Chapter 4

Oh I hope someday I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes all night or a hundred years

Need a place to hide but I can't find one near

"Lovely" by Billie Ellish and Khalid blasted through my beat pills.

I stared at the ceiling from my bed. I let myself reminisce as I remembered my brother. If Rainer was still alive, I wouldn't be here.

I would still be at home planning my next beach party and our trip to Dubai for our upcoming 18th birthday. I recalled the good times we had. Every time was a good time for us. It didn't matter where or when, all that mattered was the fact that we were together.

We would hold hands and take long walks around town while we talked about meaningless things. Our favourite spot was the town lake. Rainer loved water.

He would dance under the rain every chance he got and then catch a cold right after. I will always laugh at him then he'll shrug and say "hey you only live once"

I would storm into his room after school and rant about my bad days. We would sneak out in the middle of the night just to watch the stars.

I wiped out the tears from my eyes. I've been crying a lot lately. I can't help it. He was everything I had. He still is

I turned to my side and stared at the picture I put on my study table. It was a framed photo of Rainer and me. It was taken on the beach back home. We were holding each other and laughing. We didn't even know when the photo was taken. Beside the framed picture is a glass rose in its container.

I was in the 9th grade when I had my first heartbreak. My boyfriend; Timmy told me he didn't love me anymore and proceeded to go after my best friend. I cried so hard for weeks. I felt devastated and betrayed.

I was crying in bed one night when Rainer brought me the Rose. I sat up and admired it. It was so beautiful and crystal clear.

"It's beautiful Rain" I said "Thank You"

He kissed me on my forehead

"Other people's love for you may fade away like Timmy's did but just as this rose petals can never wither, my love for you will never falter"

I hugged him with tears in my eyes

"I love you so much" I sobbed

I envisioned myself with him. I imagined he was on the bed with me.

"I'm lost without you Rain" I whispered but he didn't answer me. Why? Because dead people can't speak.

The door opened and Annabelle came in.

"Whoa who broke your heart?" she chortled, referring to the sad music

I didn't answer her

"You okay?"

No. I am not okay. My best friend is dead. My parents don't give a shit about me. They badly wanted to get rid of me. They haven't even called to see how I'm settling in. I don't fit in this stupid school. I've been a mess ever since my brother died. I became a reckless bitch ever since. I started partying, doing rebellious things and hooking up with random guys to take away the pain.

The answer is no, Annabelle. I am not okay. I will never be okay

Instead of saying all that, I just smiled

"I'm fine" I said

She dropped her bag on the floor then came to sit on my bed.

"Oh. Who's the Cutie?" Annabelle asked looking at the picture

"That's Rainer, my twin brother"

I noticed her eyes widen in surprise

"Twin brother? I never knew you had a twin. I thought you were the only child" She took the photo and looked at it

Of course you didn't. I was always the outgoing type. Nobody ever noticed Rainer. He always hid in the shadows, never wanting to be seen. My parents were ashamed of him and never liked him going to events with us. I guess that's why it was so easy for everyone to forget about him when he died.

"Come out of your shell" I said to him once

"Why do I have to come out of mine? Why don't you go in yours?" he retorted

I was confused

"What?"

"It's so easy to pressure introverts to come out of their comfort zone. No one ever pressures extroverts to come out of theirs. Perhaps it's time for a change. This is the way I am"

When he died, my parents didn't put it in the news. They silenced the media. My mum even went for a conference two Days Later. It was so easy to forget him.

"Why isn't he here with you?" she questioned “Where is he?"

"In heaven" I laughed

Where else would he be? He was an angel. That boy definitely was not human. He was just brought into the world to show us what angels were like.

"Oh my gosh. I am so sorry" she whispered "Come here"

Without hesitation, I crawled into her arms and cried. She cried with me too.

As we wallowed in our self-pity, I could swear I felt an extra pair of arms wrapped around me as well