JohnDoer

Interesting concept. Captivating story, with a nice pacing and flow. The writing is so good, that you want to continue reading more and more! Good job! Just don’t stop and keep writing better and better!

Such an interesting story. The characters are alive and behaving realistically. Interesting concept. Nice worlbuilding. I just started but it seems pretty interesting. I will read more, so please don’t stop. Keep it up!

The beginning is interesting and intriguing, making you want more. The story is interesting and it flows steadily and naturally. Nice pacingGood Work author! Keep it up!

When i started to read chapter 1 I was skeptical about this background info, when i came to the end of chapter it all made a perfect sense. The quality of writing and the style are on the high level. The only things that bother me is, I don't really like a story from first person POV and I kinda think that mc's fvery first skill maybe too OP. Overall, it's a good and interesting read. Waiting to see its future!

Well, it's just one chapter, so I can't say much. One things is for sure - I like how you wrote the dialogues - they skillfully and lively portray the characters. But, i was confused a little - firstly, i thought that it was happening in amusement park, and only later get that it was a high school. Maybe you should define it early on that they are in a school hallway, and not any other. Plus, it was hard to imagine how Ada and Hail looked like and how old they are. For example, in my country we call highschoolers everybody from 7th class to 11th, 5 years. Overall, it is a good beginning! I hope it will be something like "My house of horrors" which i like! Just keep it up!

Well, it is an interesting novel. Writing is simple and easy to read. I like the humour. But, i would prefer to add more descriptive sentences too - some chapters are like full dialogues, without anything else, even something like he said, it said, which sometimes confuses. It makes the reading easier, but poorer, thin. Overall, it's a good read, with a potential. Good job! Keep it up!

confused. is the story told from first person view or third?

Well. The idea is wonderful and so huge, original. I mean, it can be developed into something very interesting. Is this Earth our Earth? Will all the people acquire a game system cause of this new god? It's just the grammar that confuses the reader. Also, i see you have the same problem with overusing the word "then" just like me. I would suugest you to delete the unnecessary ones as I always do when final editing. This word, it just slows down the pace. Overall. Interesting work with a potential to become something big! Just keep it up!

What???? How voice can be Tiny???

stupid name for an mc