntarily, pleasure overwhelming my senses until I was trembling and breathless. 

""Aizen," I moaned, trying to process the overwhelming sensations coursing through me. As he removed his boxers, revealing his fully erect member, I couldn't help but gasp in shock at its size. "That c-cannot fit," I stammered, my eyes wide as I clutched his shoulders, feeling the weight of anticipation and apprehension. He was huge. Bigger than I ever imagined.

"It will," Aizen reassured me, his touch gentle as he guided me back down. "It would hurt for a while, so tell me if you want me to stop." With tender kisses and whispered words of comfort, he positioned himself at my entrance, the anticipation sending my heart into a frenzy. I could feel the tip poking me. 

A flood of memories washed over me, triggering an overwhelming sense of fear and vulnerability. That night with Vance at the hotel... The terrifying memory of how he tried to force himself on me haunted me like a ghost, making tears well up in my eyes. 

My hand instinctively reached for Aizen's arm, my grip tight as I struggled to find the courage to speak. "I-i c-can't d-do it," I choked out between sobs, my voice trembling with emotion. "I'm sorry."

Aizen's reaction was immediate, his eyes widening in shock and concern as he pulled me closer to him, enveloping me in a comforting embrace. His touch was gentle, his fingers tracing soothing circles on my back as he held me tight. 

"I'm sorry," I repeated, feeling the weight of vulnerability pressing down on me. I clung to him desperately, seeking solace in his warmth and strength. 

The trauma from that night with Vance hit me like a tidal wave, leaving me gasping for air in its wake. And to make matters worse, Vance had abandoned me shortly after, leaving behind a trail of unanswered questions and unspoken pain. But it was obvious. It's because I couldn't have sex with him. I wanted to keep my virtue, after all, I am a Christian. 

"I'm sorry," Aizen murmured, his voice laced with regret as he cupped my cheeks, his eyes filled with remorse. "I shouldn't have pushed you... I know you wanted to wait... I was being selfish... I'm so sorry." He was warm and his voice was soothing. I could feel the sincerity and regret in his voice. 

But even as he spoke, I knew it wasn't his fault. It was my own demons that were holding me back, my past traumas that refused to let go of their grip on me. 

"It's not you, Aizen," I reassured him, tears streaming down my cheeks. "I wanted this... I wanted you, but..." My voice trailed off, my words failing me as I struggled to articulate the depth of my pain. "I…" I struggled. "I…"

"Des…" Aizen's voice was gentle, giving me strength. 

"I was assaulted," I confessed, the words tumbling out in a rush as I laid bare the darkest corners of my past. "A lot... many years ago..."

Aizen's expression darkened, his eyes flashing with a fierce protectiveness that sent shivers down my spine. It wasn't jealousy I saw in his eyes, but pure rage—a righteous anger that burned like fire. He held me close, his embrace a silent promise of strength and solidarity. "Please tell me the names of the bastards who hurt you," he implored, his voice low and dangerous."

Aizen… Do you think less of me now?