Name123001o2o

Friend, I have a question. Are you posting the fanfiction.net story here? because if you are simply taking inspiration from it then you are doing it very badly, until now paragraph by paragraph it is the same, nothing has changed with respect to the original story, not even the dialogues. All you've done is change the main character's name from Aaron to Alex. What have you done new with this? I don't understand.

I'll give you some advice, don't use Japanese adjectives when the characters are not Japanese. in the original story they worked because subaru is japanese but even then the characters found the san, kun etc etc strange strange.

Author is a Harem history?

I think your story is good and has a lot of potential, however, I cannot help but give you a small critique that might help you improve your writing. 1: Don't overly detail the emotions of the characters. In one paragraph, you repeated several times that the woman knew how beautiful she was and was surprised that the man wasn't paying attention to her. 2: Your narration is a bit deficient in some aspects. I'm not sure if it's written in first or third person or if it's an omniscient narrator. 3: The dialogue feels very artificial, as if they were generated by an AI, lacking any soul. It doesn't even seem like people are talking. Lastly, I would recommend showing, not telling, improving descriptions, detailing environments more, and ensuring your characters remain consistent with their personalities previously shown. Keep going with your story, I think it has a lot of potential. Just try to improve as these are some errors that I also have and try to solve.

This is not mine but I think it shows what Elizabeth would be like but imagine the honey colored eyes

It's just DC, I don't think they have the ability to crossover with those two behemoths, too much work.

No, I have edited the two chapters, solving the writing errors and writing more in the chapter so as not to leave gaps in the following chapters.

I have to ask is Robert a woman?