Late Night

[The screen comes to life, and a headline running across the bottom says: Breaking News IRS to tax the dea, a shocking and unprecedented move.] 

A narrator's voice rings out, "After the shocking revelation two weeks ago that the dead remain among us, cases reopen across the nation. The IRS is sending out its most dedicated agents to receive payment, with interest, from those who remain." 

[The screen changes to King Phantom, a mysterious figure running away from Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, who are dressed in suits and reprising their iconic roles as Sam and Dean Winchester from Supernatural.] 

" Stop it, Casper!" Yells Jensen. 

[The screen switches to show King Phantom. He's a little blurry. Clapping is heard off-screen.] 

" How many times do I have to tell you it's Phantom?" the ghost sighs. " It's not that hard to remember. He's not the only friendly ghost." 

[ Jared bursts into the frame, his eyes wide with determination. The camera zooms in on him, revealing a vacuum cleaner in his hands and a clear nod to the Ghostbusters.] 

" You won't get away with this?!" Jared says, sounding a bit hysterical. 

" With what?" King Phantom asks, looking confused. 

" Tax evasion," Jensen and Jared say together. 

[ A flash of light happens, and floating above them is Misha Collins, hanging from a wire in an oversized trenchcoat.] 

" Peace be upon you, for I am Castiel, an angel of the lord," Misha says as he is lowered to the ground, monotone. " You are guilty, King Phantom, like many of your brethren, for skirting the United States tax system." 

" You have no proof," Phantom says, arms crossed. 

[ Misha pulls out a file titled " Proof" from his coat. Misha opens it. The only thing legible is the name Danyal Phantom; the rest is all squiggles.] 

" There's your proof," Misha says deadpan. 

" Psh, that could be any Danyal Phantom," King Phantom says, brushing them off. 

" Your social security number is * beep-beep-beep-beep*," Jared follows up. 

" Nope," King Phantom says with a smirk, fangs peaking out, " you're wrong." 

" But the database said–"

" Database? What database? Whoever said I was alive late enough to be in it?" King Phantom circles the actors. 

[ The actors sigh.] 

" You're right, there's no way to know for sure," Jared sighs, " This Danyal may not have survived as a ghost at all." 

" Oh, son of a bitch," Jensen says, crossing his arms and walking off. 

[ Stephen Colbert opening scene; shots of New York City and music.] 

" It's the late show with Stephen Colbert! Tonight, Stephen welcomes King Phantom!" 

[ A little blurry picture of the King pops up with his name under it.] 

" With musical guest Ember McLain!' 

[ Ember's picture pops up too.] 

" Featuring John Batiste and Stay Human." 

[ Shows John Babtiste coming out.] 

" And now, live on tape from the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York City, it's Stephen Colbert!" 

[ Shot of Stephen coming out, standing ovation, shots of the band, and ends with Stephen walking downstage, ready for his monologue.] 

" Welcome everybody to the Late Show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. First off, tonight, I want to give special thanks to Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, and Misha Collins for taking some time out of their busy schedule to join us for our opening skit. If you have the time, you can see their panel at the New York Comicon, where they will be all weekend," Colbert says. " The UN decision about what to do about King Phantom's ultimatum is at the halfway point, and they still–" 

[ Screen changes to show official documents.] 

" have not come to a decision. Arguments about whether ghosts qualify for protection under the internationally recognized Meta Protection Act continue. Lawmakers have previously decided all humanoid beings fall under this act, but questions about what constitutes as humanoid is coming into question." 

[ A picture of MTG pops up.] 

" Yesterday in chambers, the Bleach Blonde Bad Built Butch Body representative MTG argued this–" 

[ Switches to video in US chambers.] 

" Any being that comes back from the dead is demonic and goes against the Lord. Dr. Madiline and Jack Fenton's research shows them to be malicious. Leftovers of post-human consciousness–" 

[ Switch back to Colbert.] 

"Let's say this together—post-human. Dead human = once a human," Colbert says slowly as if explaining to a child, " human or human-like means humanoid. Humanoids are protected under Meta acts. Case close." 

[ Audience gives a round of applause.] 

" Of course, lawmakers don't see it that way, claiming post-mortum beings are disqualified due to lack of a heartbeat. Lawmakers are continuing to cite Dr. Fenton's research to back claims. The Dr. Fentons research says–" 

[ Screen shows part of a research paper.] 

" Ghosts are not sentient or sapient. Unable to think, feel, or have a sense of self–" 

[ Screen switches back to Colbert; he has a serious look on his face.] 

" Which was disproven during King Phantom's meeting with the UN. He showed a sense of self and emotions, and during his video, he showed pain. A great amount of pain. That is undeniable. The others who rescued the King showed emotional distress and were capable of independent thought. All of which qualifies them as sentient and sapient." 

[ Colbert pauses to let that sink in.] 

" Outside of the US, other nations have come to a decision. Germany, Canada, and Australia, just to name a few, have decided ghosts are welcome and are subjected to the same laws and protections as living visitors while within their borders. These nations, along with–" 

[ A list of almost forty countries pops up on the screen.] 

" The ones on your screen have made public statements inviting King Phantom to visit and foster peace between them. Japan made a similar statement to the aforementioned nations, wishing for peace but desiring further negotiations, citing–" 

[ Documents fill the screen.] 

" Concerns of lack of security measures in place for malicious ghosts." 

[ Screen switches back to Colbert.] 

" The planet as a whole, while split about ghost's inclusion under the Meta-Human Protection Act, has come to a conclusion pertaining to the charges against the United States for genocide. While it pains me to do so as a proud American, I have to tell you the ICC, the International Criminal Court, found the United States government guilty. Additional charges for deportation, imprisonment, torture, and persecution have also been added. Discussions of war crime charges are still ongoing," Colbert says. " Outside of ghostly news, Virginia just became the first state in the southern half of the US to end child marriage." 

[ Applause.] 

" About time," Colbert says, " while all states are supposed to have banned the act, thirty-eight of them have exceptions allowing those younger than eighteen to do so. In other news, the country continues to stray away from its values, as Louisiana becomes the first state to require the Ten Commandments to be displayed in public school classrooms. This decision goes directly against a previous ruling that was supposed to keep religion out of schools. It was ruled back in the 1960s that–" 

[ Court ruling from the 1960s appears on the screen.] 

" Displaying and enforcing religion in schools is against the First Amendment and goes against the constitution." 

[ Screen switches back to Colbert.] 

" This country was founded on a multitude of things, including the freedom of religion. Lawmakers, aware of this, have already started the effort to get it overturned. Outside of the US, tensions continue to rise. Earlier this month, on June 12, thirty miles off the coast of Florida, Russian ships were spotted doing missile tests. In response, the Pentagon sent three navy destroyers and others to " keep an eye on them." Our friends from the north, Canada, sent some friends of their own for our little international play date." 

[ Video of American planes doing an airshow for Russia, intimidation tactics, is shown, along with a clip of Canadian backup. Switches back to Colbert.] 

" Thankfully, this playdate happened without any tantrums but has caused lawmakers cak in DC to try and reenact the Draft. So far, this bill has only passed the House and has yet to make its way to the Senate or the President's desk. For now, there is no draft, but a change in that is always possible. To learn more about the draft, who's eligible, and who's exempt, visit https://www.sss.gov/ ." 

[ Website link shows up on screen, under Colbert. It goes away.] 

" Lastly, before we move on to the rest of our show, it pains me to tell you we've lost another legend this week. Canadian actor Donald Sutherland passed at the ripe age of 88. In response to the late actors' death, reshowings of The Hunger Games are being shown at * beep* ( not at a theater near you.)" 

[ Applause.] 

" We've got a great show for you tonight! Joining me when we get back, King Phantom!" 

[ Camera pans to show a smiling King Phantom. He's in casual dress, a silky blue short-sleeved button-up, black cargo pants, and his signature white boots. He's still wearing his white fingerless gloves and floating crown.] 

" Plus a performance from the Infinite Realms, Ember McLain! Stick around~." 

[ Cuts to commercial. When they come back, the show opens up to the band playing. It pans around until it gets to Stephen Colbert at his desk.] 

" Welcome back, everybody! Give it up to John Batiste and Stay Human, the late show band," Colbert says. 

[ Applause, camera tightens in on Colbert.] 

" Now, before we bring out tonight's guest, we have some quick housekeeping to go over. I would like to remind you all, our audience, to be respectful. We have Royalty in the house tonight. His majesty, King Phantom, has agreed to answer some of our burning questions and make us, the people of this planet, acquainted with him. I have the honor to introduce you to tonight–" 

[ Colbert stands.]

" King Danyal Phantom of the Infinite Realms!" 

[ Music starts to play as King Phantom appears. The audience stands, and the King makes his way to the Late-shows interview setup. The music dies down as King Phantom smiles and waves politely, sitting down in a chair. Once King Phantom sits, Colbert follows, and applause settles down.] 

" Welcome, Your Majesty, to the late show," Colbert says. 

" Thank you for having me," King Phantom smiles, " and please, just Phantom is fine. It's a bit of a mouthful to use a title each time." 

" Oh," Colbert eyes widening a tad, " but I couldn't possibly–" 

" I insist," Phantom says, " if anything, I prefer it. Using titles outside of formal settings has never been my thing." 

" Only if you call me Stephen," Colbert says. 

Phantom smiles, "Of course, and thank you for having me. I know the broadcast was a bit much, and it certainly wasn't the best introduction to me and my people." 

" It certainly left an impression," Colbert remarks. 

[ Phantom makes a face.] 

" I'm sorry the public saw that– I found out later they broadcasted it– it was supposed to be in chambers only," Phantom remarks. 

" I feel I must ask what everyone is wondering: how are you? What you went through by the Dr. Fentons was absolutely horrific," Colbert inquires, but not insensibly. 

[ Phantom leans back a bit in his chair; there's a heaviness that fills the atmosphere.] 

" First off, I'll admit I'm surprised they came forward and claimed responsibility, especially going as far as to release the full video," Phantom runs his fingers through his hair, " they have a daughter; I didn't want their misdeeds to be reflected on her. If anything, I would like to advocate for Miss Fentons' character. While definitely warry of my kind, she's never been cruel. If she saw injustice, she would act upon it. Bringing mistreatment to me or my subject's attention. I've seen her help lost spirits and give them first aid if necessary. She is bright and has a long, good life ahead of her. I would like the public not to judge her for her parent's actions. She was never a perpetrator nor a bystander but a person stuck in an unfortunate circumstance. Many of my subjects and I owe her our afterlives." 

[ The crowd gives a big round of applause.] 

" As for my physical state, I'll admit I've been better. The… instruments they used were coated in a corrosive substance my kind has an allergy to. It's made the healing process difficult. My doctor has recently started planning my physical therapy regimen," Phantom reveals. 

 "I was unaware this incident was so recent," Colbert says, sounding really bad for bringing it up now. 

" A few months ago," Phantom nods, " as I mentioned to the UN, the Fenton's actions became the realm ticking point. My people are used to me getting injured; since the opening of the Fenton portal, I've been trying to keep the peace. Injuries come with the territory." 

" Ah, yes, I had almost forgotten that," Colbert says, flickering through papers. You got your position through heroing, correct?" 

[ Phantom teeters his hand.]

" Not exactly. The king before me, Pariah Dark, was a tyrant. Eons ago, a group, collectively referred to as the Ancients, banded together to seal him away in an artifact known as the sarcophagus of forever sleep," Phantom begins. " He ended up being released by a rogue, and I was able to seal him away in single combat." 

[ Colbert goes for a sip of his drink.] 

" Is Ancient a title or a reference to their age?" Colbert asks, curious. 

"That's a bit of a complicated question. There are various types of ghosts, but most can be categorized into two categories: the formally living, like myself, and the neverborn, ones that have never had a physical form. Ancients can come from either group. Ancients are beings that embody a concept, gain control over that aspect, and keep those forces from running amuck or guide them and give them purpose," Phantom says

" Would you mind giving any examples?" Colbert asks. 

[ Phantom seems to be thinking about it before nodding.] 

" Technically speaking, I count as an ancient," Phantom says.

[ Phantom puts his fingers together and energy sparks between them before condensing into a small, hot, glowing sphere. A miniature star. Phantom encases it in ghost ice before passing it to the host. Colbert looks gobsmacked] 

" To be more specific, the Ancient of space," Phantom smiles.

" What, what is this?" Colbert asks, holding the frozen object. 

" A star," Phantom says, " don't worry about handling it. It's unable to melt the ice." 

" How–" Colbert is unable to finish, just so shocked. 

" Practice," Phantom smiles, " unlike the other ancients, I'm new at this…. In life, I was obsessed with the unknown, with space. I wanted to become an astronaut. In death, I'm able to explore all the wonders it has to offer. There is so much humanity doesn't know about the universe, and I'm not much better. But I hope we all get a chance to learn about it together." 

"... this, this is– wow," Colbert says

" I still have a lot to learn about what being an Ancient involves… think of me as an intern," Phantom says. 

"... An intern that can create stars," Colbert says.

" In my defense, the others are, like, literal gods or mythological figures," Phantom says, scratching the side of his neck. A good example would be Pandora–" 

[Phantom's tone switches, sounding less like a monarch and more like a kid doing a history report.] 

" She resides within the Infinite Realms as an ancient." 

" Pandora's real?" Colbert asks, due to astonishment. 

[ Phantom nods, clearly happy to share knowledge.] 

" The story on this side of the vail isn't exactly accurate, but she's definitely real," Phantom says. 

" Would you mind sharing the inaccuracies?" Colbert asks. 

Phantom nods, " First off, she didn't open the box, but is one of its protectors. She's a great warrior and was one of the first Amazons." 

" It sounds like you know her well," Colbert remarks. 

" She's a trusted advisor and a part of my counsel. I got to know her after assisting her with a personal issue. She's an aunt to me," Phantom says, blushing a little. 

" And there are other mythical beings in the Infinite Realms?" Colbert asks for clarification. 

" Many," Phantom says with a laugh. " I can say Kronos makes wonderful chocolate chip cookies and has gone through a lot of therapy since eating their kids' things. The headless horseman, The Dullahan, cheats at chess, and the Sandman has a grudge against humanity. Apparently, the human race has the worst insomnia they've ever seen." 

" You're not pulling our leg, are you?" Colbert asks, but he and the audience find it hard to believe. 

[ Phantom pulls out a phone.] 

" During the planning stage for the UN presentation, Wonder Woman came along as a JLA representative," Phantom says.

[ Phantom shows Colbert a photo, the man's eyes widen.] 

" Do you mind if we–" 

" Have at it," Phantom says. 

[ Colbert hands Phantom's phone to production, and the photo pops up on a screen. The image has Phantom sitting between two women on a couch with a masculine figure floating behind them.] 

" Wonder Woman is easily recognizable, the other woman is Auntie Pandora, and behind us is Peepaw Kronos, though these days they're going by Clockwork and use they/them pronouns," Phantom says happily. " It was a good meeting. We had a mini family reunion once it was over." 

[ Colbert and the audience are stuck looking at the picture in aww.] 

" I know you said Pandora is an aunt to you; how much of that was literal?" Colbert asks. 

" Family and relationships are different amongst the dead, but, essentially, I was adopted into the family," Phantom shares.

[ the photo Fades off the screen, and Phantom gets his phone back.]

" Is that normal? for ghosts to create their family units?" Colbert asks.

" I'm … I'm not sure," Phantom says. " I know my circumstances are vastly different than most. From what I've seen, couplings are similar to amongst the living, and tight groups of friends, what we call fraids, are most common."

" You say your circumstances are different?" Colbert echoes, "Would you mind expanding on that?" 

[Phantom bites his lip; his ethereal glow noticeably dims.]

"I don't mind sharing," Phantom says slowly, " but I'd also like to use this as a teaching moment. Things that pertain to our living years are sacred and really personal and tend to be a difficult subject. The only thing harder for us to speak about is our deaths, which tend to be taboo subjects for us." 

[ Phantom turns and looks at the audience.]

"We understand people may be curious, especially loved ones, but the last thing we want to talk about. Those types of questions typically get met with aggression."

Colbert backtracks, " I apologize, Your Majesty, I was unaware. Please forgive us for the slight." 

" There's no way you could have known, but I hope humans will be more conscious of it in the future now that this knowledge is available," Phantom says.

[ It takes a moment for Phantom to continue.]

" To start off, contrary to popular belief, I haven't been dead for long. This August would make… 3 years." 

[ A pin drop could be heard in the theater.] 

" Your majesty, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?" Colbert asks this cautiously.

"I passed when I was 13," Phantom says, " I'd be 16 in the fall if I were still…" 

[ Tears gather the humans' eyes; before them sits a dead child monarch.] 

" Have you been able to get in touch with your living family? I can't imagine–" Colbert trails off. 

" Up until recently, they didn't know," Phantom reveals. " I was in foster care for a long while. My birth mother wasn't safe to be around, and she never informed my father about me. My foster placement wasn't much better. They were negligent, and they brought work to the house a lot. They are scientists. They would like to use me as an extra set of eyes– a decision that ultimately killed me. They– there was a device they were working on–" 

[ Phantom's form starts to glitch, causing small moments of invisibility.]

" It required a lot of power and was hooked up to the power grid. There was an issue with the wiring. What it could have been, I haven't got a clue. I was trying to help out by looking at it, and the next thing I knew, I was being electrocuted. I Can't tell you how long it went on for … all I know is that when it was done, I was glowing, my body was smoking and charred– I was dead." 

[ Phantom lets out a pained laugh.] 

" They never noticed I was dead, Mr. Colbert. They saw me frequently going about his Phantom, and they never noticed it was me. Of course, my hair was a different color when I was alive," he says. " But besides that, nothing else had changed." 

" Do you have any clue if they know now? Do you have any intentions of bringing this to their attention?" Colbert asks.

" Not at this time," Phantom says, voice sounding more sure, no longer speaking of his demise. " I've become well acquainted with their ideas about the dead, none of them positive. My biological family, on the other hand, thanks to the Justice League's involvement, I've been able to reconnect with them. I have a handful of siblings on my father's side who've welcomed me with open arms. They seem to be meshing well with my ghostly family. Ghosts, when we adopt, it's not here's a new mom and dad, it's this ghost loves you like an aunt, lets spiritually add you into place in the family tree."

[ Colbert is visibly trying to wrap his head around that.]

" If the ghost adopts you, does it make you related to their family, or does that adoption stop with the individual? You mentioned being added onto a spiritual family tree?" Colbert asks. 

" It's the same as it is with humans, though a little skewed. Clockwork adopted me as their grandchild, making the big six Olympians my aunts and uncles, but at the same time, I was adopted by Pandora as a nephew, making Wonder Woman and the other Amazons my aunts. When there's an overlap, we identify by closest connection," Phantom tries to explain. 

"That sounds complicated," Colbert remarks.

" I try not to dwell on it too much," Phantom shrugs, " I've been adopted in some form or another by almost two dozen spirits, and at the end of the day, family is family."

[ Applause.]

" I feel that I have to ask," Colbert says, " now that your kind has been exposed to the world, what exactly are your plans?"

[ Phantom sighs.] 

" My plans and decisions will be solely dependent on the UN. While some nations have reached out to negotiate treaties and alliances, others have asked for meetings and clarifications. However, the majority have yet to reach out privately or publicly. I have no desire to hurt any of you. My priorities lie with the safety of my citizens. For the United States, that means the abolishment of the Anti-Ecto acts, dissolvement of the GIW and other government-funded organizations created for the targeting of my kind, and the release of my subjects." 

"And if you get that?" Colbert asks, "If your demands are met, what kind of relationship do you wish to have with the Earth as a whole?"

" Hopefully, one that is mutually beneficial. If the Earth is in danger, I'd be more than happy to lend a hand and its defense," Phantom says, " the Realms are home to many extinct flora and fauna, and we are open to trade. We have media: books and movies that living eyes have never seen. Works made by the likes of Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Charles Dickinson, and Tolkien that were created after death. Advancements in technology by some of the brightest minds all run on clean energy. We have a lot to offer. We just need to be given the chance." 

[ Applause.]

" If ghosts become able to rejoin living society, how do you intend to keep the peace? Evidence from the town of Amity Park shows not all of your kind are peaceful. Due to your innate abilities, human methods of detainment would not be sufficient," Colbert says

[ Phantom nods.]

" That was a concern my counsel and I had as well. During my tenure as a hero, I've become familiar with many types of ghostly containment devices. I'd like to put together training sessions for organizations to familiarize themselves with these devices and to learn to use them safely." Phantom pauses, " if the government is agreeable, training would start in high ectoplasmic areas such as Amity Park, Illinois, Gotham City, New Jersey, most of Louisiana, and the Appalachia's . Once these areas are certified, training could spread out. Outside of the United States would be a similar plan. However, I am not familiar with other countries' law enforcement systems. So liaisons would be necessary."

" It sounds like you've thought all of this out," Colbert says.

" Of course. We need this to work out, don't we?" Phantom says.

[ End of King Danyal Phantom interview.]