H2Oz_Anxious
Dream to create a world to reincarnate in. Discord: H2Oz_Anxious#2334
Tulisan
membaca
379
Membaca buku-buku
Lencana
14Momen
1339
H2Oz_Anxious2dBalas Bobito007Ch 889 Shared sensory experience- H2Oz_Anxious3dBalas OdayakaCh 1 Retirement
- H2Oz_Anxious9dBalas Hardy1j
And yet you write better than me. 🙂
The feeling of loss and utter defeat loomed among the scarce spectators. Their insignificant presence, luckily or unluckily, unknown. - H2Oz_Anxious9dDiterbitkan
The story seems good and from the looks of it, the writer has a great way with words. They are learning how to work with perspective but they should soon find their equilibrium with them. The pacing and balance is not perfect but it is not so much that it affects anything. Overall, it’s a great experience with a progression structure where the MC also has experience of his past.
- H2Oz_Anxious9dBerkomentar
Why’s even interested in anything at all?
"Skip all that nonsense typical cliche stuff. I want to know who injured you and why the hell you appeared here. I am not interested in knowing about your life or your son's revenge." - H2Oz_Anxious9dBerkomentar
It could use some work… 🥲 Like, it’s not that it’s boring, it’s meaningless. There’s no point here, not even the there’s-no-point-to-this point that you tried to make.
A lowly demon, born to the whim of another, who abused him as his mother died right at birth. All other demons ostracized and bullied him. One day, he was on the verge of death and awakened his bloodline, alerting the previous King, who upon finding out, wiped out an entire Province, for a simple reason. Just to keep it a secret. After all, he had too many enemies. He gave me everything and taught me before vanishing without a trace, leaving me behind as the next King and the strongest demon. He squashed any rebellious demon cruelly and lived like that for a long time, thwarting assassinations and poisoning attempts and whatnot. Throughout my life, he never felt calm except when he finally felt a woman's pleasure. Born a boy, killing his mother just like his father. Probably, a trait of their bloodline. Anyhow, he ruled and taught his son while enjoying himself, knowing he couldn't impregnate any woman as such was their bloodline... - H2Oz_Anxious9dBerkomentar
‘It’s not like I would ever spare these hideous beasts.’
Not like, I wouldn't kill them all. - H2Oz_Anxious9dBerkomentar
Using He after calling it an It isn’t appropriate 😃
All it did was wave his other hand and I fell to the ground filled with destroyed buildings as his words echoed in my mind, for a second. - H2Oz_Anxious9dBerkomentar
See, just like how you can’t show this in a FPP, you unconsciously know the whole interaction doesn’t have to be from his perspective.
"You are strong..." He spoke all of a sudden, his voice hoarse and raspy before he struck at me. "...for a human." - H2Oz_Anxious9dBerkomentar
By just changing the whole interaction into TPP, you can make it so much more impactful, you know? FPP is not really needed here. Try reading it back again yourself.
In a flurry of motion, I swung my sword with a golden brilliance swirling on top of the blade. - H2Oz_Anxious9dBerkomentar
It won’t be like a fountain.
Thus, my body turned even paler as blood spewed out of my facial orifices like a fountain. - H2Oz_Anxious9dBerkomentar
You’re going from TPP to FPP. It’s not confusing but the transition isn’t as impactful as it could be.
I too wasn't in my top shape, after the incessant battles. - H2Oz_Anxious9dBalas Hardy1j
Then make them seem like existences not spectators 🙂↕️
The feeling of loss and utter defeat loomed among the scarce spectators. Their insignificant presence, luckily or unluckily, unknown. - H2Oz_Anxious9dBalas Lazy_Pen_Master
Nah, this better 🥹
The feeling of loss and utter defeat loomed among the scarce spectators. Their insignificant presence, luckily or unluckily, unknown. - H2Oz_Anxious9dBerkomentar
Line could get better. Think as a reader.
Whoever the figure was, they were absurdly strong, unparalleled even. - H2Oz_Anxious13dBalas ShadowWanderer
No. That’s someone else. Highest possible evaluation rank is <SSS>. He got <S> two levels lower than hers. Then there’s <EX> a rank that doesn’t make any sense. Just like how it doesn’t make any sense to become a dragon slayer in the tutorial when you’re (Level-0) and directly jumping tens and hundreds of levels.
She even obtained the highest possible tutorial evaluation rank for all the things she did, and even though her partner had an assessment rank two levels lower than hers, he had more achievements than she did. - H2Oz_Anxious13dBalas ShadowWanderer
Not exactly
ID: #### (Level-21) - H2Oz_Anxious19dBalas AbandonAllHope365
I’m surprised you were still reading… not many people read this work these days so seeing someone pointing out the chapter I forgot to correct is rare. (There are times I forget to correct the unfinished chapters or accidentally put the wrong ones but forget about them completely unless someone points it out… there were people that did it previously, but not anymore. Well, thanks for pointing out the last one.) And thanks for reading.
She didn't understand why I had set so many restrictions on 'us', not doing most things that she so deeply wanted but, she was strong enough to endure those desires. - H2Oz_Anxious19dBalas AbandonAllHope365
One that shouldn’t have been here. Sorry.
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